I had no way of knowing that today was going to go down in history as one of the worst days of my life. Perhaps if I’d had psychic abilities I might have had an inkling of the disaster that was about to strike. The disaster that was about to rip my happy bubble wide open and infect it with deadly venom. Break it beyond repair. Destroy everything that was good.

Riaan and I wafted out of the house in a total state of couple-y happiness, with a distinct post coital glow that seemed to be radiating from every pore. We were illuminated, drenched in warm fuzzy love.

But as we reached the lodge, I started getting a bad feeling; perhaps it had something to do with the unmistakable voice that I was hearing and with the ruckus the voice was causing.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph my babe… YOU”RE ALIVE!” It was Clay and he was definitely over the alcohol limit- not unusual- and although I was shocked to see him, I was happy too. I’d missed him.

“Clay!”

I threw my arms around him and we hugged, he almost toppled over and I had to steady him.

“Babe, You look like Sheila. What have they done to you?”

I burst out laughing dismissing it as a joke, but he leant in and took me by the shoulders seriously.

 “What’s happened to you? I’ve been so worried. I haven’t heard from you and I thought that evil, what’s his name…Ryan, Regan, whatever had kidnapped you”

Upon hearing those words, a knot suddenly twisted in my stomach- I had a feeling things were about to go down hill.

 “Is that him?” His finger went out and pointed at Riaan accusatorily, “Jesus I can see why you called him down right rude, I mean… if looks could kill babe…”

He walked over to Riaan and started him square in the face, Riaan looked so unimpressed “Smile. Life’s supposed to be fun.” Then he stepped back and looked him up and down, very unsubtly, “You were right though, he's a total looker, but like you said pity about the shitty asshole attitude,”

Clay was stumbling around now, and my blood run cold as more and more started pouring out of his mouth. I looked to Riaan and was clearly furious, I wanted to explain that I’d only said those things when I didn’t know him, before I was in love with him, but I could actually physically see the damage that was being done with every word that came out of Clay's mouth.

“Clay, what are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to rescue you from this hell hole like you asked. Sorry I couldn’t be here sooner, I hope they haven’t been torturing you.”

“Clay, Clay, please stop.” I tried to calm him down. Dorcus and Precious did a head shake, which only spurred him on.

“Let me guess, those are the kitchen bitches. What did you call them,” he looked to me and my mind raced. What had I called them, “ The bacon Nazi’s.” Clay screeched with laugher and flopped into a chair.

“Geez what an uncomfortable chair, I can totally see why you hate it here.” He turned and looked at Mary who was just standing there gaping, “What does a gay need to do around here to get a drink babe?”

Mary’s mouth fell open, I doubt she’d ever been spoken to like that before.

“Let me guess,” Clay pointed at her as if she was a piece of meat, “The no-fun cleaning drone,”

Mary turned to me with such a look of hurt in her eyes, she actually had at tear  forming.

“Mary,” I jumped in.

But she turned and left. I ran after her,

“Mary, Mary. I didn’t mean it. I swear. It’s a… Mary,”

But she was gone.  I turned around and took in the scene and suddenly realized the full extent of the chaos. Everything was falling apart in front of my eyes. Dorcus and Precious were shocked and Riaan, Riaan looked…

Angry. Hurt. Disjointed. He was just glaring at me. Clay must have seen the look that passed between us because suddenly he was on his feet again, acting like he'd just heard some juicy gossip.

“Ooooh,” Clay screeched conspiratorially looking at Riaan. He leaned towards me and ‘whispered’ which was really just a normal speaking volume, “You did finally hook up with him. Well done babe, your dad will be so pissed,”

That looked like it was the last straw that broke the camels back, Riaans back.

“Riaan…” I started walking towards him, “Riaan, I didn’t mean it. That was before I…”

But he was backing away, “Riaan, please lets just talk.”

I ran off after him and finally caught up at the room.

“Riaan, please, lets talk,”

“Did you say those things about everyone?”

I felt desperately ashamed and my first instinct was to lie, but I’d always been truthful with Riaan, “I did, but that was before everything happened between us.”

Riaan looked at me as if he was trying to size me up again, like he had done in the begining, “That thing he said about your dad being pissed if you hooked up with me? What did he mean?”

I hung my head in absolute disgrace. I had said that. I remember saying that. I had intended to use Riaan for my own selfish gain.

“Did you only sleep with me to piss your father off Zara?”

I looked up at him and tears started streaming down my face, “No. You know that’s not true.”

Riaan stopped and thought about this for a while, “Well you’re either a very convincing actress or—“

“Or I’m in love with you. Which I am. I said all of that stuff before I got to know you,”

“And that guy, who is he?”

“That’s Clay, he’s my best friend, but he’s drunk so-“

Riaan looked shocked, “You’re best friend, is that right?’

It was an accusation not a question.

“That there, that downright rude, nasty, drunk drama queen is your best friend?”

I nodded. I didn’t know what to say - he was after all my best and only real friend.

Riaan walked into his room and I followed him. He sat on the couch and put his head between his hands, defeated, “I think reality might have just set in.”

There was something in his tone that was so disturbing, so final.

“What… what do you mean?’

He looked up at me and I felt my heart breaking, “Zara, we’ve been living in this perfect bubble here, and now your other life and the absolute chaos it brings has suddenly arrived. I guess I had forgotten you had it. I think I forgot you had a whole other life in London filled with friends like that and parties and drinking and…” he tapered off. “I don’t know Zara. I just don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?”

Riaan got up and walked to the other end of the room- away from me. He did that hair and foot thing again which I knew wasn’t a good sign.

“What’s your plan? Are you going to stay here? Are you going to go back to London?”

“I told you. I want to stay here.”

He nodded, “Even though this place is a total shit hole?”

“I said that before I started liking it here, before I fell in love with this place. I swear.”

“Okay,” Riaan said, “I believe you. I believe you’ve had a change of heart and I think you have feelings for me-“

I cut him off, “Feelings? I love you.”

“Okay, maybe you do. But what about your life back in London? Are you sure you’re not going to stay here with me for a month, a year maybe and then get bored of this place and decide your old life was more fun and you’re missing Clay and clubbing and cocktails and all that shit. Can you say that won’t happen?”

“I… I” I stuttered thinking about this, I was trying to imagine what I would feel like in a year from now. Would I miss nothing of London and the shopping and all the other stuff that I enjoyed about it, “I love you Riaan. I know that. I love you.”

I sensed something terrible coming now. I could feel it in the air and in the shift in his behavior.

“I love you too Zara, but I’m not sure I want to take that risk anymore.”

I swallowed hard, “What risk?”

“The chance that you might change your mind at some point. That the lure of your old life won’t call you back or…. It’s happened to me before Zara. I don’t want it to happen again,’

“But I’ve changed Riaan. I don’t want that life anymore.”

“So you’re not going to miss anything about it?”

“Um.. no. I mean of course there will be some things I’ll miss. It will be an adjustment for me to live here, but—“

He cut me off, “And you friend over there?”

“What about him?”

“Are you still going to be friends with him?”

“Yes. Of course, he’s my best friend.”

Riaan raised a curious eyebrow at me, “I don’t think I understand that at all. Or approve of it in anyway. I’m not going to tell you who to be friends with, but it worries me that you still think someone like that is a good person to be friends with.  To be frank, I find it a bit disturbing.”

“Why?”

“Zara he’s terrible. He symbolizes everything that is wrong and horrible about that part of your life, and you still want to be apart of that.”

Suddenly I was pissed off, “Excuse me, you can’t expect me just to cut out my old friends and totally forget about that part of myself. It is a part of me, and Clay is a part of my life too,”

“And that is exactly my point. You will always have one foot in that door. You will always be connected to that life through him. He’ll constantly be telling you about the parties you’re missing out on and the new this and that and the people and places and…”

He trailed off, “Shit. I can’t go through this again.”

“You’re being unfair. You’re over reacting. I’m not your ex Riaan.”

“Aren’t you? Can you say for certain that at some point you’re not going to get bored out here and start missing the fun of your old life and go back?”

“I… I, I guess I can’t. But the way I feel about you right now, I want to stay.”

“For how long?”

My mind was racing. And for the first time ever, doubt was starting to creep in. Despite my feelings for him, he did have a point. There were things about my life in London I would miss. It was very different here. This place couldn’t be more different from my old life if it tried. There were elements of my old life I didn’t want back, but the more Riaan spoke, the more he was almost convincing me I did. Suddenly I felt torn and scared. The reality of leaving everything I knew- and had ever known- behind was daunting. I hadn’t actually stopped to think of the full implications of a total life change.

“Maybe there’s a way I can have both?” I said trying to think how that was even possible.

“How?”

“Well maybe Clay can come stay here sometimes and I can visit him a bit and—“

We were interrupted by a loud frantic knock on the door. It was Dorcus.

“Riaan, you have to help, that crazy Mlungu has climbed onto the bar and he wont get down. He’s starting to scare the other guests! He’s started singing. ”

Riaan turned and looked at my dryly, “Really Zara. Do you really think that will work? Look what happens when your old life collides with this one. Total chaos. You can’t have both, you’re going to have to choose.”

He started walking out but stopped and looked at me before exiting.

“Better yet, I’ll make the decision for us.”

And he was gone.