"kuch saat din maine aise guzare jaise zinda laash ho. Wo roz aati or meri Patti karti mujhe dawa deti, khana deti or mujhse bat krne ki koshish karti par mai bina koi jawab diye muh mod liya karta tha. Na jane kis bat ka jyada dukh tha, pariwar ke inteqal ka ya fir Momina ke sach chhupane ka....ya fir shayad, momina bas mere dil ki aah ka ek zariya ban gyi thi. koi shikayat na hote hue bhi, mai use saza-e-khamoshi se bandh chuka tha. Wo gazab dheet thi, roz aati thi. Ek din, neend na aane par mai rat ko fir chal diya uth ke, apni langdati tango se deewaron par bojh bane...bas chalta hi chala gaya or na jane kaise magar uske darwaze pe ja ruka. Us roz bhi wo laalten ki roshni me kuch likh rhi thi. Maine halki se khansi ka ishara diya to wo chauk gyi or darwaze ki or...meri or dekhne lagi. Mai use us lamhe tak ghurta gaya jab tak meri palkon ne jawab na de diya ho. Or wo shant thi...mere timir aashiyane me lau ki tarah jal rhi thi. Mai sisakne laga. Ashkon ne basera toda or apne gharaunde se bahar aa nikle or bas....behne hi lage the ki wo uth padi. Jaise usne meri qalb-e-pukar sun li ho. Wo mere pas aai or mere bheege rukhsar par hath rakh diya. Mere dil ne jaise mujhse bewafai kr di or mai usse lipat gaya or rone laga. Halak sukhne tak rota gaya or wo sunn khadi rhi. Kuch ek-aadh ghante bad meri aankhen sukh gyi or mai uske lapete se bahar aaya. Use ektak dekhta raha or usne nazre jhuka li.
'aapko aaram karna chahiye, mai chalta hun' maine dheere se kaha or usne palken uthai. Usne palken uthai or jaise Zamana hil gaya, bichda purana koi fasana mil gaya..aabad rehti meri hasti gar na hoti wo aankhen...magar ab kya abaadi...jab mohabbat ka khazana mil gaya."

I gasped and shut the journal again. He fell in love with her. With a pregnant woman. As far as I knew he was probably a teenager when he had to survive through the partition, probably 17 less or more. How much older Momina must be, putting the fact that she was pregnant already.
But he fell in love with her and that too in such vulnerability, in such a way I couldn't decide as to what exactly was I feeling. There was a shocking moment although I knew, as told, that he did love her, yet it was shocking for me to register all this so nakedly...all the truth just like that. On the other hand, I was exquisitely happy for I couldn't fathom how jittery and contented it made me feel when I witnessed the beauty of his love...of his words....of his emotions.

I reopened it.

"Meri zindagi jaise badal si gyi thi jabki sab kuch ab bhi pehle jaisa hi tha. Mai ab bhi chup rehta tha, magar use sun-ne ke liye. Mai ab bhi usse door tha, magar uske pas rehne ke liye. Wo aankhon me ja basi thi mere or mai khud ko gunehgaar kehte nhi thakta, aakhir thi to kisi or ki amanat jise begairaton ki tarah dil de baitha. Mai roz rat use darwaze ke kone se dekhne jaya karta tha.
Laalten ki roshni mano kisi saj-o-singaar si fabti ho uspe. Har waqt parde me raha karti thi, kabhi uski zulfon se raabta na ho saka. Badi aarzu se jaya karta tha Raton ko chhip ke use dekhne, aise armano ne mujhe baaghi bana dala. Ek din mai darwaze ke kinare se use nihaar raha tha or wo roz ki tarah laalten ke ujaale ke tale kuch likh rhi thi, tabhi achanak usne apna dupatta hataya or uske lambe baal sare jharokhe tod kamar tak aa gire. Meri sansen halak ko aa pahuchi mai aise dang reh gaya. Wo lambe lehrate baal peeli roshni me aise chamak rahe the mano andhere me azaad udti fizaon me rang bhar diya ho kisi ne. Anjane me mera hath darwaze ko ja laga to wo fir chauk gyi or mera dhyan toot gaya. Mai mud ke ja hi raha tha ki usne awaz di 'kishor'. Mere pair zameen ko murat ki tarah theher gye. Wo janti thi ki mai hi maujood tha wahan. Isse pehle ki mai kuch jawab de pata, wo mera hath kheech kar mujhe andar le gyi. Mai ghabraya hua tha, palkon par sharam ki parat ne aisa dera dala tha ki bas uthana namumkin sa maloom hota tha. 'mera khayal hai ki ye aapke aaram ka waqt hai, fir aap yahan kya kar rahe hain?'. Mai bhot himmat krke use dekha or bas na jane mujhe kya hua, 'or mera khayal hai ki andhere me chehre ki pehchan nhi hoti to fir aapne kaise andaza lagaya ki mai hun?' wo aise sakbaka gyi mano maine uske lafz chheen liye hon. Usne palken neeche ki or chaar zulfen uske chehre ko aa giri or tab mere khayal se use ehsaas hua ki wo beparda gair mard ke samne khadi hai. Uski paon tale zameen si khisak gyi, wo ghabrane lagi or usne dhadfadahat me bistar se duppata uthaya or sare azad panchhion ko fir se kaid kar liya. Mai man masosta reh gaya ki ab....bas ab aisi himmat mil jaye ki mai uska hath tham ke use rok lun, ki ab uske balon ko bikher lun apne upar or chale jaoun us sukoon bhari duniya me jahan mujhe mere ghamon se nijaat mile.
'aapko yahan nhi aana chahiye tha. Ye koi waqt nhi hai.' usne ghabrate hue dupatte ki aadh me muh dabate hue kaha. Mai muskura diya. 'ji wo mai...ye dekhne aaya tha ki aap roz rat ko kya padhti hai is laalten tale' jo ki sach tha. Usne dupatte ki aadh me peeche se mujhe dekha or Maine apna sir jhuka liya jaise shareef bachhe apni maa ke samne jhoot bolte hue jhukaya karte hain taki maaon ko unke laanati buthon par galti ka ehsaas nazar na aaye. 'sach me? Or koi bat nhi hai?'. Itni masoomiyat thi uski baton me ki mai sach bolte hue bhi uparwale se maafi mang baitha. 'Ji bilkul yhi bat hai, mai fankaar hun, aap chahen to mujhse mere fan ki kasam khilwa len'.
'Nhi....nhi, uski koi jarurat nhi.' usne jhat se jawab diya or mujhe hath se apne or aane ka ishara dekar bistar ki or mudi. Mujhe to jaise bijli ka jhatka lag gaya ho, aise jabde khil gye. Do kadam chalte hi wo achanak se ruki or boli 'waise fankaar ko apne fan ko daw par lagane ka koi haq nhi hona chahiye, ye to allah ki rehmat hoti...' or wo peeche mudi or sanse ukhad si gyi jaise meri kyunki mai bade kadmo se peeche aa raha tha to achanak se uske bhot kareeb ja ruka. Uska halak sookh gaya usne kadam peeche le liye. Maine bhi sir jhuka diya.
'aaiye' usne bhot dheemi awaz me mujhe bistar par baithne ke ishare se kaha. Mai chup chap ek kone me baith gaya. Meri nazar laalten ke pas pade ek kagaz ke tukde par padi jisme urdu me allah ka nam chamakte neele rang se bade hi sundar salike se likha hua tha. Maine kagaaz ko chhuna chaha magar usne fat se mere hath par ek chanta rakh diya. Maine upar ko dekha to usne turant jawab diya 'abhi adhura hai...rang fail jayega na' maine sir hilate hue apna hath wapas le liya. 'ye aapne khud likha hai?'
'han bhai, is kamre me koi or hai kya maujood?' maine fir sir hilaya or thaan hi liya ki ab bas kuch krna nhi hai fakat jawab dena hai wo bhi sir hila ke.
'aap batayen. Kis tarah ke fankaar hain aap?' usne bistar ke dusre kone me baith ke mujhse pucha.
'mere pitaji mujhe chitrakari sikhate hain......the, hum log asal me lukhnavi hain lekin babajan pichle bees salon se yahan Rawalpindi me reh ke karigar ka kam karte the, Chitrakala unka shaukh tha jo unhone mujhe riyasat me de diya, bas yhi karta aa raha hun'
'tum hindu ho na?' usne achanak hi ye sawal kar diya, mai aise sihar gaya jaise kisi ne barf ka pani muh pe de mara ho. Kyun pucha hoga aakhir? Mai sochta reh gaya ki jawab kya dun, fir maine jawab ke taur par bas sir hila diya.
'lekin tum....na jane kyu aisa lagta hai ki humare hi ho' usne jhijhakte hue kaha or mujhe mera jawab mil gaya. Maine uski aankhon me dekha or kaha 'meri zubaan urdu hai or Imaan Hindu. Isse jyada mazhab mujhe aata nhi.' wo mujhe ghoorti reh gyi jab tak maine dusra sawal nhi rakh diya.
'to aap mujhe ye urdu likhna sikhayengi?'
Wo akbaka gyi or hn? Ka sawal krti hui apne kagaz ko dekhne lagi, fir use utha ke boli 'Ye Arabic calligraphy hai, ise khattati kehte hain. Tum kya karoge ye seekh ke?' mujhe dhakka sa laga, kya mai Allah ka nam likhne ke kabil nhi tha? Maine jhatke se uska hath pakad liya, wo dar gyi or meri or apne mathe par silwaten liye dekhne lagi. Jawab ke intezar me.
'kyun? Nhi seekh sakta? Kya mai aapko us kaabil nhi nazar aata?' mere gale me jaise taish ka gubaar jam gaya ho achanak se. Na jane mujhe kya hua tha.
'aap.....aap mujhe chot pahucha rahe hain' usne rone si awaz me kaha or mujhe ehsas hua, maine turant uska hath chhod diya or neeche dekhne laga. 'mujhe.......mujhe maaf karden. Mera irada aapko takleef dene ka nhi tha.' maine sir jhukate hue kaha.
'Mai sharminda hun maine aapko mazhabi taur par dekh kar inkaar kar diya. Kal se 11 baje thik isi jagah aa jayen. Ab aap apne kamre me jayen isse pehle koi aa jaye or hume aise dekh le'. Meri khushi fir ek bar chhaten taap gyi. Mai uchhlta hua bistar se utar gaya or fir dard se karah ke wapas baith gaya. Halat abhi bhi khasta thi magar dil jawani ke josh me bauraya hua tha. Momina muh par hath rakhkar hasne lagi or mai bas uski khilkhilati awaz me tairta hi chala gaya."

The page ended and so did my reading as I was called by my mother for the dinner outside. I read alot of books and novels, it was my main study center only as I had completed my masters in English literature only but reading this sent me to a whole another world where I personally knew the narrator. Where the story was somehow always the one I wanted to know and the one I craved to know since years. It was the one consisting all the clandenstines of Late Kishor Singh and he happened to be the biggest part of my life, of Aiza Kishor Singh's.

I went outside where amma was waiting for me at the table. I sat there and she served me food while other family members were already eating their part. I looked at baba who was watching me keenly as if trying to observe something or extract something I knew or something i was thinking from me. I ignored his gaze and continued eating.

"Aiza, kal tumhare baaji ki shradh puja hogi, subah jaldi taiyar ho jana or us manhoos......us kamre me mat band ho jana roz ki tarah" {"Aiza tomorrow is your Baaji's Shradh Puja  so get ready early in the morning, and not just get locked in that bloody.....that room like everyday"}

I heard maaji and it hit me hard to realise that he was dead. He, who was alive minutes ago.

__________________________________

Don't forget to vote,comment and share the story.