WARNING: THIS STORY IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. CONCLUSION OF WARNING.

{A/N: 'The Legend of Zelda: The Kids' Version' was created by Vroom-Vroom and her two younger brothers (whom this is dedicated to for helping write it), and is being told as a bedtime story.}

"Once upon a time, far away in the kingdom of Hyrule, three brave elven warriors - Link, the heroic archer and swordsman, bearer of the Triforce of Courage and the Master Sword; Zelda, the queen of Hyrule, bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom, rightful heir of the throne and master of magic; and Toon Link, who is everything like Link except less epic, and with a bigger head - faced off with their greatest enemy, Ganondorf.

"Several times, actually, in varying locations.

"But through all the battles, one thing was certain:

"Ganondorf was on level 9. And our heroes knew that beating a level 9 CPU is no walk in the park. And so they marched forward bravely, ready to fight anything Ganondorf could throw at them.

"Or shoot at them. Or hit them with. Or - you get the idea.

"Anyway, Link, Toon Link, and Zelda courageously battled with Ganondorf. But they creamed him every time because when you're on Team Brawl with three people on one team, even with only three lives each AND against a level 9 CPU, it's pretty easy to beat them if only because you have the strength of numbers.

"However, one fateful round in the SMASH stage, Ganondorf attempted to flee to the lower stage and Link cried, 'After him!'

"But Zelda, being the awesome person she is, said, 'I ain't gotta take orders from you! I'm your queen!'

"Then Toon Link cut in, 'Technically. You're technically my queen.'

"Zelda stopped. 'What?'

"That's when Toon Link made the fatal mistake of replying, 'Your head's not big enough.'

"Dead silence. Even Ganondorf feared what was to come.

"Zelda spoke slowly. 'My head's not big enough?'

"Too late, Toon Link shouted, 'I MEAN, you're not cartoony enough! You just-'

"'My HEAD'S NOT BIG ENOUGH?! I thought having a big head was a BAD THING!!'

"And thus, Zelda and Toon Link launched into a long, heated argument over whether she was his queen or not. It continued through several more brawls, until Link tiredly cut in, 'Guys, come on, drop it for at least a little bit so we can concentrate on fighting.'

"Begrudgingly, the two consented and focused on whipping Ganondorf's butt (which was a little trickier than usual, simply because they were brawling in the Temple {Melee} stage. Believe me, it's hard.)

"In that same battle, Zelda struggled to land a blow on Ganondorf, so Link called out, 'Change to Sheik!'

"'NO!' Zelda retorted.

"'Why not?' Toon Link asked, a confused look flashing across his big-headed, cartoon face as he swung his sword at Ganondorf.

"Zelda stood quietly for a moment. 'Because I want to learn how to fight with Zelda!' she finally shouted. 'And...' She paused. '...'cause she's prettier.'

"Link rolled his eyes. And so the fight continued.

"At a later point (STILL in the Temple stage battle), Zelda managed to acquire the power of the Smash Ball. 'Yes!' she hissed, fist-pumping as the familiar rainbow aura appeared her and the screen darkened slightly. 'Bring Ganondorf down here,' she told Link and Toon Link, who were attacking their foe on a platform above her. 'I need to get him in range.'

"'Got it,' Toon Link called back, pushing Ganondorf off the edge towards her.

"Knowing Ganondorf would hit the ground before he could attack, Zelda prepared her bow to unleash the power of the Light Arrow on him.

"But to her furious dismay, Ganondorf jumped on thin air away from her - right as she released the Arrow!

"The shining projectile flashed by beautifully - but harmlessly.

"A perfectly good Final Smash - wasted.

"Infuriated, Zelda yelled, 'You're gonna pay for this-' A new insult came to mind. '-GanonDORK!'

"'Nice,' Link said.

"'Thanks,' Zelda grumbled. 'Now to whup Ganondorf's sorry butt for somehow dodging my freakin' awesome Light Arrow!'

"'But you're still not my queen.'

"'TOON LINK, I SWEAR ON CASTLE TOWN -'

"And so Zelda and Toon Link argued EVEN MORE, this time accompanied by Link (on Zelda's side, of course). Even after the brawls, during dinner, and in the car, delivering their mother's job application for Dominoe's-

"'No, you're not!'

"'YES, I AM!'

"'Yes, she is!'

"Though outnumbered, Toon Link continued to argue with Zelda and Link. Even after Zelda and Link pulled out the Amazing World of Gumball's 'BIG HEAD! BIG HEAD!' insult. At least, until their parents stopped at Charlie's Ice Cream. That managed to shut them up.

"Once they arrived back home, GanonDad commanded the three to go inside and prepare for bedtime. Devastated at the mere thought, the heroes declared, 'NEVER!' and dashed out of the minivan, escaping to their backyard fortress, Tramp O. Line. There, they knew they would make their final stand.

"Feeling oh so clever, our heroes hid in plain sight on Tramp O. Line, staying as silent as their giggles would allow. Unfortunately for the three, their tyranical parental unit discovered Tramp O. Line, and threatened them with a punishment far worse than the demon beast, Ganon.

"'Get your butts inside right now, lest I use the Master Weapon and ground you!' he roared.

"Well, that may not have been EXACTLY what he said, but you get the point.

"'What do we do?!' Toon Link shrieked.

"Link whipped out his sword. 'We fight!' he snarled.

"'No.' The men turned to Zelda in surprise. The queen's expression was grim. 'We must surrender.'

"'What?! No, Zelda, we can fight!' Link urged, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"'And face being grounded? I cannot allow that. There is no escape.'

"And so, with their heads bowed in bitter defeat, the trio surrendered to GanonDad. Making their way downstairs, Link and Toon Link took turns conquering the Shower Beast while Zelda changed into her nightgown. Then they brushed their teeth. Once, Zelda stared creepily at Toon Link as he rinsed his toothbrush in the bathroom sink.

"It may have freaked him out just a little bit.

"Later that night, however, despite GanonDad's iron fist, our heroes slept well, knowing they had done good."

I closed the book with a flourish. "The end," I finished, smiling.

Chloe, lying on a queen-size bed, stared at me. "That was a horrible story!" she cried.

"You're not allowed to judge me!" I shouted, pointing my finger at her. "An 11-year-old and an 8-year-old helped me write this!"

"I'll judge you all I want!" she countered defiantly. "It didn't make any sense!"

I gently set on the open storybook down on a nearby nightstand and marched over to the demigod. "It made perfect sense!"

"Yeah, if you were there," she snorted, propping herself up on one elbow.

I gave her my best 'Toon Link grumpy face' look and declared, "It doesn't matter whether you were there or not! This is a good story and I will do with it as I please! Besides, it's not like you can do anything about it anyway unless I say so."

She threw her head back, flinging her unbelievably long hair over the side of the bed, and groaned, "I hate it when you use the whole 'I-am-the-writer-and-therefore-I-have-ultimate-power' excuse on me!"

I grinned and folded my arms across my chest smugly. "And you know just how much I love using it."

She eyed me angrily, then allowed a cool smile to creep onto her face. "But you keep making the mistake of letting me have my own freedom of thought and speech," she retorted, leaning back casually.

Heat rose to my face. We had been through that several times already - I created my characters so well in my mind that I could have a real conversation with them if I wanted to. It made them more realistic, thus making the stories better, and my free time so much more entertaining, but it also led to me being very lenient when it came to letting my characters have their own opinion. I didn't like forcing them to do anything, a habit I had developed after learning that making them do things in my stories made the stories seem forced and somewhat unrealistic. And so, there we were, arguing over whether or not 'LOZ: The Kids' Version' was a good story.

"We've been over this," I hissed through gritted teeth. "It's not a mistake - it's a good thing. And you should be GRATEFUL I let you have your own thought and speech! Besides, I still have complete influence on you." I glared at her, then mused, "I could light you on fire..."

Her eyes widened slightly, and she said abruptly, "Well, I think that's enough for today..." She began to climb off the bed.

"Wait, I'm not done with the book yet! That was just the first chapter!"

She whipped around and stared at me fearfully. "What?! There's more?!" she shouted.

I nodded, grinning somewhat evilly, then held up the open book to my face and said, "'The Legend of Zelda: Kids' Version chapter two: Link, Toon Link, and Zelda take swimming lessons!"

Chloe screamed and leapt off the bed, running into the great white beyond.

I snapped my fingers and she ran into an invisible force field that suddenly appeared around the near area. With a wave of my hand, the demigod was strapped down in an enchanted iron chair, handcuffed to the arms. Just for dramatic effect (and because I LOVE setting things on fire), a barrier of emerald-green flames burst into existence around the chair. She struggled in vain and I laughed maniacally, making a plush chair materialize under me. Kicking my feet up and turning the page, I thought, Ah, the joys of being the writer of your own world.

"Chapter two..."