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I'm currently in my room painting some few sceneries at the back of my mind. Yes, painting is one of my hobbies that minimize my stressful days. It also helps me a lot when I'm so lost and don't know what to do with my life anymore.

I hear a knock on my door that distracts me from what I'm doing. I command the person outside to enter and see my nanny walk towards me. She gave me a wonderful bright smile that always leap my mood up. Nanny Isabelle is in her 60's and she still takes care of me until now.

"Darling, you need to stop that for a moment. You need to eat your meal. What will we do if you starve to death because you are so focus on your hobby." She preaches me while I'm here just smiling.
"I will go downstairs if I'm hungry, I promise."

Everytime I paint, I forgot everything including my meals but I didn't mind. These passion of mine is all I need to survive this cruel world.

It's been 3 days the last time I rejected that marriage proposal and my life is doing pretty good as it is. I'm thankful that I seriously didn't accept that or else my life will be miserable and I don't want that to happen.

"I need to say something to you, darling." I look at my nanny and she is acting strange all of a sudden.
"What is it? " I ask curiously.
"Do you remember the painting of that guy? The one you drew when you were young at 10..."

So what's with that painting? If I remember correctly I let the maids threw it and burn it because that is the clearest image of him that I remember and love. And I'm wasted because of my love that I have given to him.

I love painting and sketching him back then, so much that I don't get tired of it. It's like my hands can draw him so well even if my eyes are close, and I'm scared of that. I'm really scared of thinking. The thoughts that I'm still in love with him even though I hate him so much.

"What's with that painting nanny?" I asked her.
"Your mother decided to give that as an apology gift for the rejected marriage proposal." Making me stand and having a horrified face.

Am I hearing wrong? Giving that painting! I said to the maids back then to throw and burn that painting. What will I do? He will not discover me, right? Right!

"But why is that painting still here? I said to the maids to burn it." I said hysterically to her.
"I'm the one who said to them to take those paintings." I gasp.

Why did my nanny do that? That painting is a nightmare that I want to forget and she saves it? Why?

"I saw it with my own eyes. Even if you are crying, those painting is like a part of you. And I don't want to throw it, thinking that those paintings are special to you." My nanny said meaningfully.

I know that my nanny really knows me well, I love it about her. Those paintings of him are really special to me even though I deny it a lot of times. But still, those paintings of him are really painful to look at.

Even if my nanny didn't say anything, I already know that she see me differently from those girls. Especially she believes in reincarnation and other spiritual things. My nanny is a believer of things that can't explain by science.

And I also believe that nanny knows already that I remember my past life.

"I'm really sorry. Your mother is hard to control you've known that." I give her a nod, I already know my mother's personality so I can't do anything.

Maybe my nanny's thinking those paintings are really important to me. A half of it is true and the half of it is not. I even made them burn it into ashes because I don't want to remember him and those miserable things.

I hold her hands and smile, there's nothing I can do if it was already deliver as a gift.

"It's okay nanny, don't worry." I smile sadly. "Please, can you leave me by myself for now? "

I watch my nanny nods at me, giving me her last hug before she walks out of my door. Noticing my tears suddenly fell down, I immediately take my handkerchief and wipe those tears.

I must not cry, I don't want to waste a single drop of my tears to someone who betrays and shattered my feelings into pieces.

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"Please sit properly Everard, I want to paint you." Carefully stroking this brush so I don't make any mistakes.

Holding my canvas and my precious brush that my father has given me. I paint one of my special person in my life.

It's Everard. A friend, a lover and someone who is really important to me.

He is one of the cousins to the current king of Westwood. My father always reminds me to be careful of Everard but I didn't mind that and I continue loving him. I believe and trusted him with all my heart, I know he will not betray me. I just know.

"Are you not getting sick of painting me?" He is still posing and looks tired because I'm doing this for almost an hour now.

Chuckling in what he said. Is he really serious? I will never get tired of painting him. He is my inspiration to paint a figure, he is my first model for this. And I want to paint him with all my heart and soul.

"I'm really tired, Leanne." I saw him closing his eyes.
"It's about to be done. Just give me 15 minutes." I promise him.
"Only 15 minutes, okay? Or else I will punish you!" He smirks at me.

Exactly 15 minutes, I finish my painting and I let him see it. I saw how he gets mesmerized by it and he gave me a kiss on the lips. A slowly deep and passionate kiss that makes me blush. These kisses makes my body tremble and makes my mind went blank.

After the mind blowing kiss he has given me. He pulls me toward his body and hugs me very tightly.

"I feel so special. Thank you, Leanne. I love you..." While staring at me directly in the eyes.
"I love you too..." I answered back while smiling.

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Reminiscing in those thoughts are killing me. Why do I have to remember one of our sweetest moments? That scene which I hold so special in my heart back then.

It's like a blow to the head when I've known he just betrayed me. I saw myself in some tragedy stories where the heroine dies for love. The only difference to me is I die without the person I love beside me. And I'm definitely sure I didn't die in his arms, because I killed myself with a rope around my neck.

The reality is much harsher than you think it is.

I'm just hoping and wishing that Everard will not notice the similarity of my paintings to my past life works.

What am I thinking, sure enough he will not notice it. Why? He doesn't love me and he just manipulated me. Because only a person who is in love will remember every little bit of your actions and he is out of that.

He doesn't love me and never will even in this lifetime.

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