I'm sorry I haven't been updating and stuff... I've just been trying to figure stuff out and what I want to do with my life... Normal shit for someone with anxiety.
Oh, and there is a lot of swearing in this one and it gets kinda intense... Just a warning.

Your whole life flashing before you, your brain felt like it was being compressed from all sides. Ghouls and goblins, spirits, ins and outs. Whatever they were, they were surrounding you. You couldn't see them, but you could sure as hell feel them.
The words coming from your heart were quick and harsh, each one like a bullet.
The whole scenario was overwhelming. The only thing was, you weren't in some fairytale fantasy land where you had to slay giant monsters, and worry about your friends dying at every turn.
You were forgetful.
Stressed.
Depressed.
Impatient.
Stupid.
Annoyed.
You felt like someone just dropped the empire state building on top of you.
All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry, but you couldn't.
You weren't taking a test, you weren't about to slay a monster, you weren't worrying about if that cute girl down the street liked you or not...
You were just, you. And you had no idea how to explain it.
When you looked back at photographs they reminded you or times when you were happy, friendly, kind.
Well, you sure as hell weren't any of that now.
You felt like you were pushing everyone away,
You felt like you didn't care.

You wanted to care, but how could you when you were constantly fearing something or another every two seconds.
You had no idea what was going on in your brain, and you hated it.
You spaced out a lot more, you felt more tired. All you wanted to do was take a nap, but you couldn't.
The demon who had been haunting you for so long kept you awake with harsh words and fears; beside the angel who told you to get up and keep going no matter what.

It was all overwhelming.
You'd forget assignments, projects, your mind was never clear.
And the fact that your grades kept getting worse wasn't helping anything.
You missed more work.
More projects.
Your anxiety would grow and grow until-

...

You just couldn't take it anymore...
You snapped.
Cut off the chord.
Pulled the plug.
Tightened the noose.

Future? What was that...
The thing that harbored even more stress for you?
The thing that would surely contain even more problems?
Screw that bullshit...

You were a selfish, stupid, idiotic, negative person.
There was no way to change that, no way to get around it.

You were born with a noose around your neck, and now it was time to tighten it...

You had thought about suicide before but was it really the right answer? Wouldn't people miss you when you left?
You sat in your room with a bottle of pills, sleeping pills.
You had been there for almost an hour, just staring at the orange translucent bottle.

It was so perfect, so well designed, helpful to everyone and everything who needed the medicine... It was everything you couldn't be.
And yet it would be your savior today. You were jealous.

You'd been sitting there for so long, you'd think someone would come in and check on you.
Make sure you were alive, be your 'hero' like in the fanfiction you read sometimes.
They'd come in and save you from your inevitable fate, help you up, a knight in shining armor.

But no one came.
You had no one.

People would care if you died you knew, but there weren't that many of them, and they'd get over it you're sure.
After all, they have these perfect lives, and amazing people they can go to...

But what if they couldn't? What if they went down the same path as you, could you ever forgive yourself for letting that happen?

Could you?

Small tears welled up in your eyes, glistening as they fell onto the orange bottle, slipping on your hand. They landed on the sheets, turning spots of the once bright beautiful (f/c) sheets to a darker, drearier version.

Who wouldn't be able to live with themselves after you died?
You hated to admit it, but your anxiety lead you in the right direction...
Surely your mom would cry, she'd probably blame this on herself for not noticing...
What about Mikasa? The closest thing you had to a "friend".
Would she miss you?
Maybe a little, she had Eren and Armin right?
But then again... Armin died in a car crash last year you reminded yourself.

That had been hard enough on her...
Your hands shook violently, the dark spots on your sheets expanding with your sadness, as if they were cheering you on like the protagonist in a book. Eager to see what will happen next, their predictions on what you should do next mixed.

And then you remembered.
The day after Armin died...

"Just promise me that you'll make sure you stay alive alright? I've already lost most of my family, I don't need to lose more."

*Clank*

The pill bottle slipped out of your sweaty hands, and onto the ground.

Family?
Did she really think of you that way?
You'd only known her for... Half a year, but she still liked you enough to call you family?

Why, how?
How could anyone like you?

So many questions buzzed in your head, but the rushing thoughts that swirled through your head filled you with determination.

You looked down at the bottle, filled with the candies that would lead to your final solution.
You stood, picking the bottle up for a moment.

And that's when you realized.
You didn't need someone to burst in and tell you not to do what you were about to.
To tell you that people cared about you.
To say that they were going to be your reason to live.

You didn't need a sappy love story to tell you all that.

You walked over to the trashcan, and dropped the pill bottle in with a clank.
Those pills were not your escape.

You glanced over at your phone, picking it up with a soft smile, you looked at your text messages.

Mikasa: Hey. Eren and I are going bowling. Do you wanna come?

You smiled, replying.

(Name): Yeah. When?

Almost immediately she replied.

Mikasa: In 15 minutes, want us to pick you up?

(Name): Yeah, see you in 15!

And thanks for clearing the overwhelming feelings in my head...

((I'm sorry that this wasn't really a "romantic" one shot. But I had the idea since I've kinda been feeling like crap recently to do this.
If you're ever feeling suicidal. Call the suicide help line (I forgot what it is.)
Or message me, talk to a counselor.
I may not be good at advice, but I'm an ok listener.
Just message me if you ever wanna talk ok?
I hope you all have a great day!
And thanks for being there to me, I kinda needed the feels trip of writing this to snap me almost out of the low point I was at today. :)
Go fuck yourself anxiety.))