Name: His Secret, Her Love 

By: umra_rawaha

Title: 5.5/10

The title looks satisfactory- gives hints of the plot that it would be mystery based. However, it is surely not an attractive enough title for sure. 

What I mean to say is that the title won't bewitch the readers to click the read button. 1 reason is that it is too long. If the title is long but has impactful words, the readers might want to read the book but if the title is long as well as of simple/ non-impactful words, readers might reject it subconsciously.

The other thing is commonality. The title is not that common, but the choice of words is, so maybe you can alter just that.

Otherwise, I have seriously no qualms with the title-simple and sweet, no worries.

Cover: 6/10

The background choice of the cover is awesome. However, you can change the fonts and texture of the book name and the author's name. You can also change the color of the text to blend it with the background.

 Blurb: 5.5/10

Two long paragraphs, yes, very disturbing to the eyes. 

The better way to represent is to just put the details into small fragments and numerous paragraphs. I can easily see four paras out of these two. 

Next up is the problem with grammar, not much though. There are some tense errors and punctuation errors that you can avoid. Then there is this ... which is simply used a lot and it should be avoided. It looks a bit unprofessional, nothing much.

Then there are definitely some problems with the characters' presentation which affect the blurb too. For individuals like Manik and Prerna, two grown-up ones to get awed at personalities or even surroundings in a jiffy is too unrealistic. So, the choice of words has to be improved. 

Plot: 11.5/15

The plot is commendable. When I say that I don't find plots interesting many times, in your case, it's not for sure. The plot was progressing well. 

Background: The plot was well thought out. I couldn't just think of the actual mystery till the end. The declaration of Manik at the end was astounding. However, there were also some potholes. For ex- Prerna thinking of washing her head which was already injured. 

All these kinds of small things are told to you through my inline comments on the book. You can definitely check that.

Execution: As I had already told you, professional work or great work looks great only if the writing is descriptive. In your case, the writing is descriptive in case of the feelings of Manik and Prerna towards each other. 

When we talk about the description in pure sense, we ought to know how things progress not just for Manik and Prerna, but also for the surroundings. 

Also, instead of attaching pictures, you can definitely describe everything in words better, which you tried to do in the epilogue and it was lit.

The execution of the mystery could also have been better. The mystery could have affected Prerna as the story progressed yet Prerna didn't have the subtle idea about that or such an important thing just didn't become the central part of the story which should have become otherwise.

Then, if there were subtle hints of Manik's mystery rather than just some people being shocked, that'd have been better. 

Otherwise, I guess it works well.

Flow and Pace: 10/15

I guess there was not so much problem with the pace. Given the time to characters to adjust, check. Worthy character interactions, check. Anyways you can always go a little slower.

What else?

The flow. Things sometimes didn't seem to flow smoothly and even factually. For all the injuries Prerna had got, it wasn't justified as to how she was seemingly fit in such less time. 

It didn't look right in the Epilogue when Prerna was just so cheerful ater her death. She was, ok. But the misery of leaving that world where not only her friend, people but parents resided, a blow of sadness should have taken over her. Gradually, maybe Manik could make her happy.

Similar things led to lack of fluidity and there were of course potholes which affected and I have mentioned them as comments in your book.

Grammar: 9.5/15

There were some apprehensions with grammar. Many times you just skip or forget the usage of commas. Everything you try to express in just one full sentence doesn't work because it is an abbreviation of small chunks or fragments of expressions and description.

Then again, the usage of italics might look aesthetic it is not sincerely beautiful to the eyes, not to many at least. Usage of normal might have worked better. Of course at some times, you could have italicised some words to emphasise on some phrase or expression of some or the other importance.

Next up are tense changes. Tense tend to run from one to another in the running sentences. We have to maintain the same tense atleast throughout a paragraph. And in your case, the past tense which you chose should have been constant throughout the story.

Also, avoid innumerable and unneeded exclamation marks after almost every sentence.

Character Development: 11/15

So, there are some problems with the characters. You can't have a constant aura or vibes around the characters. Something new, something fishy should be there, something flawed or blemished should be there to make a character more relatable and likeable. 

Manik and Prerna are full grown adults and I am mentioning this again that those are fully grown adults and they getting awed or thier personalities just disnt look like adult type. 

They should have more logical thoughts. Manik's character should have been a bit more fishy than just random people getting shocked. The restaurant owner or something should have noticed that right? Who was the person eating food that Manik ordered if he just didn't exist or how would it look to people around? 

Manik and Prerna,the protagonists, had so much in common-, their thought processes or their signature words. This doesn't add up to the uniqueness of c character from others in any book. 

Otherwise, those were loveable and there was no way we could even question them. 

Uniqueness: 4/5

The story is unique. And I liked the different plot, everything about the epilogue and even the various comparisons here and there. 

An advise, I guess you should add something about people or basically people at restaurant interacting with Prerna about Manik's case. How his presence was to them? And so on. 

Total: 63/90

P.S. I don't know how it slipped from my mind. And I know it is no reason to excuse but hope this helps. 

All the best :)