That kiss lasted for I don't know how long, but she never kissed back.

I almost feel insulted.

Ako, si Engr. Micheal Angelo Montecillo... didn't get any response after I gave all my expertise in kissing a woman!

But then I stopped.

I realized she was just stunned!

No, stunned is an understatement!

Because when I withdrew from that kiss and looked at her, her eyes were wide and flooded with tears. Plus just like her chin, her red and somewhat swollen lips are trembling.

Sorry but she has softest and nicest tasting lips that I couldn't help devouring them. That I almost forgot the reason I kissed her in the first place.

She was horrified!

Fuck! I felt like a monster now.

Tangna! Pangalawang bagay na gusto kong ikainsulto ngayon.

Ang gwapo ko namang halimaw.

Then a tear that she was trying to hold, rolled down her cheek.

"Oh shit!" I muttered. Kinabig ko s'ya payakap. Para pa rin s'yang tuod. So I said, "I'm sorry. I had to do that. Someone's secretly taking our picture."

She gasped. Inipit n'ya ang di na mapigilang hagulgol habang iniyakap na rin ang dalawang braso sa bewang ko.

Nabigla man at lahat, alam ko naintindihan n'ya. Ayan nga at di na basta bumitaw sa yakap ko.

I rubbed my palm on her back to hush her. Then when she calmed down a little, I guided her beside the driver's seat then buckled her seat belt.

My gut feeling about her relationship with Gelo is getting stronger especially now as we continue to travel.

Why?

Di pa rin tumitigil sa tahimik na pag-iyak.

Malapit na n'yang maubos ang laman ng tisuue box sa dashboard ko.

Wala akong masabi. Nanahimik na lang ako.

I don't want to say sorry again. Aside from I have a valid reason... I enjoyed that damn kiss!

Pasimple na lang akong napakamot sa batok.

I feel awkward lalo na nung mahinhin s'yang suminga sa huling ply ng tissue na nahugot n'ya.

Tangna!

Nagi-guilty tuloy ako.

Para namang virginity n'ya ang pwersahan kong--

Saglit ko s'yang sinipat sa patagilid na tingin.

Napaisip ako nung mga nakaraang mga araw. Ang mga kilos at gawi n'ya.

Nagpalipat-lipat na ang tingin ko sa kanya at sa dinadaanan namin.

"B-bakit?" tanong n'ya nung mapansin ako.

Kunut-noo akong umiling sabay dukot sa panyo ko sa bulsa.

"Ito oh."

Nag-aalangan n'ya yung inabot.

Napabuntung-hininga uli ako.

Yun lang ang usapan namin hanggang makarating kami sa bahay.

"What happened?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Mommy na s'yang naghintay sa pagdating namin.

Huminto na si Kennie sa pag-iyak pero namamaga ang mata.

"Uhm..."

"Na-miss n'ya lang si Gelo," salo ko.

Halatang di naniniwala si Mommy but she just let it pass. Binigyan lang ako nang mapag-akusang tingin.

Tss.

Mabuti na tulog na si Gelo pagdating namin. Napagod daw sa pamamasyal. Mas mahirap magpaliwanag sa bata kung bakit ganun ang itsura ng nanay n'ya.

Wala kaming imikan ni Kennie nang ihatid ko s'ya sa kuwartong gamit nilang mag-ina.

Sinara n'ya lang agad ang pinto. Ni hindi ko nagawang malapitan man lang si Gelo at mahalikan bago ako matulog.

I know I really do not have any right to ask for that. Wala lang, nakasanayan ko na kasi na mag-goodnight at halikan ang bata kung nariyan lang rin.

What for? Mukhang di lang pag-dive sa problema ng mag-ina ang ginagawa mo. Balak mo pa yatang mag-swimming. Worse is, mawili ka at magbabad!

Sundot ng utak ko.

Ganun din naman ako sa mga anak ng mga kaibigan ko ah! Lalo na si Hope at yung kambal ni Andie.

Well, Andromeda is a dear friend.

Kennie saved my life!

Yun nga lang kaya, Mike?

Yun ang pag-aaway ng utak ko habang nakatayo pa rin sa tapat nang nakasarang pinto nina Kennie.

Naihilamos ko na lang ang palad sa mukha as I headed to my room just across theirs. Hindi ko kasi nagugustuhan ang pag-amin nang isang parte sa utak at dibdib ko sa mga nangyayari.

Kami lang nina Mommy at Daddy ang nag-uusap during breakfast. Paminsan-minsan, si Gelo kapag tinatanong ni Mommy kung saan pa gustong magpunta. Pero si Kennie, wala talagang imik.

"Where're you headed to?" tanong ni Mommy nung makita akong nakabihis na, hawak ang susi ng kotse ko.

"Gym session namin ni Jeff at Erol."

"Will you be back for lunch?"

"Gabi na ako makakauwi. We'll meet Aris, too. Next week na inauguration ng MonKhAr."

Nagpaalam na rin ako kay Dad at sa mag-ina.

"Tito Mike, kelan uli tayo maggigitara po?" ungot ni Gelo.

"Anak, busy si—"

"Bukas nang umaga," putol ko sa sasabihin ni Kennie.

"Uhm... Mike?"

My heart pounded when I heard her call my name.

Shit! I am not liking this.

I know the signs. I've been there twice.

But of course, I have to acknowledge her. Ngayon lang s'ya nagkusang magbukas ng usapan mula kagabi.

"Yes?"

"Uhm.. pwedeng makahiram ng ano.. yung laptop mo?"

"Why? May lakad kayo nina Mommy, di ba?"

"H-hindi ako sasama. Ano kasi, prelims na kami next week. Tsaka ano, yung thesis ko..."

"Eh sa Monday pa rin ipapa-print yun nung dalawang kaibigan ni Darcy, di ba?"

"D-dala ko yung flashdrive ng thesis draft ko. Ire-review ko lang. Tsaka yung exam ko sa Monday, makikita naman sa net. Di kasama dun sa mga nabasa."

Tsk!

I brought her here to relax and bond with Gelo.

And my Mom?

Yeah, of course! Mommy is fond of Gelo.

And Kennie, right? Nilalapit mo lalo dahil ayaw mong matulad sa mga hipag mo?

Sheesh! Damn it!

"S-sige.. w-wag na lang."

"What?!"

"P-parang ayaw mo eh. Uhm, sumimangot ka."

Shit! I didn't know.

"No, it's alright. Come, nasa kuwarto ko."

Natigilan s'ya.

Tss. Here she goes again with her reactions that makes me doubt more her being a mother. I mean, she raised the boy on her own and sacrificed a lot. But she can't have babies on her own. Gelo has a father, of course. Therefore, she had been touched.

And even that I do not like the idea of William being the dad, the guy doesn't look like a rapist or even a molester, much more of a minor if Kennie really conceived Gelo when she was only fifteen.

But everytime I look back, especially our last night's kiss, it really feels that Kennie is... damn!

"Sige. Just wait here."

Kinuha ko ang laptop sa kuwarto ko. Kinonekta ko yun sa wi-fi ng bahay bago ibigay sa kanya.

During my bonding time with my friends, napag-usapan namin ang problema ni Aris kay Madel.

"Gago ka kasi," si Erol. "Kung sinabi mo na ba, di na lalayas yung mag-ina mo sa poder mo. E di hirap ka ngayon hatiin ang oras mo."

"Hayaan mo s'ya maghirap," pang-aasar ni Jeff. "At least nasabi na n'ya kay Madel yung 'I love you'. Pustahan tayo, nabulol yan!"

"Hooooo!" kantyaw namin kay Aris na namula ang mukha sabay bato sa kanya ng mga face towels at gym shirts amin.

"Tangna n'yo!" natatawang sabi. "Basa pa ng mga pawis n'yo yan."

Binato n'ya sa amin pabalik ang mga yun.

Nakahabol ito sa gym. Dapat ay may bonding itong si Aris kay Emma dahil Sabado. Natutuwa pa rin kami na kahit umalis si Madel sa poder ni Aris, pinapahiram pa rin ang bata. Nasa paid by hour playland ang anak nito sa ibaba nitong gym lang. Kasama ang yaya.

Pinasadya yun para maaaring may mapag-iwanan ang mga parents na gustong mag-gym pero walang magbabantay sa mga anak.

Bago magtanghali, nag-out na kami.

Sumama kami kay Aris na sunduin ang anak.

"Lakas talaga ng dugong Intsik eh," sabi ko habang nakatanaw kami kay Emma na sinasapatusan ng yaya.

"Lul mo! Ikaw hindi?" sikmat sa akin.

"Tangna mo, Aris. Tigilan n'yo ako. Di ko anak yun," natatawa kong sabi.

But deep inside, I know I am starting to wish Gelo was.

"Tss, bakit may ibang balita na dumating sa 'min sa office?" singit ni Jeff.

Napatingin ako dito.

"Amin na, 'tol," sundot ni Erol. "Tayu-tayo ba naman..."

"Wala akong aaminin, ha! Di ko nga anak--"

"Gago! Di yun!"

"Eh ano?"

"Inaangkin mo raw sa harap nung tatay," natatawang sabi ni Aris.

"Tangnang... sino'ng nagkwento nyan?"

"Secret!" pang-asar na sabay pa sina Jeff at Aris.

"Kwento na!" gatong ni Erol.

"Next time na," sabay turo sa papalapit na si Emma na akay ng yaya.

"Kiss na sa mga ninong, baby," sabi ni Aris sa anak.

Natawa kami na ngumuso ito tapos nagtago sa leeg ng ama.

Kung ano ang kinalambing ng mga anak ni Andie sa amin, sobrang mahiyain naman itong anak ni Aris.

Well, we completely understand. Aside from the ordeal Madel and this little girl had been through, mukhang namana nito ang pagiging tahimik ng ina tapos ang ama na... nuknukang torpe!

Bago kami maghiwa-hiwalay papunta sa mga sasakyan namin, may inabot sa akin si Aris, "Bro."

Ang invitation for MonKhAr inauguration ... para kay Rika.

Sa totoo lang, nang marinig ko ang balita kay Aris weeks ago na babalik na sa Pilipinas for good ang kaibigan ni Andie matapos na ma-divorce ang asawang Hapon, there was still something I felt in my gut.

I guess, Jeff, too.

But I volunteered to give it to her personally because I have my reasons.

First, si Jeff.

He's already in a serious relationship. Ayan nga at magpo-propose na kay Wilma sa mismong inauguration. But with his reaction about Rika's return, it may rock his resolve about his girlfriend.

Kahit di namin ka-close si Wilma, I still find her a fine woman.

Second, gusto ko ring malaman ang kalagayan ni Rika. Di man kami close gaya kay Andie at Sarah, kahit papaano, naging magkaibigan kami. I still care. And our feelings were somewhat mutual before. Medyo nagkalihis lang ng panahon.

And third, I want to know. To gauge my current feelings for Rika.

I was hurt when she left. I knew she liked me big time back in college.

Naunahan lang ako ng hiya kay Andie. Kilala akong babaero sa St. Margaret.

But I started to feel jealous when Rika became close to Jeff. The rest is history nung pag-alis ni Andie.

Nagkaroon nga uli kami ng tensyon ni Jeff nung kasal ni Sarah kay Erol, at ni Andie kay Reid. Mabuti na lang at nag-usap na kami na di na kami dapat magkasira dahil sa babae.

Wika nga, 'May the best man win. No hard feelings'.

Ang kaso, pareho kaming na-'hard feelings' sa huli.

Both Jeff and I were devastated upon learning that Rika married someone else in Japan.

Sometimes, life is really a joker!

Nahuli ko rin na napatitig saglit si Jeff sa invitation. Nung makita n'yang nakatingin kami nina Erol at Aris sa kanya, he took his eyes from it then said, 

"Ano, let's go? 'Puntahan ko pa si Wilma."

Patay-malisya na lang kaming apat.

"Sige, mamayang gabi uli. Meeting with KC and her team sa hotel ng aso ni Andz," si Aris.

"Shoot!" sabay na sabi namin ni Jeff.

"Musta na lang kay Sarah at Eric," sabi naman namin kay Erol.

While driving to Rika's house, I came to realize na tama ang desisyon ko na ako na ang maghatid ng invitation.

Dahil nakahanap ako nang pang-apat na dahilan.

I voluntarily jumped into a shithole to help a mother and a child.

Si Gelo... at si Kennie.

Malaki ang naging impact nila sa buhay ko.

At first, it was only out of gratitude that I know will be very difficult for me and my family to repay.

However, somewhere along the way, things change.

My mother and I so being fond of Gelo ... but recently, I have exceeded my mother's willingness to help Kennie.

Exceeded that I want to protect them both by claiming that Gelo is my son. That moment which I didn't think twice uttering that lie at the face of his own father, for Christ's sake!

Then last night ... hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos.

It was a mixture of pity that became a concern. But I think it is now in a state of compassion that I am being too protective of them, fondness, and every time I'm in Manila, I'm missing not just the boy... but also the mother. 

And then... guilt.

Guilt because despite Kennie's reaction last night, I can't lie to myself that I don't feel sorry about that fucking kiss!

In fact, I liked it to the extent that it's bothering me since then.

I stopped at the guard house and left my ID. Itinawag yun kina Rika.

Bahagyang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang tanaw na ang bahay na sadya ko.

Bago na ang kulay nun, at may naiba na rin sa disenyo.

Napangiti ako. I'm happy for Rika.

Whatever changes she made inher house only reflected feminism.

Isang pagbabago sa personalidad n'ya.

May pagkamahiyain ang babae noon. Ang nakikita ko lang na pinagtatarayan nito ay si Sam. Pagtataray-kaibigan.

What I'd normally observed from her then, she'd just secretly roll her eyes if she didn't like a person.

And I was right.

When her maid let me in and told me to wait in the livingroom, nabago pati ang interior design doon. Wala na ang motherly touch na sa palagay ko ay ang Mommy ni Rika ang nasunod sa pagdisenyo noon.

When I heard steps going down their grand staircase, I turned.

My lips parted a little. I felt a little thud in my chest.

There she was. Something has really changed about her.

The way she lifted her chin, her walk, her clothes kahit nasa bahay lang, her facial expression and her aura.

"Hi, Mike!"

Kahit sa pagsasalita, may nabago.

"Uhm... H-hi!"

Hindi ako nagpahalata nang pagkagulat nang mahina s'yang tumawa sabay, "Kailan ka pa nautal sa harap ng babae, Mike? Much more sa akin?"

Pinigilan ko ang mapakunot ang noo sa sinabi n'ya.

It was strong and confident sa kabila nang kakambal noong matamis na ngiti.

It's like I'm seeing a different woman now.

I gave her a lopsided grin. "Nanibago lang. You look different."

"Is it bad?" kaswal n'yang tanong pero may nahahagingan akong panunukso doon.

Not so Rika Kobayashi!

"Depends on how a person perceives the change."

"Wow! Malalim. Eh sa para iyo?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I'm just ... surprised. That's all. But... yeah, happy that you're back for good and see you look healthy."

It was a safe answer.

I felt my heart is starting to relax from its fast beat bago ako pumasok dito sa bahay.

Napangiti ako sa isip. I found my answer.

"So, what's the smile for while spacing out?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," paumanhin ko. "Here."

Inabot ko ang invitation.

"You came here for this?" she asked a bit surprised, but smiling.

"Yeah," I smiled back. "We personally hand over invitations to family and close friends."

"We were not close, Mike. I'm not even sure if we even became friends."

See what I mean?

She's so straight-forward now.

Something that I like about women...but ... but...

I decided to be at least honest with her. She deserves it.

"I considered you as a friend before, Rika. It's just that I didn't want to feed much on your infatuation on me that time because...I was a no good then. I'd just hurt you. Nakakahiya kay Andie... at sa iyo, of course."

"No good then. Pero niligawan mo pa rin ako nung nawala si Andie," nakangiti pero medyo angat ang isang kilay na sabi.

"Oh well," napayuko ako, natatawa.

Shit! I didn't expect that she can push me now on the wall that I couldn't say anything anymore to defend my actions before.

Luckily, she laughed, "Oh, Mike. I'm just teasing you."

Then she opened her arms so I gave her a hug.

"Thank you for visiting me," she whispered and I hear a genuine gratitude there.

Natawa na rin ako, then said, "Welcome back, Rika. And yeah, I really wanted to pay you a visit."

Pinaupo n'ya ako at saktong dumating ang maid na may dalang snacks.

We chatted a little. Just random stuff. We both did not talk about her recent divorce.

I feel that it was not a good topic to talk about.

"Mabuti nakaligtas ka," she said pertaining to the fire incident. "So how was your saviour? It was a woman, right?"

"Uhm, she and her son are doing fine. In fact, my Mom is attached to them, too. Nasa bahay nga sila ngayon for a weekend stay."

Napatangu-tango ito, "I see. So, nililigawan mo ba?"

"Huh?" nagulat ako sa sinabi n'ya.

Natawa uli ito, "Don't tell me, balak mo uli akong ligawan? Babastedin na talaga kita nang diretsuhan ngayon, Mike."

Napapailing na talaga ako, "You've changed, Rika. Big time."

"That's life," simple n'yang sabi pero ramdam ko ang mabigat na lamang nakapaloob sa dalawang salitang yun. "Just like you. I think that accident changed you. There's a different sparkle in your eyes that I see."

Pabiro kong inangat ang hintuturo ko sa kanya, "Oh, don't start. Please. I've had enough of that sa barkada."

"I want to meet them. Makakarating ba sila sa inauguration?" 

I know she was referring to Kennie and Gelo.

"Pareho kayo nang sinabi ni Andie at Sarah. Yeah, they will attend."

Nagpaalam na rin ako matapos ang ilang minuto.

Rika and I hugged again nung ihatid n'ya ako sa kotse ko.

It's a nice feeling, kahit di kami talaga close noon at nagkaroon pa nga kami ng problema with Jeff.

Nawala na rin ang pader sa pagitan namin. Sana sila rin ni Jeff.

"I hope we can finally be friends now," sabi ko.

"Of course. Kahit di naman tayo close noon, kaibigan pa rin ang turing ko sa inyong lahat. Kayo lang ang meron ako sa St. Margaret noon," sagot n'ya.

Di na ako umiwas when she kissed my cheek. Like how ladies greet and say goodbye to their friends.

I hugged her again, tighter than earlier.

Naramdaman ko na medyo nagulat s'ya.

She hugged me back.

"You finally got the answer you were looking for reason you visited me, right?" she said.

"Yeah, I guess, I did," I smiled at her.

She knew. I know that she's intelligent noon pa man dahil summa cum laude ito sa kurso nila, at si Andie ang isa sa mga magna cum laude kung hindi nagtago sa Palawan.

But Rika now isn't just intelligent.

There's smart and wisdom in her observations.

A scary combination for a woman who has just inherited a lot from her father and just came out of a nasty marriage.

It brought me a different shed of light after that visit to Rika. My heart is calmer than I expected but it started racing after our meeting with KC and headed home. Sinadya kong magpamadaling-araw nang uwi. Naguguluhana kasi ako.

Tulog na pati sina Mommy. Sinilip ko ang mag-ina sa kuwarto. Tulog na rin.

I walked into their room.

There it goes again. My heart just changed its beat as I watched Kennie sleeping beside Gelo, with my laptop on her thighs.

Medyo paupo kasi ang pwesto n'ya.

Marahan kong kinuha ang laptop at in-off.

Then iniayos ko s'ya nang pagkakahiga.

"Pa... Ma..." bulong n'ya.

Napabuntung-hininga ako.

Bulong yun na tila nagsusumamo.

I sat beside the bed and watched both of them for a couple of minutes.

Then my eyes, settled again on Kennie.

She really looks young and all.

Shit, Michael!

You had 'relationships' with women but just within two to four years younger or older than you, because that was ideal you've set to yourself!

But Kennie...?!

It's almost a ten-year gap.

That's like corruption of minor, damn it!

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