I was called downstairs to talk to Maaji and normalise her kinda, for she wasn't in hands of anybody. Baba was really worried for her and she won't even let him stand around her.
I rushed to the Aangan(courtyard) and went to her with stealthy steps. She didn't notice me. She wasn't noticing anything. Her vision was fixed. The ritual of WIDOWing was yet to be done but she had already done it. There were no bangles on her hands or vermillion on her head. Her hair wide open and eyes red.
She didn't cry, at least none of us saw her crying, but her eyes were always pooled up and red, never spilling though.

I sat beside her and kept staring at her like she was staring the study room, the only difference was of intensity.
Her face, her state....it all reminded me of a two line verse from a song or something baaji used to sing quite often.

Bal bikhre hue, aankhen bheegi hui
Aise aaye hain wo rukhsati ke liye
Aye khuda unke aansu zara poch du, baksh de zindagi do ghadi ke liye.

{Hair sprawled and wet eyes, that's how she has arrived to adieu me,
Oh god, give me do seconds of life to wipe her tears.}

I don't who wrote it, I don't know who sang it but I knew baaji sang it for her and always for her. My eyes couldn't hold the pool and started spilling, my eyes were never taught to hold but maaji's were. She was holding probably because she wasn't ready to let go. Something in my mind turned and I started humming the song.
There was sheer silence in the hall, everybody in the house, Ravi chacha, chandra chacha, Beena chachi, Rakhi chachi, crying Viren and Neetu and our little Suraj who was trying to figure out what was happening. I heard my mother wail when I was singing and then I heard her gag for she must have stuffed her wailing mouth with her pallu.

Aye khuda unke aansu zara poch du...I reached the line and she turned towards me with rage. My lips quivered and stopped automatically. Words ceased in throat and eyes transfixed at her only for I thought now that it wasn't a good plan to provoke her by singing a song sung by him. Her tears finally rolled down and clutched her eyes shut for a second and then back at me with her rageous staring.

"Where is he?" She said in her calm voice and barbed tone. I kept looking at her not doing or moving an inch.
She inhaled sharply. I had never seen her like this, extreme level of Maaji's anger was shown to my father only and that would be, telling him to be away from her. She never really got angry on anyone else, she always said her name was SNEH and she was to spread SNEH(love) in the world. I could see the love lost in her eyes now, and that was obvious, as she actually lost the love of her eyes.

"Where is he???" She yelled suddenly passing me a sudden current and making me stutter immediately. I gasped and exhaling silently calmed myself down aftershock. She rose up with the help of the pillar she was leant on. I kept nodding my head and wiping my continuously crying face for I did the biggest mistake and didn't think about it. I wasn't getting up but she suddenly leant down and holding my hand gave me raise kind of to get up. I was scared my pants off.
I got haphazardly wiping my cheeks with the back palm of my free hand.
There was a wave of anguish in her entire body that I could feel her veins pulsating with it.

"Maaji...I..."

"Do ghadi zindagi mang ke mere aansu pochne aayenge? Yhi keh rhi ho na tum....kahan hai fir, batao!" {"He will come after pleading for two seconds of life to wipe my tears....that's what you are saying right?, Where is he then, tell me?!"}

"Maaji...I..."

"Do you all think he died yesterday? Han??? Yesterday, hah" and she was laughing, more like snorting actually.
We all were stunned and shunned by her outburst. I was cursing myself every moment for sending her in this state of rebellion. She turned to me suddenly breaking my trance again.

"Tum to janti hogi na......ye kal nhi hua...ya tumhare pyare baaji ne tumhe bhi nhi bataya....apni BEST FRIEND ko?? Han!??" {"You must know right....that it didn't happen yesterday....or you loving baaji didn't tell you as well.....not even to his BEST FRIEND, eh?"}

"Maaji...aaap....." She was cutting me each time, to my relief for I had no vocal to speak. No sentence to form. No song to sing.

"Your baaji.....your father....my dear husband...died 50 years ago only. He was dead since then.... yesterday..... yesterday he just left his body. He wont eat now, won't breath now, won't paint now......but he stopped living way before you all came to life. Way before I came here. Wanna know who killed him?? Han???? Wanna know that? Come.......come with me....I'll show you."

She literally dragged me to the another corner of our house, the most important corner, where baaji and maaji had their bedroom. Their room had one spacious contemporary style bed with mosquito net and there were paintings of gods and goddesses on the walls painted by baaji only. There were black and white pictures of Baaji and Maaji, alone...never together, pictures of my uncles and Baba also standing in one corner. There was a picture of mine too when I was 5 years old, dressed in a Patiala suit with Dupatta fully worked by maaji. She is a great Fulkari artist, she even taught Amma and chachi(s) the art and they have made alot of beautiful designs.
The room full of family memoirs also consists a big luscious couch and on its right wall, there's a picture painted by Baaji of a woman in Hijaab. Fully covered from head to toe. And on the left of the couch was a table where there was an old gramophone and new radio, baba brought three years ago, few books of Ghalib and few cassets of songs and ghazal(s) he uses to listen to. There always used to be a pencil and a small notepad beside him for he used to think there and create his new calligraphies or stuffs. No one used to sit there or lay there except him. Entering the room was like opening the cage full of birds of memories and sovereigns, it flew on our heads and we had to cover ourselves from getting hurt.

We stood on the threshold of the room for a moment and then maaji dragged me again. Her eyes were transfixed on that painting only. We stood in front of the couch and I couldn't believe or accept the fact that he wasn't there. Yesterday only I was sitting with him and he was preaching me all the good of the world and now....he just vanished and there's no one. I sat with a thud on my knees as a shrilling bellow came out of my throat. It wasn't digesting fine with me. I did cry since yesterday but coming back here again....

"Dekha is bimar-e-dil ne aakhir kaam tamam kiya"

He knew that, didn't he? That he was gonna leave now. The sort of hatred formed in my adrenaline, is difficult to explain. Amma was gagged crying again and this time baba came to hold my back. I held the couch beneath my nails and screeched it as if he was hiding under the leather.

"Baaaaajjiiiii" I screamed as if he would end the "I spy" game and come back to me.

"He won't come bachhaa.....he won't....he left us. For always." Maaji said putting a hand on my shoulder and when I lifted my head to look up on her, a droplet of tear fell right on my glabella sending me tingling and heavy sensation and leading me to squeeze my eyes shut in pain. She turned her face away and wiped herself off. Baba helped me rise  and wiped my tears holding my face securely in his palms.

"This....this woman killed him. Way before you met him, way before I met him... This woman is his killer Aiza.... THIS WOMAAANNN" and I was looking at her for she was furiously pointing her wrinkled fingers at the Hijaab girl locked in the canvas frame.
My mouth was open for I was not to understand what was happening, who was she and why maaji was hating her so much. Why she was calling her Baaji's murderer, she was just another figment of his imagination, wasn't she? She wasn't true right?

"Do you know who is she...? You don't know....I'll tell you today.... everything...." She said again and my confused mind got more alert and shocked to know the fact that the lady in the picture happens to be real, as of now.

"Nhi....bachhi hai wo....chhod de use...mai pair padta hun aapke....please" {"no let her be...she is a child...I beg of you... please"}
suddenly baba started pleading to maaji. Not touching her but bowing his head as low as his head would go and with his joint hands. I was more than shocked to see that scenario. Why was he pleading to his own mother....what was happening. I knew he was least favourite of her and she clearly didn't like him and it was because of baaji but.....why was he acting like he didn't even belong to  ask something from his mother....it was just a name right.
My mind was boiling with confusions and questions.

"Q....bachhi q hai.... Tumhare baba to isko bachapan se hi apni tarah banana chahte the.....apne sath ghumane le jate the....tumhare logon se milane le jate the....aaj kyu rok rahe ho.....bachhi nhi rahi ab wo...23 sal ki hai, usko to sach pata hona chahiye na.....warna usko lagta rahega ki uske baaji aayenge uski maaji ke aansu pochne....usko  pata lagne do na ki ab baaji mukt ho gye hain....wo mare nhi hai balki zinda ho gye hain....aazaad ho gye hain....batane do na."

{"Why now she is not a child, your dad always wanted to make her like him....used to take her for walks....take her to meet your people.....why are you stopping now...she is not a child anymore...she is 23, she must know the truth otherwise she will keep assuming that her baaji would come back to wipe her Maaji's tears....let her know that her baaji is free now....he didn't die...instead he is alive now....liberal and independent...let her know..."}

"Tumhare log? Maaji what are you saying...? And who is this woman....? Baba what's going on....what are you guys hiding from me...?" I started yelling after listening to her. I was devastated, you get ruined when you get to know that there are several things unfolded to you in your own family where you have been living your whole life, short as it is...yet, whole of it.  Lies hidden under carpets you are walking..under smiles and shadows you are wearing. Lies and truths all around just hidden from you.

I shook Maaji's shoulder now for she fell silent as if her vengeance was over. She disturbed me throughout and now she was silent about it.

"TELL ME...." I yelled again.
Baba held me again and rubbing my shoulders said "Aiza...maaji is disturbed and broken right now...let's go...we should leave her alone...thers  nothing we are hiding"

"Oh who are you kidding now baba....please...I'm not a child anymore...." I said and jerked his hands off my shoulders and fixed my eyes back to maaji now.

"Maaji....if you have ever loved me....you will tell me now.... who's she?" My voice came more of a growling, probably because of tears and hormones choking up my throat.  I was low in volume and intense in deperateness and rage. She looked up at him, same pooled eyes and  sprawled hair. Same lines hitting my mind again but as she said....those lines were incomplete for he didn't come back to wipe her tears. For he didn't come back at all.

"Momina...Momina Ali. Your Baaji's one and only love." She was defeated in vocals. Her eyes were spilling again now, just like her overflowing heart. I was shunned. Baaji...and TREACHERY...with his wife?
My head started to spin and eventually blackened, I started loosing my sight and then my knees started to wobble and I fell off.

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