*sigh* It took me forever to write this since I do not like writing angst and sadness and such... So here is your angst Pewdiecry! Hope you sob endlessly :D *thumbs up*

Felix was only five when Cry first came to live with his family. The red headed boy was seven, but that never stopped their relationship from growing. In fact, the two were practically inseparable. They did practically everything together, from dusk till dawn.

Felix had to learn English though, or at least improve on his English skills. His mother had told him that Cry was from America, and only spoke English. She was already pretty fluent in the language, so she and Cry, taught Felix the language slowly. But after the language barrier was broken, he was fluent in both languages. At one point he started teaching Cry to speak Swedish.

One of their favorite activities were hanging out in their tree house. Felix remembered always having to help Cry up the ladder, something about his arms being weak, but it wasn't too hard. They would just sit up there, playing pokemon and trading cards, sometimes they would eat or sleep up there.

This was until Felix started school again. He missed Cry, a lot, but right when he got home he would always run up to the room they shared (although they could've had their own rooms the boys refused). Cry would be on the bed with his glasses on reading, or drawing, or doing school work since he was home schooled. 

Why he was home schooled, Felix didn't know. At that age, all his mother told him was that "he couldn't go to school because he was too weak." He just shrugged it off, being five, and just went on with his life hanging out with Cry.

This went on for about a year, until something strange happened. Just around Felix's sixth birthday, Cry started wearing a beanie. It perplexed Felix, because he would wear it everywhere, not just outside in the chill Sweden air.

In fact, from then on a lot of things started changing. Starting in the month of October when Felix was eight, sometimes he would come home and Cry wouldn't be there. When he asked his mother why, she would simply say he was at his "appointment."

The blonde was always upset these nights, because most of the time Cry wouldn't come home that night, or the next night. When he did, he would always look sad for a little while, and he would always throw up and be sick.

But when he wasn't, the two were like two peas in a pod. They would play board games inside, since Cry wasn't allowed to go outside anymore, or play pokemon and watch TV.

The Christmas that Cry turned twelve, and Felix turned ten, they both received DSi's, which they played on constantly. Their faces were always glued to the screen, playing pokemon or Fossil Fighter with each other. Sometimes they would draw these little pictures and turn them into animations, dubbing them with sounds from Youtube and sending them to each other for laughs.

Being the immature children they were, sometimes they would draw penis or boobs, and just say the word (very quietly) into the microphone, before sending it to the other. They would see who could say the word without laughing, and send the others into fits of laughter as well.

This was a sort of normal for them. Felix was used to this routine, Cry being home after school sometimes and other times not. When Cry finally got home, Felix would sneak into bed with him. Cry, being taller by a few inches, would be the big spoon. Felix's small body would fit perfectly into the others, and with his back pressed up against Cry's warm chest, and skinny arms wrapped around his stomach. He felt safe, happy.

When Felix was about eleven, things started getting really bad. Cry was at his "appointments" a lot. He had begged his mother to go see him, but she always denied his request, saying he was too sick or too tired to play. But Felix didn't even want to play, at the least he wanted to just see the American. He didn't know why he felt this way at his young age, but he would very soon.

Felix was about twelve at this point. He just moved schools and houses, but he wasn't exactly sure why. He heard his mother and father talking about how they could be closer to Cry... but he didn't understand what was going on. At times, Felix could be quite oblivious to certain things... but then something happened to him during school.

One day, his science teacher shows a video about different types of cancers. Usually, Felix would zone out during these videos and go on his phone, texting Cry as it was his only form of contact with him right now. But not today. For some reason, Cry didn't answer his text today, so with a sigh, he actually sat and watched the whole video.

The video explained cancer, where it attacked the immune system, how it did so, the types, and how it was cured. Felix was caught up on one particular part... how it was cured. The chemo therapy made patients lose their hair... and some of the pictures showed were kids wearing beanies or hats. Sort of like Cry.

The second the bell rang, he raced home as fast as he could. This couldn't be could it? Could Cry have cancer?

So when he burst through the door to his house, he ran in screaming,"MAMMA? MAMMA?"

As he entered the kitchen, he noticed his mother sitting in a chair at the table. A phone was in her hand, and she looked... happy. Felix hadn't seen his mother happy in awhile.

He quickly ran over, and stood their, waiting impatiently for his mother to finish talking on the phone.

"Så han blir bättre ? Han kan komma hem snart? Idag ?! Felix kommer att vara så glada att se honom igen ! Är han upphetsad ," she spoke happily into the phone.

(Translation: So he is getting better? He can come home soon? Today?! Felix will be so excited to see him again! Is he excited?)

The young boy stood their puzzled, staring at his mother. Who can come home soon? Why would be be excited? Who is getting better?... Was somebody sick?

"Mamma ? Är någon sjuk ," he asked after his mom sat down the phone. She looked over at him, shining in her bright blue eyes. She took Felix's hands in her own and smiled happily.

(Translation: Mom? Who is sick?)

"Felix, älskling . Jag måste berätta något mycket viktigt ... Cry , han kommer hem , för alltid," she smiled happily at her son.

(Translation: Felix, darling. I must tell you something very important... Cry, he is coming home, forever.)

Felix's eyes widened. "Så , du menar Cry kommer inte gå till några fler möten ?"

(Translation: So, you mean Cry wont go to any more of his appointments?)

His mother smiled brightly," Ja . Jag kommer att gå plocka upp honom , då kommer vi alla gå ut på middag senare . Ja ?"

(Translation: Yes. I will go pick him up, then we will all go out to dinner later. Yes?)

Felix's smile widened, then turned back to a straight face. He rembered his question he had from earlier, what he had heard from school. "Vänta , mamma ? Jag vill fråga dig något mycket viktigt . I skolan i dag , såg vi en film om cancer. Den sade att cancerpatienter som får cellgifter skulle vara skallig , och skulle bli sjuk efteråt ... Har Cry har cancer ?"

(Translation: Wait, mom? I want to ask you something very important. At school today, we watched a video about cancer. It said that cancer patients receiving chemo would be bald, and would get sick afterwards... Does Cry have cancer?)

"Han brukade ha cancer," his mother corrected, turning around swiftly and walking off with a spring in her step and a smile on her face.

(Translation: He used to have cancer.)

The young Swede stood dumbfounded for a moment. Had Cry really had cancer this whole time? Impossible wasn't it? But it wasn't. But it didn't matter now. Cry was okay, right?

~~~

"Cry! Hey! Cry," Felix squealed, chasing Cry around who had his phone in his hand.

The red head looked back, sticking his tongue out at Felix," Who are you texting, Felix?"

"Nobody," Felix whined, chasing Cry through the house. His parents were out at a fancy dinner or something and wouldn't be back late.

Usually Felix and Cry would just mess around, playing loud music, drinking soda and eating the cookies his mother had hidden in the pantry. This was ever since Cry got better of course. By now his hair had grown back, still bright red and messy constantly. He was stronger now, a lot less skinny, in fact had muscles.

By now, Cry was fourteen and Felix was twelve, his 13th birthday approaching rapidly.

Suddenly Cry stopped, staring at the phone in his hand. His mouth hung open, and his eyes scanned the screen behind his glasses. "Y-you like Marzia," Cry asked, turning his head towards Felix.

The blonde froze in place, staring at Cry. Why did he look so disappointed? "M-maybe?"

"Oh, well sorry to break your heart, friend, but you have no chance," Cry shrugged, ending his sentence with a laugh and running off again, up the stairs towards their still shared bedroom.

"What? Are you saying I am not good enough," Felix asked, feeling a bit sad and hurt.

Cry spun around quickly. "Wh-what? Of course not, all I am saying is that she has a boyfriend. And plus, she is two years older," Cry shrugged.

Felix stared at Cry, blinking and processing what he said. "So... you like her," he asked.

"No?! Of course not, I already told you I like someone else," Cry said, his voice suddenly becoming quiet and nervous.

"Why wont you tell me who it is," Felix asked, sitting down on the bed next to Cry.

"It's embarrassing," Cry shrugged, looking down at his hands and a blush tainting his cheeks.

"No it isn't. We are bros remember, I mean how bad can she be," Felix asked, his eyebrows furrowed with concern at Cry.

"I know, but that might be a reason it would be weird," Cry sighed, staring at his hands.

"No it wont. I promise, just tell me," he smiled encouragingly, placing a comforting hand on the redhead's shoulder.

"Fe, it isn't that simple. It is um... it isn't a- ajfdla" but the last word of the sentence was inaudible, sounding like a bunch of jumbled mess.

"Cry, I can't hear you when you mumble," Felix said, his voice a lot quieter now.

"It- it isn't a she," Cry whispered under his breath, just loud enough for Felix to hear. And when he did, he felt his eyes widen and his face go pink.

"Oh," he mumbled quietly. Felix cleared his throat before speaking again," Well then who is he?"

"I um... don't worry about it, Fe. Instead..." Cry hopped up and smirked,"Horror movies?"

"Hell yeah," felix laughed, jumping up and following Cry out of their room. He tried to push down the strange feeling in his stomach... why is this feeling there?

~~~

Felix breathed heavily, staring at Cry, tears in his eyes. "Wh-what do you mean we can't share a room any more," he screamed, the tone of his voice fueled both by anger and sadness.

Cry didn't reply, he just looked down at his feet with a sigh.

"Cry! Cry answer me," Felix demanded, almost sounding like a whine.

"I am getting older now. I am fifteen and-"

"That isn't an excuse! I am thirteen, I don't get it," Felix whined, crossing his arms and staring at Cry, waiting for an explanation.

"Felix, please don't make me-"

"WHY CRY? Do... Do you not like me anymore," Felix asked, looking down at his bare feet sadly. Luckily his parents weren't home right now, otherwise this conversation wouldn't be going on. As strange as it was, Felix was happy he was having this conversation with Cry.

"Of course I like you Felix... just maybe a little bit too much," Cry trailed off, desperately looking around the room for an escape to the situation as Felix stood their dumbly for a moment. He blinked his bright blue eyes and thought about that, liked him a little bit too much? Did he mean like-like, as in how he used to like Marzia? I mean it did make sense, because as he was told and explained to before Cry was pansexual, but Cry would never like him... would he.

"Cry? What do you mean," Felix asked.

"Nothing," Cry sighed, walking off past Felix to his new room.

~~~

The thunder wouldn't stop. Then the sudden flash of light, scaring Felix to death, along with the constant sound of the pattering of rain. It was scary, a lot more scary without Cry besides him, or at least in the same room.

He fidgeted under his blankets, since the air was too cold to be without them. He desperately wanted to snuggle up to Cry like he had when he was younger. The blonde really didn't care how it was strange for someone his age to want to do so, he just did.

That is how he found himself knocking on Cry's door. How he found himself staring into Cry's groggy sleepy face, under his crooked glasses.

"Huh, Felix," Cry muttered, followed by a tired yawn.

"Cry... the thunder and lightning,'" Felix whispered, a faint blush rushing to his face as he spoke.

Cry sighed, running his hand through the back of his long messy hair. The truth was that the red head was scared to, it was strange being without the younger boy besides him... unnatural. But Cry was a growing boy, with growing desires, and was afraid of anything his might do to Felix.

"Uh... I dunno If it is a good idea," cry mumbled.

"Please, Cry! Please, I am sorry for being annoying and being a little kid and immature but... you are my bro and I miss you a lot," Felix smiled sheepishly, although Cry probably couldn't see it in the darl.

That was how Felix ended up in Cry's bed. He layed on the right side awkwardly, craving to cuddle up to Cry, but when he looked back all he say was the back of his head and back. Why was Cry acting all distant?

"Cry, please explain it to me. I won't be mad, I promise," felix whispered, startling Cry a bit who was still unable to sleep.

"Uh... Listen Felix- I"

"No, Cry please," the Swede whined to the American, flipping over and grabbing his shoulder. "Please!"

"Fine, Fine, Jesus. Listen, um... when you are older... you get this sort of...thing... where you sort of crave something, sexual or intimate. And I am at that stage, and I don't want to do anything to the person that I like right now," Cry explained quickly and quietly, if anything confusing Felix more.

"So what does that have to do with me," Felix asked.

"God Dammit, why are you so oblivious, the one thing that drives irritates me about you," Cry grumbled.

"The thing that annoys me about you is your stubbornness. Cry, I am still confused," Felix muttered.

And with a sigh Cry spoke," That person I like... that person is you."

~~~

So... Cry was sixteen, Felix fourteen. They still weren't sure how it happened, why it happened, what led up to it happening, but here they were, and all they knew was that they didn't want to stop anytime soon. It was about midnight, Cry and Felix were home alone again, and were in Cry's new room.

Despite their inexperienced kissing skills, both felt on cloud nine. Cry straddled over the blonde, his hands on either side of Felix. The Swede's arms were wrapped around Cry's neck, gently tugging on the short tufts of red hair on the back of his neck.

Their lips moved awkwardly together in sync(well not really sync), although Cry did most of it whilst Felix just sat back considering he had NO idea of how to do this, but it felt good so he didn't put a stop to it. Cry was extremely happy, that this, what he had wanted for so long, was finally happening. It was crazy, like a dream, and his eyes were closed tightly afraid that if he opened them it would all be over.

Being Felix was fourteen, he sort of knew how these things worked. You know, sexual or intimate situations and making out and such. He wasn't planning on doing anything too serious, considering he found out about how Cry felt maybe a month ago, and they shared their first kiss maybe a week after that... but at the moment hormones were driving both boys, completely insane and crazy.

They were at the will of their bodies. Even so, Felix felt extremely embarrassed when he felt himself getting a bit harder. Although he didn't want to, he pushed Cry away gently, taking a much needed breath and looking into the other's blue eyes.

"Wh-what's wrong," Cry asked, his voice coming out a bit raspier and deeper, making Felix getting even harder and resulting in him getting even more embarrassed.

"I-I am kinda tired and..." Felix trailed off, thinking of lies he can sputter out quickly and convincingly.

The red head across from him looked down sadly. He reached for his glasses which were placed on the nightstand before hand, and slipped them upon his nose. He blinked his blue eyes a couple times before apologizing," Sorry. Did you not want to? Was it bad? D-did I do something?"

Felix's eyes widened with panic. Of course he didn't do anything... well he got him turned on, but he definitely wanted to, and if anything it was too good... which wasn't even truthful considering both were pretty inexperienced. Although Cry looked like he knew what he was doing, he was a bit sloppy, and Felix was so awkward about it, attempting to kiss back. That embarrassed him even more, thinking that he was probably an awful kisser and Cry had to put up with it.

"No," Felix shouted a little bit too loudly," I-I mean not at all... it is just... Was I bad?"

"Well... erm you were a bit awkward, but I don't really care. I just care that it was you I was kissing," Cry smiled a bit, relieved that he didn't do anything wrong.

Felix's blush intensified. "I am just tired," he assured him," Can I sleep here tonight?"

Cry nodded, "Of course."

Cry laid down on his side, and just when Felix was about to lay down on the other side of the bed, he was pulled into Cry, a yelp escaping his lips. It was so awkward for some reason, he didn't really know why... well actually he did. The only difference between them spooning now and before is that now he was getting turned on for the first time ever by the red head that was holding him close to his chest.

Felix could feel his chest moving up and down against his back, his breaths long and calm. He must be sleeping, or faking it maybe. Felix shifted a bit, his arousal getting worse and wore. All he could think was:

WTF? What is wrong with me? Why is Cry turning me on... well I mean who wouldn't Cry turn on? But that is weird! I can't let him find out, I can't I can't I can't- shit is he hard too?

The Swede's eyes widened when he felt that press against his back, and he quickly scooted away, looking back at a startled Cry. "Cry," he asked.

The red head sat up, slipping on his glasses before looking at Felix sheepishly. Even through the dark you could see the bright red blush upon his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he babbled on endlessly, much to Felix's amusement. He looked so ashamed.

"No Cry it is fine... but why are you getting... I mean, why are you... ya know," he asked, perplexed at the situation.

"Because of you, idiot," Cry mumbled, crossing his arms.

"M-me? Why would you get turned on because of me," Felix gasped, blue eyes widening.

"Because I like you... and don't think I couldn't feel yours too. That might've made mine worse," Cry muttered.

Felix felt a blush spread across his face, and turning into a stuttering mess. Both boys just sat their, issues in their pants, and both flustered.

"Okay, you can go to the bathroom and deal with it, and I will too and then it will be all done right," Cry asked after awhile.

"What? I am not going to do that with you right here," Felix shouted.

The red head's eyebrows furrowed," But I thought you didn't want to-"

"I-I don't, but I mean, you are sitting right here... that would be strange right,"Felix laughed nervously.

"So you do want to," Cry asked slowly.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Well.. I think..."

"Fe, yes or no?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure?"

"N-no..."

"C'mon make up your mind!"

"Okay! Yes! YES," Felix finished nervously.

Cry took a deep breath. "L-lie down then," he stuttered, and even the completely oblivious Felix could hear the nervousness in his voice.

He took a deep breath and laid down on the bed, closing his eyes and holding his hands over his bright red face. He took deep breaths, the anticipation killing him. This was about to happen. Yup, this was about to happen. Okay, Okay, Okay. Calm down... Calm down... Calm down...

But as he felt the tug of the zipper on his jeans, and the unmistakable sound of it being pulled down, he felt his heartbeat increase greatly. The fabric of his skinny jeans were shimmied, down to his knees by Cry, who was straddling over him. Felix suddenly felt free, or at least a bit more free. The restraint on his member lessened, and he let out a deep breath.

It was completely silent, except for the occasional honking or the sounds of cars driving by outside. The sound of both boys' breathing filled the room, making it a bit hot and uncomfortable. But all of that didn't matter as he felt cold air on his member. Felix's breathing hitched in his throat, and Cry was pretty sure you could hear himself gulp nervously, staring at it.

"I am gonna..." Cry trailed off, and Felix just nodded in response, shifting his arm slightly from his face so he could see Cry through one eye.

Gasping was his first reaction when he felt skinny fingers come into contact with the sensitive organ. "Hnng," he breathed, looking up at Cry who stared down at it with a sort of look of unsureness and amazement.

Slender fingers ran up and down his shaft lightly, making him squirm underneath Cry. When he felt those fingers completely wrap around the middle part of it, he let out a loud moan. He immediately clamped a hand over his mouth, his blush deepening.

"It's fine, nobody is here Fe," Cry assured him, prying his hand off of his mouth. With that, Cry started pumping his hand along the Swede's shaft.

Breathy moans and groans fell from Felix's mouth, and the feeling of Cry's soft hands moving along his erection was amazing. He had never experienced this before, and the fact that he was, it was just amazing. 

But of course, being this was his first handjob, he was extremely sensitive, and it wasn't long before he felt the new sensation of heat, and an unwinding coil in his stomach.

"C-cry," he whimpered as he came over his hand, still trying to catch his breath.

"I'll go get a towel or um something," Cry mumbled, standing up and walking away from where Felix still laid. 

Wait... I have to do something for Cry, right? I can't just let him do that to me, when he is obviously still having a bit of an issue... right? I mean... I don't know if I am very good at it... or anything with intimacy and-

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his pants being pulled up for him, and being re zipped. Cry was suddenly in front of his face, a small smile,"Hey."

"H-hi... uh th-thanks," Felix smiled sitting up into a kiss with Cry. It was soft and delicate, a way, he thought, of saying thank you. And after a couple moments he pulled away, a smile on his face.

"We should go to sleep," Cry whispered.

"Wh-what about you," Felix asked curiously, leaning a bit closer to Cry and tentatively laying his hand on his thigh.

"It- It is fine... F-Fe," Cry stuttered nervously,"You are probably tired, we can do something another time. And I don't think you want to do anything anyway."

"I don't mind, Cry,"  Felix giggled.

"Yeah... but um... you have any idea about how to do that sort of thing," Cry asked, raising an eyebrow.

The fourteen year old stopped, and sighed sitting back. "No," he pouted, cursing himself for being inexperienced.

"Plus, don't feel like you owe me," Cry shrugged," I can go take care of it myself in the bathroom or something."

"That doesn't seem very fair to you," Felix said, his tone sounding just a bit teasing. Cry visibly gulped, and ran his hand through his hair.

"Don't worry about it," Cry mumbled, getting up reluctantly and attempting to walk to the door. Before he could, a hand gripped his wrist and he turned his head to see Felix.

The Swede rolled his eyes," I am offering you a handjob, and you aren't going to take it?"

And with that, Felix gave his first handjob... and he was apparently pretty good, or as Cry kept mumbling that he was in between moans.

Throughout the six minutes Cry lasted, (which was more than twice the time Felix did), Felix kept asking "Like this?" or "Does it feel good?" and usually all Cry could mumble in response was,"YES." or a moan. It might sound annoying having to hear the person ask if they are doing it right, but to Cry it just made it twice as good. Strange... but I guess it was a fetish thing?

~~~

It was a year later when Cry walked into his bedroom and saw something that made his  eyes widen at the sight of Felix. The blonde sat on the floor rocking back and forth and hugging his knees like it was his lifeline. Streams of tears ran down his cheeks, and the small and loud whimpers made Cry want to start sobbing himself.

"Fe? Fe what's wrong," he asked walking over and kneeling next to him.

Cry hadn't been home for a week, due to some issues. His cancer had come back, just a little bit, but it is still serious. He would have to go in for surgery and then chemo in a month, which would be terrible. He told Felix he was visiting somebody concerning his birth parents, and such.

Felix looked up from his knees and at the sight of Cry lunged forward, knocking Cry backwards and sending him to the floor with a yelp. Lips were upon his immeadiatly, startling him actually because felix was never this straight forward, unless he was horny. Which he obviously wasn't at the moment, but nonetheless Cry kissed back.

After a few moments of breathlessness, Cry finally pushed Felix off of him slightly and asked between pants," What... is... wrong?"

"Cry... you are sick again," he muttered quietly, making Cry's eyes widen.

"I... uh," Cry mumbled, sitting up so that Felix was straddling his lap.

"Cry, why didn't you just tell me? Why did you lie," Felix asked quietly, he almost sounded hesitant.

"I didn't want you to worry, but you don't have too. I am getting the tumor removed next month, and the chemo right after that. The doctors said I should be fine," Cry tried smiling, despite this explanation being complete bullshit. A complete lie pretty much, that he would be just fine.

"What if it comes back again," Felix asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Then we do the same thing again... maybe radiation or just removing the organ that the tumor grew in," Cry shrugged, his words barely above a whisper.

"Cry... if you say it isn't serious, promise me you won't die..." Felix whispered.

Cry didn't answer. He kept his lips shut tight, and he desperately looked around the room for some sort of escape.

"Cry... c'mon tell me, please tell me," Felix begged, grabbing onto Cry's shirt tightly.

Again Cry avoided the question, instead of placing both of his hands on Felix's waist and gently rubbing circles. A whimper left Felix's mouth, and he wrapped his arms around Cry's neck, knocking them backwards so that Cry's back hit the floor.

Cry gasped when he felt a mouth along his neck, licking and nipping gently and hesitantly. "F-Fe what are you doing," Cry asked, his breathing hitching in his throat.

"Y-you can't leave.... you can't l-leave me. N-not until I can call you mine, and you can call me yours," Felix whispered, his voice getting more and more confident and louder with each word.

Cry's eyes widened," Felix, your mom is home."

"She is sleeping," Felix whispered, looking up momentarily from his work and to the clock," Yup. It is 11:30, she goes to sleep at 10:30."

"Fe, what if we wake her up. You are really loud," Cry groans, covering his mouth immediately.

His lips moved to the crook of Cry's neck, biting down experimentally making Cry moan. "I am really loud?"

Cry grabbed Felix by the collar of his shirt and pulled his lips down to his own. Skin against skin felt electric, the friction was so powerful and pleasurable, like any of their kisses, but this was different. Maybe it was the anticipation of what was to come, maybe it was the realization that this could be one of their last kisses together. But knowing each other, they will probably be all over each other until Cry has to go back to the hospital, and even then visiting hours are 9:00 AM- 8:00 PM, so Felix could always come visit. Maybe it was the fact that this was leading to sex-  actual sex.

Cry's nimble fingers started unbuttoning Felix's shirt. He internally cursed that the Swede wore these shirts all the time, but quickly got it off exposing his pale skin to the world. He slipped it off his arms, and began working on his own shirt, pulling away from the kiss momentarily to pull off his own. 

They both admired the familar expanse of flesh, they have seen it before, felt it before, but why did it seem so special. Cry's smile grew as he ran his fingers over every dip and curve of Felix's chest. He wasn't nesicarily muscley, but he did have some definition, and Cry loved the look of it. His fingers gently rubbing at his nipples making him moan. 

Cry smirked, flipping them over so he was on top. "Ow," Felix whined, holding the back of his head. 

"Shit, sorry let's get into bed," Cry mumbled, holding back laughs and making Felix pout.

"You ass," Felix mumbled under his breath as he was thrown onto the bed, followed by Cry jumping on as well and straddling over the blonde. The red head smiled at him, and Felix smiled back nervously. For awhile they just stared at each other, blue into blue, an icier blue into a deeper richer blue. With each intake of oxygen and breath out their chests touched. It was a strange sort of... almost hypnotic, they never thought they could look away.

"I love you," Cry whispered, cupping the Swede's cheek softly and holding it carefully.

"I love you too- Hnng," Felix started, but his voice caught in his throat as he felt Cry's hand on his member. His thoughts were going wild, he was really going to do this? He was willing to do this? Of course he was, this was Cry. 

He only felt his heart rate increase when a hand pulled down his sweat pants in one swift move, but unlike other times, he pulled them completely off, not just down to his knees. Felix was sort of lost, in a strange daze unsure of what to do. He settled for putting his hands on Cry's chest, running his hands up and down the expanse of skin. Feeling the slight muscle underneath, if he pushed hard enough he could feel his ribs, and the dip downwards when the rib cage met his stomach. Gently running his fingers over everything, forgetting everything that happened previously, letting his mind wander, not too far from this, but far away enough to not feel any regret for what he is doing.

Cry smiled to himself looking down at Felix beneath him. His face was flushed, and he was so hesitant, similar to when they first made out and such. With a smirk, Cry leaned in to kiss Felix, something he knew the both were very good and familiar with. Felix yelped with surprise at the contact of lips, but immediately kissed back, basking in the strange warmth being emitted from the kiss.

Kissing was the one thing, besides getting off, that both of them got very good at in the past year. It was no longer awkward or hesitant, they just went for it and knew how the other enjoyed it. They were both accustomed to each other, the way their lips moved in the perfect way that the others would. Practice made perfect, and for this it was the truth.

Plus at the moment, the kissing seemed to take the edge off of it for Felix. Cry had already thought about this, had wet dreams, which of course was normal for a seventeen year old boy, whereas Felix just thought about it, never thought about actually doing it. Of course he understood the premise, but otherwise he had no real clue besides that fact that it was going to hurt. He also heard rumors about not being able to walk the next day, but thats fine. Tomorrow was a Saturday anyway.

Also, Cry actually knew what he was doing, which was pretty much the exact opposite of Felix. He may or may not of read some stuff online that told him how to, what to do and such. Luckily after that he had bought condoms and lube-don't ask how he managed to- but he was prepared.

And so it went on, starting with Felix visibly tensing when his boxers were pulled down and flung somewhere in the room. Looking down momentarily, he saw Cry was already in his boxers, and his erection. He was turned on, and it was sort of strange. Of course he felt it before, but now there were all of these new feelings accompanied to this lust. Nervousness, anxiousness, excitement, being extremely horny, all combined to create the awkward Felix who just laid on the bed with a bright red face, Cry straddling over him and coating his fingers in lubricant.

Felix had that nervous feeling you get when you go to the doctor, like before you get the shot. You know it is coming, but you are still all tense and acting like it is going to come out of nowhere and attack you. You see the doctor take the cap off the needle, and walk towards you with it. They clean your arm off with the little wipe, then grab your arm and squeeze it a bit tightly. And you know it is coming, you know it will hurt a little bit, and then it comes and you are like: oh this isn't so bad.

This feeling was similar. Watching cry take the cap off of the bottle, squirting some on his fingers, and then spreading his legs and putting a pillow beneath his back for leverage. Yes he knew it was coming, but the thing was he didn't know how badly it would hurt. Surely the fingers wouldn't be too bad though, right?

He tensed and shivered at the feeling of Cry's wet fingers just circling around his ring of muscles. "Fe, relax," Cry whispered softly, taking his other hand and cupping Felix's cheek.

Felix took a deep breath, closing his eyes and relaxing himself. Suddenly he felt the pressure against it, then felt the finger wriggle in. He was a bit surprised, it didn't hurt... just felt weird. Cry pushed it in up to his knuckle, and it really didn't hurt to Felix. "I'm going to push in a second," Cry whispered after a few moments, and Felix just nodded.

Not soon after did he feel another pressure, then another finger push in. He groaned, this hurt a bit, stretched him. His eyes squeezed shut even tighter than before, and he tried to focus on the sounds of Cry's comforting words.  And then after that another, in which Felix screamed out, making Cry have to cover his mouth. "We can stop if you want," Cry whispered, looking into the Swede's icy blue eyes that were glossed over with tears.

"N-no," Felix whispered, closing his eyes tighter and trying to relax. Once he managed to, he gave Cry a small nod. At that, he carefully pulled his fingers out, then thrusted them back in making Felix scream out, at least this time muffled by his hand. But, as Cry continued thrusting Felix got used to it, and on one particular spot let out a cry of pleasure instead of pain. This was in response to Cry hitting a certain bundle of nerves, in which Cry smiled. "Finally," he whispered.

"I am ready," Felix whispered, opening his watery eyes to look up at the red head. Cry nodded and gave a comforting smile before pulling out his fingers, in which Felix felt strange and empty now.

Instead, he heard the bottle open again, and a few moments later something press against the tight ring of muscles. "R-ready," Cry asked, looking nervously down at the Swede.

Felix just nodded, holding his hand to his mouth to muffle out the scream that was most likely to come... which it did. Cry thrust into him, a bit to fast maybe, making Felix scream out into his hand. He felt like he was being ripped apart, stretched out and it hurt horribly. But he didn't put a stop to it, although the pained look on his face made Cry want to pull out immediately and cuddle him to death. Despite the feeling of warmth and tightness around him feeling amazing, unlike anything he ever had felt. 

He stayed completely still, waiting for Felix to relax around him, and make slight adjustments. Once Felix had adjusted, the pain fading away slightly, but still there, he gave a nod in which Cry pulled out gently and pushed back in. Instead of a scream this time, Felix let out a loud moan, surprising both teenagers. It did feel strangely good though, pleasurable to be filled by Cry, although the pain was still there.

And so Cry continued thrusting into Felix, searching for the spot he found earlier and with each thrust getting faster and coming from a different angle. When he finally found it, Felix telling him by moaning out cuss words in Swedish, he continued from that angle, thrusting in at a slightly faster pace. Each thrust felt amazing, Felix feeling in complete bliss. 

"Cry, h-harder," he managed to whisper, barely even above a whisper, out of slight embarrassment. But Cry heard it, and smiled as he thrusted in harder towards the spot, hitting it right almost every single time and making Felix see stars. Cry let out small moans and groans as well, in response to the tightness of Felix, of the sounds coming from him, from the sight of him underneath him, from the smell of pleasure and sex in the air. 

But both of them knew Felix couldn't last long, and he didn't. After a couple minutes he screamed out in pleasure, forgetting to cover his mouth, and releasing his fluids in between him and Cry's abdomens. With a few more thrusts Cry was finished too, pulling out and falling next to Felix panting.

"I love you" Cry whispered suddenly, pulling Felix into his naked body and holding him close.

"I love you too, Cry. I am yours now, right," Felix asked, sounding a bit unsure making Cry chuckle.

"Yes, and I am yours as well," he whispered, before yawning and falling asleep.

~~~

Cry had been in the hospital for too months. It was dreadfully boring and sad for Felix. Since last week, he wasn't able to visit him anymore since he was getting heavy radiation in hopes to... to just do something.

His issue had gotten much worse, his tumor growing and chemo seeming to do nothing but kill his beautiful red hair. Felix only had pictures, and memories of him to live off of until he got better. Cry wasn't allowed to use his phone or anything, and his mother was always at the hospital so she could rarely update Felix on how he was doing. When she did, it was always bad news.

This was awful for Felix, as he missed Cry immensely, wanted to hold him close and kiss him and touch him and feel him, but he couldn't. All he had was these pictures they took, and that just made him sadder. He slowly fell into the deep vast state of depression. Nothing was ever good, and if something good happened, he played it off like nothing because he knew something bad would come and bite him in the ass.

And that is how he lived, his eating schedule getting messed up, just going through the necessities of life messily, forgetting much of what to do. When he got home he would run into Cry's room, and just sob on his bed. He would cuddle up into the warm red comforter, and allow the familiar scent of nutella and cologne to feel his nose. He would relive the memories they shared together, would go through picture albums, would listen to their favorite songs. Nothing would help though, and with his parents not around anymore... they didn't notice anyway.

Really the only thing stopping himself for cutting or even worse was Cry. He didn't want to hurt himself if it turned out Cry would be okay, because despite all of this he had a small sprinkle of hope. At one point he stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror. He held his arm over the sink and held the razor against his skin. He was so still, almost frozen there debating whether he should go through with it or not. In his mind it didn't seem like such a bad idea, but Cry would be disappointed. He didn't want to leave Cry here on earth stuggling whilst he just left. 

So he didn't, and he just went through the motions for nearly three months. That was until he got the devastating phone call from his mother at school It was so strange.

The speakers came on and the teacher called," Felix Kjellburg please report to the office immediately with your stuff."

And so he did, wondering if he had got in trouble for something. Or maybe because he was slacking off at homework and they were going to punish him. But that did not prepare him at all for what was instead waiting for him.

The principal just stood there in her office, holding the phone out to him. He look at her curiously before answering, a bit concern," Hello?"

"Fe-Felix," the familiar voice spoke over the speaker, making his heart skip a beat.

"C-Cry? CRY," he smiled happily.

"Y-yeah, Felix listen I n-need to tell you something," Cry spoke, and at the sound of his voice cracking Felix stopped smiling. Was he crying?

"Cry? Cry what's wrong," he demanded into the phone, holding the phone so tightly to his ear that he thought he might break it.

"F-fe... I am sorry. I won't make it, and you can't make it to the hospital in time and-"

"WHAT? Cry stop! This isn't funny," Felix yelled, this must be a joke right? He felt tears well in his eyes and his body suddenly feel weak.

"N-no... Felix they don't think I will last very long, and the new hospital I am at is a couple hours away and- I am sorry," he finished, and Felix felt tears streak his cheeks at the sound of Cry breaking into sobs.

"NO! CRY NONO! CRY PLEASE CRY," Felix yelled desperately, feeling his heart shatter and his breathing getting heavy and difficult.

The line was silent, a heartbreaking silence. The only thing heard was the red head sobbing. After a couple moments he spoke again after taking a large breath.

"Fe, I love you. You are mine and I am yours," he uttered out.

Tears poured endlessly down Felix's cheeks, his body breaking down into a million small pieces as he replied," I love you too... You are mine, I am yours." He took a shaky breath, and just listened to the sound of Cry breathing.

"Felix, they told me they were- going to try to operate... but I know it wont work," Cry explained.

Felix nodded, as if Cry could see him. After a minutes he let out a small," oh."

"I have to go now," Cry whispered, his sultry voice filling the line.

"Okay," Felix muttered, depression obvious in his voice.

"Please don't do anything stupid," Cry spoke, although Felix didn't hear it. All he heard was the sound of his voice, not the actual words being spoken.

"Okay," he answered mindlessly, trying to focus on every sound Cry's voice uttered, every breath he let out, the image of him lying in the hospital bed too hard for his mind to handle.

"Bye, Fe," Cry finished, breaking Felix from his trance. Was this really happening?

"Bye, Cry," Felix whispered, tears still falling from his blue eyes which were much lighter and sadder looking now.

The line hung up, and in that moment Felix fell to his knees. He just let it all go, and began full on sobbing on the floor of the principals office. Every hand that tried to touch him he pushed away, sobbing endlessly and barely being able to breath. 

After a few minutes of people poking and prodding him he finally stood up," LEAVE ME ALONE!" He looked around at the shocked faces of the school nurse and the principal and the security guards circling him. Now was his chance...

Without a second thought he pushed past the people surrounding him and ran out the office. He ran faster than he ever had before, tears still streaking his pale face. His converse hit the hallway with a squeak, him going through groups of people hanging out in the halls, waiting for the bell to ring to signal another boring hour of class.

He ran past it all, and out the doors of his school. He ignored the alarms sounding behind him, the shouts of protest as he ran. He ran down to the fence that surrounded the school and started climbing. He dropped his school bag and got to the other side of the fence, and after a second of hesitation just kept going.

His lungs could barely function, his breath still shaky from sobbing, and now running endlessly and extremely fast past cars and moving streets. A small part of him hoped he would get hit, but of course he didn't. He had to do this by himself, make the decision by himself.

And that is how he ended up standing on the edge of the bridge that connected two sides of the highway at least two miles from his school. He stared over the edge into the river below. The icy blue water rushing past the rocks and debres left by humans. He sighed, just standing there.

For a moment he was in peace, the sounds of honking and cars driving by were silent. The memories of his precious red head fresh in his mind. All of the times they played together as children, when they were older, when they kissed, when they had sex, every little memory rushing to his mind as he stood above this icy river.

This could be it, I mean what is the point of living if you can't even see the one you love. Be by him every second, every minute, every hour, of the day. Wake up next to him, go to sleep next to him. Give loving kisses, start a career. Struggle through problems together, adopt kids, just be happy. Felix didn't even care, he wouldn't even care if he was with Cry.

"I love you," he whispered, his words inaudible to anybody as the obnoxious cars honked in the background. And with that...

                                                he jumped...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW  FUCK YOU GUYS.GO FUCK YOURSELVES. GOD DAMMIT. I AM FULL ON CRYING AND MY MOM JUST CAME IN MY ROOM ASKING IF I WAS OKAY. THIS WAS THE LONGEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN IT BETTER BE GOOD. I HOPED YOU GUYS LIKED IT. I HOPE YOU GUYS SOBBED UNTIL YOU COULDN'T SOB ANYMORE...

jk. i love you... dont  fuck yourselves. find a nice guy or girl to do it for you. im sorry. *sniffle* okay. I will write the west coast high and hopefully the crys little secret today. it will probs be published tomorrow. i might put this on tumblr. MIGHT. okay bye love y'all