Childhood innocence is that rare and precious quality that exists only once, and for a brief moment in time. It exists only because you haven’t met the real world yet with all of its disappointments. It exists because no one has taken it away from you; no one has harmed you, or gone away yet. It’s the magical place where Santa is real and the Easter bunny brings you chocolate eggs. You dance like no one is watching and you love like you have never been hurt.

In a way, Riaan had that quality to him. In moments he seemed to exude a kind of boyish innocence, it was terribly endearing. But despite this, he was also a man. Probably more of a man than most of the men I knew.

“How you feeling? ”He asked as he made himself comfortable in a chair.

I moved my neck and arms around and tried to stand. “A lot better, not dizzy anymore.  My bottom still stings, but I’ll live.”

The room was cold and I slipped a cardigan on and rubbed my arms. “I would kill for a hot cup of coffee though. Any chance there’s a Starbucks nearby? I get my morning skinny Latte there,” I smiled at Riaan playfully, knowing fully well there wouldn’t be a Starbucks or any coffee shop or café in the vicinity.

“I think you already know the answer to that,”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying.”

I was taken aback- no, the word is probably floored- at this sudden change in our relationship. It had gone from stony, prickly and cold to familiar and warm so quickly, all it had taken was for me to ‘damsel- in- distress-it’ down an embankment and into a thorn bush.

“I’ve got something better than a Latte, “ He made a beeline for the kitchen, pulling out a pan, coffee and two tin cups.

 “Instant coffee?” I asked, trying to remember the last time I’d drunk coffee out of a tin.

“Think of it as genuine African coffee, a cultural experience of sorts,”

“Aaahh,” I said, “Clearly a euphemism for ‘this is going to be the worst coffee you have ever tasted’.”

Riaaan burst out laughing, it was the first time I’d heard his full-blown laughter and I liked it. Very much.

“Sorry it’s not Monmouth Coffee in Covernt Gardens, but it will have to do,’

“How do you know about that?” Monmouth was my other favorite caffeine stomping ground.

“I’ve been there. I’ve been to a lot of places that might surprise you,”

“Now I’m intrigued,” I took the coffee he offered me; it was a putrid brownish-beigh-y color. Powdered milk, two spoons of white sugar and a touch of cold water to cool it down a bit. I sipped it tentatively; it was sweet and tin-y tasting.

“Mmmm, delicious,” I said, chocking on an un-dissolved lump of milk powder.

 “You’ll get used to it….” He took another sip and his faces scrunched up is disgust, “Or not.”  

“So where have you been?” I was surprised by his revelation; I hadn’t pictured him as the travelling type. Let alone the type to spend ten Pounds on a cup of coffee.

“Paris, Venice-

“I love Venice,” I said, remembering the gondola rides down the narrow waterways.

“Me too. Florence, London obviously and then Kenya, Morocco and a few other African countries.”

“You get around,”

“My job took me traveling a lot.”

Even more fascinating, “What job?”

“International banking.’

“No! From international banker to game ranger in Africa? How did that happen?”

“I had a change of heart. My father wasn’t very impressed.”

“Mmmm, “ I rolled my eyes, “I can relate to that.”  

“There we go. Something in common.” He said triumphantly holding up his coffee in a toasting gesture.

 After than, we sat in absolute silence for a while sipping our coffee and no doubt both contemplating the strange turn of events that had altered the course of our relationship. It seemed so unlikely that we would find ourselves in this position; comfortable enough to joke with each other, interested enough to ask questions.

“And you?” He finally said leaning forward as if he was showing a genuine, real interest in me.

“What’s to know, I’m just your average London socialite,”

“I’m sure there’s more to you than that?” He looked at me meaningfully.

His question caught me off guard, I’d never thought of myself as anything more than that. It was what defined me. It was the image I worked hard to uphold and the image I felt most comfortable portraying to the rest of the world.

This right here- this conversation we were having- this was the kind of stuff I wasn’t comfortable with.

I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

I could see that Riaan was considering my statement very carefully; looking at me, scrutinizing me.

“What?” I shifted slightly feeling a little uncomfortable under his relentless stare; he seemed to be looking into me, not at me.

“I’m pretty sure if we scratch the surface we’ll find a whole bunch more than that.”

“International banker, game ranger, cosmetologist, and psychologists. Your skills set seems to be growing by the minuet.”

He shot me another one of those boyish grins. They were endearing, and they also nudged me into very uncharted waters.

“So what’s there to do here?” I said loudly interrupting my thoughts, “They can’t expect us to just sit here twiddling our thumbs. I’ll go mad with boredom.”

Riaan got up and started scrounging in the cupboards for something, emerging seconds later with an old, slightly moldy around the edges, box of Monopoly that looked like it had been bought in the 60’s. He held it up in a kind of questioning gesture.

 “Sure. Why not? Since my father cut me off, it might be the only money I’ll be seeing for a while.”

“Poor little rich girl,”

I was surprised that I laughed at his statement. I think if anyone else had said that to me I would have been downright offended. But with him, for some bizarre reason, I wasn’t. Maybe it was because I knew he wasn’t judging me for my sudden lack of money- if the people in my social circle ever found out that I’d been cut off- they would look down at me.  

The game of Monopoly proceeded in the same vein as the rest of the evening- light hearted and fun. I hadn’t played a board game since I was a child.

“When I was young, I used to play that surgery board game. Where you had to remove plastic body parts from a patient and if you touched him, he shook and an alarm went off.” I said throwing my dice across the board.

“I remember that. I was terrible at it.”

“Me too. I always killed the patient.”

“Well, you’re making up for it now, you basically own half of the board and if I have to pay you any more rent, I think I’ll be broke,”

It was true. My red pieces had indeed monopolized the board and poor Riaan kept getting sent to jail and landing on my expensive property where the rent was exorbitant.

We shared another one of those warm familiar smiles- this was becoming a little repetitive! But this time it felt very different, because all of a sudden I was overcome by a strong desire to be closer to him. But I wasn’t sure how to proceed, usually if I wanted to be closer to a guy I would just lean over. But with him it was different somehow.

Shit, those bloody uncharted waters were getting rough.

So I did the only sensible thing, I broke eye contact and looked out the window.. Even from here I could see that the night sky was littered with stars. I’d never seen so many stars before—then something caught my eye.

“HEY, I saw that!” Riaan had just stolen money from the bank,

“You’re cheating,”

He looked up at me innocently, like a puppy that had just been caught tearing up your slippers

“I did no such thing.”

“Then what is that in your hand?” His hand was clenched tightly around some crumpled notes.

He quickly put his hand behind his back, “Nothing.”

“That’s it,” I said and leapt across the board going straight for his. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pry his fingers open.

He laughed loudly, “Is that all you have,”

His smiling eyes challenged me, and this time I put all my weight into it, and in one final forceful attempt to pry his fingers apart I lost my grip, as well as my balance, and toppled onto him. The sudden movement caused a chain reaction; he fell backwards onto his back and I fell forward onto him.

Suddenly we were chest-to-chest. Face-to-face now.

We were so close I could feel his breathe. It was warm and smelt like coffee. At this distance, I also got the opportunity to study his eyes more closely, they were like brilliant pools of blue water that could easily pull you under and have you drowning. I ran my eyes over his features and down to his mouth. His breath quickened in response and his eyes followed my lead and came to rest on my lips. His stare was so intense that they tingled. They ached to be kissed. I closed my eyes in anticipation of the only fulfillment of this moment.

We had both crossed that threshold, and it was inevitable.

His lips touched mine.

They were so soft.

He was gentle.

His hand came up and tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear, and then his fingertips traced the length of my check. He slowly parted my lips with his I tasted the tip of his tongue, and then felt it flick my lips. He kissed my top lip, and then my bottom and the pushed my lips apart even further, until I felt the wet warmth of his tongue in my mouth. I tilted my head to let him in even further. The kiss was deep and slow.

It was also loaded with strange emotions that seemed to have come out of nowhere. It was as if the kiss was trying to say something- but I didn’t quite know what. One of his hands moved around to my back, where he ran his fingertips up and down my spine.

Our bodies pressed together and the kiss continued- but it never escalated to the point where I felt the need to take things to the next level. It remained at that same slow steady pace- but it was more than enough to satisfy.

We both eventually pulled away, but stayed close. Our noses touching, our eyes locked.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next?

Usually by now I would be semi-nude and things would already be PG 13.

But he answered my question by planting a soft kiss on my check and helping me stand up.

“We should probably get some sleep now, long day tomorrow?” His arm came down to my shoulder, slipped down my arm and his fingers intertwined with mine. For a moment we just stood there holding hands and looking at each other.

He kissed me one last time on the check before going to the closet and getting a blanket.

I followed his lead and climbed into my bed as he made himself comfortable on the couch. The idea of kissing someone, without it leading to sex, or any kind of sexual contact, was beyond me. An alien concept I was not familiar with.

But that’s what had just happened.  

I closed my eyes and the sleepiness came quickly, I was exhausted.

“Good night Zara,”

“Good night Riaan. Thanks for de-thorning me.’

“And de Zebra-ing you,” He added with a smile in his voice that made my descent into sleepiness just that much more pleasant. And for no real logical reason, I suddenly felt very close to him. I trusted him and without judging myself I spoke.

“You’re right about that stuff I said earlier.”

“What stuff?”

“About my mother. About being blasé,” I was about to tell someone something I hadn’t ever admitted out loud before, and I had no idea why. But it just felt right. It felt like something I could tell him.

“I have to be blasé about it, because if I’m not, it feels like the emotions will kill me.”

There was a long silence before he spoke.

“I can understand that. It’s like your hunters shield. You use it to protect yourself.”

“I guess I do.”

“It can’t be easy coming back here, with all the memories everywhere.”

“I hadn’t thought about it that way. But, I suppose you’re right. She’s everywhere I look. I can almost hear her.” I paused to get a hold of myself, “Sometimes I miss her so much, that I don’t know how I’m going to get through one more day without her. It’s hurts as much now, as it did thirteen years ago.”

“You must have been very close.”

“We were. She was my everything. I looked up to her, idolized her even. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up---“ My voice trailed off, the irony in that statement wasn’t lost on me. I was currently nothing like her.  

“I’m sorry Zara. It’s not fair. A child shouldn’t grow up without a mother,”

“No.” I whispered back, a small tear emerging from my eye. “No they shouldn’t.”

We said nothing more to each other. But the silence was somehow comforting.

I quickly drifted to sleep.