If You Only Knew - COMPLETED -

by Kim HeeChul

Chapter 1

One

Chapter 1: One

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"Come here Boo." He approached me and sat on my lap.

Don't get us wrong, we're not in an intimate relationship. We're just best friends. That sucks, right? He's my best friend since God knows when and from the very first time I saw him, I fell deeply in love with him. Yeah, it was truly love at first sight. And up to now, I'm still madly, crazily and insanely in love with him. Too bad I can't confess my feelings for him.

Let me introduce myself, my name's Yunho, Jung Yunho. And the guy I was talking about is my best friend, Kim Jaejoong. We have been living together for 7 years now. We're both orphans, not that our parents abandoned us but they died. Both our parents were the best of friends, and one day when they were going to pick us up at school-they were in a car accident. Both my parents died on the spot and Jae's father died as well. His mother was the only one who survived but she died a few days after due to heart failure. We were only 11 at that time and couldn't live without our parents so, we decided to live together. We were so young that time so we were always in trouble but we were lucky that our neighbors were there to help us. We were really grateful to them.

"Yunnie," I looked at him and smiled. "I missed you."

"Aww! I was just in Yoochun's house. But I missed you too." I hugged him tighter.

We're really close-closer than you can imagine. People sometimes think that we're a couple. But in reality, we're not. Even though I wish we were. There are times that I want to blurt out my feelings for him but I can't. I couldn't. There are certain things that come with the confession.

One of those is- Rejection. The one thing that I fear the most is rejection. Because of this, there are things that I couldn't do. Things that I need to do, things that I have to do and things that I MUST do. This really bothers me. What if Jae rejects me? Then our friendship would be ruined just like that. And I don't want that to happen. I never imagined that to happen. I couldn't afford to lose Jae, he is my life, my everything.

"Hey Boo, have you eaten your dinner?" I asked him while he snuggled closer to me.

"Not yet. I was waiting for you. I already cooked your favorite. Wanna try it now?"

I nodded and kissed his forehead. If people are watching us, they would probably think that we're a couple. And I love it when people think that way. And Jae doesn't mind so I try to be mushy to him all the time. Whenever, wherever.

After dinner, we went straight to bed, we still have classes tomorrow. Even if our house is big for two people, we sleep on the same room. Every time he's alone in the room, he gets nightmares about his parents and he gets so scared afterwards-he'll cry himself to sleep and when he wakes up, his eyes are all puffy and bloodshot. Trust me, you do not want to see Jaejoong in that state, you'll only pity him.

The next day, we both went to school together. Just like the usual. When we arrived at the classroom, our friends were waiting for us.

Junsu and Yoochun-yeah, they're a couple. They waved at us and we waved back. Jae was holding my hand since we got out of the house. It was a nice feeling. I wouldn't mind holding his hand forever.

I sat on my seat at the back and he sat beside me. He pulled his chair closer to mine and rested his head on my shoulder. I put my arm on his shoulder and rested my head on top of his.

"You, sleepy?" I asked him.

"Uh-huh. I didn't get enough sleep last night." He answered with a yawn.

"That's because you were busy watching TV."

"I was watching Teletubbies and I really like that show. You know that, Yunnie."

I chuckled. "Of course, I know that. It's just that, next time, don't stay up too late ok? You don't want eye bags circling around your eyes. You don't want that to happen, right?"

"Nah-uh." He answered in a cute tone. Oh gosh Jae! Could you be any cuter?

"Hey there love birds!" Yoochun and Junsu approached us, Yoochun hugging Junsu from behind.

I smiled, still resting my head on top of Jae's. I was really comfortable in that position and I'm pretty sure that Jae feels the same way since he fell asleep on my shoulder. "Don't be too loud Yoochun, Jae's sleeping."

"Oh right. Sorry. He's sleeping right?" he asked.

"That's just what I said."

"Then, it's ok if we talk about this. Yun, when are you going to tell him your feelings?"

"Yeah Yunho." Junsu butted in. "It's been so long. Do you think you'll be able to hide it forever?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "I'm still waiting for the right time."

"Right time? There's no right and wrong time for this, Yunho." Yoochun pointed out. "If I were you, I'll tell Jae everything before it gets too late."

"But what if he rejects me? What if our relationship becomes awkward?" I asked worriedly.

"That's the risk Yunho. You should take it or you'll forever be secretly in love with him." Yoochun answered.

"And besides," Junsu, once again, butted in. "what if Jae likes you back?"

That was the question that has been running on my mind for the past few hours. I couldn't concentrate on my studies anymore. What if Junsu was right? What if Jae likes me too?

Nah! I doubt it. He just loves me as a friend, as a brother. But what if, WHAT IF he really likes me as a man, not as a friend? I have yet, to find that out.

-

He was watching Teletubbies in the living room when I sat on the couch beside him. "Hey Boo, finished your home work?" I asked him.

"Not yet. I'll do it after the show." He responded.

I sighed in defeat. "Fine, but you have to do it later ok?" he nodded, his eyes still glued to the TV. He extended his hand and I gladly took it. We were holding hands for the next 30 minutes until the show ended.

He doesn't know how much his intimate gestures mean to me.

We both stood up and went to our room. I still have to help him with his homework. We're classmates but I finished mine already. He has the tendency to be lazy when it comes to school. He's lucky that I'm here to help him. I'm a genius. I'm one of the top students in school. Conceited much? Yeah.

He ruffled his hair as he read the question over and over again. "Yunnie, I can't do this. I don't get it! Can you do it for me? Please?" has asked as he gave me his puppy eyes. Oh no! Not that one! He knows that I can't resist his cute puppy eyes that match his pout.

No. I won't give in. Not anymore. "Fine!" Oh gosh! I betrayed myself. Oh well, it was easy anyways so, no big deal.

When I finished doing his homework, I laid beside him on the bed.

"Hey Boo." I called him out. He looked at me and asked why. "Do you like someone now?" did I just ask that? Oh man! I hope he doesn't find that question weird.

"Yeah." he answered.

Oh.My. God. Did he just say yes? I shouldn't have asked him that question. Now I don't stand a chance. He likes someone, and it's not me. Now, I'm officially heartbroken.

==============================================================

Chapter 2

Two

Chapter 2: Two

==============================================================

I woke up with something bothering me. It was what Jae told me yesterday night. He likes someone else. I don't know if I should be happy for him or what. I sighed and got out of bed. I was lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize he wasn't at the bed. Where could he be? I got out of the room and searched for him.

I knew it. Well, I actually didn't but I kind of knew it. He was in the kitchen, cooking our breakfast. "Hey BooJae." I greeted him while hugging him from behind. I tried my best to hide my emotions.

"Good Morning Yunnie." He gave me a peck on the cheek. At least he still doesn't mind being touchy all over me. He gave me a huge grin. Ok. Something's not right. Why is he so happy?

"Jae, why are you so happy?" I asked curiously.

He clasped his hands together and answered. "Changmin called me and he said he'll be back to school." He answered happily.

Changmin? Who's Changmin? Oh yeah, right. Shim Changmin is our friend. That's him. No explanations or descriptions needed. He's just Changmin, simply Changmin.

"Really?" I tried to sound as happy as possible. "That's nice Boo."

"Yeah, it really is. Yunnie, you take a bath first. I'll call you when breakfast's ready." I nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading upstairs. I heard him chuckle.

Just like any other mornings, we had our breakfast and got ready for school. When we arrived at the classroom, we saw Yoochun and Junsu playing with-well, each other. Jae got out of my hold when he saw Changmin at his seat.

"Changminnie!" he squealed as he ran towards Changmin. I looked at my hand which was once holding Jaejoong's hand. Why is he so excited to see Changmin? It's not like we haven't seen him for a long time. Well, we didn't but it was like just a month. His family went to Paris for a vacation. I approached them so I can greet the boy.

"Hi Changmin!" I greeted him.

He looked at me and smiled. "Yunho hyung! Long time no see." I just smiled at him and went back to my seat. I sighed. With Changmin in the way, this is gonna be harder than I can imagine. How the hell am I supposed to know who Jae likes if Changmin-oh no! Don't tell me. Jae likes Changmin?! No way! But, why is he so excited to talk to him? Why is he so happy to see him? Sure we're Changmin's friends but were not THAT ecstatic to see him. He was just gone for a month for crying out loud! Oh God! Please help me.

Yoochun seemed to notice my agony so he approached me. "Hey there buddy!" he grinned evilly.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok. I know what you're thinking and yeah, I'm fucking jealous!"

"Now now Yunho, it's not nice to cuss. Is it?"

"Oh just shut up Yoochun! You're not helping!"

I swear I'm going to strangle him to death one day.

Usually, Jae's the first one to approach me when it's already lunch time. But today's different. Before I knew it, he was already out of the room with Changmin. I ruffled my hair in frustration. This may not sound good but I wish that Changmin didn't go back this soon. He should've waited until Jae and I become an official couple. Come to think of it, are we going to be a couple?

-

I watched Jae as he bid good bye to you-know-who. Man! This totally sucks.

"I didn't know you were THAT excited to see that little brat." I said as we were walking back home. We were holding hands by the way. Isn't it awesome?!

"Aww! Yunnie's jealous?" he giggled. I nodded and gave him a pout. "I just missed him a lot. And don't call him a brat."

"Well, I missed you too. You were with him all day long. I barely had the chance to talk to you."

He looked at me and smiled. "Is that so? Then, let me make it up to you." He leaned closer and gave me a peck on the lips. WHAT?! Lips? I couldn't believe it. He ACTUALLY kissed me on the lips. I was astonished. I touched my lips and looked at him.

"Jae.."

"What?" he looked at me innocently. "You don't like it?" he put on a frown which I assume, is fake.

"No!" I answered quickly. "I-I actually liked it. I won't mind if you do that always."

"Pervert!" he waved his hand off mine and walked faster.

"BooJae!" I ran after him.

This day isn't bad after all.

-

I couldn't sleep. I'm still thinking about Jae's kiss. Who would've thought that he would kiss me right in the lips? That was like a dream for me. I know that for him, it meant nothing, absolutely nothing. But for me, it meant a lot. It meant so much that it made me confused, more confused than I already am. I still have to find out who's the guy that Jae likes. I have to make sure that the guy likes him back and that he won't hurt Jae or else I'll break his body.

I wonder if that guy is Changmin. What if it really is him?

I turned to the side and looked at Jae who is sleeping soundly. Man! His face looks so gorgeous. His plump red cherry lips, I want to kiss it so bad. Oh wait! I kissed him already. More like HE kissed ME. That's a good thing, is it?

Dammit! I have to stop thinking about this for a while. I need to get some rest. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

-

Our English teacher gave us an essay to work on. Jae's beside me so I can see his every move. I couldn't help but chuckle every time he scrunches up his face. I bet he found the essay too hard.

"What?" he asked as he noticed that I was looking at him.

"Nothing. You're just too cute!" I pinched his cheeks.

"Shut up! Just mind your own business."

"Aww! My Boo is upset. Nah! I already finished it anyways." Yup. I finished the essay in not more than 10 minutes.

"Well, if you're finished-just do whatever you like except to stare at me. I know I'm pretty but please, I can't concentrate if you keep on staring at me." Yes Jae, you are very pretty. That's why I can't help but stare at you. You just don't know how much I love you.

"Ok Pretty BooJae." I gave him a cheeky smile before dozing off to sleep. I'm pretty sure that the teacher won't mind.

The continuous shaking of my body caused me to wake up. I slowly rubbed my eyes to see who disturbed my sleep. I was about to smack that person in the head when I saw that it was Jae. "Oh Jae."

"You sleepy head, come on. Let's have lunch now." He shook my body lightly.

"What about the essay?" I asked him.

"Oh. The teacher gave it as an assignment since you're the only one who finished it." He said while giggling.

"I see. Let's go Boo." I stood up, yawned and stretched.

We were eating at the cafeteria with Yoochun and Junsu when Changmin sat beside us. "Hi guys!"

Surprisingly, Jae didn't talk to Changmin that much. I was happy about that. We chatted like old friends until our break ended.

After lunch, we had our last class. During the lecture, Jae raised his hand and complained that he was having a stomach ache. Stomach ache? He never told me that he wasn't feeling well. I was about to tell the teacher that I'll accompany him when Changmin already escorted him out of the room. Well, that surprised me.

Yoochun and Junsu looked at me worriedly.

No! I can't let this happen. I excused myself from the class saying that I needed to go to the bathroom when the truth is, I wanted to follow Changmin and Jae. I know that I sound like a stalker. But I can't help it. I know that something's going on between those two. I just now it! And I also know that Jae's not having a stomach ache. When he doesn't feel good, he usually tells me first before he tells anyone else. That's how he trusts me.

This is all new to me. Ever since Changmin came, Jae became a different person. Well, not really different but he-changed.

hapter 3

Three

Chapter 3: Three

==============================================================

I knew it. They didn't go to the nurse's office. Instead, they went inside an empty room and locked themselves in. I wanted to know what they were doing inside but I couldn't go in. It was locked. What the hell are they doing inside? Oh gosh! Are they doing what I think they're doing? I really hope not.

I sighed and went back the room. I know that I won't get any answer from my question if I just stand there staring at the door. As I was heading back the classroom, I can't help but think about certain things. Are they together? Since when? Why didn't he tell me? Is their relationship a secret?

Argh! I hate it!

"Hey dude! Why the long face?' Yoochun asked as soon as I entered the room. It looked like I took a long time staring at the locked door, I didn't know that our class already ended.

I sighed. "Yoochun, can I talk to you seriously?"

"Sure man." We both took a seat at the back of the room. "So, what's the sich?"

I took a deep breath. "Well, I followed Jae and Changmin."

"You did?" I nodded. "You shouldn't have done that man."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have. I saw them. They didn't go to the nurse's office. Jae wasn't having a stomach ache. They went inside an empty room man. They locked themselves in and I don't freaking know what the hell they're doing! It's killing me Yoochun."

"I feel bad for you Yunho." He said as he patted my shoulders. "I guess it's too late for you now huh?"

I guess it is. How stupid can I get? All this time, I thought I have a chance. Maybe, just maybe, Jae likes me too. But I guess not. Maybe that's why he's so into Changmin these past few days.

If Changmin can make him happy, I guess I have let him go now. I know it'll be hard but I have to. It's for the best. But I'll still be loving him from afar, and I'll still protect him. Nothing will change Jaejoong, nothing will change-just the fact that I have to forget my love for you, which I think is impossible. Now, that sounds complicated. Doesn't it?

-

First, in order to forget Jae, I have to shift my attention to someone else. Now, who could be prettier and more dazzling, down-to-earth, kind, warm hearted than Jae? NO ONE! That's a big problem.

"Yunnie!" I heard Jae call me from downstairs. "Yunnie! Dinner's ready!"

I quickly ran downstairs and found him in the dining room. Woah! What I saw in the dining room shocked me. Jae cooked lots of foods, and when I say lots-I mean lots!

"Uhh..Jae, why did you cook so many foods? We can't finish it if it's just the two of us."

"Didn't I tell you, Yunnie?" I shook my head. What was it? Don't tell me- "Changmin's going to have dinner with us. I invited him."

I knew it!

"Oh. I see." I said plainly. Changmin, Changmin, Changmin! He couldn't stop talking about Changmin! What the fuck is going on with them? I couldn't take it anymore. God! I can't have this dinner with them. "BooJae, I think I'll just eat dinner outside. I'll leave you with Changmin."

"No, Yunnie. I cooked this dinner-"

"For Changmin." I cut him off. "Yeah, I know. I-I'll just let you two have a good time, I'm leaving, bye." And with that, I left the house. I know that what I did was way wrong but what could I do? Hiding their relationship to me has hurt me enough. I couldn't let them hurt me anymore.

It has been 3 hours since I left the house, I didn't feel like eating so I just walked at the park to clear up my mind.

-

I went back home only to find out that Jae was sleeping at the dining table. The foods he cooked weren't touched. What happened? I thought he was going to have dinner with Changmin?

I noticed that his eyes were swollen. Did he cry? Why? Was it because of Changmin?

"Jae, BooJae.." I shook his body lightly. He groaned a bit. "Hey Boo, it's me Yunho." When he heard my name, his eyes shot open and he jumped on me. "Whoa! Boo, what's wrong?"

"Yunnie," he started sobbing.

I don't want to see him crying, it breaks my heart. I hugged him tighter. "Did Changmin do this to you? That bastard!"

"No! T-this isn't C-changmin's fault." Suddenly he started to hit my chest. "This is all your fault Yunnie!"

"Hey hey, what happened? Why is it my fault?" I asked him but he didn't respond. He continued to hit me. It hurts, it's not because of the chest hitting but because of the fact that I was the one who made him cry. "Boo, calm down. Let's talk about this. Come on, sit down." He sat down on the chair while I sat beside him. "So, tell me what happened?"

He wiped his tears with his hands. ""Changmin-"

"Boo, let me ask you something first." He nodded. Whatever his answer will be, I'll accept it. "A-are you and Changmin together?" his eyes widened, in shock I guess.

"No!"

"But-"

"Yunnie, you got it all wrong. The dinner I cooked, it was for us. I invited Changmin because we want to tell you something. Changmin and I aren't dating. In fact, he already has a boyfriend." Ok. That was shocking.

"But why are you two always together. I even saw you go inside an empty classroom and you locked yourselves in."

"Were you jealous?"

"Of course I am!" I blurted out. Oh no!

"Then it worked!" he exclaimed happily.

"Worked? What worked?"

Jae chuckled. "Ok. Let me tell you something but please let me talk first." I nodded. "Even if Changmin was in Paris, we still kept in touch. I tell him everything. I told him that I love you but I wasn't sure if you love me too so he thought of a plan. We wanted to know if you'll be jealous if I'm with another guy. True enough, you were. I was happy about that but I still doubted it, I didn't know if you were jealous because you love me back or because you just didn't want me to be too close to other people. Luckily, Yoochun's there to tell me everything. He talked to me yesterday, he said he feels so sorry for you so he had to do that. He told me that you love me and I was so happy about that. About this dinner, I cooked all of this because I was supposed to confess my feelings for you but you ruined it."

"I'm sorry, but what about Changmin? I thought you invited him for dinner?"

"I did. He wanted to introduce his boyfriend to us. But when you left, I called him and told him that we should do this some other time. You were so stubborn to listen to my explanation."

I can't express what I'm feeling right now. "Boo, do you really love me?" I wanted to make sure.

"Yeah, do I have to repeat everything?" I shook my head and hugged him tightly.

"I love you Boo! I really do!"

"I love you too Yunnie."

This is really the happiest day of my life.

Chapter 4

Four

Chapter 4: Four

==============================================================

"Yunnie! Yunnie! Yunnie!" I heard Jae shout my name. "Yunnie!" I groaned a bit. He started to shake my body violently.

"Oh. What is it Boo? Huh?" I got up and rubbed my eyes. It was all a dream. Shit! It felt so real. I knew it was impossible to happen. How could I be such a fool? "What happened?" I asked him.

He smiled. "Well, you fainted at the park. It's a good thing that Changmin saw you." Fuck! Changmin? Again! How many times do I have to hear Changmin's name from his mouth?

"Hyung, are you ok?" Changmin asked as he put his hand on my forehead. I swatted his hands away. He looked surprised but I didn't care.

"Yeah I am. Can you please get out of the room now? I want to rest." I tried to be polite but I couldn't.

"Yunnie.." Jae called out.

"Please get out of the room." I tried to keep my cool.

He lowered his head as he nodded and went out of the room with Changmin. Sorry Jae, but I'm confused right now. My mind wants me to let you go but my heart says no.

What the hell am I supposed to do now? Should I fight for him? Or should I let him be with Changmin? I think I need more time.

-

I got out of the room when I had enough rest. My throat had dried up so I went to the kitchen to get some drink. When I was about to go back to the room, I heard some sobs. I knew it was Jae. Who else could it be?

He was in the living room. I approached him. "Boo-" he slowly looked up at me. I saw his tear-stained face. God! I made him cry. This time, it was for real. "Jae, I'm sorry for my attitude. I was just thinking about something."

In an instant, he threw himself to me. "Yunnie! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Sorry for the things I have done wrong. Sorry if I made you mad." He kept on sobbing on my chest. No Jae! Don't! It's not your fault.

"Boo, it's not your fault. Please stop crying." I started to rub his back in circles. It really is heartbreaking every time he cries. "Jae, listen to me." I lifted his chin up as I looked into his eyes. "It's not your fault ok? I was just thinking about something. Sorry if you thought that you were the reason why I was mad."

"Yunnie!" he hugged me again. I love it when he hugs me. It gives me a different kind of feeling.

"Now, you should get some sleep now. Come on." I held his hand as we went to our room.

I tucked him in bed before I laid beside him. "Good Night BooJae. I love you."

Even if it was dark, I can see him smile. "Night night Yunnie, I love you too."

I wish he really meant those words. Sure he really loves me but only as a friend, brother or whatever. But I really hope that someday, he will love me as me-as Jung Yunho, as a man.

-

It was a surprising morning for me. When we arrived at school, Changmin was already there but Jae didn't greet him. He didn't even look at him. What's wrong with them? Why are they acting like this? They were just so close yesterday and now- whatever.

When I reached my seat, I rested my head on my desk and tried to sleep. I didn't get the chance to sleep last night because I was watching Jae in his sleep. I know it sounds stalker-ish but I wanted to make sure that he's ok and that he won't have nightmares. Minutes after, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I groaned in annoyance. I was just about to sleep and some-Jae. It was Jae. I asked him what the matter is.

"Are you sleepy?" he asked me. Of course I am! Isn't it obvious? Anyways, I nodded my head in response. He smiled at me and said, "You can sleep here." He tapped his own shoulder. I smiled at him rested my head on his shoulder. It was nice. Before I dozed off, he mumbled something that I wasn't able to hear.

-

The guys were going to have dinner at our house. And Changmin is included in those guys. Great! Just great. It's not like I hate that guy but I just find him-annoying.

Jae's cooking dinner while I'm waiting for the guys to arrive. They said that they'll be here in 30 minutes. True enough, when I looked at the watch-the door bell rang. It must be them.

"Hi Yunho!" Junsu said while smiling at me.

"Hey dude." Yoochun greeted, holding Junsu's waist.

"Hello Yunho hyung." Changmin said.

"Hi guys." I smiled. "Uh... Changmin ah, who's that?" I didn't realize that they have someone with them. A guy was standing beside Changmin, holding his hand.

"Yeah." Yoochun butted in. "We were with you but you never introduced him to us."

"Oh. I'll tell you later." He said with a cheeky smile. "Can you let us in now?"

"Oh, yeah right. Come in."

Then they all went in. I called Jae who's still in the kitchen cooking the food. We all settled down in the living room. "So, Changmin do you mind telling us who he is?" I asked.

Changmin cleared his throat. "Hyungs, I'm proud to introduce to you my boyfriend, Kim Heechul."

"Boyfriend?!" I almost shouted in surprise.

Changmin nodded. "Yeah. I met him in Paris during my vacation."

"Hello. I'm Kim Heechul. You can just call me Heechul." The feminine looking Heechul bowed.

Jaejoong suddenly clapped his hands. "So you're the one that Minnie's talking about!" He said excitedly. "You know what? He talks about you 24/7. Every time I'm with Minnie, he just can't stop talking about you." I saw Heechul blush with Jae's statement. "Not only that, one time he even asked me to fake a stomach ache just so we could talk privately in an empty classroom. I don't know why we should talk there but he asked me lots of advice. It's kind of weird but he's Changmin so there's nothing new."

Jae kept on talking until he got tired of it. Afterwards, we finally had our dinner.

-

I understand everything now. It's not because they are together but because he wanted help from Jaejoong. Ok. I know I'm wrong. I jump into conclusions but it's not like I'm the only one who'll do that if they're in my situation. I suddenly changed my view about Changmin. I regret being so rude to him. I didn't mean it. I just did it because of jealousy.

Now that Changmin's out of the picture, I have a huge chance on Jae. But one thing's bothering me. Didn't he say that he has someone he likes? If it isn't Changmin, then who is it?

Chapter 5

Five

Chapter 5: Five

==============================================================

Since Changmin's out of the picture, I have a hundred percent chance to make Jae fall for me. It's weekend to day and we have no classes so I want to take Jae out. I asked him where he wants to go and he said he wanted to go to the amusement park. Come to think of it, it has been years since we last went there.

"Jae, you ready?" I asked him while he was fixing his hair.

"Yes Yunnie, wait a sec." I waited for him until he was finished. When he was done, he held my hand and we went out of the house. Isn't he sweet?

I can see that he's so excited about this. I smiled at the thought that I made him happy. When we arrived at the amusement park, he dragged me into the roller coaster. Ok. I'm not a big fan of roller coasters but I'll ride it because I know that it'll make him happy.

After the ride, we went to get some food. On our way to a fast food chain, he bumped on someone. "Ouch!" I immediately grabbed his waist before he falls down on the floor.

"You ok?" he nodded and smiled at me.

"Kim Jaejoong?" the person he bumped onto knows him?

Jae looked at him, surprised. "C-choi Siwon?" the person named Siwon nodded and smiled.

"Jaejoong! Long time no see. I missed you!" he suddenly hugged Jae. Whoa! He's hugging MY Jae and MY Jae's not even pushing him away. What the hell is this?

"Uh.. excuse me. Who are you?" I asked, trying to be polite. That Siwon guy noticed my presence and FINALLY let go of MY Jae.

"Oh. I'm Choi Siwon. I'm Jaejoong's classmate in elementary." He extended out his hand and I shook it.

"I see. I'm Jung Yunho, Jae's best friend." I wish I could say that I'm his boyfriend instead of best friend. This sucks. "Nice to meet you Siwon."

"It's nice to meet you too Yunho." He bowed. This guy-he's so polite and full of manners. He then turned his attention on Jae. "So Jae, how are you? It's been so long."

"I'm fine. How about you?"

Then they both talked for so long that they forgot the fact that someone is with them. And that someone is me. As minutes passed, I'm getting more and more bored. I don't know what the hell they are talking about. I didn't know that Jae has some classmate named Siwon. Sure I'm his best friend but I don't know little things like that. Guys! We're at the amusement park. We're supposed to have fun not talk about things! I cleared my throat hoping to get some attention. True enough, I got some. They both looked at me.

"Oh. Yunnie, I'm sorry."

"Yeah Yunho. We're sorry. Our conversation just got a little interesting that we forgot you're there." Nice one Siwon. I want to smack him in the head!

"It's ok. Can we just like go in a café or something so that you two could talk properly or maybe I should just go home, I'll leave you two to talk. Jae just call me when you want to get home." I turned to walk away but Jae grabbed my wrist.

"Yunnie, don't go. Please?" I sighed. What should I do? I don't want to leave Jae like this but I also don't want to see them together.

"Excuse me guys." Siwon spoke up. What now? "It seems like I'm interrupting you both from your date." Ya think?! "I'll be going now. I'll just call you some time Jae." He smiled then walked away.

When he was nowhere in sight, Jae hugged me. What's wrong with him? "Jae? What's the matter?" I asked. He buried his head on my chest.

"Yunnie, please don't leave me. Please?" he started to cry. Oh no! I made him cry again.

"I won't Jae. Please don't cry. I don't want to see you crying." I wiped his tear with my thumb. He nodded and hugged me tighter.

I don't get it. Does he love me too? Is it not awkward for him? I mean, our actions are so intimate and yet we're just best friends.

"Yunho, I want to be like this with you forever." He started to speak. Ok. He's confusing me.

"Of course Jae, I'll be with you forever." I smiled at him.

-

Jae's in the kitchen cooking dinner. I snuck behind him and wrapped my arms around him. "What are you cooking, Boo?" I asked while resting my chin on his shoulder.

"You'll see." He gave me a soft smile while he continued cooking. "Just wait for me at the living room. I'll call you when I'm done." I nodded and walked back to watch TV.

A few minutes after, he called me. I hurriedly went to the dining room and saw too many foods.

"Uhh..Jae, why did you cook so many foods? We can't finish it if it's just the two of us."

"Didn't I tell you, Yunnie?" I shook my head. What was it?

"Siwon's going to have dinner with us. I invited him."

"Oh. I see." I said plainly. After Changmin, now Siwon? What the fuck is going on with them? I couldn't take it anymore. God! I can't have this dinner with them. "BooJae, I think I'll just eat dinner outside. I'll leave you with Siwon."

"No, Yunnie. I cooked this dinner-"

"For Siwon." I cut him off as I smiled, bitterly that is. "Yeah, I know. I-I'll just let you two have a good time, I'm leaving, bye." And with that, I left the house. I know that what I did was way wrong but what could I do? I can't look at Jae flirting with another guy.

Before he could say something else, I already walked out. Wait a minute! This scene-it looks like it happened before. This seems so familiar.

I'm not mad at Jae. I just want to think about things. After an hour, I went back to the house and found Jae sleeping on the dining table. What?! This all happened in my dream! Why is it happening again? I don't get it. I noticed that the foods he cooked weren't touched. What happened? I thought he was going to have dinner with Siwon?

I noticed that his eyes were swollen. Did he cry? Why? Was it because of Siwon?

"Jae, BooJae.." I shook his body lightly. He groaned a bit. "Hey Boo, it's me Yunho." When he heard my name, his eyes shot open and he jumped on me. "Whoa! Boo, what's wrong?"

"Yunnie," he started sobbing.

I don't want to see him crying, it breaks my heart. I hugged him tighter. "Did Siwon do this to you? That bastard!"

"No! T-this isn't S-siwon's fault." Suddenly he started to hit my chest. "This is all your fault Yunnie!"

"Hey hey, what happened? Why is it my fault?" I asked him but he didn't respond. He continued to hit me. It hurts, it's not because of the chest hitting but because of the fact that I was the one who made him cry. "Boo, calm down. Let's talk about this. Come on, sit down." He sat down on the chair while I sat beside him. "So, tell me what happened?"

He wiped his tears with his hands. "Siwon-"

"Boo, let me ask you something first." He nodded. Whatever his answer will be, I'll accept it. "A-are you and Siwon together? Is he courting you?" his eyes widened, in shock I guess.

"No!"

"But-"

"Yunnie, you got it all wrong. The dinner I cooked, it was for us. Siwon and I aren't dating. I invited him because he wanted to introduce his boyfriend." Ok. That was shocking.

"Boyfriend? So you mean, he has no hots for you?" he shook his head. Oh man. This is embarrassing.

Jae chuckled. "Ok. Let me tell you something but please let me talk first." I nodded. "Siwon is a good friend of mine. It has been years since I last saw him. His family moved to China so I barely had the chance to talk to him or keep in touch. Don't be jealous about it. And don't worry, I love you too. Yoochun told me everything. I just wanted you to tell it to me personally but you're too slow. So I decided to make the first move. About this dinner, I cooked all of this because I was supposed to confess my feelings for you but you ruined it."

"What about Siwon? I thought you invited him for dinner?"

"I did. Like I said earlier, he wanted to introduce his boyfriend to us. But when you left, I called him and told him that we should just do this some other time. I don't know why but you were so stubborn to listen to my explanation." He pouted.

Is this real? Or am I dreaming again? I really hope not cuz I'm freaking happy right now. I started to pinch myself, making sure that this is the real thing.

"What are you doing Yunnie?" Jae asked with raised eyebrows.

"Is this real? Do you really love me, Boo?"

"Yeah, do I have to repeat everything?" I shook my head and hugged him tightly.

"I love you Boo! I really do!"

"I love you too Yunnie."

Even if this was just semi-copied from my dream, it still feels so great. I never thought that he would make the first move. Considering that I'm the man in this relationship. Wait! Am I?

==============================================================

Chapter 6

Six

Chapter 6: Six

==============================================================

Those words kept running through my head. He loves me, he really loves me. I couldn't help but smile at that. My dream finally became a reality. Don't worry Jae. Now that we're together, I'll make sure to protect you and to love you more. I won't anything or anyone break this relationship. I've waited so long for this to happen that I won't easily give up.

I stared at his sleeping face. It's so angelic. God! What did I do to deserve Jae? Am I that good of a person? Yeah, I am. I caressed his face and he twitched a bit. He's a bit sensitive. He unconsciously wrapped his arms around my waist. Ah... what a very nice feeling. It makes me feel giddy. I want to stare at his face more but I can't. I have to wake him up. We still have school and I don't want us to be late.

After a few tries, I successfully woke him up. He cooked breakfast while I took a bath and he fixed himself after eating breakfast.

"Hey there love birds!" Yoochun greeted us as soon as we entered the room. Jae hid behind me in embarrassment.

"Ya Yoochun ah! You're embarrassing him." Instead of apologizing, Yoochun just stuck out his tongue and gave out a peace sign. How nice of him!

Minutes after, the class started. Our teacher discussed her usual boring lessons and gave us a group project. Well, not really a group but rather a pair project. Or whatever you call it. Of course I wanted Jae to be my partner so I was hoping that we could choose our own partners but no! She just has to be the one who'll choose. I was paired up with Changmin while Jae was paired with Hyunjoong. Why him?! He likes Jae. And I'm pretty sure that he's jumping up and down in happiness. And the worst thing is Yoochun is paired up with Junsu! Life is so unfair! I hate it!

"Ms. Kang," I raised my hand, trying to get attention from her.

"Yes Yunho?"

"Can I be paired up with Jaejoong? I mean, since he's not that sociable, he will have a hard time in this project. If he's with me, I'm sure that we can do the work smoothly." I smiled.

"Well, since you said that he's not sociable-I think that this is a good chance for him to interact with the others. And I'm pretty sure that his partner could help him with it, right Hyunjoong?" the guy nodded while smiling.

I could see from the corner of my eye that Yoochun and Changmin were laughing their asses off. Now that's really nice.

-

"Man! I can't believe that you actually did that." Yoochun said, still laughing while eating his hamburger in the cafeteria.

"Shut up Park." I snapped.

"Yunnie," Jae held my hand. "Don't be rude."

"Yeah Yunnie, don't be rude." Yoochun mimicked Jae.

"Just close your mouth and don't say a single word Yoochun." I swear he's annoying me. I turned to look at Jae. "Sorry Jae. It won't happen again."

When the break ended, we went back to our room. We were both sitting on our own seats when Hyunjoong approached Jae.

"Jaejoong ssi, when do you want to start to work on our project?" he asked shyly. He's shy? Pfts. Yeah, right.

Jae looked at me then at him, "Anytime Hyunjoong ssi."

"Ok. So, can we start this afternoon? Would you mind if we do it at my house?" At his house?! There's no freaking way I would let Jae go there. Who knows what he might do to him. My Joongie is still innocent, we haven't done it. Not yet.

"Ok." Did he just agree?

I looked at him, confused. Hyunjoong grinned and walked back to his chair. "What the hell was that?!" I asked with a hint of anger.

"What was what?" he asked as if nothing happened.

"Why did you agree to go at his house? Tell him that you can't make it today. Don't go. Or just do it at our house."

"Yunnie, if I do that-they'll find out that we're living together."

"I don't care. Just tell him that. I won't let you go to other guys' houses especially when I know that they have eyes for you." I told him the truth. Ok. I know I sounded like I was possessive, which was true.

He sighed in defeat. "Fine!" he stood up and approached Hyunjoong. When he came back, he pouted. "Happy now?"

"Yeah. I love you Joongie." I quickly gave him a peck on the lips.

"I love you too Yunnie."

Hyunjoong will go to our house after class so that means he has to go home with us. How can I act lovey-dovey with my Joongie if he's there? A light bulb appeared on the top of my head. I have an idea!

I called Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin and told them to do their projects at our house. They immediately agreed. I also told Changmin to bring Heechul and his partner along. This is so gonna be good.

When they all arrived, we settled down on the couch. I smiled when I saw Heechul with his partner. Heechul transferred to our school since Changmin's there. Well, it wasn't really his decision. Changmin forced him. He just couldn't do anything. Poor Heechul. I wonder how he could manage to be with Changmin.

Our project is about song writing. Each pair should compose a song. We have to express our feelings through this song. Even if I'm not with Jae, I was kind of lucky cuz Changmin's my partner. He's a very good composer. But Yoochun's the best when it comes to song writing. He may look dumb but he's actually good. That wasn't an insult.

"Hey guys, let's start now so we can all get over this." I spoke.

"Jaejoong ssi, let's start now. Shall we?" Hyunjoong smiled at him. He's getting on my nerves. He keeps on flirting with Jae. Jae just nodded. Hyunjoong stood up from where he was sitting and sat down beside Jae. I'm getting angrier by the moment. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Ok. For the sake of this project, I'll try to not be affected by Hyunjoong's actions towards Joongie.

Yoochun and Junsu just plopped down on the couch and cuddled each other. They were supposed to write a song not flirt with each other. Man! Changmin sat down beside me and petted my shoulder, "Don't let it affect you, Yunho. You know that Jae hyung loves nobody but you."

"Are you trying to sing a song?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

He smiled cheekily. "Maybe." He laughed. "On a serious note, don't worry about Hyunjoong. I know what your problem is and my Chullie's here to help you."

"He's going to help me?"

"Yeah. I mean, his partner really didn't want to go here but Chullie just forced him. And it was a good thing that he has a crush on that Hyunjoong guy so when Chullie mentioned that he'll be here, he immediately agreed."

"Wow! Changmin ah, thanks."

"No problem hyung."

What he said was true, that Lee Minho guy kept on staring at Hyunjoong for who knows how long. He couldn't even concentrate that Heechul ended up writing the whole song. I also saw that Hyunjoong noticed that Minho has been continuously giving him stares which were creepy if you ask me. I don't know how it happened but I think that Hyunjoong liked it. He was a one weird fellow. I don't get them. Enough of them, we're almost finished with our songs. Amazingly, Yoochun started a while ago and he finished the song in just 7 minutes with Junsu's help of course but it's really amazing.

This was a very tiring day but just looking at Jae re-energizes me. He is my strength, my everything.

==============================================================

Chapter 7

Seven *final*

Chapter 7: Seven

===============================================================

"I love you Yunnie, I always will."

"I love you too Jae. And I will never get tired of loving you."

"Appa?" a voice interrupted my thoughts. Ah, just whom I have thought- Moonbin. I looked at him and he smiled. "Are you thinking about him again?" I let out a soft smile and nodded.

Memories. Those were just my most treasured memories. It has been 7 years since he passed away. It was so sudden that it shocked all of us especially me. Our adopted son, Moonbin was just a year old that time so he doesn't know much about him. Apparently, he had a heart disease and it was very fatal.

Life is indeed cruel. It keeps on taking away things that are important to us. It has been 7 years and yet, everything's still fresh. Who would've thought that he had an illness? He was so healthy and he showed no signs or symptoms of having a very fatal disease. It was too late when we knew all about it. I blamed myself for being stupid. It was all my fault, if only I have took more care of him then none of this would have happened. Then he is still with us.

"Appa," once again, our little boy has interrupted my thoughts. He sat on my lap and rested his head against my chest. "Don't worry about him. I know that he's in a very safe and happy place now." I looked at him and smiled. He was right. I know that he's happy wherever he is right now. "Smile for him, ok?"

Then, a genuine smiled formed on my face. "I will." and then he got off me and ran somewhere else.

Suddenly, a familiar pair of arms was wrapped around my waist. I turned around and smiled. "I missed you."

He smiled and gave me a peck on the cheeks. "I missed you too Yunnie. It's been a while since you last smiled like that. I know that you still can't get over the fact that he's gone but you have to move on Yunho. You have to. Even if his life ended there, yours didn't."

"You're right BooJae, I have to move on. Taepoong won't be happy if he sees me sad."

Jae pouted, "Sometimes I wonder if you love your dog more than me."

"Aww! Joongie, I'm so sorry. But remember, I love him so much cuz you were the one who gave it to me."

I'm so happy right now. I couldn't ask for anything else. I have everything, almost everything. I have friends, Moonbin and of course, my BooJae.

I smiled as I reminisced on what happened during our high school days. The people we hung out with. We miss those people. It has been almost a year since we last saw each other.

Junsu and Yoochun got married 4 years ago and they migrated to Virginia, Yoochun's hometown. They adopted a cute baby boy named Inhwan.

Changmin and Heechul are engaged but they won't be getting married anytime soon. They're busy with their own careers. Changmin being a music producer and Heechul fulfilled his long-term dream to open up a salon. He named it "HeeChul Hair Kerker". I don't have a clue on what Kerker meant but I'm pretty sure that it's a positive thing. Why would Heechul choose it if it wasn't?

As for Jae and me, like what I have said earlier, we adopted a boy and we named him Moonbin. Moonbin is our bond of love; we noticed that when we got him, our fights and arguments lessened.

How I miss those guys. "Yunnie," Jae said as he sat beside me and rested his head on my chest. I looked down at him. "I miss them. I miss Minnie, Su, Yoochunnie and also Heechul." It's amazing how we both feel the same way.

"I know Jae. I miss them too. Why don't we call them and let's have a get together?" I suggested.

"That's a good idea Yunnie but how are we going supposed to do that? How about Yoochun and Junsu? They're not in the country."

"We are now." A familiar voice spoke. We turned around saw the people we were longing to see.

"Guys!" Jae squealed as he stood up and ran towards them. "Why are you here? How did you get here?"

Junsu smiled. "We knew that you guys miss us so bad. I'm assuming that you don't know this, Moonbinnie calls us almost every night and tells us how much you wanted to see us. And since we're not that busy, we wanted to pay you a visit. Changmin and Heechul will be here in a while."

"Hey there love birds!" Yoochun greeted us.

I chuckled. "You never changed Yoochun ah."

He smiled. "Of course."

"Oh!" Jae's eyes sparkled in excitement. "Inhwannie!" he held Inhwan in his arms, that boy is such a cutie.

[YooSu: http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/BoraBoraPhotobook47.jpg]

[Inhwan: http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/InhwanLittleJunsu.jpg; http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/InhwanLittleJunsu4.jpg]

Not long after, Changmin and Heechul arrived. We stared at Changmin in awe, he wasn't the same Changmin that he was years ago. I mean, he changed physically, he became manlier and I admit that he looks hot, but not as hot as my Jae. I'm guessing that Heechul was the one who styled his hair. Speaking of Heechul, his hair was shorter than before.

[Heechul: http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/1249298571_2403203F3F3.jpg; http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/1250078856_022.jpg]

[Changmin: http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/DBSKnights__MIROTIC_ALBUM_41.jpg; http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff122/shunteppei/mirotic-212.jpg]

-

Our day was filled with happiness as we all gathered together like old friends of course, with our babies. Now, I can say that everything's perfect. What if we never confessed? What would we be like now? There'll be no YunJae or Moonbin. Those were the questions in my mind. I'm just so happy that we did even if it took us a very long time. I never regret being with Jae. He's my life, my everything.

I love him so much that words can't describe what I feel for him. Up to now, everything seems so surreal. Everyday I can't help but feel a bit scared, what if this is just a dream? If so, I'd rather not wake up from it.

I love you Kim Jaejoong, I always will.

The first time when I kissed your lips, it felt so surreal and amazing. It was unexpected when our love began. Others were happy for us but others looked down on us saying that we're disgusting. They just don't understand, they don't even have a clue.

Those detractors never affected us. Our love for each other didn't stop. I will always be right here for you, for us.

I'm happy that we stayed together. It feels like heaven. I love you. I do love you so much.

Just walk with me until the end of time. Don't give up on our love. Let me be yours, let me please you.

Words can't describe how much I love you. I can't help but think of the things that are ahead of us, our future.

My heart won't change. Maybe my love is bigger than the Ginger bread man's vitality

Everyday I wake up with you with the lovely call. I didn't know how to cook or do the chores but I can make you happy, I can give you love. I know that everything will be fine.

God gave me answer of my life. I'll never make you cry.

Let's stay together, let's hold on to our love. Till the end of time, let's leave whatever makes us sad behind.

You are my BooJae, you'll always be my BooJae and you'll forever be my love.

I do love you so much. I love you baby.

-

The end.

==================================

2nd fic Too Many Lies [completed]

Forewords

Hey! ^^

I don't know IF you guys remember me, but I'm also the author of In a Golden Cage. This story is one shot, hope you guys like it!

I'm waiting for the poster and background, and then I'll post it the story, for now I'll only gave you the profile about my story ;)

Main characters: Kim Jaejoong and Jung Yunho

Minor characters: Kim Junsu, Shim Changmin, Park Yoochun.

Genre: Angst.

One shot.

Chapter 1

Who knows right?

Like I said, it'll have only this chapter, but maybe~ I'll make the continuation.

This doesn't have a happy ending yunjae, but hope you guys like it. It's not too sad, so don't worry, hopefully no one will cry lol !

Thanks to those who comment, and DBLover who made my poster and background *---*

I totally accept critics, So don't be shy on tell me if don't like it ;)

*kisses*

~~

Feeling his breath on my neck, caressing me softly, it always makes me shivers. Been in his arms every night was the only thing that could make all my worries disappear. All the stress, problems, everything just disappears when he's around. Every night was the same. I would come home, take my shoes off and calmly walk trough the hall, to the kitchen, where I'd do the dinner. As a chef in the most famous restaurant of the city, it was easy for me to make different plates, even create some and gave to him to taste, give me his critic if it was good or bad. One of his qualities are that he never lies when it come to say his opinion. He knew how important it was for me to know the truth. Truth. God, how I wanted him to tell me truth not only about my plates.

When he arrives, he always comes straight to the kitchen, slowly putting his arms around me, distracting me, kissing my neck softly. He says that he likes my smell, that's why he would always hug me from behind and then goes to our room. I say that's for me not to see the soft marks on his neck, or his messy hair, probably art of that guy. Kim something, I really didn't want to know his name, and most of all, get to know him.

After washing himself, and making sure to put some powder, that I knew he had, on the marks, he would go to the dinner room and wait until I finish cooking, putting the dishes on the table and we start to eat. He would always my food is perfect, as always, and my hands were magical, that was the only possible reason for such a perfection. Sure that man he met everyday wasn't able to cook, because he was always hungry. Sure, fucking him all day must be really tiring. Sometimes he would help me clean the dishes, probably because he wasn't in a hurry to meet him.

Then, he would receive a call from his 'friend' or sometimes his 'boss', saying that there was something wrong it the files of the company, or that his friend needed his help. Weird how someone needed his help ate 9 in the night. But I was tired. Tired of arguing with his travels that took a week, or sometimes, even a whole month. I'm tired of smelling some other guy's smell in his husband's clothes. Just tired. Right after he leaves, I watch TV for a while, or read a book. A few hours after he left, I go to our room, take a bath, and lay on the bed, but I never sleep. I wait. Wait for him to come home, slightly drunk, to take another bath - probably to take that man's smell from his body - and lay beside me. As soon as he sleeps, he would pull me closer, so my whole body stays close to his. And then I feel his breath in my neck, and fall asleep.

~

Feeling the sun lights touching my face, I slowly start to wake up, to see that I'm alone in the bed. He already 'left for work', but apparently he doesn't know that I know that his work only starts in 2 hours. I go to the bathroom, and stares at my reflection. I used to have a dark hair, but then I dyed my hair to blonde, what everybody loved it, even him. I always had a very feminine face, flawless with pink natural lips, dark eyes and small nose. He, everyday, used to keep staring at me, with a smile on his face, telling me how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to have me. Apparently, I wasn't enough for him anymore. Looking at my chest, I saw the pendant that he gave me when he confessed his love for me. His love. I don't even know he this love exists anymore. Then, I start to remember when he confessed to me. What a perfect day, that was...

[5 years ago]

We're at the amusement park; Yunho had asked me to go, since it was its last days on town. I had the most fun ever, with him on my side the whole time. We went to all the things that were on the park, always laughing. After a few hours, we were death tired, and Yunho suggested that we went to the Ferris wheel for the last time. I agreed, because it was my favorite of the park. When we were at the top, it stopped, I till today I don't know why. Looking at him, he was staring at me, as usual, leaving me a little bit embarrassed.

"Yunho hyung, stop staring at me! Look out side, the view it's perfect"

"What I'm seeing is way more perfect, you know."

"..."

"Jaejoong, there's something I'd like to say, and to give to you. But first, I'd like to have the certain that you won't break our friendship. Can you promise me that?"

"Of course, why would I do that? You're my best friend, pabo!"

"I know. Maybe that's one of the reasons I had fallen in love with you."

"You ... what?!"

"Just what I said. I'm in love with you Jaejoong. Always had. Always will for sure" If only I had a way to known how broken I would be in the future, I wouldn't had accepted him. Maybe right now I would be happy.

"..."

"I know that, what I'm about to ask you it's a hard answer, but ... I'd love if you could accept me as not only your friend, but as a boyfriend too." Looking at those beautiful eyes, I knew my answer. I knew that I was, am, and will be always in love with him. But at that moment, I had forgotten how to speak, so I just nodded, what was enough for him to give me a smile and hug me tightly, and without I even realize, he took the necklace with a pendant in a shape of a heart and the infinite symbol and putted in my neck. After that, he looked at me, and gave me a kiss that I would keep in memory for the rest of my life...

[Present]

Unable to think anymore, I entered the tub, taking a long bath, trying to forget about everything. Finishing, I started to dress up to work, putting my favorite white shirt, black jeans and a black hat. Grabbing my keys, I left the house, starting to walk. The restaurant was near my house, so there wasn't any need for me to use the car.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I smiled, seeing that Changmin was already there, cleaning the place. He was younger than me by 3 years, but was very mature. Gorgeous, tall, basically every woman and men that enters the place would stare at him. He would always smile, but we all knew he already had someone. Park Yoochun, my best friend. He was a business man, and Yunho's college, but he knew about Yunho's 'secret'. Of course, it wasn't secret to anyone that he cheated on me.

"Good morning Changmin."

"Hyung!" Like always, he ran and hugged me. How lovely of him.

"So, has anyone else arrived already?"

"No, only me. But I think Yoona will come soon"

"Hum." I headed to the kitchen, my favorite place. It's huge, totally white and clean. Perfect. Just like Changmin said, Yoona came in a few minutes, kissing me lightly on the cheeks, and heading to her work. After a few hours, the restaurant was full. I just love to see the place that we all like so much getting so many clients. One of the main reasons why people like to come here is the treatment they receive, from the minute they walk in, until they left. All clients, no matter who they are, are treating with respect and kindness, and we are proud of ourselves.

While I was watching our clients, but still preparing the dishes, I saw them. My husband next to a man that was unknown to me. Both wearing suits, walking with smiles on their faces. On that moment, I realize who that man was, when he looked at me, and smirk, almost telling me 'I'm the man he's with everyday'. The pain in my heart was enormous, and the workers on the kitchen could feel it. They looked at me, and then to where I was staring with such hurtful eyes.

Couldn't stand it anymore, I came back to work, putting my mind in the plates I was making. Seeing them, sited on my restaurant, eating my food and probably flirting with each other, was too much for me, and everyone saw it. They all stared at Yunho with hate in their eyes, but Changmin was the worst. He was holding himself to not make anything stupid against the couple.

Going where they were sited but another waiter, he came closer, and heard their conversation, enough to almost kick the hell out of Yunho.

"How come you never brought me here before? This place is so perfect!" They other man said. His was gorgeous, indeed, but only that. Knowing who he really was, almost makes Changmin puke on him.

"Yes, this is the best restaurant in town. I love this place, and the food. I'm glad you like here baby"

"Of course I like here. We should come here more often."

"If you want, of course we will" Changmin couldn't stand, so he stayed right in front of them, giving them the most hated look he ever gave to anyone, and asked for they order.

When Yunho realized who he was, he turned white. He knew who Changmin was, and then he finally realized that this restaurant was his husband's restaurant. They place where he worked. 'Oh shit'.

Junsu ordered the best plate in the restaurant, in charge of the chef, because he trusted his lover. When Yunho heard that, he looked at the waiter, and saw pure hate and disgust in his eyes.

The moment I saw him coming to the kitchen, with hate in his eyes and fists clenched, I knew what he had. Grabbing him by his hand, I lead him outside, to calm him down, and I know it won't be easy.

"Changmin, please..."

"NO JAEJOONG! Don't you dare start talking about forget and let go what just happened! He brought that bastard HERE! In YOUR PLACE OF WORK! WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS TO DO THIS TO YOU?!" The minute he started to say those things, tears began to form in my eyes. How many times have I heard about this? How many times my friends did already told me exactly this? I don't know. I don't want to know. I just want to forget, to this day end quickly.

Changmin stops talking when he saw how I was. He knows I'm too stubborn, and he tells me that every day. I don't think I'm stubborn. I'm in love. I'm in love with a man, that doesn't love me anymore, that stopped loving me long time ago. He hugs me, and tells me everything's going to be ok. But I know it won't.

We entered the kitchen again, and I start to make their plates. The guy ordered the best dish in the restaurant, and I made it, perfect was always. No one understands why. If they were me, they would put pepper or salt on the food, or even poison. What would it help me if I did this? Yunho won't love me if he dies. He'll find another one, I think. For Yunho, I made his favorite dish. I remember when he told me what it was. The next few days I spent learning how to make it, so I could cook for him. He was so happy when I showed him that what a had made.

Changmin putted the plates on the table, and I saw how Yunho turned even whiter when he saw the dish. At least he remembers that I know. That I care, still today.

~

When I came home, I saw two missing phone calls, and I knew who it was. Smiling, I called Yoochun, the only person that still calls my home, forgetting everyday that I'll be working.

"Hey Yoochun."

"Hey. So, already in bed?"

"You know I'm. So, do you have any good news for me?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do. You know that Changmin and I have been dating for like ages right? Well, today I proposed."

"O.O Serious?! But, what time? I saw him, like 1 hour ago!" He was sure fast.

"I went to pick him up from work, and we went to the park. I proposed there, with the ring on one hand and a rose on the other"

"This is wonderful, and did he answer?"

"He said yes! Can you believe hyung? I'm getting marriage!"

"This is perfect Yoochun, I'm so happy for you! You do know that I'm asking myself to be your best man right?"

"And I would be so offended if you dared to say you wouldn't be." He laughs. Yoochun always had this way that could make me happy. Suddenly, his voice became serious, and I knew and would he say. "Now, answer me hyung. When'll you start to live again? When will you be happy again? I can't stand anymore this situation! Don't be scare if your husband comes home one day with a black eye and no teeth."

"You know my answer. I can't leave him Yoochun. Doesn't matter, I'm not going to leave him"

"So, you're waiting for him to leave you, right? Because this is what is going to happen! He's going to leave you, to be with that bitch"

"If one day he leaves me, then there's nothing I can't do. Yoochun, I'll not survive without him on my side. I don't care anymore if he fucks that wore, the only think I care is to feel his breath on my neck every night, feeling that, for a few hours, he's mine."

"Jaejoong, he's not yours long ago! He's cheating on you, and only God knows why he's doing this! No, let me rephrase that. I know why he does that, it's because he's just a fuckin' bastard that doesn't realize how hurt you are!"

"Yoochun, I'm tired ... tomorrow we'll talk ok?" It was always like that. When I wasn't able to stand the reality right in front of me, I ran away, I close myself, not allowing anyone to show me the truth.

"Ok, if that's what you prefer. Good night hyung."

"Good night Yoochun."

When I hang up, my mind was a mess. I was a mess, and I knew I was giving up.

Even if I say to everyone that I love him, that I'm not going to leave him, I know I'm losing strength. Im losing to that man. I'm losing the man I love so much, because I can't stand anymore. My heart can't stand this hurt.

I stare at the suitcase that is in my bed, right now. When exactly did I put there, I don't know. The only thing I know is that mu thoughts are split. A part of me says that I should stay; that I couldn't just leave without even talking to him, confront him about this situation. But the other part, is yelling for me to go away. To realize that this battle is lost, and I've lost it long time ago. How exactly did I lose, I don't know.

Without even realizing, my legs move, and my hands started to grab my clothes, and putting them inside the suitcase. My tears were there too, and I wasn't even noticing. After done packing, I sited in my bed for the last time, looking every little part of that room, the place that was filled with good and bad memories. Memories that I'll never forget, how could I? Still crying, I grabbed my cell and called Yoochun.

"Hello?" His voice was failing, what indicates that he was already sleeping, and that I just woke him up.

"Yoochun ... could you pick me up? I don't want to ... I can't drive" 'Can't' is a better word for my condition. With teary eyes and shaky body, the only thing I would do is provoke an accident.

"...I'll be right there in 15 minutes." I think he noticed that my voice was different. "Thanks" It was the only thing I could say.

Waiting for him, I sited in the living room, seeing the pictures on the walls and table. Unexpected moments of ours, took when we weren't noticing. Yoochun and Changmin loved to do this all day, since we were such a mushy couple. Kissing and hugging in public places, without caring what the others would say. I remember the time when an old lady saw us making out behind a tree in the park. She was so shocked, that wasn't able to say anything. When I saw her, my face turned red and a pushed Yunho away, making him fall on the ground. After that, we laughed, just like I'm laughing now. Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice that Yunho had come home earlier, with a hicky on his neck, trying to cover in the collar of the shirt.

When he saw my puffy eyes, my shaky body, and most of all, the suitcase right beside me, he realized what was happening. He realized that I was leaving him, that I knew his cheatings and everything else. His eyes became teary, and he kneels in front of me, holding my hands tightly. I saw how desperate he was, scared with the fact that he was losing me, and for good.

"Jaejoong ... come on, you're not serious right? You're not going to..."

Right that moment, I heard Yoochun entering our house, and seeing us. Yunho was still shocked with the situation. We looked each other in the eyes deeply, and I kissed him. I kissed him like this was going to be the last time we were going to see each other. He holds me in his arms, with his arm around my waist, not wanting to let me go, crying, just like me. My arms were around his neck, kissing him passionately.

Unlocking my arms, I pushed him lightly, and carefully, almost regretting, I took off the necklace he gave me 5 years ago, putting in Yunho' hands.

"Maybe, one day, this necklace will come back to me. But right now, I can't stand it anymore. Good bye Jung Yunho." Kissing him on the cheeks, I grabbed my suitcase and left home. I left the man I loved, and still love, to try heal my heart.

Entering Yoochun' car, we left to his house, and we didn't share a single word. There weren't need any words. The situation was very clear, and I was certain about my actions. I knew what to do, where to go. I could tell that Yoochun was nervous, preoccupied with me, probably thinking that I would enter in some kind of depression or something like that. I smiled, seeing him like that.

When we came to his house, the first thing I did was to call to the airport, to know when the next fly to Japan would be. Yoochun, hearing me, wide his eyes, and started to realize what I was about to do. Hearing that the next fly would be in 2 hours, I walked to Yoochun, hugging him. He knows that I'm about to go way, but this time, to another country. I knew that would be hard, being away from Korea, away from my friends ... away from Yunho, but I had to.

Who knows right? Maybe, one day, Yunho and I will be together again. God, how I want that! But for now, we have to go on separate ways.

Chapter 4

The only one

Hi~!

I'm soooo sorry for this huge hiatus >.<

I could'nt write for a while, but I'm back~~! *-*

Hope you guys like this chapter ;)

*kisses*

~~~*~~~

My eyes are puffy.

My hair is a mess.

My life turned upside down.

It's been three months since I left Yunho and Korea. I couldn't take it anymore, so I just packed my things and came to Japan. A house in the country side, far away from the big city and her problems and rushes. For me to forget everything, I needed to stay away from everything that reminds me him. It was complicated to be able to buy this house, since it's old owners didn't want, at first, to sell to anyone, but after telling them my story, they seems to take it back and sell it to me.

For a person who's looking for peace and quiet, this house it's just perfect. It stays a little away from the small town, with a small forest around. It has two floors, with two bedrooms, a huge living room and kitchen, and a greenhouse, where the old owners used to plant several flowers. Seeing their love for the small flowers, I continued their work, taking care of them all the time. Living alone wasn't easy, especially when you are used to have someone beside you all the time. It's hard to wake up alone, go to work and then come back knowing that there won't be anyone there.

Everyday, after waking up, I have to stay in the bathroom for almost an hour, because my tears can't just stop falling. It pisses me off, actually, but it's almost like a routine for me.

I've found a job as a chef in the restaurant - the only one - of the city. The place was clean, with a nice decoration, giving the place a comfortable feeling. The manager also putted little tables and couches, turning the place homier.

The people in the little village were nice, always there when you need something, but I can see that they keep a certain distance from me, probably because of my features that are so similar to a female lady. I already lost count of how many time kids came to me asking if I'm gay. Not a very easy question to do, and worse to be answered.

I came here, and haven't talked to anyone, only the necessary to those who I work with. That way I can avoid uneasy questions about why am I here. Yoochun have been calling me, asking me where I am, if I'm all right, things like that.

~.~

Cooking was my therapy, the moment where I could relax and have the control over everything around me. Calms me down, and make me forget, for a few moments, about my problems that I left behind, but still hunts me.

Working together with me was Leeteuk, the other chef, and a unique person, with a kind but sarcastic personality, making us wonder if he's normal. One moment he can be gentle and understandable, and the next second, he will be running after you trying to kill you. It happened last week, trust me, it wasn't nice. There are also the waiters, who are Heechul, the girly boy with a funny laugh - not worse than Leeteuk, but still - and flirty with every male costumer that enters the place; Minho, the quiet but nice boy, very mysterious, but gorgeous; Yuri, the sweet girl, who's friend of everyone in the village; and last, but no least, Taemin. He was our little boy, the youngest, and the cutest.

The restaurant was the only place I could feel better, and those people were really helping me too.

"Jaejoong~!"

"Nae?"

"Why you never hang out with us when we call you?" Leeteuk asked me.

"Well...I'm still getting used to live here, that's all."

"Than get used to live here hanging out with us!" Yuri said.

"Look Jaejoong...we all know that you're not ok. Since you arrive here we all se these sadness around you, and we want you to know that, no matter what, we're here for you. Maybe we're not close, but we want to be friends with you. So, when you fell that you can start talk to us about what happened to you, we'll be here" These are the words that I need to hear. To know that I can trust in these people, makes me happy.

"You know what? I think I'll go out with you guys tonight." Seeing how happy they stayed, my sadness low for a moment.

The rest of the day was ok, with a full restaurant and lost of stuff to do, including cleaning the bathrooms. Not a very good experience, trust me. At night, after the restaurant close, all of us went to a bar famous for it best drinks and hottest people. Not bragging, but when I get in, a lot of new faces stopped what they were doing just to stare me, making me feel a little uncomfortable. But what can I do? I'm hot!

Together, when went to the bar to get some drinks and then go to the dance floor. That's what I needed. Some fun in my life!

We danced a lot, making me forget about my problems and concerns. After a while, me and Heechul got tired and went to a less loud part of the club, that had a few couches and chairs to talk better.

"Jaejoong...I know that we're not friends and stuff, but I'm really curious about you. You came here, without knowing anyone, without a place to live. Maybe I'm wrong, but I sense that you're here to hid yourself. Am I right?"

"...yeah, you're right. The thing is that ... I used to live in Korea, that's why I have such accent. There ... I had a husband, but...I left him."

"For how long did you guys stayed together?"

"For 5 years. But before we get together, we were already best friends."

"And, what had he done for you to live such long relationship?"

"He...he was cheating on me, and the worst is that he didn't even care to hide. Everybody knew he had an affair. I ... I stayed as long as I could, but then...my heart was aching too much...I couldn't stand anymore" I could feel my eyes starting to have tears, but I hold them. I wasn't going to cry there.

"And have you heard from him since you came?"

"No...my friends never tell about him, to help me forget him faster, you know."

"You know...this thing, being cheated...already happened with me before. I was so in love with him, he was like, my everything. Maybe I was too dependent on him, but at that time, it didn't matter. But then...people started to warn me about this girl. That she was too close to him, that their behavior was too...different. And then, I ran away. Just like that, I packed my things and got here."

"Why you're telling me this?"

"Because, running away is never the solution. You know he cheated on you, but have you ever confront him about it? Have you ever sited by his side and said 'let's talk about this, now!'? It doesn't matter if you ran away. Your past will come after you, one way or another. Just like it came after me."

"What happened to you?"

"He came after me, a few weeks after I ran, and explained me the situation. That they had nothing, and it was just gossips. And I believed in him. We're together until now" His smile was so huge right now and I so happy for him. And then, I hear my cell ringing, and I'm surprise to see that it's Yoochun.

"Yoochun? Why are you calling so late, did something happened?"

"Hey Jaejoong. Well... actually, it happened. I didn't talked about it to you because I tough it would be easier for you to forget, but...now, you have to know."

"What it is?"

"It's about Yunho. He...he tried to kill himself tonight."

That was enough for me to break in two. It was too much for me to handle, this wasn't what I wanted.

When I left, it seemed like there was a hole in my chest, which was too big to anyone to heal. I tried so hard, but after what I just heard, I realize that there will be no one able to heal me heal my heart, but him. He's the only one that can make me smile like I used to smile. He's the only one. And now...

I couldn't think straight. The cell in my hand fall from her, just like me, falling. The last thing I saw before I past out was Heechul holding me and screaming for help.

Chapter 5

Why?

When you are in Love, the rest doesn't seems to matter anymore. I forget everything. All that matters is the other person, and if he's in love with you. You pray for this to happen, and swear to die if it doesn't. Love is such a fool feeling, actually. It makes you make things that, in your right mind, you wouldn't. But, as long as the other person is happy, you don't care if it's right or wrong. All that matters is him/her.

I can tell I'm still in love for Yunho. Is there another possible reason for me to feel such pain just knowing he might be hurt, or even...dead? I remember exactly what I felt when Yoochun called me and said he tried to kill himself. The hole in my heart that he made before started to bleed again, and it was like it was expanding inside my chest. I can't imagine my life without him. If he's happy, then I can live. I can surpass the pain and continue with my life, even if he's with another guy. But, how can I move on knowing tha I'll never see him again? I can't do that, I just can't.

After I past out in the club, I woke up in a soft bed, in someone's house. Probably one of my new friends. Now, besides the pain in my heart, there was the pain in my head, because of my fall. As soon as I woke up, I got up and walk out of the room, to see all of them in the living room, some sited, others lying on the couch, sleeping. When Heechul saw me awake, he almost screamed.

"Jaejoong! OMG, thank God you're awake! How are you feeling?"

After that, my head started to hurt even more, but it's ok. "You didn't have to worry about me. I'm ok."

"No, you're not. You're going to go back to bed; I'll be there in a second with a nice soup. And don't you dare to argue with me, just go." After the look he sent me, I couldn't even dare to say anything at all.

Walking back to the room with Taemin and Minho around me, my mind started to work so fast, that it surprised me. I needed to go back to Korea as soon as possible, and see him. All my fears of seeing him again were gone, and the only fear that left was to lose him. After a while, Heechul came back with a soup in hands, with Taemin still beside me. Sitting next to me, Heechul started to feed me, seeing how thoughtful I was.

"Jaejoong...may I ask what are you thinking?"

"I was thinking about him, and about what Yoochun told me last night. Do you know what happened?"

"Yes, after you past out, I grabbed your cell and started to talk to him. He explained me the situation, what happened, when it happened..."

"Wait, hold on. What do you mean 'when it happened'? It happened yesterday, right?" Only his look was enough to worry me even more.

"Well...actually, I'm not the right person to tell you this Jaejoong, this is really not my problem so I can tell you everything. The best thing for you right now is rest, and as soon as you're ready, we'll come back. I don't know if you want that, but I really think..."

"When do we leave?"

My answer was enough for him to smile and grab his phone, calling to the airport to know when the next fly to Korea was.

~.~

Walking trough the streets of Seoul, I could se that in 3 months, a lot could change. A store that, before I left was being built, was already working. I saw how the fountain of the park was reformed, looking brand new. A lot could happen in a short time.

I still worried about Yunho, but I couldn't prevent myself to feel this excitement of being again in Seoul, a city where I held so many memories, most of them unforgettable.

The first thing we did was to find a hotel where we could spend the night. After finding it, we went to a small café, where we could talk more privately and think straight about what we would do.

My first instinct was to run from hospital to hospital after Yunho, without rest, but that's why Heechul had come with me; to keep me sane. Sited at the café near the hotel, I picked my phone and called Yoochun, praying so he would pick up.

"Jaejoong, thank God you called! How are you now?" his voice was full of worry.

"I'm ok Yoochun, don't worry about me. How are you, and where are you?"

"I'm ok...I'm at the hospital, me and Changmin decided it would be better for us to be here, in case Yunho wakes up." Just hearing his name made my heart beat faster. "Junsu is here too. He wants to talk to you Jaejoong." Junsu. Kim Junsu. My husband's affair. Probably his boyfriend, or even husband, who knows; what would he want to talk to me? Talk about how happy he is with Yunho, and that I didn't need to be here because he's there, by his side, most likely holding his hand? My hands started to shake, and my eyes already have tears, what it isn't news. It's like a habit for me to cry over them, because of them.

Heechul saw my state, crying, shaking and with a bleeding heart, and it didn't take a second to him hold the cell in my hands and start to talk to Yoochun; scream, actually.

"What the fuck did you say to him? It's not enough what he'd already been trough, do you really need to make him feel even worst? Tell, what the fuck did you did now, better, what the fuck you said to him?" he waited a few seconds, and it didn't take long so he would start to almost scream again. "Do you try hard to be a bastard, or you already is naturally? My friend already cried too much because of this two bastards, and now, that he was getting better, this happen. We came here, to Seoul, to see this bastard, and you fucking tell him that this guy is there, with him? Look, I can believe how stupid I was for letting him come here, in the first place. You can tell your little dying friend over there he'll never, ever hear about Kim Jaejoong again, because I'll not let it! We're leaving, and I hope the two of them are fine together, because I'll make sure Jaejoong find someone who will love him, because, apparently, nobody here does it!"

Turning off my phone and holding my hands, he said to me, sweetly now.

"You don't have to pass thought this again Jaejoong. We'll leave. You heard what your supposedly friend said, that Junsu is with him. They don't care about you, and it's time for you to move on."

He was right. Yunho was fine. It doesn't matter the reasons why he did that, but he have Junsu. He has Yoochun, and Changmin. He'll live; I know that, he's strong. Different from me; I'm weak. I shouldn't have come here. I should had stay where I was. Just like Heechul said, I was getting better. I was beginning to smile again. Why are they doing this to me? Why they enjoy seeing me hurt so much? Is it funny? Is it funny to look at me and see how miserable I am right now?

Why can't I be happy?

Chapter 6

Finally!

The human being is such an amazing, and at the same time, weird creature; we are capable of doing so many things. It amazes me to see how smart can we be, how creative the human is, when it comes to create new things. I can surely say that, we are the most perfect creation ever made by God.

But then, after I say this, I remember why cruel can we be. How mean and careless the man is, when it comes to another. How can a father kill his on son? How can a mother abandon her own daughter? How can someone break another's person heart without even caring if that'll hurt? We torture, we hurt, and we kill for such small reasons. The man destroys others countries to be even more powerful and it doesn't matter how many soldiers will die. The man creates everyday, different weapons with the simple purpose to hurt other people. How can we do this?

Yunho had hurt in the past. Without caring, he took my heart, caressed it and then smashed it with his own hands, little by little, making me suffer for so long. When I thought that I could breath again, when I thought that I could smile and heal the bruises in my heart, he came back, making me feel sorry for him, worry about him, throwing everything I had built in the air and I came back to see him. When I'm finally here, worried and full of hope, he grabs my heart, and smashed him again, with two words; Kim Junsu.

I was a fool. I fool to believe that we would be waiting for me, lying in that bed, and whispering my name, hoping to see me again. I fool that kept the hope alive in my heart, the hope that, maybe, he loves me. That he's sorry about what he'd done. I was hoping to see him, without that man beside him, with a smile on his face, waiting for me. I'm such a fool, right?

After Heechul dragged me out of that café, we went to the hotel, just to pick up out things and hopefully, catch the first fly to Japan. He had the perfect plan. Unfortunately, there's no such thing of 'perfect plan". After a few steps out of the café, my phone started to ring, and ring, and ring. It didn't stop until Heechul pick it up, answering who ever it is. As soon as he answered it, he stopped, and kept staring at me. He was pale, but was angry. He was kind of surprised, listening who ever it was talk nonstop. It took minutes for him to finally talk something.

"What hospital are you at? Hum...Ok, we're going. And thanks." With a weird smile on his face, he looked at me. Only with that smile he sent me shivers. Something's wrong.

"I believe that we need transportation to the Seoul Hospital, and right now." His smile grew wider, making me scared. Obviously, he saw it, smiling even more. "don't worry. Everything will be all right, very soon."

Holding me hand, he started to drag me to the nearest taxi, sending is to the hospital. I didn't get it. Five minutes ago, he was pissed, cursing Yoochun and everybody near that hospital, and caring me as far as he could away from those people. Now, we're in a taxi, going there, and he's with this huge smile on his face. Apparently, what I want doesn't matter at all in this situation.

But, truly saying it, even I don't know what I want. A part of me wants just to go away, run from everyone, and start my life all over again, doesn't matter where. I just want to find my happiness again, no matter what. But, another part of me tells me that my happiness is Yunho. Doesn't matter what I say or think, he's the only one that can make me happy again, and anyone can see it. Deep inside, I want to go to the hospital too. I want to see him. Make sure he's ok. So I can go away relaxed.

A few minutes later, Heechul and I were in front of the hospital, him with - still! - with a huge smile, and me totally lost.

"Heechul, stop right there!"

"Huh?"

"What are we doing here? I thought you had agreed with me that we should go away. I don't want to be here Heechul, I don't want to see them or ever hear about them anymore! Can't you understand that?"

Smiling at me, we started to walk inside the hospital, going God knows here. "I know you're hurt. I know what if feels like love someone and go thought this, but can you remember what I said to you in the club? About me and my lover? How he ran after me, explaining me the situation, making me realize that, running away wasn't the best solution? Well...you're in this same situation. Things are messed up, I know. But I also know the truth now. And the best thing you can do right now, is get inside Yunho's room and talk to him. Talk to your friends. And especially talk to Kim Junsu."

Again, this name. Why everybody likes to hunt me with this fucking name?!

Without realizing, he leaded me in front of a door, probably of a room. And when I thought about going away, it opened it and I saw him. The gorgeous guy who's Yunho's lover. He's hair is darker now, but still nice. I can understand why Yunho felt in love with him. He has a unique beauty, that I can't surpass it. I know everybody says I'm beautiful, but, looking at this man in front of me, makes me doubt.

"I think we need to talk. I'll understand perfectly if you want to hit me, and do whatever you want with me, but I'd like you to hear me first. Please?" his voice was stronger than mine, more masculine. I just nodded, following him to the hospital's garden. Sitting in a beach near the fountain, he started to talk. I can see how embarrassed he is, just like me.

"I'm Kim Junsu. You probably already knows that, but I wanted to formally introduce myself...look...I don't know how to start, then I'll be straight forward. I'm not with Yunho anymore." Those words had a big impact on me. This phrase is so...strange to hear. For months I lived with the certain that they were together, happy and almost married. And now Junsu comes and says they are not together? What kind of joke is that?! Seen my face, he continued. "Actually...he ended everything the day you left him. I was expecting it, I guess. I always knew it wouldn't last, and to tell you the truth, both of us knew it wouldn't last. I can't explain to you how it started. I can't say 'I'm sorry' because it won't me enough. I just know that, one night we were talking in a bar, me complaining how sad I was because my boyfriend dumped me and he saying that he was confuse about his life and stuff...and then we were in a hotel, fucking. The pain in the next day was huge. Me, because of the headache, he because of guilt.

We continued that thing, seeing each other once in a while, and then it was like we're dating. It was so weird. So wrong. I knew about you, but it was like I needed him. I needed him in my bed, fucking me and sometimes, talking to me about my problems. Now, I know that the only reason that I continued doing that was because I needed someone, anyone. It didn't matter, at first, other's thoughts. I only wanted that. But then, time passed, and we started to realize. He pretended to ourselves that we're ok, but we weren't I knew you were suffering, and it was killing me. Not just me...Yunho too, he used to cry every day, knowing how sad you're, but still continued next to him, helping him, making him food, taking care of him.

Do you remember the day on the restaurant right? When we showed up in your old restaurant, hand in hand. Actually, that day we weren't together anymore, but I needed his help. My ex was there, watching us, and I needed to show him that I was ok without him, that I could live without him. Yunho agreed, but totally forgot that you worked there. And then, when he came home, you were leaving him...you needed to see his face when he came to my house later that night. He was devastated. He cried the whole night, and I couldn't do anything. I felt so useless, seeing him like that.

The next day, Yoochun and Changmin came, totally pissed, wanting to kill Yunho. I didn't let them. I explained to them, and their first plan was to call you explain that we weren't together, but Yunho stopped us. He said that he wasn't worth it. That you deserved a better person, someone who could appreciate your love. I tried to discover your number, but he didn't let it. And totally warned us to not call you, that you'd be better without him. He said to us 'now I know what it feels like to loose your true love. But, it was the best, I'm not good enough for him. Never was, never will be. He'll find a better man for him, I know he'll.'"

My tears were uncontrollable. My hands were shaking so hard. All my body was shivering. I couldn't believe that. Yunho loves me. He realized his mistake, he was going to tell me, he was going to change, for me. And I ran away. I didn't listen to him. I did all wrong.

"But...he...why d-did...he do that? Why he tried to...to kill himself?" my mind was a complete mess, but I had to understand. If they weren't together, why did he...? Is it possible that he'd done this because...of me?

"Yunho was under medication. He was totally depressed, in the beginning it was hard to make him eat or drink anything. Yoochun and I decided to bring him to the hospital, when we realize how weak he was. They said he was experiencing some sword of deep depression, when the person can't do anything on their own. He was doing fine but then...he found your stuff."

"My stuff?"

"When you left, you didn't bring with you the photos, gift and other things that he gave to you or you gave to him, right?" seeing me nodding, he continued. "I came to you guys house and picked everything, and putter in a box. A huge one, because there were so many things, including bears, huge hearts and stuff like that. I picked everything and hide in my house, where I thought he wouldn't look for it. But then, that day, he found it. He saw your things, your photos, and your bears. Everything. I think it was too much for him. The medication kept him strong, but it didn't erase the memories, and the pain he knew you experienced because of him. He took a razor blazer and cut his wrists. Thank God I came back earlier that day and I found him still alive, just seconds after he'd done it. I was desperate. After all we had, I knew that I didn't love him, but I still think of him like an older brother. Someone I can rely on.

That's when we decided to call you."

Now, all the missing pieces of the puzzle were appearing, but the pain is still there. He tried that because of me. I can believe, it's too much for me to handle it!

"Look, I'll totally understand that if you don't want to see him right now, but..."

"No, I want! I need to see him!"

Smiling, he grabbed me hand and started to drag me inside the hospital to Yunho's room. "He'll totally freak out when he sees you!"

~~~*~~~Chapter 7

Never Again

Some times, you wish for things go faster. You wish to be older, so you can be allow to do the things you want to do. Right now, my wish is the contrary. I want to things go slower. I want it to stop, so I can think straight.

Earlier that day, I was arriving in Seoul, with Heechul, totally excited to see Yunho and at the same time, completely worried about him. A few hour later, my heart was devastated, with this huge whole in it, bleeding nonstop. Then, after a few seconds, I was being dragged to the hospital, and then talking to my ex-husband's affair. It's amazing how the worlds spins and spins. One moment your down, and the next minute your totally great, happy with this enormous hope. Funny, huh?

When my thoughts were totally fine again, and I started to understand everything, right before Junsu opened the door of that room, I turned him around, and slapped him. I slapped him so hard, that my hand hurt. The weird thing is that, it was like he was expecting it to happen, and then he smiled.

"Feeling better?"

"Now, I am." Smiling again, my hands started to shake, but even before I could do anything, it opened by itself, reviling Yoochun. Weird how he hadn't change anything at all. Same hair, same eyes and same smile. The second he saw me, he hugged me tightly, lifting me up. Junsu was laughing at my shocked face. Behind him, there was Changmin. It was only 5 months that I last saw him, I apparently he had grown up, as usual.

On that moment I realized how I was missing them. missing their smiles, hugs, and laughs. My tears were falling endlessly. My happiness was huge, making me laugh together with them. And then, I heard it.

"Yoochun? What's going on in there?" How could I forget that voice? How could I forget, if I hear it every night, in my dreams? That deep, strong voice. Yunho's voice.

Everybody looked at me, expecting something from me. Probably that I would passed out, or start to cry. Well, I was crying, but not because of him. Seriously! Shocking all of them, I putted my cold expression, and entered the room. As soon as he saw me, his heartbeat increased, his breathing became uneven. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, probably, just like me.

Seeing him there, in that hospital bed, sent me shivers. I've never saw him like that, so vulnerable, so weak, pale and with a bandage in his left wrist. Just the thought of him, cutting himself made my heart ache.

He was still staring at me, not believing I'm in front of him. But I have to be strong, I have to show him that I'm not going to beg for him to come back to me. He was to one who should do this.

"J-Jaejoong?"

"Hello Yunho. I...heard what happened, and then I came back to see how you were doing. I guess you're fine, right?"

I could see he couldn't think straight, trying to find the right words. "Yes, I mean...Well, I...I could be better"

"I can see that. But, your friends are here, so I don't have to worry about you anymore. So...I'll be going now."

As soon as he heard I was leaving, his heartbeats increased dramatically, his breathing became heavy. The next second, I saw him passed out.

[Yunho's POV]

The moment I saw him, my angel, pass the door to get inside, I heard the beats of the machine, indicating my heart, get faster. My heart started to ache so much seeing him, looking at me with such cold face, like he doesn't care about me anymore. Only this thought was enough to make my vision became blurry. I can't let him go away again, I just can't. I remember the day he left. The pain was unbearable.

He was everything to me. He was so kind, cute, funny, he was perfect. How someone like me could attracts someone like him? He's so much better then me. He's an angel that the heavens sent me, to take care of me. And the only thing I've done was to hurt him.

His voice was exactly the same since the last time I saw him. Sweet, deep, like a melody, a lullaby. My lullaby. And then, he just said he was going away again. He was about to leave, and I know I'll not survive again without him. I need him by my side, it doesn't matter if he doesn't love me anymore, I just want another chance to make him happy. And that's what I'm going to do, and that's what I'm going to say to him. I just need to wake up.

~~*~~

I don't know for how long I stayed unawake. My heart calmed down again, making me breath better. When I opened my eyes again, I saw him next to the window, watching the sunset. I remember that, when we were younger that was the best part of the day for him. When the sun starts to go down, letting the moon take its place was queen of the night. His eyes used to shine while he watches it, it was beautiful. He was beautiful, always.

I don't know how to start. I know that, what I've done is unforgivable, but I just have to explain myself. I don't know if I can explain, but I'll try. I have to try.

"I remember...when we were little, everyone used to say you were like a little angel. Perfection in human form. You were kind to others, always thinking about them before yourself. You were and still is, an amazing musician. Your voice used to calm everyone around you. I envied that so much. While you were the angel, I was the devil; the clumsy, stupid boy who couldn't do anything, just dance.

Time passed, and your flawless remained, while my mistakes increased. I can't believe, until today, how you accepted my proposal. You were, and is so much better then me. Anyone who saw us together, would probably think 'what that angel is doing with this guy?' timed passed, and I stared to change. I gained respect, and everyone knew me. Everyone loved me, and I think that...I finally had found a way to be better than you.

My love for you was intact; it remained the same since we're kids, but then... I don't know how...I started to go out...I started to drink, to be more confident about myself. But still, you were the angel, and I was nothing compared to you. I guess that's why I started to went out with Junsu. I was scared. Scared that, one day, you would find out that I'm not enough for you. That I don't deserve your love.

Junsu was good to me and amazing in bed, but every time it ended, the only thing I could think about was you, and how I could be such a bastard to you. It didn't last long. The day you left was the same day I ended everything with Junsu. He was expecting it, he knew how madly in love I was for you. Feelings had nothing to do with what we were doing. He needed someone, and I...I don't know what I needed. I guess it was a way to show you that, I don't deserve you. That you deserve someone so much better then me.

I'll understand if you want to go away, and stay far away from me, forever. I always knew this would happen one day. I just...need you to know how in love I am for you. How I would do anything to be with you again." My tears were running down, and I don't care about washing them off. I need this, I need for him to know how fucked up I am. "I just want you to be happy, and I don't care if it's not with me...I just...want you to know that I lov..." he didn't let me finished, because his slips crashed with mines.

[Jaejoong's POV]

While he was talking, my heart was floating with happiness. It was beating to fast, and so strong, that it was amazing that he couldn't hear it. So, that's what he thinks? That I don't deserve him? That he's not enough for me? Is he stupid?!

I don't need to hear anything else. I just to make him believe that I love him. That he's mine, and from now on, he'll be only mine.

Without caring about his condition, I just ran to him and crashed my lips on his, kissing him passionately. His first instinct was to froze, be completely still. But after feeling my hands on his neck and my lips on his, and immediately answered the kiss, putting his arms around my waist, pulling me up him. Softly, I caressed his upper lip with my tongue, asking for an entrance. With a smile, he let me put my tongue in, and then the battle for dominance began. Our passion and miss for each other grown stronger, and soon I was out of breath.

I had forgotten how exciting it was to kiss him. He was the best when it comes to kisses, sending me shivers trough my whole body, making me moan. Hearing it, his hands went inside my shirt, caressing my skin softly, going up and down, making me moan even more, out tongues tangling in an over-whelming dance.

We were losing control. There were kisses, pervert hands, uncontrollable moans, all that was turning us on so much. Suddenly, someone opened the door, making me fall of the bed.

"Well...I think I'd just interrupted something, hadn't I?"

My will was to kill Heechul, but after feeling Yunho's hands pulling me closer to him again, I completely forgot how to think. The only thing I could do was to feel his soft hands caressing my arm and his gaze on me. Now I know I had totally forgive him. Don't caring about who was in the room anymore, I laid next to him, putting my head on his shoulders, feeling his protective arms around me.

"You won't leave me again, will you?" I hear him say in my ear. Smiling, I looked at him, and softly, I kissed him.

"Never again."

----*----Chapter 8

Final chapter: open wounds are hard to heal

Right now, my heart is confused.

The scars that Yunho made are still there, and they haven't healed yet.

After that day on the hospital, I started to think about so many things and especially Yunho' reasons to cheat me. Only after I said I would come back that I started to realize everything he said and how lame his excuses are.

It's been 2 years since we came back together, and as much as I want, I can't trust Yunho anymore. I love him, and everyone can tell that, but that doesn't mean that forgave him completely. The wounds still aches, and the memories that I want so much to forget, keep coming every night.

Yunho never cheated on me after we came back, and he tries to win my heart everyday, now. He comes home earlier than before, bringing me flowers or at least some kind of gift. I welcome hi with a smile, but I know, and he knows that it's not the same anymore. Nothing is the same anymore. Apparently, he's the one suffering now. I can't hug him for more the 5 seconds anymore, I can't kiss him without thinking about him kissing Junsu, and I sleep with him anymore without the image of him fucking Junsu every night.

I can't deny the fact that, little by little, he's healing my wounds, but they are too deep for anyone to heal them. Even him. Especially him.

Maybe, I can trust him again, one day.

Maybe the hurtful memories of our past will be just that; memories.

Maybe, my love for him will be like it was in the beginning of our relationship; pure and unconditional.

Maybe, all the lies he gave me will disappear and I'll be able to hug, kiss and fuck him again, without any pain.

It all depends on how strong his love for me is, to be able to heal and put all my heart's pieces together. All I can do is wait.

Wait, and see how our future will be.

The end...I guess.

~~