This Letter

Jessica received the letter, a plain white envelope sealed with an ordinary stamp, while she was making her morning coffee. She even had time to actually see the mailman before he carelessly shoved it in her mailbox. He offered her a small, guilty smile before waving goodbye. Jessica couldn’t return it; she can no longer fake one it seems. 

Back in the kitchen counter, her mobile phone rang and Jessica stared at the caller ID for a good few minutes before flipping the phone up to answer it. 

“Hello.” 

The other line was silent but that was alright. Jessica felt her palms sweat in anticipation. 

“Are you going?”

The voice was distant, almost from a different reality but Jessica could tell who it was as easily as she could tell that the sky was blue. Sooyoung, after all, had been her roommate for years. 

“I don’t know.” She answered, free hand pinning the letter down the granite counter. There was a sniff, or a sneeze Jessica wasn’t sure anymore, on the other line. 

“Let’s go Sica. I want to see her.” 

Sooyoung had meant what she said and that was the difficult part. Sooyoung had always been Jessica’s soft spot and she simply didn’t have the heart to say no. 

“Okay.” Jessica heard herself say. “Okay, Sooyoung.” 

“Thank you Sica.” It was sincere and thankful and Jessica finally hung up. 

The bedroom opened and Jessica watched Yuri walk towards the bathroom, eyes still half closed. She didn’t even bother to close the door and moments later, the toilet flushed. 

Jessica took the unopened letter from the counter and folded it so it would fit the back of her jeans. 

“Sica?” Yuri said coming out from the bathroom, face still dripping wet. Jessica took the face towel she had prepared beforehand and tossed it to her. Yuri caught it with ease and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Jessica opened the fridge and took out the Ma juice she had blended earlier. Two arms snaked around her waist and pulled her for a back hug. Jessica could smell the toothpaste when Yuri playfully gave her an open-mouthed kiss on the cheek. 

“Yuri,” Jessica balanced the tall glass she was holding, “you’re going to make me spill your Ma.”

Yuri silently let go and Jessica sighed. She turned around to see Yuri already taking her own bowl, the cereal box and the milk from the table. Jessica smiled for the first time that day. Yuri looked so damn adorable balancing her breakfast with a pout as she marched towards their living room. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Since you don’t want me in your kitchen, I’d have breakfast here.” Yuri huffed and was purposefully not looking at her as she settled on the couch. Jessica followed her girlfriend and sat down beside her. Yuri, who was still ignoring her, took the remote from the table and turned on the TV. 

“Seobang are you mad?”

Jessica scooted closer to the girl and rested her head on Yuri’s shoulder. The girl gave it a jerk and hit Jessica’s head harder than she intended it to be.

“Aw!” Jessica straightened up, holding the side of her head that Yuri’s shoulder had hit. “That hurts.”

“Really?” Yuri’s eyes were still glued to the morning news while sipping the milk from the bowl. 

“Kwon Yuri!” 

Yuri finally looked at her and grinned. Jessica didn’t have time to speak another word as Yuri leaned in and kissed her. Jessica could only moan and wrap her arms around Yuri’s neck as the girl pinned her down the couch. Misunderstanding her girlfriend’s intention, Jessica reached for Yuri’s shirt in a hurry to get it out of the way. Yuri broke the kiss and sat up, returning to her cereal like nothing happened.

“Yah!” 

“Yes, Sica baby?” Yuri smiled innocently. Jessica pulled her by the collar and brought her back down the couch so that Yuri was on top of her again. Yuri did not fight but braced herself with her arms so that she wasn’t crushing Jessica. 

“Finish what you started.” 

The last thing Jessica saw before she closed her eyes was Yuri’s triumphant smile and she remembered why waking up in the morning was not so bad.

--

Jessica was waiting for Sooyoung in a relatively new restaurant in one of least populated area in the city. There were still fans to avoid even after two years of disbandment and Jessica sometimes wondered if they would ever disappear at all. Girl’s Generation was no more and by now, all of them were weary of old drunken men crying out their names outside their dorms, except maybe Yuri. She had always smiled through everything, never failing to be polite despite the fact that they were breathing alcohol on her face. Jessica had once reprimanded her for letting go of a fan who had purposely groped her.

You’re too nice! Jessica had once told her and Yuri merely smiled and said that it was alright. 

“Sica…”

Jessica looked up and saw Sooyoung with a very pregnant Hyoyeon behind her. She was smiling ear to ear and Jessica thought that married life suited her best. 

“Hey Sica!” Hyoyeon sat down beside her and gave her small hug. “It’s good to see you.” 

“It’s good to see you too. How’s the baby?” 

Hyoyeon placed a hand on her bloated belly and smiled. “Perfect. It hurts like hell when she kicks though.”

“She?” Jessica’s eyes widened. 

“Yep.” Sooyoung answered for Hyoyeon. 

“There goes your Super Junior plan.” 

“I’m changing it to SNSD!” 

“Goodluck with that.” Sooyoung finished.

When the food came in, Hyoyeon talked about how she was craving for certain food during the pregnancy. Jessica nodded and smiled throughout the conversation because she had missed Hyoyeon terribly. 

When Hyoyeon finally left for her check-up, Sooyoung and Jessica walked towards the car in silence. Jessica’s palms started to sweat again and every step towards the parked Honda made her feel weaker and weaker. 

Sooyoung was driving and Jessica remained silent for the most part of the trip.

“I think she’ll be happy to see you.” Sooyoung said out of the blue, just when Jessica thought the topic could be avoided for a few minutes more. 

--

Tiffany did not change at all. She was still breathtakingly beautiful with the touch of elegance Jessica had always associated her with. Her hair was in soft curls and Jessica wanted to believe that Tiffany had styled it like that today for her and no one else.

Sooyoung had embraced Tiffany on the doorway while Jessica cautiously kept her distance. With Sooyoung’s back, their eyes had met and it was Jessica who looked away, embarrassed for even sustaining the contact.

In the living room, they talked about the past – like they always did. When Sooyoung left for the restroom, the silence had been so awkward that Jessica felt like biting into her teacup.

“How are you?” It was Tiffany, like always, who initiated the conversation. 

“Fine.” She didn’t even bother to return the question. When Sooyoung came back, Jessica breathed again.

They parted soon after and Jessica sat on the passenger seat staring at her mobile phone. There were two messages. The first one read:

Sica-baby, what do you want to eat for dinner? I’m in the grocery right now. Call me.

It was sent two hours ago. There were seven missed calls and Jessica deleted them all. The second one read:

It’s me. I want to see you again. – Tiff

Jessica replied to the second one. 

--

Yuri was gripping the controller like her life depended on it – which it did, figuratively. Jessica looked at the screen and watched as Yuri’s character sliced and diced through zombies in high definition. They were sitting on opposite sides of the couch with Jessica’s feet resting comfortably on top of Yuri’s lap. The latter was using it strategically as an armrest. 

Her mobile rang; the tone drowned in the sound of Yuri’s game much to Jessica’s relief. It was Tiffany and Jessica didn’t know what to do. After one missed call, she turned it to vibrate but that didn’t stop the calls from coming. Settling the phone in between her and the couch, Jessica returned to her book. 

“Sica, your phone is vibrating.” Yuri absentmindedly said, eyes never leaving her game. 

“It’s just my sister.” 

“Krystal? What does she want?”

“Nothing.” Jessica said as she flipped through the book, wishing so hard that Yuri would fall for it. 

Yuri paused the game and turned to her. “Are you sure? The phone’s been vibrating for some time now.”

Of course Yuri would notice and Jessica took her phone out and stood. 

“Okay fine.” 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to answer the call.” 

“Why not do it here?”

“While you’re playing? No thanks.” Jessica stuck a tongue out and Yuri finally smiled. Maybe her charms weren’t gone after all.

--

On the terrace, Jessica opened the letter. The harsh winter air stung her cheeks as she read through it. It was nothing new. Jessica had been receiving letters from Tiffany for two years now. All the same and every time Jessica burned one, she would feel a small part of her die. 

Tiffany merely wanted her to write back. Jessica was sure that if she wrote back asking her to stop sending the letters, Tiffany would stop. 

But Jessica didn’t because Tiffany still owned a part of her life and Jessica wanted it back. 

--

Back when she was a child, Jessica passed by a toy shop and saw through the display window a disturbingly beautiful doll. She had begged and cried but her parents simply did not have the money to afford it. Every time they would pass by the shop, Jessica would stare at it sitting there with its blue eyes and blonde locks. Until one day, the doll was finally bought. Eight-year old Jessica cried herself to sleep wishing no other than to see the doll for the last time.

Tiffany was like that doll.

Years ago Jessica had managed to touch her, smell her but when she leaned to kiss her, Yuri had stood before them. The younger girl was rooted on the ground with her face devoid of emotions. Jessica sat up and recovered quickly leaving Tiffany still lying down the couch. 

“Yuri…” 

Yuri nodded, walked towards her room and gently closed the door behind her. Gently not violently and it scared Jessica the most. Jessica knew she had to choose. Tiffany moved and Jessica stared at her for a good ten seconds before standing up.

“Wait.” Tiffany had caught her by the wrist, “Stop feeling guilty!”

Jessica yanked her hand back. “I’m not feeling guilty.”

When Jessica opened the door she had expected to see a crying Yuri by the bed. Instead, Yuri was by her desk, furiously writing on what looked like a sketchpad. Jessica had purposely closed the door louder than usual to catch the younger girl’s attention. 

“Yuri please let me explain.” Jessica started towards her; her eyes were starting to tear up. Yuri looked so sad sitting there and Jessica wanted nothing more than give her a warm hug. 

Yuri looked up at her and Jessica was taken aback. Her eyes were sad more than angry. Yuri looked resolved and on the verge of giving up – giving her up because Yuri was so goddamn nice like that. 

“It’s okay Sica.” Yuri’s voice was surprisingly steady despite the fact that her nails were digging on the pencil she was holding. “I don’t want to get in the way.”

Jessica nimbly took the hand that was gripping the pencil. Yuri did not resist and soon they were holding hands. Jessica pulled and Yuri was now standing, towering over her. Jessica finally clung to her, a little harder than she had planned. 

“Pabo,” Jessica choked on her tears,” I love you.” 

--

“Hey.” Tiffany smiled and sat down. 

“Hey.”

Tiffany still had her curls and had obviously put more effort for this day than Jessica ever did. When the waiter came to take their orders, Jessica watched as Tiffany’s hand expertly flipped through the menu. How can one person look so tempting just by browsing through laminated paper? 

Dinner was mediocre and it wasn’t the chef’s fault. Jessica simply didn’t have the appetite. She was busy trying not to stare and checking her phone for Yuri’s call or messages. The latter never came and the former was simply impossible. 

In the end, Jessica was back in Tiffany’s house. She inspected the pictures that hanged by the living room wall as she waited for Tiffany and her tea. There were pictures she hasn’t seen before but other than that, nothing noteworthy at all. When she came to the last picture, just above the couch, Jessica finally stopped. It was a picture of all nine of them in the beach. Sooyoung to the far right had a very awkward position having enough time to run for her spot after setting the self-timer on. She had complained endlessly to them about it but Hyoyeon always ended up convincing the older girl to bend to her will. 

Everyone in the picture including her looked happy for a change. They were smiling despite the fact that they weren’t on vacation when the picture was taken. But the snapshot offered otherwise and Jessica wondered if fans ever saw through their bright smiles. 

“Your tea is ready.” 

Jessica turned around and Tiffany was inches away from her. She could practically smell her perfume and it was intoxicating. That was the cue and the spotlight was finally on. Jessica felt her throat dry up. Her breathing quickened as Tiffany finally moved.

The kiss, the long-delayed kiss was rough and Jessica found herself clinging to Tiffany. They were kissing in front of the picture, in front of everyone and it felt so wrong. Through the haze of the kiss, Jessica could only think of the doll. That goddamn doll of all the things with its beautiful blue eyes and red dress sitting there on the opposite side of the glass window.

Jessica no longer wanted it. 

She broke the kiss or it ended on its own, she wasn’t sure. Tiffany was still holding her face, hands digging through her hair. She was wearing an elated smile as if she had finally won a long-fought battle. Jessica slowly shook her head and gently pried Tiffany’s hands away. 

“I’m sorry.” Jessica said. “I am truly sorry, Tiffany.”

Tiffany’s smile was gone. Jessica looked down, avoiding her questioning eyes. 

“I love her.” 

For the second time, Jessica chose Yuri and Tiffany knew that there won’t be a third time. 

--

Jessica slipped quietly into the covers with an already snoring Yuri in it. Her girlfriend oddly smelled of spaghetti and Jessica was certain that there’s a container marked ‘Sica’s Spaghetti’ sitting inside the fridge at the moment. She settled besides Yuri in a comfortable position, right arm over her belly. Jessica kissed Yuri’s neck, testing if her girlfriend was really asleep. 

“Hmm, Sica?” Yuri stirred at the touch. The girl moved to accommodate the hug with her eyes still closed. She rubbed Jessica’s arms. “You’re cold.”

Jessica inwardly laughed. Yuri was obviously dead tired and she didn’t want to wake the girl for a very different activity she had in mind that also required the bed. For now, Jessica was more than content lying there in Yuri’s arms. 

“Sleep Yuri,” Jessica whispered, “tomorrow you’ll have all of me.” 

No more and no less. 

No Bells for Hyoyeon

It was ironic, Hyoyeon thought, because she was always the one who was so eager on getting married. She had said it on broadcast, variety shows – the whole package. The idol status had given her too much confidence on finding a good husband it seemed. She had expected true love the moment Girl’s Generation was no more – knocking on her door, knees folded with ten thousand flowers no more and no less. 

And yet here she was, a little too early for maknae’s wedding. To her right, standing few meters away, Sunny and Tiffany are fussing over flowers and it oddly mattered. Hyoyeon listened to them bicker, trying to connect the past and the present with words like ‘violet’ and ‘red’. The voices remained the same but the sentences were different - a different set, a whole new memory that she will eventually remember sometime later. 

The guest list only added to the fanfare as they walked on the red carpet leading to the cathedral. The world was temporarily made of expensive gowns and imported perfumes and blinding camera flashes. When the screams grew louder and Hyoyeon knew exactly why: Yoona had finally stepped out of the limo, polished and primped in the same gown that they all wore as bridesmaids. From the distance, Hyoyeon watched in mild amusement as Yoona waved and did the unthinkable – she blew a kiss to the fans. The crowd roared and she could tell that Yoona was still having the time of her life. 

And Seohyun… 

Seohyun looked radiant in her wedding dress – there was no other way to describe her. Hyoyeon felt a little sad watching her walk slowly towards Yonghwa. It felt like she was giving away a sister more than anything else and maybe she was. At the reception, Taeyeon raised her glass and made a toast to the newlyweds. 

“To our maknae and Yonghwa, may you never part from each other for more than a week!”

Everyone laughed. 

A week apart from each other? But what of the rest of them? The ones with no ‘other’ to be apart with? 

What about them, Taeng?

--

It started with a break-up. A one year and two months relationship going down the drain because of an undeleted text message. So what if Hyoyeon cheated? It’s not like she ever wanted to marry him anyway. Of course they fought and of course Hyoyeon got what she wanted: out of the relationship. On the train though, she wondered if it was necessary to break his heart. Then again, he broke her mobile phone so wasn’t it only fair to break something that belonged to him as well? 

Jessica had embraced her when she stepped on the platform. Yuri picked up her luggage and Hyoyeon didn’t even bother to thank her. She was too tired for that and Yuri would never take offense in such a mundane thing when they had bigger problems to talk about.

Their apartment looked the same as it did a month ago when they were all invited for the housewarming party. Hyoyeon wondered why Yuri and Jessica didn’t opt for a bigger one or at least with an extra bedroom for guests. Instead, the flat had only one bedroom and felt a little small for Hyoyeon. 

“Yuri where are the extra pillows we bought the other week?”

“It’s in the closet.”

Hyoyeon sat on the couch, mobile phone at hand. The screen was cracked – ironically treading in between their couple picture. She would have to get a new one – new phone, new boyfriend, new wallpaper. 

“Hyo, is this okay with you?” 

Hyoyeon blinked, Jessica wasn’t asking about her life. She was simply pertaining to the pillow and blanket she held. “Yeah thanks.” 

Jessica gave her a small smile. “Are you hungry?” 

“A bit.” 

“Yuri is dinner ready?”

“Ten more minutes!”

“I’ll set the table.” 

Hyoyeon also wondered why she didn’t volunteer to help Jessica. She just sat there watching her move around the dining area. She had her sweater sleeves rolled up and her hair up in a bun. Yuri came in holding a boiling pot of pasta sauce and as if to complete the entire scene for Hyoyeon, the couple shared a quick kiss. 

At one point, when Jessica and Yuri had told them of their relationship, Hyoyeon had been relieved that she wasn’t one of them. She was Hyoyeon: straight and uncomplicated. She will raise children and not some expensive, high maintenance puppy that will serve as a weak replacement for the one thing Yuri and Jessica would never have. She will bear them: her own flesh and blood that will take care of her when she's old and can no longer walk up the seventh floor of her apartment.

Hyoyeon offered a silent apology to the busy couple. 

They look complete – buzzing and moving around their small apartment. 

Are you complete? 

--

Pep talks used to be fun for her. Hell she puts the pep to the talk if anyone should ask. But tonight as Hyoyeon found herself sitting outside the balcony with Jessica despite the cold winter air that threatened to leave their noses unfelt, she didn’t feel like talking at all. 

“Why did you do it, Hyo?” 

Ah, the eternal question. Why would she, Kim Hyoyeon, throw away a relationship with a decent guy? 

“I don’t know.” She said. Jessica gave out a small nod and a somewhat condescending ‘hmmm’ to boot. There was an overwhelming silence and Hyoyeon finally spoke. 

“Actually I think I know…”

Because he doesn't complete me like Yuri does to you. 

--

On Yoona's 27th birthday, only Sooyoung couldn’t make it to the party. She was still somewhere in Europe, like she had always talked about. She called though and they all pressed their faces together in front of the phone. Sooyoung waved and smiled like she was not in a completely different hemisphere, like she was just somewhere in Seoul, filming and would be back in a couple of hours to finish the cake off. 

Oh wait, this isn’t our dorm anymore.

They certainly weren’t. Yoona’s apartment was like a breathing insult to the cramped bedrooms they used to share. On the balcony, facing the Han River, Hyoyeon found Yoona smoking. The girl had stomped it in haste when she heard her slide the glass door open. Someone had to tell her that one can never really hide smoking – the smell would always cling. 

“It's okay.” Hyoyeon condoned, “I guess you're old enough to do that.”

“Sorry unnie,” Yoona smiled nervously.

“Drama must be stressing you huh?”

“More than ever.”

“Yoona, are you happy?”

Out of everyone she had asked; Yoona was the only one whose initial reaction was to not laugh. Even Tiffany had paused and laughed a bit before finally acknowledging that she was serious. 

But Yoona – Yoona didn’t laugh, not even a sign of being amused at all and Hyoyeon would always remember it. 

“I guess.” Yoona looked pale, now that Hyoyeon had a closer look. “But I’m doing what I like so I guess that would count as something.” 

Are you doing what you like Hyoyeon? 

--

Sooyoung had invited them all to London for Christmas and like most invitations from the past, only a few members would actually take up the offer. 

Hyoyeon felt seventeen again as she boarded the plane with Jessica and Yuri. Suddenly, there was the promise of a fresh start; like she wasn’t twenty-eight and that she was just starting her dreams. Hyoyeon was hoping for a love-at-first-sight moment at the baggage area, a coincidental reaching for the same bag kind of moment or bumping into someone after Immigration. There will be an exchange of shy glances and numbers. 

But Hyoyeon only saw Sooyoung’s head, slightly towering over the small waiting crowd. 

Briefly, Hyoyeon scanned the area around the girl and found no one else with her; much to her relief. It didn’t cross her mind that Sooyoung might have found someone in her many trips rendering her presence completely awkward in between two couples. 

“Oh my god Hyo! You’re so thin!” 

“Thanks.” She handed her the medium shopping bag. “All your ramyun needs. Glad it went unnoticed at customs.” 

Sooyoung’s eyes brightened some more and Hyoyeon oddly felt at ease. Some things never change and she was grateful for them. 

--

Sooyong rented a flat overlooking the Thames. It cost her a lot, she admitted, but the view was worth it. Hyoyeon found herself sitting yet again on someone else’s balcony, only this time she was actually feeling lighter and maybe a little bit older. 

“Hyoyeon is Chinese okay with you?” 

“Chinese?”

“Food.” 

Hyoyeon nodded. “Yes.” Sooyoung gave her the OK sign as she dialed the phone. Through the now-misted glass door, she watched and listened to Sooyoung speak in English and wondered why it seemed so strange, surreal even. Hyoyeon gave out a small laugh; the universe was playing tricks on her. There was nothing special with watching Sooyoung order food nor was there something mind-blowing with having Chinese for dinner. 

“Where are Yuri and Jessica?”

“They’re out to see Wicked.” 

“Sica will probably translate for her or something.” 

“Yeah. Anyway food will be here in thirty minutes.” 

Sooyoung settled besides her somewhat dragging a duvet around them in the process. Hyoyeon grabbed her end tightly as Sooyoung snuggled against her. 

“Hmm warm.” Sooyoung muttered in the voice that indicated she was half-practicing her own aegyo. When Hyoyeon gave no response, the taller girl rubbed her cheeks on her shoulder and mumbled something incoherent. 

“Sooyoung,” Hyoyeon said, “I could punch you right now.”

They shared a short, heart-felt laughter and order was restored. 

“Hyo…”

“Hmmm?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

She meant that. It’s been a long time since she last meant something she had said and Hyoyeon felt lighter again. Lighter, older and maybe just maybe… a little bit happier.

--

Christmas meant Yuri basically cooking everything with Hyoyeon helping her with the dicing and the slicing and the food-tasting. Sooyoung and Jessica busied themselves with decorating the tree and setting the table. The flat was alive with the warm glow of the Christmas lights and Hyoyeon didn’t have the heart to tell Jessica that all her gifts were painfully obvious – small rectangular boxes that could only be gift checks from hopefully not just bookstores. 

Hyoyeon was sitting on the table when Jessica sneaked in and wrapped her arms around Yuri’s waist. Yuri gave out a small giggle and Hyoyeon saw them kiss before she could look away. Thankfully it was brief, merely a peck on the lips, before Jessica opened the refrigerator for a juice box. 

“Do you want one too?” Jessica smiled at her, offering the yellow carton as she kept the refrigerator open with her other hand.

“Sure. Thanks.” Hyoyeon had to take it otherwise she was just staring at them and that was embarrassing. Jessica left at Sooyoung’s haughty voice demanding that break times were not for free. In the dining room, Hyoyeon could hear a mild argument over table napkin colors. 

“Are you happy?” 

Hyoyeon wasn’t sure if her inner voice suddenly found a way to speak but the question took her off guard nonetheless. Hyoyeon took her time slicing the batch of carrots she was working on before she looked up at Yuri. 

“Are you happy Hyo?” 

Of course she was happy. She was Hyoyeon, former Soh Nyuh Shi Dae member and Korean variety shows welcomed her like she was the second coming of Michael Jackson. 

“No.” Hyoyeon found her voice and deep inside she resented Yuri for asking that question on such a supposedly happy occasion. Yuri didn’t say anything. Worse, she turned around and resumed cooking like nothing happened. Hyoyeon stared at her back and considered throwing the carrot slices at her for ruining her mood. 

“I’d give you a hug,” Yuri said with her back still on Hyoyeon, “but I feel like it won’t do you any good at the moment.” 

“Yuri this isn’t funny.” 

“Sorry,” Yuri offered, “I just had to make sure.”

Make sure what? That I’m drowning in my own misery and discontent? 

“Hyo, do you want to watch the fireworks with me? We’ll be back in time for dinner.”

Sooyoung was already holding their coats and she didn’t need any more prodding. She wanted to get away from Yuri as soon as possible and Sooyoung had appeared magically with a solution. 

With Yuri’s unusual behavior still crossing her mind, Hyoyeon waited patiently at the river bank for the fireworks. It was just across the street and briefly she looked up at Sooyoung’s balcony, expecting to see the couple standing and waiting there. Just then the fireworks began and Sooyoung excitedly jumped up and down, grabbing and pulling her arms at the same time. It was hard not to smile at her friend’s enthusiasm. 

Hyoyeon laughed. “Sooyoung you’re like a kid.”

When Sooyoung was no longer ecstatic – she had stood there with her mouth slightly open staring up at the sky. Hyoyeon felt Sooyoung’s hand through the knitted gloves. Tonight, the universe was playing tricks with her again. 

“I missed you the most,” Sooyoung whispered, “I missed you the most Hyo.”

And it occurred to her that maybe Sooyoung was the closest thing to being complete she had in her lifetime. What if this, holding hands under fireworks was her ever after? No racing heartbeats, no butterflies in the stomach, no bells – just the feeling of being complete. The other half finally reattached and the edges aligned. 

“I missed you too, Sooyoungie.” 

Hyoyeon felt lighter again and so she tightened her grip as they watched the sky burst into brilliant colors. 

But tonight the universe had one more trick up its sleeve. 

There they were, sitting around the table, all eight of them. The candle was lit and there was an empty space for her. It was Tiffany who stood up and gave her the hug that finally sent her crying. 

“We’re here for you, Hyoyeon.” 

Hyoyeon wasn’t sure who said it – she was busy wiping her nose to notice. Maybe it was Taeyeon who was sitting opposite her or Sunny who had put the paper crown on her head or Seohyun who pulled the chair out for her. Or maybe they all said it at once, she was never sure. It didn’t matter. 

Because Hyoyeon was no longer Earth-bound. 

--

The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then it will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, and again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have. (Prot, K-Pax) 

Extinction

When the Kingdom of Agatha burned down all the nations of the Three-Continent Alliance, the world literally cried in pain.

The order was simple and clean: Annihilate all.

Two billion people gone, five hundred sixty languages rendered dead and millions of kilometres of trees and mountains consumed by fire in less than a day – a feat even for the most powerful kingdom that ever existed. The soldiers sat on the ground, drinking cool water from their canisters and wondered what they have done.

The Agathan King tied the heads of the fallen kings and dragged them to the sacred mountain. They rolled against ground, some eyes were open, some were closed and some weren’t there anymore. The tall gates opened and the king let go of the chains – gore and blood tainting the otherwise immaculate floor of the office of the highest authority.

“Look here,” he said to the Almighty One, “I give you the kings of all the land. Now honour your words.”

“Where is the girl?”

“In chains.”

“Very well.”

The heads disappeared but the blood did not. The king’s armor was still smudged in red when his daughter ascended from hell.

“If the girl dies, your daughter dies and this time,” the Almighty One said, “you have run out of races to destroy save yours.”

The king nodded and carried his sleeping daughter down the mountain.

“Daddy,” the princes stirred in her sleep, “I had a dream that I drowned.”

“You did.”

–-

Yuri tried to learn the language – her language, from old men and dog-eared romance novels that somehow survived The Burning. The soldiers claim that they found her in Urumo while the scholars argue that they found her in Oliro. 

Run along now child, they would tell her, there is nothing in your past but ashes. 

No, she would think, since you burned down everything and made sure nothing would ever grow on our land. 

Yuri tried to learn the songs – their songs, from old women in the market with their droopy eyes and broken teeth. They smelled too much of cigar and local spices but that was alright because the fragmented songs were priceless. They would swing left to right and right to left watching the sunset behind the Palace. 

See you tomorrow child, they would tell her, we shall sing the same song with fresh cigars!

Yuri tried to hate the princess – her princess because she was the reason her race was dead. She was the reason Yuri was alive – remembering her mother scream every waking day of her life. 

“Yuri,” Jessica would say, “I am sorry.” 

On good days, Yuri would kiss her into silence. On sad days, Yuri would tell her that it's alright. Either way the princess would cry and cry until she would finally fall asleep in exhaustion. 

Yuri wanted to keep her race alive but Yuri knew that her kind was going to die with her. No lingering trace, not even a half-breed to keep the memory a bit longer because Yuri loved Jessica and her race will finally face the final stage of extinction. 

The Circle

Sooyoung’s earliest memory of Yuri was a bit hazy – all she could remember was the rain. She remembers because it was summer and the heat from the ground rose as the waters hit the black asphalt. Yuri glided into the bus stop holding a blinding yellow umbrella with pink elephants like she had known it was going to rain all the while. 

“Hello,” she had smiled, “do you want to share my umbrella?”

Sooyung did and because a lot of friendships are built around umbrella sharing, she found one. Ten-year-old Sooyoung knew she was going to be friends with Yuri for a very, very long time. 

--

Then there was Jessica. Yuri and Jessica. It fascinated her almost to the point where she almost wished she could be Yuri. It was simply amazing how one person could suddenly turn her best friend into a pseudo-artist. 

“Sooyoungie!” Yuri would pull her to the side. “Have a look at this. Do you think this is good?”

But Yuri’s poems were never good. They were painfully mediocre at best with words like sunshine and forever. 

“Yeah.” Sooyoung would lie. “Yeah she’ll love it.”

And Jessica did. Sooyoung could tell. The way the blonde would pretend to hate them but then fold the paper in care at the end of the day. 

Yuri made a poem for her too – back in grade school. It went something like ‘ I love you more than pineapples, because you have cute dimples.’ Surely, it had meant something back in grade school. She had kept that thick sketchbook page inside her secret diary ever since. 

“Sooyoungie” Yuri would say, “you like me the most, yes?”

Of course she did.

--

“You’re going to be alright.” Yuri had embraced her at the airport. Sooyoung nodded because it was true. But it was also sad, maybe even sadder than death itself. Time will stretch between them long enough for them to grow apart. 

Sooyoung watched as Yuri walked towards the waiting blonde and she closed her eyes and saw pink elephants prints and yellow umbrellas and green rubber boots. The rain would not stop and the bus won’t come in a while. There were puddles everywhere too. 

Sooyoung opened her eyes and realized that it wasn’t the end; it was simply life coming to a full circle. 

Outside the airport it was raining and Sooyoung realized that she no longer had an umbrella.

Final Reset

This story begins near the end, when Jessica Jung, on her way to the church, finally remembered.

Her hair, newly dyed with soft curls, was covered slightly by a thin white veil that hung mostly at the back of her head. Like her blonde hair her flowers were also fake. She frowned as she traced the plastic petals with her fingers and wondered if the current trend was walking down the aisle with plastic flowers. 

The driver eyed her through the rear-view mirror and noticed her discontent. 

“Miss Jung,” He said in his old fatherly voice, “is something wrong with your flowers?” 

Jessica nodded because there really was something wrong. The driver took a detour, stopped by a flower shop and bought her a bouquet of lilies. They were white and real and soft 

and Jessica cried. 

“I’m sorry Miss Jung.” The driver took the flowers away and wondered what the hell was wrong with this particular bride. 

--

Jessica Jung had the ability to reset things – to restore everything around her back to what it was before. It was easy actually – all she had to do was remember a certain point in her life and concentrate hard enough to be able to return to that particular time and relive it again. 

It came in handy especially when taking exams and confessing to cute boys in school. Also, when trying things that were normally forbidden. 

--

The first time she discovered this gift was when her mother passed away. She was twelve and when her father hugged her in that hospital hallway, Jessica would always remember how the fluorescent lights made everything look dead – the walls were greenish and the curtains were ash pale. 

Someone had to stay in the hospital and so her grandfather drove her home. He was a strict man with strange rules involving kitchen towels and TV remote controls. Jessica liked her grandmother more because she baked cookies shaped like butterflies. 

“Do you want your milk now?” Her grandfather asked and Jessica would also remember how sad he looked that night. Like they’ve actually ran out of milk and he was just asking her because the least he could do was offer milk to a twelve-year old girl who just lost her mother. 

“It’s okay grandpa.” Jessica patted his back, which was hard to do at first because he towered over her. Her grandfather took off his eyeglasses and knelt down to her level. 

He was crying. 

“Come.” Her grandfather lifted her up and ascended the stairs and opened her room. He set her down the bed and left. That night, Jessica went to her parents’ bedroom and opened the drawer where her mother kept her perfumes. She opened the one that was off-limits to her. It was her mother’s Sunday perfume and Jessica spilled a good expensive amount of it on to her palm. The scent quickly engulfed the room, making her cough a bit. 

“Jessica?” 

At first she thought it was a dream. Like how she would find herself from one conversation to another in the blink of an eye – that kind of stuff that only happens when dreaming. She was in her Sunday dress with her mother holding her hand, mumbling about over speeding teenagers. But when the mass finished and her mother was still alive, that’s when Jessica knew that she was in the real world, and her mom was as real as her black hair that was tied up in a ponytail. 

She accepted this ability as easily as she accepted that her mother’s death was inevitable. The doctors couldn’t stop the disease from spreading and soon Jessica found herself in the arms of her father again, on the still dimly lit hallway, for the second time. 

It would take Jessica five resets before she was able to finally let her mother go. 

--

By theory, resetting needed memories, like saved points from scattered moments in a lifetime. This ability is very demanding. It works only when the memory is vivid with sufficient data to back it up. So Jessica remembered a lot of things from t-shirt prints to dead animal scents. 

But the human mind has its limits and so the more Jessica reset, the more she forgot. 

Until the day came that she forgot the she could reset things completely.

--

She met Kwon Yuri in a garden. Technically it was just a large flower shop but Jessica wanted to remember it as a garden nonetheless. It was more magical that way. 

“Hello.” Yuri smiled. “Do you need flowers?”

She actually did. She had stood in front of Yuri’s flower shop a minute too long wondering if it was appropriate to be giving flowers to birthday girls. 

“Yes.” Jessica returned the smile. “Yes, I was just outside thinking what flowers suited the occasion.” 

“Well then,” Yuri moved, “that’s why I’m here.”

--

And so the story goes that Jessica fell in love. 

--

It was even better than resetting things, she must admit. Suddenly, Jessica didn’t mind moving forward into the future as long as Yuri was with her. Jessica learned that making up after a fight was better than not having it in the first place. Make-up kisses were explosive and she liked it that way – very much so. 

On the day Jessica confessed, which wasn’t far too long from their initial meeting, she was ready to reset things back to when she stood in front of Yuri’s flower shop should things go wrong. It didn’t though and Yuri returned her feelings just as much. 

And so for four years, Jessica didn’t feel the need to reset. 

--

Until of course, when she tried kissing other girls. 

She kissed a lot of girls. 

Kiss and reset. Reset and kiss. 

Jessica gave herself a limit: twenty-one. She would kiss twenty-one girls and if they all failed to make her feel something, then Yuri was the one for her. It was an experiment, a test - because Jessica liked certainties in her life.

The last kiss was from her best friend. When Tiffany yielded to her request and finally opened her mouth to accept her kiss, Jessica had found her truth. 

She pulled away and smiled at her friend. “Thank you Tiffany.” 

Reset.

Jessica was in Yuri’s arms and it was their fourth year anniversary. The sunset looked spectacular as the Ferris wheel slowly ascended. 

“What’s wrong?” Yuri asked because Jessica looked suddenly confused. 

In truth, Jessica’s memories were disintegrating and her mind went blank for a few seconds. 

“Nothing.” She finally said. 

No more resets. Jessica Jung had finally forgotten the ability. But the feelings were still there because when Yuri leaned in to kiss her, Jessica knew that she was going to spend the rest of her life with her.

--

Yuri died though, not long after Jessica’s experiments on kissing. It was an accident, the plane crashed while Yuri was on her way to join her in California. 

Since she has completely forgotten about her resetting abilities, she did the next best thing: She broke a lot of things, even things that didn’t belong to her. Her father looked on helplessly as she turned their living room into a complete mess – insurance be damned. 

Satisfied that all things were broken, Jessica then grabbed her coat and went outside. She cried and ran and cried some more. In the park she cried so hard, two strangers considered calling the police.

“Yuri.” She cried. “Oh god Yuri.”

It wasn’t real, Jessica told herself. Yuri was alive. Yuri was on a plane right now setting her chair upright for landing. Jessica shut her eyes and remembered. 

She remembered that time when Yuri came home with two handheld consoles, one pink and one red. She named them Pinkie and Reddie because that was the kind of the girl she was. 

She remembered how she hated the sound of Yuri grinding Ma in the morning. 

She remembered the flower shop.

And perhaps, with what’s left of her resetting abilities, Jessica was able to reset one last time. 

--

Jessica opened her eyes and blinked. She was standing in front of a flower shop. Why? Oh it was Tiffany’s birthday. She needed a gift. Why flowers though? 

Her phone rang. 

“Sooyoung?” Jessica said and walked past the flower shop. 

--

And now five years later, the driver finally appeared, this time with yellow flowers. He smiled nervously as he presented them to Jessica. 

“Thank you.” Jessica was still crying but made the effort to control it somehow. She was certainly scaring the poor driver out of his wits.

“Let’s get you to the church. Your groom is waiting.” 

Jessica nodded and the car moved again.

--

Jessica Jung was finally going to walk down the aisle with real flowers. Outside the church, her father gave her hug that meant he still couldn’t let his only daughter go. 

“I feel like I’m never going to see you again.” Her father laughed at his own silliness. He reached out to finally cover her face with the veil. Through the thin netting, she saw him smile for her. The kind of smile that meant he also knew that something was wrong but was willing to let it go for her.

“Your flowers are beautiful, darling.” He said as he finally offered his arm to her. 

Jessica turned around, kicked off her shoes and ran. 

It was as if her body knew exactly where to go. She ducked, took shortcuts and soon enough she was standing in front of an old flower shop. Jessica opened the door, knowing but not knowing who was waiting for her. 

“Kwon Yuri!” 

And she thought of how silly she must have looked, standing there like a mad woman in her wedding gown, gripping the yellow flowers like it’s the end of the world.

Yuri looked at her with a look that Jessica knew all too well. 

“Do you need flowers?”

“Yes!”

The Truth According to Whitney Houston

Many times, people would ask Taeyeon if she wanted to join a prayer meeting and many times she would turn them down – sometimes rudely, most of the time politely, depending on who was asking. Mostly they were officemates, married with kids with a whopping mortgage tying them all for twenty more years to a job they probably hated. 

They would give her complimentary car stickers that said Jesus is the way, the truth and the life printed in unadulterated Times New Roman glory. Isn’t it ironic, Taeyeon thought, that they would print their slogan with a font that shared a third of its name with the same people who nailed their savior to the cross?

“Taeyeon dear,” Lolita said, “please do come by our house later. It’s Friday and we’re having the prayer meeting at our house.” 

“I have things to do later.” 

“Oh please, you’re not doing anything! You don’t even have a boyfriend.”

Girlfriend. I don’t have a girlfriend and thank you very much. 

“And I would like you to meet my niece. She’s about your age.”

Another Jesus freak? Ah. The excitement. Taeyeon pursed her lips to prevent herself from smiling like a maniac at her own self-proclaimed brilliant joke. 

“So see you tonight? The meeting starts at seven.” 

“No – ” But it was too late, Lolita was gone, large hips swaying away from her – perhaps intentionally fast to avoid her impending refusal. Taeyeon sighed and logged off her computer. 

On the way to Lolita’s house, Taeyeon stopped by the grocery and bought a medium sized cake. It was strawberry flavored because she thought that if Christians ate cakes during prayers meetings, they would probably be strawberry flavored. 

Lolita lived in a newly developed neighborhood – the kind of village that was advertised on polished flyers handed carelessly by agents in the mall. As Taeyeon stood there on the porch, she wondered if it was too late to run away. She’d put the cake down, ring the doorbell and dash towards her car. Lolita would then open the door and discover the abandoned cake with a ‘Please take care of me – Jesus’ note tucked neatly underneath the ribbon that held the box together. Taeyeon giggled because there it was again, her brilliant humor. It was in this state that the door opened and the light shone from inside the room. 

“Hello.” The girl had said. What a beautiful, beautiful girl under proper lighting. Taeyeon stood there, mouth hanging slightly, not quite aware of it herself. 

“Are you here for the prayer meeting?” The girl tried again, eyes smiling still. Jesus, Taeyeon thought frantically, please show me the way now. 

“Taeyeon!” Lolita’s voice boomed, effectively jolting Taeyeon back to reality. The girl was still standing there, smiling at her – and Taeyeon wondered for the briefest of moment if she was a pin-up poster designed to lure non-Christians in. 

“I see you’ve met my niece.” At which point the girl moved and Taeyeon’s crazy theory was debunked. 

“No actually. I just came.” Excellent word choices, Kim Taeyeon. 

“Taeyeon, Tiffany. Tiffany, Taeyeon.” Lolita then saw the box and clapped her hands together. Taeyeon automatically handed her the cake as Tiffany ushered her inside. 

The entire office was there – except for the dodgy clerk near the photocopy machine. Taeyeon almost expected a round of applause as she entered the living room. Her boss was there too, sipping on a soda quite majestically. She had expected him to stand up and open his arms and say: “Alas! The prodigal daughter returns!” 

“Well then,” Lolita said instead, “shall we start?” 

Taeyeon sat there, hearing them talk about their life stories, wondering what she would tell them when it came her time to do so. She counted the turns and concluded that she was far enough to worry about such things. 

Taeyeon stared at Tiffany instead. Her eyes lingered on Tiffany’s legs, her short shorts revealing quite an ample amount of it. Taeyeon swallowed. How dare you wear a skimpy outfit, young lady! And you call yourselves children of God? She felt like lifting the Bible at her for emphasis. 

“Taeyeon?” 

Tiffany then squirmed under her gaze and Taeyeon was embarrassed. She blinked and cleared her throat. It was her turn.

“Well,” Taeyeon said, “this is my first prayer meeting.” 

There was a collective nodding; a sort of unified approval, like Taeyeon had been spending her days in the dark and now she had finally seen the light. 

And just like that, Taeyeon started going to the prayer meetings. She’d type in ‘miracles of the lord’ in Google and take note of some real-life stories, acting them out in front of the mirror as if they were her stories. 

“Spaghetti was dead. I found him dead outside the lawn. Starved to death.” 

Taeyeon would fake a tear, mentally picturing this imaginary chow chow she supposedly lost during her battle with cough syrup addiction. Tiffany would rub her back and Taeyeon would cover her face with her hands because damn it, it was always a nice feeling and she always felt like biting her lower lip to keep herself from feeling giddy. 

No matter how big her imagined problem was, no matter how implausible it sounded, Taeyeon knew that she had to end it with ‘and the lord saved me’. 

Their faith was funny like that and Taeyeon envied them somehow. 

--

Taeyeon had a very detailed seduction plan for Tiffany. 

It took her a month to finalize it. First, she’d ask Tiffany to go the amusement park. Second, she’d bribe the guy who manned the hitting booth to let her hit the can pyramid and win the pink teddy bear. Third, she’d bribe the guy who manned the Ferris wheel to ‘accidentally’ shut down the ride when they reach the top. Tiffany would be scared or excited, gripping the Teddy bear and Taeyeon would give her a hug. There would be an awkward silence and I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houstonwould play in the background. Taeyeon would also bribe the operator to install a small speaker in their gondola. 

By the time she was done with all of these Taeyeon was sure of one thing: she’d be broke. 

But first, she needed to establish herself as a devout Christian and so she’d accompany Tiffany to the church. She’d watch, as Tiffany would pray, sunlight pouring down on her hair, as if to tempt Taeyeon even more. 

“Beautiful.” She had slipped once and Tiffany looked at her in question.

“Faith is beautiful.” Taeyeon had said, clearing her throat. 

Indeed it was – with great legs too. 

--

But there was Siwon - pious and of the approved gender of Christ. Taeyeon had followed them several times, into restaurants and religious stores. There was something fishy about them and Taeyeon spent a lot of time shivering near dumpsters and alleyways just to find out what was going on between them.

Screw the amusement park; Taeyeon would rush in between them. Tiffany would be shining; every inch of her beautiful body would be shining in bewilderment. 

What is the meaning of this? Siwon would say, chest out –manly and overbearing. 

This girl is in love with me and I love her! 

Tiffany would gasp, Taeyeon what are you saying? 

It’s alright Tippany, I have come to rescue you from this bulky person. 

But what of Jesus?

Jesus can go to –

And aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayaaeeeeee will always love you 

Oh Taetae! 

--

The sun was sinking and Taeyeon felt something sink in her too. Her binoculars were long gone and she was simply staring into space. In the distance, Siwon and Tiffany were still talking. 

I will always love you their song continues as Taeyeon watched Tiffany held hands with Siwon. 

Tiffany then looks at her and sings I hope life treats you kind and I hope you have all you dreamed of 

The autumn leaves would fall and Tiffany would smile sadly at her.

Taeyeon reaches out a hand, eyes full of emotion And I’m wishing you joy and happiness, but of all these I wish you love 

There was the pause – and then the high notes again, 

And I will always love you 

--

Taeyeon crawled away from the scene, slowly and quietly. Two kids pointed and laughed at her and she quickly shushed them by throwing the plastic binoculars at them. The boys mumbled something about a ‘crazy noona’ before running away from her. 

At the prayer meeting, Taeyeon cried after she finished her latest story. Tiffany had rubbed her back and Taeyeon wanted to bite her hand for some reason. Sink her teeth in those glorious smooth palms as a revenge for breaking her heart. 

Let go Taeyeon! 

Blech! You taste of bitter

sweet memories, that is all I’m taking with me

And then she remembered, in the car, while driving home, that she forgot to add the ‘and the lord saved me’ part.

Lord save me, she cried. She rolled down her window, because if God were listening, he’d probably want to hear her clearly. Taeyeon drove and laughed a little. Life was always crazy like this and she was crazier to even hope for something more. 

The Water Princess

Jessica’s sister loved whales – not unicorns or fairies but large, gentle whales that ate planktons a million times smaller than them. 

“So Shinyoung was then known to be the most awesome whale all over the East Sea.” Their father would say and Jessica would scrunch her nose while Krystal would grip her stuffed whale.

“Can Shinyoung talk?” 

“Of course not. Whales can’t talk. Shinyoung had a translator who speaks Whale and Korean. That’s how she negotiated to the humans about her wage.”

“Can whales count?” 

“Absolutely! Shinyoung never left the park without counting her money. That’s common sense.”

Krytal would look at their father with suspicion. “Where would she shop then?”

Their father would then scratch his head. Children never stayed young for long and Krystal’s questions were becoming harder every passing night. 

“Underwater shopping malls.” Jessica supplied, not even looking up from her book. “They have underwater shopping malls, don’t they?”

“Yes! That’s it!” Their father would smile gratefully at Jessica. “Now go to sleep.” 

But Krystal would always ask for more and their father would always make more Shinyoung the Whale stories up. He was a pushover like that. 

At his funeral, Jessica could only hear his stories and nothing else. It had been a black funeral and while everyone was crying – or trying not to cry, Jessica stood there, spacing out thinking about the sea. 

Krystal was too young, the old people decided, to attend the funeral. So they had an uncle bring her to a nearby fast food restaurant instead and treat her to not one but two happy meals. 

“Unnie.” Krystal asked that night. “Would you know what happened to Shinyoung after she ate that rotten cheese stick?” 

Jessica cried then – almost a late reaction to their father’s death. 

“She died.” She said in between sobs. “She’s dead.”

A lot of things died that day. 

--

Seven years later, Jessica would find herself boarding a ship with her sister in tow. Their mother, late in her forties now, was too busy playing mahjong with her friends to accompany them for ‘the great whale sighting’. Jessica had come home fresh from first year of college only to find out that she would be babysitting her younger sister. 

“She’s growing up fast, Jessica.” Her mother said, not even looking up, as she arranged the Mahjong tiles in order. 

“She’s only ten.” 

“Exactly.” Her mother countered. “The next thing you know, you’re coming home and she’s counting boyfriends.” 

“You’ll say anything to get rid of us.” Jessica sighed, resting her chin on her mother’s shoulder affectionately. 

“Of course dear.” Her mother patted her head. “You know me best.”

“Alright.” Jessica said. “When do we leave?” 

“Friday. The tickets are in your drawer.” 

Up in her room, Jessica stared at the tour package leaflet and wondered what was so great about ‘whale sightings’ anyway. Just then a loud, heavy scratching broke her train of thoughts. Jessica looked up to find her younger sister dragging a heavy-looking bag towards her. 

“Unnie!” Krystal was panting but had her determined face on. “Let’s go!”

Jessica laughed and wondered why she was even hesitant to take the tour in the first place. 

--

When boarding ships or any water-based transportation, everyone fears being thrown in the open water and being left in the middle of the ocean at mercy of basically, the universe. 

This happened to Jessica. 

It wasn’t her fault. She was at the back of the ship deck, trying desperately to light a cigarette when something pulled her into the ocean. Her cigarette was already wet when she surfaced and she watched it slowly disintegrate. 

Well what do you know, she thought, smoking really kills. 

She hasn’t even reacted to the fact that she was in the middle of the ocean when she was pulled down again into the deep water. It was surreal, how smoothly she was pulled – fluid and gentle all at once. Jessica didn’t feel like struggling at all. She was relaxed and calm – and seven meters below the surface. 

There was a girl, scantily clad, like an underwater huntress or something, floating before her. Also, Jessica could breathe – but that didn’t come to her until much later. For now, she stared at the girl who was smiling at her. 

“Hello. I’m Yuri.” The girl said and stretched out her hand. 

“I’m Jessica.” 

“How are you enjoying the sea?” 

“What?”

“The sea.” Yuri spread out her arms like a tourist guide. “The great blue sea.”

“The sea is not blue.” Jessica crossed her arms. “It’s colorless.”

The girl eyed her. Up and down, down and up. Jessica finally noticed the dolphin hiding behind the girl – like a kickass version of the little mermaid’s cuddly friend. 

“What’s that?” Jessica inclined her head. “Is that your sidekick?”

Yuri followed her eyes. “Oh this is Shinyoung. She’s a baby whale and she’s my best friend.” 

“Whale?” Jessica said. “That’s a friggin’ dolphin!”

The dolphin squeaked – like it was offended at the accusation. Yuri gave Jessica a shushing sign and mouthed ‘she doesn’t know’ silently. 

“Whatever.” Jessica rolled her eyes. “Just get me out of here.” 

“Out?” 

“Yes. Out of the sea.” Jessica mimicked Yuri’s gestures earlier. “Out of the great blue sea!”

“I don’t understand.” Yuri stretched out her hand and revealed a small gold coin. “I wished for you. Why would you want to leave?” 

“What?” Jessica asked incredulously. “Wished for me?”

That was probably the worst pick-up line somebody had ever said to her but the girl looked so serious Jessica didn’t have the heart to laugh at her face. 

“Yes.” Yuri flipped the coin, it moved slowly in the water, twirling and reflecting the sunlight. “She said that if I close eyes and grip it hard…”

“… your wish will come true.” Jessica finished. The tale was familiar but that wasn’t the point. “Well I’m not ‘your wish’ so please just help me go back to my ship.” 

The dolphin squeaked again and Yuri turned to face it. She mumbled something incoherent, the dolphin nodding from time to time in response. Jessica found it a little bit rude – Yuri talking to animals in her presence, especially with a disillusioned dolphin tricked to believing that it was a whale. 

Jessica coughed, bubbles coming out from her mouth. Yuri turned to her, a small guilty smile playing on her lips. 

“Sorry,” She said, “Shinyoung thinks you’re lying.” 

“Is that so?” Jessica’s left eyebrow rose. “Well then I’m not the only liar in this great blue sea.” 

Yuri’s eyes widened as she recognized Jessica’s threat. She shook her head with pleading eyes, they said: Please don’t tell my best friend that she’s a dolphin. Jessica stared back saying: Well then if you don’t want to happen, return me to my ship!

The girl tried to win the staring contest but eventually gave up. She was no match for Jessica. No one was – on land or on sea. 

“Okay.” Yuri sighed, shoulders dropping. “Maybe you’re not the one I wished for after all.” 

“Thank you. Now please return me to the ship. My sister is all alone in there.” 

“You have a sister?” Jessica didn’t miss the sudden sparkle in Yuri’s eyes when she asked the question. 

“Yes. Who will be very sad if she wakes up only to find her unnie gone.” 

“Sorry!” Yuri bowed. “You should have told me sooner. I don’t want to make anyone sad.” 

The dolphin bowed too. The pair looked genuinely sorry and Jessica felt triumphant. 

“Alright then.” Yuri clapped her hands. “Let’s get you back to your ship!” 

“Finally.” 

Yuri’s smile disappeared – as if remembered a curfew or that she forgot to turn off the stove on her way to wishing for girls falling from passenger ships. The girl turned to Shinyoung and they talked again – in their weird dolphin-whale-seagirl speech. At length, with both of them seemingly agreeing on a proposition, Yuri nodded and turned to Jessica.

“I’m sorry Jessica but we need to swim to get to your boat.”

“Why what’s wrong with her?” Jessica shared a heated glare with the dolphin. 

“Shinyoung’s not feeling very well. She got injured while we were looking for the coin.” 

“Alright let’s just go.” Jessica suddenly felt weary. Maybe she was still dreaming, maybe not. All she wanted to do at the moment was go back to her cabin room and sleep. 

Yuri pressed a hand to her forehead, concentrating on something, possibly the direction of the boat. It went on for a couple of minutes until she opened her eyes again. She was smiling – Jessica finally noticed how pretty the girl was when did so. 

“Let’s go.” Yuri turned around and started to swim. Jessica followed and found it easier to swim underwater when one can breathe. Her vision wasn’t even affected by the water - she can see Yuri and her best friend as if they were on land. They swam in silence with Jessica’s eyes wandering. The ocean was deep and vast, with no signs of life at all save the occasional school of sardines, glittering against the sunlight that penetrated the water. 

“Hey water girl.” Jessica pushed forward, leveling with Yuri. “Where do you live?”

“Here.” Yuri answered, sunshine smile and all. “With her.” 

The dolphin nodded in agreement. 

“No I meant your house, or whatever you call them here.”

“We don’t need one. I can sleep right here if I want.” Yuri paused a little, did a re-enactment of sleeping and continued to swim. 

“Yes but what about your family?”

“I don’t have one. I am the Water Princess.” 

“What does that even mean?” Jessica tried to control her annoyance. “I am the Water Princess. What does that even mean?”

“It means I am the caretaker of the ocean.” 

“Only you?”

“Yes.”

“What about that ‘she’ you talked about earlier. The one who told you about the coin?” 

“Oh you mean the Moon?”

“Right.” Between dolphins and talking moons, Jessica was partly convinced she was losing her mind. Jessica glided now, her feet aching from the kicking and swimming. She reached out, unconsciously, to grab Shinyoung’s tail. The dolphin reacted instantaneously, flapping them violently and Yuri laughed as Jessica jerked her hand back. 

“Sorry.” Jessica mumbled. Before she could say anything, she felt Yuri reach for her hand. 

“Here.” Yuri said. “I’ll pull you.” 

“Tha-thank you.” 

“No problem. If there were sharks nearby, we’ll get there sooner.” Yuri said. Jessica didn’t have the energy to react anymore so she allowed herself to be pulled instead. She stared at Yuri’s arm for a while and realized that she had been looking at an open wound. It was long and ran for a good few inches. 

“What’s that?” Jessica poked the wound carelessly. Yuri winced, letting go of their linked hands instantly.

“Sorry!” 

“It’s alright.” Yuri said. “It’ll heal soon. It’s from the shipwreck where we got the coin.”

“What’s in the shipwreck? Ghost pirates with swords?” 

“Something like that.” Yuri said absentmindedly. She took Jessica’s hand again and continued swimming. 

“How long have you been the caretaker of the ocean?” 

“Twenty-one years. The one before me died at five hundred though. I am relatively new.” 

“You don’t say.”

Yuri pursed her lips and turned to her. “You’re not very nice.” 

“No.” Jessica silently said. “No I’m not.” 

“I guess I need to find another coin.” 

“So it’s like a disposable wish coin?”

“Somewhat.” 

At that moment Jessica thought of Krystal and maybe Yuri or the Moon or whatever it was, took the wrong sister. 

“My sister loves whales.” Jessica blurted out. “Maybe you wished for her.”

“Maybe.” Yuri said. “But you’re the one who fell into the ocean.” 

“Can you speak whale?” 

“I can speak to all creatures in the ocean.” 

“Fascinating.” Jessica closed her eyes, trying somehow to find her reality. Yuri gave her hand a small squeeze – probably trying to wake her up. I don’t blame her, she thought, if I had nothing but a dolphin for companionship for the past two decades I’d want to talk to a genuine human being too. 

“Yuri.” Jessica said, eyes still closed. “I hope you find another gold coin.”

There was no answer. Even the dolphin didn’t make any sound. They continued like that and Jessica eventually dozed off. When she woke up, the water was the same – blue and deep. She was however, on top of Shinyoung, with her arms hugging the dolphin comfortably. 

“Where are we?” Jessica separated, a little bit guilty, knowing that Shinyoung was injured just like Yuri was. 

“We’re near.” Yuri was no longer smiling. “I can hear the ship.” 

“Good.” Jessica yawned. “I can’t wait to tell my sister about this little adventure.” 

“Your sister likes whales?”

“Yes. That’s why we’re out here in the first place.”

“To see the whales?”

“Yes.”

“What about you? Do you like whales?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen one.” 

“We’re here.” Yuri suddenly said. They swam towards the surface and true enough, there was the ship – just as Jessica remembered it to be. Still disturbing the otherwise calm sea with its engines and trail. 

“Shinyoung will help you up.” Shinyoung gave a squeak of approval and they swam towards the end of the ship. Jessica wasn’t sure how a dolphin could possibly help her up the ship – she thought it was impossible but she swam nonetheless. A small part of her wanted the plan to fail and she wasn’t sure why. 

“Okay.” Yuri gave the signal to Shinyoung and Jessica felt her body being pushed to the surface, almost as if an invisible rope tied to the ship’s railing was pulling her up. 

“Wait! Wait! WAIT!”

Jessica was lowered again – splashing into the ocean besides Yuri. 

“What’s wrong? It’s okay, just make sure to grab the railings when you reach them. We won’t leave you until you’re safe.” Yuri assured her. 

“That gold coin thing.” Jessica had no idea why she was asking but she was. “ Are you sure there’s more of them?” 

“What?” Yuri was lying. Jessica didn’t need to know the girl for a long time to know that she has a terrible poker face. 

“There are no more gold coins, are there?” 

“I don’t know.” Yuri shrugged. “I will ask the Moon again.” 

“What if she says there aren’t?” 

Yuri’s eyes saddened for a while – a deep contrast with the bubby self-proclaimed water princess before. With the silence, Jessica realized that the ship had moved and that they were in calm water again. At length Yuri shrugged and smiled a little bit. 

“Then maybe I should have kept you?” 

Worst pick-up line ever. 

--

“Unnie! Wake up!” 

Jessica was already awake. Krystal was hitting her with the stuffed whale in excitement. 

“Unnie hurry! The whales are here!”

Krystal dragged Jessica outside where tens maybe dozens of whales were surrounding the ship. They moved slowly as if being commanded to do so. It was scary and magical all at once. The crowd gathered on the sun deck, their cameras flashing and clicking, intent on uploading the unusual phenomenon online once they get home. 

At the distance, Jessica was certain Yuri was standing on one of the gentle creatures – watching them. She’d be standing straight, body wet from the sea and smiling – smiling for her. If she could talk and Jessica could hear, Yuri would tell her: For you. 

There was a tug and Jessica looked down at her sister’s hand – they were holding hands. She couldn’t remember the last time they did that. 

“Unnie! I see them! The whales!” Krystal was crying and jumping. “I see them! I see them!” 

“I see them too.” 

Only one person on board knew that it was all for her. 

In Defense of the Martians

Why are Martians always portrayed with three eyes and green skins? I mean, I knew a Martian once and she didn’t look anything like that. In fact she kind of looked like a Korean Jessica Alba only with a built-in infrared sensor and a tail. The infrared part I was perfectly okay with but the tail, that was something else. It was only three feet long and it was fuzzy. I used to let her sleep with me on the bed but then I’d wake with my face full of fuzz. The next payday, I bought an extra bed and she didn’t seem hurt or offended by the gesture.

Her name was Yteroasdnlqos or Yuri for short. I’m surprised she can even speak our languages – even the dead ones. Her spaceship was in my backyard, covered with an old tarpaulin I found in the attic. It was in perfect condition, not even a scratch on its pristine Martian metal but for some reason it wouldn’t fly.

“If your race is so smart,” I once asked her, “why can’t you go home?”

“What makes you think I want to go home?”

“No way!” I spat out my wine. “Are you here for a reconnaissance mission or something?”

“I’m here under my own esteem.”

In the morning while I worked, she busied herself with assembling and disassembling my television. Out of all the appliances I owned, she chose the most expensive one. For a Martian, she had taste.

“If you need one of those,” I said while she prepared dinner, “I can get you one.”

“I don’t.” She answered casually as she set the spaghetti down the table. “I just need the exercise.”

You see, Martians have a different kind of anatomy – like the tail for example. Their brains needed to fully utilize 90% to 100% of its potential at least 16 hours a day else they’ll rot away (her words, not mine). Bottom line: She needed to think to survive.

“Never a dull moment.” She finished this explanation stoically and I had a suspicion that she might have picked that line from watching too much TV.

Yuri stayed with me for three years and I guess you could say that I kind of fell in love with her – infrared sensors, fuzzy tail and all. The first time we made love, I asked her, quite nervously, if there were things I needed to know before engaging in interplanetary sex. She laughed and said no and I felt so relieved we did it ten times that night.

For the longest time, I thought it’d work – the relationship I mean. My friends would ask why Yuri always wore long jackets even on blistering summer days and always I’d tell them that it was because she was weird like that.

“It’s like she’s hiding something!” My mother said. “Are you sure she’s… you know…complete?”

“Mother,” I said, “Not only was your sentence extremely offensive but ridiculous.”

My sister found her cute though. Every time she came over, she made sure to spend more time with Yuri than on me – though I found her sincerity a bit dodgy since she always brought a broken piece of equipment for Yuri to fix. But even that didn’t change the fact that we had to hide her tail and spaceship from everyone. So I had my sister stop coming over and even my best friend for ten years started to transform into a voicemail presence.

My workmates started this rumor that I was somebody else’s mistress. They had outrageous speculations that ranged from I was secretly sleeping with the head of the company to Yuri was a smoke screen for someone really powerful – hence all the seclusion.

“I am powerful.” Yuri pouted when I told her about this.

“Yes you are.” I pinched her nose because she was cute like that.

“No really.” She said. “I can be quite powerful.”

One day, late in the evening, having just arrived from another extended meeting, I found her outside the garden. The tarpaulin that covered the spaceship was slightly peeled off, showing just a bit of what the inside of the ship looked like.

“Yuri?” I called out as I neared the entrance. “Yuri?”

She came out quickly – her tail wagging as she saw me.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” She said. “Let’s go inside.”

She meant inside the house. I looked back at the immobile ship and felt like she was going away soon. In our years together, Yuri never once touched her spaceship other than the time that we had to cover it with the blue tarpaulin. That night when we kissed, I felt like I was letting go of something that was never meant for me in the first place.

After that night, she started to become Martian again. She started assembling and disassembling our television again – even late into the night. She started to sway her head outside the veranda again, receiving signals and maybe even sending them. Until one day I came home to find her gone. No traces of her at all except the large hole her spaceship left in my garden.

Sometimes when I wake up, I would unconsciously hold my breath and then check to see if there was fuzz on my pillow.

“Why do you always do that?” My current lover asked me once.

“Do what?”

“Do this,” she said as she made a puffy face, “hold your breath when you wake up in the morning.”

“Fuzz.” I said.

“Fuzz?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re strange.”

“Yeah.”

And I would let my mind wander again to a different body, a different face – a different feeling. Sometimes I’d forget what she looked like, or what she smelled like. Surely, Martians smelled differently from us humans but why can’t I find a scent – an Earth scent in particular that would remind me of her? Every time I’d look at that hole in my garden, I would always wonder if Yuri ever wrote me a letter before she left. But I already searched for that, two years ago, and found nothing. Not even a post-it on the fridge that said: Sorry.

So yes, Martians don’t come with elastic space suits, huge oblong heads and multiple tentacles. But they can certainly break your heart.

Radiant Stars

On the eve of their graduation, Jessica asked Yuri to run away with her. She made it sound like they were going to do something rebellious, reckless and maybe even dangerous. But the truth was that they weren’t – that was expected of them. Their parents had insisted they go to the city after graduation to look for better jobs and Jessica’s mother even packed them sandwiches for the long journey. The only thing that counted as ‘running away’ was the fact that they took the earlier bus and didn’t say goodbye to them – nothing a phone call and a sincere apology could not mend. 

I’m going to be really famous someday, Yuri.

Yeah. 

You don’t believe me?

I do.

Why are you frowning, then?

When they reached the city, Yuri got a job at a convenience store owned by someone from their town. Jessica who had more sense of self-worth applied for admin jobs that paid just as much as Yuri’s night shifts did. In the end, Jessica had to stop working to focus on auditions that eventually landed her a trainee position in a music company. 

This is it, seobang! We’re going to be rich! 

We better be. 

Come on. You like providing for me. 

I do. 

So why are you frowning?

--

It started with them moving out because future pop stars shouldn’t be living in rundown apartments with lobbies that always smelled of cat pee. They were ushered to their new apartment courtesy of the company that owned Jessica’s voice and the first thing they did was check the bathroom and found out to their delight, that the bathtub was separate from the shower.

Three years?

Yeah. Isn’t that great?

Sounds like it’s too good to be true.

Aish. Don’t be such a downer. We don’t need to pay for the rent anymore.

That is a relief.

Now you only have to feed me.

Yuri did. She continued working at the convenience store while Jessica practiced to perfect dance moves and reach the high notes. At night, when her practice ran late, a label-mate would drive her home. 

Who drove you?

Donghae.

Yuri imagined Donghae to be married, with two children and on the way to being a sensational trot singer. He was fatherly. He was not a threat to their relationship. 

How old is this Donghae?

Twenty.

Just that - the number, was enough to make Yuri swallow her noodles nervously. Twenty years old. Suddenly Donghae didn’t have two children but two girlfriends. He was an idol and he was far from brotherly. 

Sica.

Hmmm?

Call me when you’re running late again. I’ll pick you up.

But we don’t have a car. It’s dangerous.

I’ll get one.

Don’t be silly. 

--

Everyone saw it coming. Yuri saw it coming. And maybe Jessica saw it too – even before Yuri did. Maybe that was why at night; Jessica would cling to her like she didn’t want to let go. Or why Jessica suddenly felt the need to buy a cookbook in an attempt to find her way around the kitchen. 

What time are you coming home?

Probably half past ten.

Okay, I’m cooking dinner. 

Yuri imagined Jessica crying after she puts down the phone. She imagined her crying while cooking too, torn between staying with her and pursuing her career. Maybe that was why every meal she made was a bit salty – like a sort of indirect apology that meant to say: See how much I love you? I really do. But I have to go. 

--

What's this?

Yuri opened the envelope and it was a check - thirty times the amount she spent on Jessica the last four years of their lives together.

Take it.

Okay. Do you want me to leave now?

If that's what you want.

That meant: Yes, please. 

Okay.

Yuri realized how few her personal belongings were when she was packing – some CDs, clothes, shoes and two Minnie Mouse plushies. Two of the CDs and one of the Minnie Mouse stuffed toys were already with her when they ran away. The rest were shared and she didn’t feel like taking any of them. Yuri imagined the guy or girl who was going to live with Jessica when she was gone, asking her what kind of things did her past lover had. And Jessica would be embarrassed and lie. She’d say: Oh a lot. She had tons of DVDs and a book collection that took up our bedroom. Yuri nodded at the thought; she definitely sounded more interesting that way and hoped that Jessica would also leave the fact that she worked at a 24/7 shop out.

She found her bag – the old knapsack she had when she left her own house not too long ago and thought it fitting to stuff it with her things. It was very symbolic – Yuri looked at her reflection in the mirror and saw someone four years older – bone-weary and calloused from helping the delivery boy carry the crates of broccoli inside the storage room. 

And because she can't really express her anger, Yuri took all of the canned spaghetti sauce she could find – which she regretted later because her bag ripped on her way to find a decent hotel. But during that time when she opened the overhead cupboard, all she could think was: If I am leaving then so is the best spaghetti of your life, Sica.

The next morning Yuri cashed the check, sent half of it to her mother, then a third of the remaining half to her brother and paid a year's rent to a decent apartment. Her manager did notice the additional gloom and asked her:

What happened to you? 

Nothing. 

Oh nothing, just the love of my life leaving me for something so trivial.

--

When Jessica left, Yuri found out that she was still complete. The bills still came in for Yuri Kwon and not just Yuri or Kwon or Yuri the Incomplete. She had expected the heartbreak to physically manifest into something - a missing tooth, a missing limb or her hair turning white overnight but Yuri was still intact just as Jessica probably was before they left their small town. 

Three months later, Yuri finally gave in and bought a ticket to SM Town: The First Asia Tour. She thought of calling Jessica or maybe her company for a complimentary ticket but the idea sounded outrageous. 

Hello.

Hi. I’m Kwon Yuri. Jessica’s old girlfriend. I’m wondering if maybe there’s a way for me to get complimentary concert tickets?

Please hold. 

Hello?

The line was dead and she waited for nothing. 

At two o’clock in the afternoon, Yuri went to the concert venue and learned that if a concert was to start at six, it was probably a good idea to just camp out the night before. She looked around for a merchandise store because everyone had some sort of banner, a coat of arms to identify themselves from the sea of colors that threatened to swallow anyone who came unprepared and idol-less. Even the line to the store was long. She moved backward to catch a glimpse of the progress of the line and accidentally bumped into the person behind her.

Sorry.

It’s okay. Are you here to support an idol?

Sica.

Oh my god, me too!

And there it was - an instant friend. They shared only one thing in common; they were both in love with a singer named Jessica Jung and that was enough. 

The tickets weren’t good tickets. Even as Jessica finally appeared on the stage, Yuri could barely see her through the frenzied waving of glowsticks and before she knew it, Jessica was off the stage, three songs later. She had considered leaving early but just as she was about to, something stirred the crowd. She looked around and there was Jessica on top a moving platform, twelve meters away from her and moving closer.

Yuri’s heart skipped a beat. This was it. This was why she wanted to see the concert. Jessica would scan the crowd and see her – with a pink glowstick, a Sica shirt on and her heart on her sleeves. 

Yuri?

Yuri would nod.

Jessica would pause and then jump down. 

I’m sorry.

It’s alright.

But the platform continued moving and passed her by. In that moment when they were only two meters apart, Yuri realized that she had never seen Jessica that radiant before. Not even compared to that night when they boarded the bus that was going to take them far away from their small town. Jessica was shining, she was her own bright star and the crowd was her universe – and Yuri was a small piece of rock floating in it. Like maybe one of those rocks in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. 

Isn’t she amazing? Her newfound friend shrieked. 

Yeah. Yuri choked. She is. 

--

Tonight, the shop was empty – even the teenagers who were always trying to find a way to sneak out a few beers or porn magazines were too busy doing something else. Yuri stepped down the high chair and went to the aisle where the bathroom essentials were shelved. 

Sica we’re going to need this. 

Jessica was frowning, complaining about the brand or the price or maybe both. 

Okay, let’s just take all of these then.

Yuri pulled up her basket and took one of each shampoo brands. 

We’re going to be late.

Jessica was holding her hand – the free one. They walked towards the counter and Yuri placed the light basket on it with ease. She looked at the saleslady and smiled like she had no idea how the cash register worked or where the plastic bags were.

In her mind the woman sitting behind the counter was old, someone who had relatives in her house so she didn’t need to sympathize with her. Outside, the night air was warm. Yuri started to walk away from the convenience store with the bag and Jessica clinging to her. 

Okay maybe we’re going to be late.

In the parking lot, Yuri cursed and ran back to the convenience store, wishing so hard that there were no customers while she was gone. Her manager wouldn’t be pleased – not at all. 

When the door opened there was only a girl.

Hey! 

Yuri sighed in relief and hid the plastic bag behind her - because maybe it was embarrassing. The girl looked up and smiled, barely attentive. Yuri went back to the counter. Minutes later, the girl finally paid for her items – a toothbrush, two disposable panties and a Coke. 

Spending the night somewhere?

Yeah. 

Ding. 

My boyfriend’s. 

Yuri bagged the items and watched the girl leave the store. The automatic door closed and Yuri returned her items back.

The television was showing an old music video and in this music video, Jessica was licking her lips. Then a flash and she was dancing, wiggling her glorious body for the public to enjoy. The music video ended with a picture of a snow globe and Yuri looked around the empty shop, waiting for customers who were also in love with their childhood friends to come in. 

But the door did not open and tonight the world was doing something other than needing an energy drink. Yuri pulled out her crossword and waited for her shift to end. On the television, Jessica’s new single was playing. 

I’ll love you forever until the stars fade. So baby, hold my hand and we’ll never part. 

Yuri hummed with the beat. It was a catchy song – another sure hit. Outside, the stars were fading, one by one, like everything else in Yuri’s world.

The Case of the Dead Flowers (Taeyeon)

The papers called it The Case of the Dead Flowers because instead of bodies they found roses – brown, decayed roses in both the crime scenes. The first one was in a posh apartment – an old building with a history that dated back to seven generations of its occupants: The Kwons. The second one was in a recently built airport that gave, if anything else, a deep contrast to the two crime scenes. 

The first missing person was Kwon Yuri, the only heiress to the Kwon Conglomerate. I was ushered inside her carpeted penthouse by a butler. There in the receiving area I met an elderly man who called himself Jin and introduced himself as Yuri’s only living relative. 

“This is quite a messy business.” He said curtly. “Do you think you can find my niece, Ms. Kim?”

“I don’t know sir.” That was the truth. My track record as a private detective was impressive but was far from flawless. I noted the sadness in his eyes despite the thick arrogance that came with his inquiry. He was after all, a grieving if not soon-to-be grieving uncle. He then nodded towards the waiting butler and I was promptly led out of the room. Kwon Yuri was last seen in the greenhouse and as we ascended via the elevator that would take us to the roof deck I was full of expectations. But then I was mildly surprised when what greeted me were a few broken pots – a raccoon could have done a better job trashing them to be completely honest. 

“What’s this?” I asked. 

“Your crime scene.” 

“A few broken pots and they call me in?” I muttered.

I examined the area for a while and found no traces of Kwon Yuri at all. There were seven broken pots and all of them had dead flowers. In fact, as I stood up and looked around the greenhouse, all flowers were dead. 

“So she just disappeared?” I asked the officer. 

“Yes.” He said. “You can talk to the help if you want.” 

“Odd,” I said, “very odd.”

No ransom notes. No suicide letters. Nothing. So where the hell are they? 

--

The second missing person was Jessica Jung – Yuri’s girlfriend. Miss Jung was also a socialite but unlike her girlfriend, had no real heavy responsibilities. She was worth at least a hundred million dollars (all from inheritance) and she didn’t have to work for even a second in her life. She had shared the apartment with Yuri for three years and almost all of the servants said that they were a happy couple.

I, of course, had my doubts.

For one, Jessica was last seen in the airport VIP lounge the same time Yuri was last seen in the greenhouse. The airport CCTV footages were useless and the only thing that would count as a crime scene was the area around Miss Jung’s handbag and the scattered dead flowers at the foot of the chair. 

Jessica Jung bought the ticket on her own. The tickets were printed in the airport at her request – and for an additional fee of course. She picked a day and a time that coincided with Kwon Yuri’s office hours. She arrived in the airport three hours early and went directly to the VIP lounge after check-in. 

Then for some unknown reason, she disappeared. No traces, no struggles, not even a strand of hair from her blonde head – just like Kwon Yuri. 

--

Now I myself have a girlfriend and I think that whatever happened to them must have had something to do with their relationship. 

I started by asking Yuri’s old nanny about the dead flowers in the greenhouse and found out that it was Jessica’s mother who had it constructed. She said that when Jessica’s mother was still alive she was always coming over with flowerpots in the hopes of breathing in some beauty in the otherwise empty deck. I could tell from the nanny’s tone that Mrs. Jung was a lingering presence of tight principles that maybe Yuri and Jessica came to love and hate.

“Why keep the dead flowers though?” 

“Because it reminded Miss Jessica of her mother.” Another servant answered.

I thought it was strange that what kept her mother’s memory alive was not a n heirloom or a family picture presumably taken from a vacation but dead flowers that gathered at the base of their pots. 

They’re a bit odd, aren’t they? The elite I mean. People say they’re cold. I had a roommate back in college and she was exactly from the same background but she was warm and touchy and cried at the silliest of things. From then on I thought that it was a myth – the whole elite is cold to the bones thing. 

And then you meet someone like old man Jin and by extension you meet his niece, Kwon Yuri and maybe even Jessica. 

When my girlfriend and I fight we basically shout, curse at each other – normal verbal stuff nothing to be worried about. But I imagine endless silence between Yuri and Jessica because maybe for people like them, talking about the problem wasn’t even an option. 

I imagine them going home from a fancy party in their limo and sitting on both ends – the silence stretching between them. Maybe they were so used to it that days or weeks before their disappearance, they didn’t even bother to utter a single word to each other anymore.

--

As I went on with my research I found out that Jessica met Yuri in her father’s funeral ten years ago. Again, there’s that oddity of meeting in a funeral sort of way. How often do you find the love of your life in a funeral? 

During that time, they couldn’t understand each other because Yuri couldn’t speak English and Jessica couldn’t speak Korean. Five years later, when they met again, Yuri now spoke four languages and this, I thought, was probably the time they fell in love. 

Sources from their university revealed nothing but good things about them. All the usual “couple” things. Nothing grand just a little bit of dates here and there. They were both down to earth, professors said, and drawn to each other. 

I questioned more colleagues in the university. 

Were they a touchy-feely couple? Yes.

Were they secluded, kept-to-themselves sort of people? Not really. 

Were they exhibiting supernatural abilities? No. Come again? 

The last question resulted to a dirty look thrown at me. 

--

This case dragged on and on and I found myself at a dead end. That was when I decided to return to the Kwon Household and I’m glad I did. The servants, this time around, were more cooperative. Maybe out of guilt or maybe out of pity for me, a private detective who has been in the case for more than a month. Whatever the reason was I found out that before the disappearance, Yuri and Jessica were barely talking to each other. One maid recalled that Jessica wouldn’t even bother to answer Yuri’s phone calls. 

“But it’s no big deal.” She quickly added. “Miss Yuri never seemed to be offended by it.”

She then explained that Yuri would call everyday at five o’clock but Jessica wouldn’t even lift her eyes up from the book she would be reading.

“Everyday?” I was skeptical. 

“Everyday.” She nodded perhaps a little too empathically. “From her office.”

I finally trusted this bit of information the most because from previous cases, this is the sort of juicy bit that servants wouldn’t trade for all the overtime rate in the world. 

It was odd though and a little stupid to be doing such thing. Perhaps for Yuri, what defined a relationship was a call after office hours with the promise of dinner. What a strange set of beliefs though. Still, we all have a little bit of strangeness inside ourselves right? 

--

Yuri had a best friend named Sooyoung and when I asked her about the disappearance she seemed quite distressed about it, naturally.

“It’s weird isn’t it?” She said in a throaty voice. “You can’t just disappear.” 

Indeed no but if these people were as powerful as I thought they were, it was not impossible. When I asked her about Yuri’s condition before the disappearance, she looked at me blankly for a couple of minutes. 

“Normal, I guess.” She shrugged. 

“Would you say that Miss Kwon and Miss Jung were having problems?”

Sooyoung laughed and after a while I felt stupid for not knowing what was funny. 

“We don’t have problems.” She said and there was a certain finality in her words. “We just don’t.” 

--

The last place my investigation took me to was Yuri’s office. The secretary, who now looked clueless of what to do, said that Jessica did drop by that day of the disappearance. She offered her tea but Jessica looked out of it and then after a while when she gazed up from her desk she was gone. 

I thanked the secretary for her generous help and walked around the office for a while. I followed a path I thought Jessica must have taken whilst looking for Yuri and it led me through a glass covered meeting room. There were men in suits in there, talking with slideshows and such. 

Maybe Jessica meant to say goodbye to Yuri that day but when she saw her, through the glass, in the middle of a meeting, she backed out. Maybe she saw how tired Yuri was but for whatever reason, she didn’t go through with it and went straight to the airport instead. 

--

In the end, I gave up. There was nothing else to keep me going. No third parties, no fleeting affairs – they were both faithful to each other to the very end. 

Old man Jin took my findings quite well. He paid me the exact amount I asked for and didn’t even bother to comment on the fact that his niece was probably gone for good. Not dead (and I really believe this) just gone. 

“Thank you, Miss Kim.” He said and I never saw him again. 

--

Now I’ve mentioned before that I have a girlfriend and thinking about The Case of the Dead Flowers made me a little bit sad. As I drove home that night I wondered what must it feel like to fall out of love. 

Who woke up first and felt something missing the entire day only to find out that the things that endeared them to each other were gone? Did Yuri know all the while that Jessica was planing on leaving her? Was that why she came home that day an hour early? Maybe she was partly hoping that Jessica changed her mind and went home instead. How heartbreaking must it be to come home and find the love of your life gone. 

But to me it was beautiful – the disappearance, the dead flowers, everything. What a fitting end to a relationship that was seemingly built to last forever. Maybe they realized that they would rather leave this Earth than spend the rest of their lives apart. 

--

In my mind, Jessica came back home that day. She raced up the stairs all the way to the top not because the elevator was broken but because she needed that time to think of what to say to Yuri. Then she paused in the doorway of that greenhouse – to the one place that kept all the good memories despite the stench of death that surrounded it. 

There was a certain assurance in her stance now: right foot steady and left foot slightly forward. Their eyes met and their distance closed. 

“I’m home.” 

What Pavements Are Made Of

My story starts with a letter: two-page, margined, dated and signed with my name in an angry curve that started with J and finished in an even angrier A. I’m sorry, the first sentence read, that I can’t make you happy anymore. I made a point to underline the ‘you’. You like this person needed emphasis for identification purposes. You like I only lived for this person’s happiness for the longest time. You like this person broke my heart. 

I wrote it in such a way that no one would question the nature of my suicide. There in the pavement, with my bones broken and head splattered all around, they’ll find this letter at the back of my jeans and safely conclude that my case is that of post break-up depression. 

I made six copies of this letter, laid them out on the photocopying room table and stapled each copy together to avoid confusion. The girl in front of me waited patiently for the stapler and thanked me when I handed it to her. I had a brown envelope then and I slipped all of them inside and walked out of the room. 

It was this same envelope that I was carrying when I bumped into someone in the corridor. Her papers and my envelope scattered on the floor. I cursed and apologized for cursing and then apologized for bumping into her and we both knelt down to gather our things. I handed her what seemed to be an old copy of a sports magazine. 

“Thanks.” She smiled at me. 

“Sorry.” I apologized again. 

“No problem.” We both stood up and when she took a little longer doing so, I finally recognized her. We had a class together. She sat on the first row, close to the projector. I remember her because she walked with a limp but she carried it in a way that still made her look like she was more capable than most of the students in the campus. 

“Yuri!” Someone called out to her and she turned her head to the side. I smelled lilacs. 

“Thanks.” She said again and walked ahead to her waiting companion. 

--

I usually ate lunch with my friend on the rooftop – it was our own way of remembering high school somehow. College is better though because no one really bothered to go up there anymore. That day my friend was running late and as I sat near the edge eating a sandwich I bought from the canteen, I remembered my letter and pulled out a copy from the envelope. 

“Are you really going to jump?” 

I looked up at the voice and there was Yuri, the corridor girl, looking out of breath. 

“Excuse me?” I asked. It was only later that I realized how hard it must have been for her to climb the stairs in a hurry to stop me from jumping off the roof. 

“I have your letters.” She said and I looked down at the paper that I pulled out of my envelope. 

It said: Kwon Yuri, Writing 101, What Pavements Are Made Of 

“Please don’t jump.” She looked like she was ready to pounce on me the moment I try to stand up. 

I swallowed the piece of sandwich that was still in my mouth. “Okay.” 

Yuri smiled and asked if it was okay to sit down with me. 

“I’m glad.” She sighed in relief. “And I’m sorry for reading it. I’ve been looking for you all over the campus.” 

I nodded and for some reason, didn’t have the heart to tell her that those letters were for a class exercise. 

--

My friend and roommate worked part-time for her family’s takeaway business. She handed out flyers to commuters outside the train station. Financially she was doing fine but she liked doing it simply because she liked watching what people did with the flyers. 

See that guy? She pulled me closer as she pointed across the street. The one waiting in the bus stop, the one in white. 

Yeah. 

He’s a good man because he didn’t throw away the pamphlet. I saw him; he folded it in two and slipped it inside his jacket. 

That kind of man, she continued, is a good man. 

Because good men appreciate the efforts of random people staying out in the cold to hand out flyers for minimum wage. 

I looked down at Yuri’s free hand and my heart felt like it was going to burst any second from the joy of seeing a mere piece of paper, tucked in between her index and middle fingers. She let go of my hand and swung her backpack to the front. She put it in the side pocket. My hand was waiting for her when she was done. 

“Are you hungry?” 

I was in love. 

--

This, she said, is you. She moved the small trooper forward near the house. And this, she said again, is me. She placed the small frog two inches away from the white trooper. I pulled them closer and arranged them in such a way that the trooper had one of his arms sloppily draped on the frog’s shoulder. 

I made them kiss. 

This is us, I said. 

--

Yuri’s permanent limp was due to a car accident, months before her high school graduation. In her house, up in her room, she had medals that hung on her wall and pictures of her running, winning races. She lost a brother and a scholarship that day of accident. 

It was her and not me, who needed saving that day. I hugged her then, tight like I was trying to glue us together. 

“Yuri,” I said, “I am here.” 

She hugged me back and she trembled and I hoped that it was because she had found her anchor to life. 

“I love you.” I said, letting myself speak the words that were always the hardest to say. 

“I know.” She said. “I love you too.” 

--

Yuri would explain to me the distance she traveled like how a child would explain it: from that lamp post to that cat over there. No exact mileage but fleeting objects that were never meant to measure distance in the first place. Like pavements that stretched out for miles and miles and branched in all directions. 

“Did you miss me?” I asked instead. 

“Yes.” Yuri answered almost instantly. 

“Come inside?” 

In the living room, she sat down waiting for me as I fetched my souvenir for her. 

I bought Yuri a rainmaker from my summer trip. It was one of the most expensive items in the gift shop and it meant no shopping spree for flats in Duty Free for me. This rainmaker – it was made of lacquered bamboo and had tribal carvings delicately etched all over. I handed it to her and her brows knotted but she held it like it was worth more than anything in the world at that moment. 

“Do you know what that is?” I asked her. Yuri shook her head and traced the carvings. I took the rainmaker away from her and I straddled on her lap. I pulled her close like what she had been doing to me for the past years. 

“Flip it upside down.” I whispered to her and she obliged and I closed my eyes. The sound echoed in the room and for a moment I could actually hear the rain pouring down on us, flooding us and I cling to Yuri for life. 

I always have and I always will.

Little Creatures

Yuri was obsessed with them, the little creatures. She thought they were fascinating. I thought they were nothing but a nuisance. Their ships have been orbiting our planet for quite sometime now. Doing nothing, most probably studying and probing us. The government has launched negotiations and attacks but all efforts proved to be worthless and silly at most because they were tiny, so tiny that the tallest I’ve seen on TV was three inches in height. 

He was the ambassador from their planet and he guaranteed no attacks whatsoever - just a place where they could do research of and on our planet. His skin was dark green but he had eyeglasses and he wore a small suit that made him look handsome even for an extraterrestrial. 

They landed a few months ago and claimed a part of a desert in the Middle East, in a place where it didn’t rain because rain was somewhat their enemy – hitting them in big blobs, ultimately destroying their ships. They built little tents with little equipments that blinked blue and green. It was too dangerous to have giant Earthlings walk freely around the area without stepping on one little scientist so the government drew two lines in which, us, the humans could only walk on and observe. They charged a hundred dollars per person for it too.

Yuri would watch them on the television. 

“Can you imagine how tiny their babies must be? Or their toothbrushes!” She would say as we ate dinner in front of the television. She hadn’t even changed yet. She was still in her uniform. I can still smell the detergent that clung to her in the laundry service she worked for. 

“Yuri, you have to stop this obsession.” 

“Hmmm.” She would nod and half of her spaghetti would hang halfway to her mouth because she was probably listening to something vital being said in the program. I reached out and forced those noodles inside her mouth with my fork.

“Babo.” I said as she obediently chewed on them like a child, staring all the while at the television. “They don’t even have teeth to begin with.” 

--

I stayed at home because I was still recovering from the miscarriage. For the most part I was well enough but Yuri insisted I stay home for a few more months. I missed working. I missed my friends. I missed being useful. One day I told her this over breakfast. 

“Well,” Yuri said as she kissed me on the forehead, “you could record the documentaries so I wouldn’t miss them and then we could watch them together later.” 

“Or I could cook.” 

Yuri looked at me and I laughed at her reaction. She kissed me on the lips and even that didn’t hide the fact that there were things that needed to be accepted for the both of us to move on. The procedure was expensive and it would take us a few more years to pay off the debts. And Yuri couldn’t get pregnant even if she wanted to. Our only chance of raising a child was lost and it was my entire fault. 

So I recorded those damned shows for her and everyday we would watch them together. Sometimes we would hold hands and most of the time I would fall asleep right there on the couch with her and I’d wake up on our bed the next day with breakfast ready and cooked. 

Sometimes at night I would move away from her, putting a pillow between us like we were mountains divided by a river. Hello there other mountain, how goes your day? And every time she’d move and unconsciously throw the pillow away and pull me back. My heart raced every time she did this and I would smile into the collar of her shirt in satisfaction. We were not mountains. 

--

One day she came home with two airline tickets and an approved two-weeks no pay vacation. 

“Are you crazy?” I yelled. I thought of bills and more bills and how I married an airhead. 

Yuri wasn’t listening to me. She continued packing our things. My books, my clothes, my shoes were all thrown in our suitcase. 

“They’re leaving in a week!” She called out from the bathroom. She came out holding our toothbrushes and shampoos. “Is this enough for a week?” 

She was talking about the shampoo and she shook it to gauge its content. She nodded to herself. “Yep this is good.” 

I sat down the bed and watched her circle around the room, seemingly without pattern, just picking up random items to take for the trip. She was smiling all the while and I was reminded of how beautiful she looked when she smiled. I sighed. Maybe we needed a trip after all. 

The camp was bigger than I expected to be. The little creatures have built a small city in the area with little flying ships that hovered above their tents. Yuri was gone from my side the moment we stepped down the car that brought us there. 

“Sica look, look at them!” I heard her shout from the distance and I covered my face with my hands to avoid the looks we were getting from the other tourists. 

“Miss, please refrain from shouting.” The guide ran to her because the little people were sensitive to loud, loud voices. 

We were guided around the little camp and the little creatures themselves looked busy and disinterested. They kept their end of the deal. They were to tolerate humans poking their cameras at them and in return they could work on their research uninterrupted. 

I found them fascinating. I knelt down and examined an empty tent further down the site. There were no little creatures around so I put down my bag and took pictures of their little equipments and little plates that were laid on their little tables up close. 

“Sica?” Yuri called out to me after a while. “Come on, let’s go this way.” 

I took one last picture, lifted my bag off the sand and followed Yuri. My bag felt heavier somehow and so I traded them with Yuri’s. She didn’t complain. I could have asked her to carry me and she would have. That was how happy she was that day. 

After a week, we went home with literally a thousand printed photos of these little creatures. The day they were supposed to leave our atmosphere, we sat on the couch going through the pictures. On the television they were covering people with banners and in tears. We love you little creatures! One sign said. Write to us! Another one said. Little creatures, phone home. What?

I looked at Yuri and she was smiling at me. Not even minding the TV anymore. 

“What?” I said. She shrugged and put down her pictures on the table. 

“Can’t I look at you without ulterior motives?” 

“No.” I answered without hesitation and went back to the photos. I heard her laugh. 

“Look at this…” I showed her a picture. “…this is just a shot of the sand!” 

“Ah,” Yuri said knowingly and pointed out, “but that sand is from their camp.”

“You’re silly.” I leaned in and gave her a supposedly quick kiss but was turned into a longer one. 

“But you married me.” She grinned when the kiss ended and I knew that look all too well. The pictures were now forgotten, scattered around the living room as she playfully pulled me up to our bedroom. 

“I know.” I faked a sad sigh as I let her lead the way. “Which makes me even sillier.” 

--

Nine days after they left and just when I thought that our lives would return to what resembled normality, I found seven of these little creatures inside my dollhouse that we kept in the spare bedroom. I looked at them and they looked at me. For a moment I thought I had lost it. And then one of them stepped forward and said:

Greetings. Kind human. 

I blinked and forgot to be polite and asked them what the hell were they doing in my old dollhouse. They covered their ears and I felt bad for yelling at them. 

“I’m sorry,” I said again, “but what are you doing here?”

“We are on sabbatical.” The smallest one explained. “We are not scientists.” 

“I see.” I said. “But your people left a week ago. Where is your ship?” 

“We don’t have one.” 

“How are you going to get home?”

They turned to each other like what friends would do if they wanted an agreement on something. After a moment they turned back to me. 

“We are not going home.”

--

I did not tell Yuri about them because I was afraid that her obsession for these little creatures would come back. It was a secret and the little creatures didn’t really mind as long I carried them down every morning to the garden and carried them back up when evening came. 

I gave them our food. I chopped tiny pieces of roast beef or whatever we were having for dinner and gave it to them fresh and warm from the microwave. They lived inside the dollhouse for weeks. I bought them small plastic toy beds and I cut a part of an old duvet to make them soft and like a real bed. 

I would wake up in the middle of the night to check up on them. A neighbor’s cat could have entered the open window that I might have forgotten to close. I stared at my dollhouse door a few times and marveled at the fact that there were little people living there. Fast asleep and probably dreaming. 

Do you dream? I asked them once. They asked me what a dream was and if it was something that could be eaten. 

Everyday they would sing and sing in the garden and I didn’t really ask them why they did it. Just as they didn’t ask me why I didn’t go to work or why I would burst out crying in the living room clutching an ultrasound picture of our unborn child. 

--

On the third week, just after Yuri left for work, they stood in front of me with their faces solemn and resolved. 

“You have been very kind to us.” They said and placed their palms on their foreheads. It was their way of paying respect to someone dead or not dead. I mirrored the action and we stood there in silence until I peeked to see if it was alright to drop my hands. 

“Our time is almost up and we need to sing louder.” 

I bought them little instruments that day –small, cheap toy instruments with awful paintjobs in neon pink. They thanked me and went to bed. They closed the door to the dollhouse and I waited for their small light to wink out before heading out the room. 

“Goodnight.” I said. 

The next morning when I checked on them in the garden, the little people were singing and I bent down to hear them closely. They were using the little drums I gave them. 

“What are you singing?” I asked them. 

“This is how we pray.” The oldest one said. “We are praying for you.”

“Thank you.” I said. 

“We are praying for your child.” 

“Thank you.” I said again. I left them in the garden and I cried in the kitchen. I held my stomach and I tried not to imagine what our child might have looked like. I opened the faucet to drown the noise I made when I cried. I sat there for a long time, with my back on the kitchen sink. 

When I returned, they were all lying there on the moist Earth. I took a good look at them; their small faces that were old and wrinkled showed no sign of life. I scooped them in my arms and laid them on the bed. I looked for a decent shoebox and I placed them in it, one by one, and arranged their bodies carefully. This was the first time I held them and they felt real, I can feel their flesh. I put them together in the same box because I thought that nothing was sadder than dying in a foreign planet alone.

After that I opened my dollhouse. I lifted its roof and I made their beds. I rolled up the small duvets and placed them inside the small closets. I folded the small chairs and small table and I let them lean on the wall. I smelled the small pillows and it smelled like them. It smelled like the Earth. 

Outside, I dug a shallow grave. I put the box down and buried them. I thought about their planet, their tiny planet where everyone only lived for a few years. And I thought of our unborn child and how maybe in another planet there lived another me, and another Yuri and another child who was safe and alive. Then I felt the first few drops of rain and I looked up. The sky was dark and I lifted my hands to the heavens and prayed.