Mike's POV

"She just called," sabi ni Ralph. "She was asking if I could send her money for her plane fare from Bohol. Kunin ko na lang daw sa income ng properties n'ya."

"I see," sagot ko.

"So... what now?"

I heaved a heavy sigh.

With trembling hands, I touched her peaceful face... caressed her cheek... down to her bare neck.

But no.

It is going against the purpose why I kidnapped her.

I want to prove something.

Binawi ko ang kamay ko, at inangat ang kumot hanggang sa dibdib n'ya. Balak ko pa sana s'yang palitan but another touch to her skin, I might lose my self-control.

Maayos kong itinupi ang jumper dress na suot n'ya at inilagay sa telang bag na kipit n'ya kanina. I hate seeing her wearing that. I put the bag on the side table for easy access. Naroon din kasi ang inhaler ni Kennie. Baka mabigla ito mamaya paggising at atakihin.

I was apprehensive to what would happen next once she wakes up, my energy was just too low. The nervousness and all just exhausted me.

Bumaba ako sandali para uminom ng tubig. And before I went up, I looked at what's on my small dining table.

I smiled.

Nahiga ako sa tabi n'ya, hovering over her face.

My eyes got hot just staring at this beautiful and small framed woman.

I planted a peck on her lips. A tear from my eye fell on her cheek. I wiped it off with my thumb.

"Welcome back, sweet," I whispered as I hugged her spooning style, snuggling in her neck to grab a nap.

Despite my exhaustion, I'm feeling a mixed of gladness and excitement that she's back. I mean, though it was without her permission, she's here with me. Thinking about it, is making the feeling of anxiety grow inside my heart.

What will happen once she wakes up?

Damn, that's not the right question. It's 'would she stay?' is correct one to ask.

Kaya naging mababaw ang tulog ko. Agad kong naramdaman ang pagbangon n'ya. I was waiting for her to panic but she did not, just momentarily shocked.

Palihim ko s'yang pinanonood kapag nakatalikod. I even suppressed a chuckle when she tried to hide her naked body with one of my big bed pillows papasok sa banyo.

It was difficult to pretend to be asleep when she came back to the bed from the bathroom. I can feel that she was hovering over me, watching me closely. Gustung-gusto kong dumilat but I also want to know what she'd do next. My eyelids almost flew open when I felt her lips on my forehead.

She wasn't mad to what I did!

But fear suddenly enveloped me when something fell on my face then she wiped it off. Lalo pa at naglakad s'ya palayo sa kama.

I opened my eyes and saw her back. My eyes narrowed seeing her changed back to that jumper dress.

I think she felt it so she looked back. I immediately closed my eyes. Nanlalambot ako sa isang realisasyon.She still intends to go back to the convent!

I said to myself, this will be my last and desperate move but I opened my eyes again. The fight isn't over yet. Nasa loob pa s'ya ng teritoryo ko!

I heard her sob. Mabilis akong tumayo.

At tama ako. She already saw the birthday cake and that American bloom white rose I bought for her.

That's her favorite flower. I remember Gelo telling me that and I confirmed it when she said she wanted those on her bridal bouquet when we were talking to KC while planning our supposedly wedding months ago.

Remembering how I held on to my last hope that evening, humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa cellphone ko.

As if it was just yesterday that she didn't choose me. Kahit pinapalabas ko na may nangyari sa amin at nagbanta ako, umalis pa rin s'ya.

Kinimkim ko ang sakit sa kaloob-looban ko. Hanggang magnaknak ang sugat na nilikha ni Roqueña. Pinagtakpan ko kasi. Sa harap ng pamilya at mga kaibigan ko. Hindi dahil ayokong maawa sila sa akin.

Kahit ganun ang ginawa n'ya, ayoko pa ring mag-iisip nang masama ang mga malalapit sa akin patungkol sa kanya.

I just told my friends casually that she chose to pursue her dreams. And I tried to pacify my mother's negative emotions that it's better that Kennie turned her back on our marriage to serve the Church. Mas katanggap-tanggap yun kaysa sa ipagpalit ka sa ibang lalaki.

"Well, it's up to you," sagot ko kay Ralph. "Marami ka namang pera para padalhan s'ya."

"Ikaw ang may hawak ng income ng properties nila ni Gelo."

"Ikaw ang tinawagan, hindi ako."

"Sira-ulo ka rin eh! Natural, ang alam n'ya, in effect yung revocation ng SPA mo."

"Not my problem," kaswal kong sabi.

"Bitter ka pa rin talaga, Mike. Aminin mo na," biglang pang-aasar pabalik sa akin.

Di ako nagpahalata na apektado ako sa sinabi n'ya. Kaya, "Well, think whatever you want to think. Just like what I've said, she asked you, not me."

"Tsk! Baka kung ano pa isipin ng misis ko kapag nalaman eh. Sobrang mapaghinala pa naman nun lalo ngayong malaki na ang tyan."

Natawa ako. At the same time, naiinggit.

"Ikaw pa rin ang tumatayong right hand ni Kennie, Mike. It's your responsibility to take care of her needs. Nasa iyo ang pera n'ya. Wala sa akin or sa lawfirm."

"I'll think about it."

"Puta naman! Baka tumawag uli sa cp ko tapos nasa bahay ako. Maawa ka naman! Baka awayin uli ako ni--"

"Tss! Hilig n'yo kasi mag-asawa pabigla-bigla," patutsada ko.

"Whoa! Look who's talking! Di ba ikaw rin naman noon."

"Di nga natuloy, right?" sarkastiko kong sagot.

Bigla itong humalakhak, "Tangna! Bitter ka pa nga! Sige, ako na ang bahala. I'll just bill it to MonKhAr's monthly legal fees para walang issue kay misis. Bahala ka magpaliwanag kina Aris at Jeff dahil malaki ang ipapadala kong pera sa ex-fiance mo."

"Oy--"

Wala na. Dial tone na ang marinig ko. Padabog kong ipinatong ang cp sa desk ko.

I hate it. The feeling of excitement I have hearing the news. I dunno. I'm not supposed to feel this way now.

I vowed to myself not to hope anymore.

I've told her that night, I will not go after her which I did. That I still love her but will respect her decision... but I got to do the same for me.

I kept my word.

At napatingin ako sa pictures sa gilid ng office desk ko. Kinuha ko ang isa roon at para akong tanga na kinausap yun.

"Ano'ng mararamdaman mo? Ano ang gagawin mo?"

Natatakot ako. Siguradong masasaktan s'ya kapag nakita si Kennie. DAhil hindi naman ako naglihim sa kanya sa nangyari sa amin noon ng babae.

I picked up my phone and pressed speed dial number three.

The number I last called the night Roqueña left my heart bleeding.

"Abangan mo. Palabas na s'ya," sabi ko kay Chito.

"Ibabalik ko ba d'yan?"

"No, just follow her."

"Hanggang sa kumbento?"

"Hanggang di ko tinatapos ang kontrata ko sa agency n'yo."

"Gaya nang dati?"

Si Chito ang dahilan kaya alam ko na lumabas ng simbahan si Kennie kahapon. Itinuloy ko ang pagkuha sa serbisyo nito bilang magbabantay sa babae.

If only I saw it sooner, and asked for Agoncillo's service earlier, hindi kami umabot sa ganito. But I am no God. I cannot turn back time.

Someone has to watch over my sweet little Kennie while I'm fixing myself, my work, and planning my next move.

"Uhuh. Bantayan mo. Baka lapitan ng mga Garcia at Abellana."

Yes, I still care. Despite she left me bleeding, I still do... and still love her. I cannot measure how much.

"...but just let me know kung talagang importante lang. No need to report petty stuff. I just want to make sure she is safe."

And though it's been more than a year, I know she's safe.

"Hello, Mike?" sagot ni Chito.

Halatang nagulat ito. I never called him after that evening. The last time we talked over the phone was when he called me informing that Emily Garcia repeatedly tried to see Kennie at the convent in Quezon City. Those attempts drove Kennie to transfer to Bohol.

Althoguh, hindi na ako nagulat sa ginawang iyon ni Emily Garcia. Dahil kahit ako ay pinuntahan nito. At gaya ni Kennie, hindi ko ito hinarap.

Ang pagkakaiba, ang dahilan ko ay suklam. Wala mang direktang kinalaman ang bawat isa sa natuklasan ko. Galit na pakiramdam na naagragbyado ang pamilya Dayrit, si Kennie, si Gelo ...at ako!

"Anything?" I asked.

"Hindi pa ako sigurado. Ayoko pa munang i-report sa iyo. May nakarating na ba sa iyo?"

Sinabi ko ang pag-usap namin ni Ralph then asked, "Ano ba ang alam mo?"

"It wasn't sure. Narinig ko lang na usap-usapan. Babalik na daw sa Maynila si Kennie. At nakita ko s'ya kahapon. Unang pagkakataon na makita ko s'yang nakapang-sibilyan. Galing sa confession booth."

"Did you not ask?" medyo dismayado kong tanong.

"Masyadong obvious. At sa palagay ko, naghihinala na rin yung Sister Linda. Ilang beses n'ya akong nakita na nalalagi sa loob o paligid ng simbahan."

Natahimik ako.

Sa totoo lang, kahit nagagalit pa rin ako sa pagtalikod sa akin ng babae, naroon ang kuryosidad sa akin. Ayokong aminin na nananabik ako na magkikita kami uli.

Naalala ko pa ang banta ko sa kanya. At paninindigan ko yun.

Kaya lang kasi, iba na ang sitwasyon ngayon. Lalo kung makukumpirma kong babalik na s'ya sa Bataan.

Kailangan kong ihanda ang loob ko at mga taong maaapektuhan sa pagbalik n'ya. Dahil marami na ang nagbago. Mga pagbabago na kahit si Roqueña ay sigurado akong ikabibigla.

Tumikhim ako, "Just prepare. You know your job. Just follow her and keep her safe especially now that she plans to go back to Manila."

"Paano kung sa Bataan s'ya dumiretso?"

Saglit akong nag-isip. Wala pang naging bakasyon si Chito mula nang bantayan si Kennie. I mean, hindi mahirap ang trabaho nito, pero hindi rin nakakabisita sa pamilya.

"I'll inform Rob that you can go home to your family. She's already in my turf."

Yeah, their town is more of my turf now, than hers. The people there sympathized when she left for the second time, but I stayed.

Yet, I asked them not to get mad at Kennie. That she was only following her dreams. Even though she hurt me, I still shield her from negativity.

They understood. Kalat naman kasi doon na bata pa lang ay gusto nang magmadre ni Kennie. Pero marami ang naghinayang. Ang nagsabing maari namang makapaglingkod kahit may pamilya.

At lalo akong minahal ng mga tao sa bayan nila dahil...

Napatingin ako sa isa pang larawan doon. Maluwag na napangiti. Wala na ang inggit na noon ay nararamdaman ko.

I watched Aris and Madel in both sincere gladness and envy as they had their first dance as married couple during the reception.

And there I go again. Naiinggit ako. I ended up day dreaming that it was me and Kennie dancing, looking at each other lovingly.

Kaya lang, itong pasaway na si Juno, di maawat sa kakatawa. Ilang beses nga itong pinagsabihan ng asawa at kapatid na magpahinay-hinay dahil kabuwanan na n'ya. Kaya ayun, di pa tapos ang reception, itinakbo sa ospital. Her water broke.

And the next day, despite my exhaustion because of Aris' wedding , I drove again to the hospital to visit baby girl Agoncillo.

"Patay tayo d'yan! Maputing version mo, Rob," tukso ni Jeff.

Kasama nito si Wilma pero tahimik lang na nakaupo sa couch sa receiving area ng hospital suite.

"Excuse me, ako ang kamukha! Kasing dyosa ko yan!" sikmat ni Jun.

Nagsusungit pa rin kahit naka-dextrose pa ito.

"Ano'ng pangalan?" tanong ko.

"Clarisse," Rob said beaming with pride as he carried his little girl in his arms.

"Kami, golden boy ang bubuuin namin!" mayabang na sabi ni Aris.

Madel flushed.

Bukas ang alis nang dalawa para sa honeymoon nila.

"Ayos ah! Ano yun, puzzle?" sabat ni Jeff.

"Basta kami, naka-quota na ni Sarah," sabat ni Erol.

"Si Kuya Rich, humihirit pa kay Andie ng baby girl," natatawang dagdag ni Sarah.

Nainggit na naman ako.

Maya-maya ay dumating na ang pamilya ni Andie, gayun din ang mga magulang ni Rob. Lalong nagkaingay dahil kasama sina Robin at Thunder.

Saglit kaming natahimik nang dumating si Rika. Di namin pinahalatang magkakaibigan sa ibang naroroon ang tensyon.

Ako ang unang bumati rito. I was the one who immediately approached and greeted her. Di ko pinansin ang patago pero matalim na tingin ni Jeff nang akbayan ko ang babae.

Tss!

"Move on na agad?" pabulong na tukso ni Rika."Busted ka pa rin sa akin, Mike."

"Baliw," simple kong sagot.

Alam n'ya.

Nakakatawa mang isipin, mas nakapagbukas ako nang saloobin ko kay Rika tungkol sa nangyari sa amin ni Kennie.

Maybe because I didn't want my best buds to pity me. Like the way we pitied Aris when he gave way for Andie and Reid .. and when he was crying his heart out running after Madel.

Lalo na at failed mission kami matapos naming dukutin si Kennie then wala rin palang positibong kinahinatnan.

Rika listened without saying anything bad or good. That was all I needed lalo na sa mga unang araw na sobrang sakit nang paghihiwalay namin ni Kennie.

We even went out twice on a friendly date. Nakarating yun sa pamilya at mga kaibigan namin kaya inakala nilang I'm on my way of moving on sa paghihiwalay namin ni Kennie. Kaya lang, napansin ko ang mga patagong asar sa akin ni Jeff.

I knew something is really going on. Gayun din sina Aris at Erol. Hindi lang kami kumikibo.Gaya na rin na di ako nagtatanong kay Rika dahil nakahiyaan kong ungkatin sa kanya.

Maliban sa babae ito at kagagaling lang sa diborsyo, engaged na si Jeff kay Wilma.

Ako na ang nagsilbing escort ni Rika sa pagbisita naming yun kay Baby Clarisse. Paraan ko para makaiwas kami sa awkward na atmospera.

Naputol ako sa pagbabalik-tanaw dahil tumawag ang secretary ko.

"Boss, si Ms. Joanna po, narito."

"Okay, let her in."

Nakangiti ang babae pagbungad sa opisina ko. Agad akong tumayo para salubungin ito ng yakap at halik.

"Why did you come here? I thought ako ang susundo sa iyo," sabi ko pagkahiwalay ng labi namin.

"Na-miss kita bigla," ang malambing na sagot. "Isang oras na lang naman, uwian n'yo na. Kaya na naman nila sa shop."

May sarili itong photo studio. We met through KC who contracted them for Jeff's wedding. Isa sila sa mga contacts ng official event coordinator naming magkakaibigan.

We've been dating for almost four months now. And no, we haven't reached the bed yet.

We were on the second month dating when I told my friends during one of our boys' night out. Nang tingnan nila ako nang makahulugan,

"Mga gago! Wala kaming ganun," depensa ko agad. Alam ko ang tingin nilang ganun. "We go out like once a week. Wholesome stuff. Getting to know each other stage."

"That's odd," si Jeff. "Puta, baka nata de coco na yan pag nilabasan ka. Ang sakit nun!"

"Ulul!" asar kong sabi.

Hagalpakan sila ng tawa. Sarap pagbabatuhin ng bote ng beer.

"Malaki pa rin ang impluwensya sa iyo ni Sister," tukso ni Aris.

I raised my middle finger at him. "Fuck off, chink!"

Tinawanan lang nila ako. But I know they were right. Nawalan na ako ng gana sa dati kong gawa.

"Maybe, you really are looking forward to settling down," sambot ni Erol.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe. And I should be. She's the best candidate I see now."

"Mahal mo ba?" tanong ni Erol.

"I like her."

"Di mo naman sinagot yung tanong ni Erol eh," pambabara ni Jeff.

Medyo naasar ako. Ewan ko kung bakit. Maayos na ang lahat sa aming magkakaibigan. But I wasn't able to control my tongue bringing up the past.

"Bakit, ikaw, Jeff? Nung mag-propose ka ba dati kay Wilma, gaano ka kasigurado sa nararamdaman mo?"

"Aw, come on! Don't bring that up. I'm happy now," kinumpas lang nito ang kamay,  tapos nakangising inangat ang kamay kung saan nakasuot ang wedding ring n'ya.  "Ikaw ang pinag-uusapan dito dahil napag-iiwanan ka na namin. We are all in love. Eh, ikaw?"

I just rolled my eyes at s'ya naman ang pinakyuhan ko.

Tinawanan uli ako ng mga gago.

"Mike," naglalambing na niyakap ako si Joanna sa bewang, "When do I meet them?"

Natigilan ako. I cleared my throat.

"What will I tell them?" balik tanong ko sa kanya.

Ang babae naman ang nawalan ng kibo. Tapos bumagsak ang balikat.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just thinking..."

"We aren't official yet, Joanna."

Napayuko s'ya, bagaman di inaalis ang kamay sa bewang ko, "I know. Sorry for asserting. It's just that... parang ... parang nasa balag ako ng alanganin, Mike."

Ako naman ang na-guilty.

This isn't really me. When I'm not that serious with a girl, I have no remorse for what I say. It's just that Joanna is a nice lady. Although a bit clingy.

Isa pa, ako rin naman ang may kasalanan. She is the first woman I dated who I allowed to visit me in the office. Kaya nga nag-a-assume na s'ya. Gaya nang hinayaan kong mag-isip ang mga empleyado rito na s'ya ang official girlfriend ko.

Only my family and close friends know the truth.

But I always make it a point to know where our relationship stand. We date, we hug, we kiss but that's all for now.

After Kennie, and the last court battle my family had won, Mom and Dad seriously talked to me.

"Michael Angelo, no more hanky panky with girls. You have a big responsibility on your shoulder. Mahiya ka na."

"I know, I know," nakukulitan kong sagot.

But deep in my heart, I'm shouting in sheer happiness as I hugged the little body sleeping in my arms.

"Paano kung bumalik si Kennie, Michael?" tanong ni Mommy.

"I don't know. I'll think about it some other time. Mas gusto ko munang pagtuunan ng pansin at panahon kung ano ang meron ako ngayon," sagot ko kina Mommy. "Anyway, she already made her choice."

Dad tapped me on the shoulder. 

In his eyes, he knew I am happy ... but still sad.

"Hey," inangat ko ang baba n'ya patingala sa akin. "I'm sorry, too."

Lumungkot ang mata n'ya.

My heart pounded. Joanna's eyes reminded me of 'her'.

Yeah, I think I know now why I got attracted to this woman. Their eyes resembled each other.

I had to breathe heavy and clear my throat to lessen the fast beating of my heart.

"My parents know about you. Alam na rin n'ya, kinukwento kita sa kanya... sa kanila," I said as I watched her walk to my desk.

Nagliwanag ang mata n'ya na napabaling sa akin. "Talaga?"

I smiled at her, "Yup."

"Ano'ng sabi nila?" she asked as she passed by my desk to look at the glass wall framing the outside view from my office.

I don't want to give her false hopes but she has to know, "They aren't ready yet. But.. but give me a month, okay?"

Nabawasan ang saya sa mata ni Joanna nang bumaling sa akin.

I think I still lied to her. Because I guess... I am the one who isn't really ready. Especially with that call I had with Ralph earlier.

Napatingin ako kay Joanna nang magtanong s'ya,

"Mike, mahal mo ba ako?"

She wasn't looking at me but at the framed photos on my desk. Specially the bigger one that wasn't there before I won that court battle.    

It was one of those nights that I dug myself with work. I stayed at MonKhAr late.

Ganit ako mula nang iwan ako ni Kennie. I wanted to make myself busy. And busier due to the fact that I don't want to entertain the envy I felt after Jun gave birth to Clarisse and had that chat with my friends about having family and kids.

Mabigat sa dibdib kaya pilit kong nilulunod ang sarili ko sa trabaho.

I planned to clean up my desk and drawers. I do not allow my secretary to sort out stuff and documents na nasa desk ko na.

Pinaghiwalay ko ang mga dokumentong dapat n'yang i-file at inilagay yun sa nakahiwalay na desk malapit sa filing cabinet. Yun ang mga pwede n'yang galawin.

Bumalik ako sa desk ko at binuksan ang pinakailalaim na drawer.

I stopped shuffling on the folders there when I saw the file with tag Micheal Angelo Jr.

Kinuha ko yun at binasa ang mga huling report about kay Gelo.

Maayos naman ang bata ayon sa report nina Gerry at Edmund na f-in-orward na sa akin ng Agoncillo Agency. It's just that he is not going to a regular school. Alanganin ang school year sa Hawaii nang dalhin doon ni William ang bata. At isa pa, di pa ayos ang dokumento ng bata para doon makapag-aral. Gaya nang wala pang working visa doon ang doktor. Inaayos pa lang daw.

Inaayos na palihim kong pinapaharang sa Agoncillo Agency para mapilitang umuwi dito ang lalaki kasama ang bata kapag naubos ang maraming ipon nito. Unless he has unlimited money to spare, he and Gelo can stay as tourist abroad.

Let's see kung hanggang saan susuportahan ng mga magulang n'ya si William kapag wala na s'yang pera sa bangko. 

Sisiguraduhin kong pati pera ng mga magulang ni William, masasaid. He will never get to have his working visa.

Isa yun sa mga ginagawa kong hindi alam ni Kennie. Ang pigilang makakuha ng trabaho doon si William sa Hawaii o kung saan pa nito balak maglagi sa labas ng bansa.

Nakramdam ako nang panghihinayang na isang taon ang nawala kay Gelo para makaabante sa pag-aaral.

Sana ay maisipan na ni William na umuwi bago mag-Hunyo para makapag-enroll na si Gelo.

Napatingin ako sa sahig dahil may nahulog.

Ang DNA result ni Gelo.

Mapait akong napangiti nang damputin yun.

I was tapping it on my hand as I walk to the paper shredder machine. I turned on the shredder. I grimaced because it felt like the sound of it was a monster howling to my ears. I can't explain why but my hand stopped as I was about to feed the sealed envelope into it.

I closed my eyes and listened again. Particularly tonight, I do not like the sound of the paper shredder machine.

Nagkibit-balikat ako.

"Yeah, why not," I told myself.

Pinatay ko uli ang paper shredder at bumalik sa desk ko para buksan ang DNA result. Kinuha ko ang letter opener.

Di ko na siguro iindahin ang makikitang resulta rito tutal ay alam ko na naman. Isa pa, patung-patong na sakit na ang naramdaman ko mula nang makuha sa amin si Gelo hanggang sa magkahiwalay kami ng kinikilala n'yang ina.

Binuklat ko yun. Ang unang resulta ay ang kay Kennie. Tulad nang inaasahan, s'ya ang lumabas na tiyahin ni Gelo.

Then I flipped to the next page. Medical explanation tungkol sa resulta sa relasyon ni Kennie at Gelo.

Di ko na binasa. I turned to the page where my result is.

I know I'm just making a big joke of myself but then my brows creased.

Inulit kong basahin ang resulta.

"What the fuck?!" I whispered.

Nanginginig na inabot ko ang cellphone sa ibabaw ng desk ko.

"Tsk! Pinapatulog ko ang prinsesa ko eh. Pagod si Jun maghapon," reklamo agad ni Rob pagsagot.

"Sorry, but this is important."

"What? Bakit, may problema ba?" nagseryoso agad ito ng tono.

"Yung... yung DNA result namin ni Gelo... did you tamper it?"

"No. You said not to. Why?"

Napaisip ako.

Oo nga. Kenie's result is saying the truth. She's the aunt.

"I need your help. I need to know kung ano ang resulta nang kay Garcia."

"Gago ka rin eh. Bakit ngayon mo lang inungkat yan?"

"I just opened the result now. Muntik ko na ngang itapon eh."

"Oh, ano'ng problema mo?"

"The result says I'm the father!"

"The fuck?!"

"Kaya nga kita tinawagan."

"I'll call Jack."

"Mike?" untag ni Joanna.

Napakurap ako nang dalawang ulit.

"Just... just give me a month to sort things out."

"And then...?"

"We will talk. A heart to heart talk."

She smiled sweetly.

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Joanna - the photographer in HEA 43

Hey, mga chichi! More or less than five chapters to go!

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