Writer: Lehar_2010

Book: Coming Out 

Chapter: 1

Mature: No

Fandom: AvNeil 

Title: 3/10

'Coming Out' matches the theme of your story and makes the reader aware of the basic plot or what to expect. Ardent LGBTQ+ supporters would definitely want to try that on that cue (as me). But, mind you if someone searches that title on the search bar, many stories will spring up before yours (like hundreds).

It would be better if you change it and let 'Coming Out' be your subtitle on the cover.

Blurb: 5/10

Enough to evoke interest of a random reader, for sure. But a Grammar Nazi would think twice. That's why, even though everything looks fine at one glance, there are some mistakes. You can edit them pretty much by yourself. Focus on punctuations, sentence formations and upper-lower cases of the words.

Add some dialogues from the shot.

Like: "Why can't a princess and princess marry?"

Meant to say that add something from that scene of Avni and Rhea's childhood.

Don't overuse this (....) after every sentence also. Otherwise, good work.

Cover: 7.5/10

Simple cover and that's why soothing. Colour scheme tells about the theme so a plus point for that. However simple the cover is, a reader gets immediately hooked by an extraordinary cover. So, you can try changing the font (to suit the theme) and make it a tiny bit brighter.

Otherwise your GD did a good job. Points deduction only for the lack of impression it can have on a reader, otherwise it is a good one for me.

Plot: 9/15

Plus point for that scene of 'Princess-Princess Marriage.' The plot is although used, your way of presenting made it something new.

Sometimes the phrases you used were cliché. And the biggest plothole for me- how was it Neil who entered the bride's room before marriage as him being the groom himself? Had it been Shweta or some other person, it would have been believable but out of all people how was it Neil who entered Avni's room?

Grammar: 5.5/15

Major editing required. Editing can be done by yourself. Refrain from using words like: Suddenly, really, very because they lessen the impression of your writing (it was a suggestion)

Refrain from adding these non-professional (....) things after sentences. And don't write in this format-

Avni: Maaf kr paaoge tum

Write like this-

"Maaf kr paaoge tum?" Avni asked resisting threatening tears in her eyes.

Also, in the same example, you didn't add question mark which makes your work look unprofessional. Take care of your punctuations and cases of the letters.

In short, you can rectify your own mistakes of you sit down to edit it some day.

Flow and Pace: 12/15

Acceptable and needed flow and pace. Only problem is descriptions. You stuck to the plot but had you shown some minor out of the plot things to show bondings between characters, it would have been enjoyable.

You could have shown some childhood memory Neela could tell Avni and Rhea while feeding them poha. You could have shown Neil and Avni's carefree talks for instance.

Otherwise, I guess the lacking thing was character development which affect the pace.

Character Development: 7/15

Firstly, plus points. Neela was a doting mother in the whole shot and it made the character loveable. Rhea was angsty and fierce, capable of fighting for her rights-that made her an inspiration.

But, Avni was quite a dull character. Although she was the most prominent character of the shot, her thoughts lacked fluidity and flow. Give her more angst and don't let her be the dependent one. Because, somewhere I could feel that was not Avni's character is the shot.

Neil was just there. I would have wanted to you to explore his character too. His sudden acceptance at the day of marriage of Avni's love for Rhea was also unrealistic. Let him be convinced and then he can support them?

And it would have been relatable for Neela to fumble after the revelation that Avni was a lesbian.

Uniqueness: 4/5

Your way of representing was unique and simple.

Total: 53/90

Good work.

Hope it helped ~