Patton was completely still and silent as Logan got him out of the backseat of their car. He picked him up and carried him inside their house, laying him down on the couch. He walked to the nearest bathroom and grabbed a first aid kit.

Walking back out to his husband, Logan kneeled down in front of him. He reached his hands out to his shirt, but hesitated, glancing up at his eyes and then at the bullet wound in his left shoulder.

"...Can I take off your shirt so I can better reach the wound?" He asked quietly. Patton slowly nodded, honestly not understanding why it did feel a bit awkward. They had been sleeping in the same bed every night for about five years now, and Patton never wore a shirt to bed.

Logan hastily slipped Patton's polo over his head and threw it onto the floor. He grimaced seeing the wound and grabbed a pair of tweezers from the first aid kit, along with some bandages and other things. He very quickly cleaned the wound before reaching the tweezers in and pulling out the bullet, depositing it on the coffee table. He then wrapped it in bandages and moved on to his ear.

"Can you hear anything out of this ear?" Logan asked as he took the bullet out.

"Uhm... no, not really. It's just ringing."

"Okay. You should, uhm... we- you-... that just needs to get checked out at some point."

Patton gulped. "Y-Yeah."

Was it really this uncertain as to whether or not they'd still be together this time tomorrow? That's... oh.

Patton really wasn't sure what to think.

He had loved Logan for so many years- they had been together for an entire decade, and had really said they loved each other for the entire time. Logan had accidentally let it slip about three months in that he did, in fact, love him. Which- Patton didn't mind, at the time.

But if Logan told him he loved him right now, would he mind? Would it disgust him? Or would he be able to say it back with no hesitation, like he had so long ago when Logan said it for the first time?

Pretty soon, Patton's ear was cleaned, and Logan packed up the first aid kit. He put it back in the bathroom and quickly disposed of the bullets.

"Did... did your legs get injured at all?" He asked.

"No, those are fine."

"Okay. Uhm, I'm going to go upstairs and start writing that suicide note, you can... you can come with me, or you can stay down here."

Patton blinked a few times.

"I... I'll just stay here."

"Alright. I'll be back downstairs as soon as possible."

"Yep."

Logan disappeared upstairs, and Patton sighed, leaning back on the couch.

...

His house didn't feel right.

He wasn't sure what it was- it just felt more... empty, than usual. And he hated that.

...Patton hated all of this. This time yesterday he was probably fast asleep, in his husband's arms, and everything was peaceful. He didn't know Logan was a murderer. Logan didn't know Patton was, either. Yes, Remy was still alive yesterday, but Patton wished he could just go back to then. At least he was still mildly happy- now he couldn't find a single ounce of joy in his body anywhere.

Clearly, things can always get worse.

Logan came down the stairs a bit later, a printed out sheet of paper in his hands. He was also wearing gloves. He saw Patton on the couch and stopped dead in his tracks, a look of worry and fear washing over him.

"...Patton? Are you alright?"

Patton sniffled- he hadn't even realized it until now, but he had been crying for the past five minutes. Patton just took a shakey breath and nodded, sitting up.

They were both silent.

"I... I was going to give you a choice as to whether or not you wanted to come with me to do this, but I think you should come with. We're both feeling a lot right now, but I don't think it would be good for us to stay apart for long."

"...Okay."

Patton hoisted himself off the couch and walked next to Logan. They glanced at each other for a moment before both walking out the front door and into the car. Patton got into the passenger's seat and stared out the window, frowning. He was still crying, except he was making no noise, and no movement, either.

The drive was... awkward, as it was probably expected to be. Neither talked, nor made eye contact. The entire car was silent, the two husbands just staring away from each other.

When they finally reached the field, Logan grabbed the suicide note and hopped out of the car. Patton got out too, but he stayed far away from the body. Logan stared at Remy for a brief moment before taking the knife he had been stabbed with in his gloved hands, carefully inserting it back into Remy's body. He got something out from his pocket and began to clean off the knife handle, and then he took Remy's cold, dead hands and clasped them around the knife just to leave fingerprints. He laid the note down next to him, quickly retrieved his gun, and walked back to the car.

Patton got back in the car and strapped himself in, Logan doing so too after dropping Remy's gun in the trunk. He started driving. Once again, all was silent.

"...Logan?" Patton asked suddenly, surprising himself a bit. Logan glanced at him and then looked back towards the road.

"Yes?"

"Can we have that talk... like, right now?"

Logan sighed. "I don't think we should. I... it's about eleven-thirty now, we should wait until we're rested."

Patton had so many questions. What was the talk even going to be about? Why did it seem like Logan was avoiding it for other reasons rather than energy? What was going to happen to them in the morning? Would Patton's "perfect life" dreams ever come true?

...

"...I miss you." Patton mumbled, just loud enough for Logan to hear.

"What?"

"I- I miss you. Or... no, never mind. I don't miss you, I'm just missing the man that you pretended to be for the decade we've been together. But now, I don't know if I even want him back or not." There were still a few stray tears rolling down Patton's cheeks, but he didn't sound sad. He sounded pissed.

"...Wait, Patton, hold on-"

"No! Logan, don't- you were lying to me. That entire time. And you know you were. You should have- it- it's your fault. If I would have known this sooner I never would have done what I did. I did everything that I did to protect you, because I thought all of my friends in high school were murdered by Remy. I thought you were next. I thought that all of those horrible things I did were to keep you safe, but you were never in danger in the first place."

"Patton-"

"Why didn't you at least tell me that Remy was actually after me?! Was that so hard to tell me? I would have been relieved!"

"I didn't know that you would! I thought-"

"You should have. You-"

"Can you please stop cutting me off for one second?!"

Patton blinked. He furrowed his eyebrows, and he huffed. "...Fine."

Logan sighed. "Look... I know I'm in the wrong. I know all of this is my fault, you don't have to tell me that. I didn't realize in high school that... killing those four could have affected you in the future. But I should have realized. I was just trying to keep you close, I didn't want to lose you. Now, can we please talk about the rest of this in the morning?"

"...Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why are you just pushing it away? For all I know you could just wake up tomorrow and tell me to wait another day. And another. And another. And we'll never have the talk, ever, and I'll just be angry and sad for the rest of my life. Are you hiding something else from me? Did you kill more people? Who? Logan, just tell me-"

"Because I still don't want to lose you."

Patton opened his mouth to keep speaking, but quickly closed it. He was about to question him but then just decided it was better to be silent.

"When we... have this talk, I don't know what's going to happen when it's done. But I don't want to lose you. What- I don't know what I would do if I did. I would probably become the same man I was in high school- or... maybe I am still him, and I'll just go back to doing what I used to. I really don't want to do that. I would end up in jail very quickly."

"...Well maybe that's where you should be."

Logan let out a breath that sounded half worried and half offended. "Patton, do you still love me?"

"I don't know!" He yelled, looking Logan straight in the eyes. He then blinked, and he looked away, crossing his arms.

"Patton..."

Patton was silent. After a few moments Logan realized he was giving him the cold shoulder.

"...Fine. You don't have to talk to me. I get it. We're almost home, anyway, so when we get there we can get ready for bed and I will sleep on the couch. When you're ready to talk in the morning you come downstairs and wake me up. Alright?"

"...Mhm."

"Alright."

Soon enough they did pull into the driveway, and Patton got out, walking up to the front door. He opened it and stepped inside, immediately walking upstairs. He brushed his teeth and got into bed, listening to the faint sounds of Logan washing his face and then heading downstairs.

Patton sighed, and he closed his eyes.

...

He tossed and turned for about twenty minutes, mostly just laying with a sour expression. He wasn't sure why he couldn't sleep- he was exhausted.

He didn't actually realize why until he sub-consciously threw his arm over his husband, who obviously wasn't there.

...

He did miss him.

No- he, he couldn't. He just couldn't. Logan was the bane of his existence right now, Patton didn't want to miss him.

After a few moments of nothing Patton grabbed a pillow from his husband's side of the bed. He turned it sideways, and cuddled up to it. After a few moments Patton felt his eyes get watery, and he groaned, shoving the pillow away from him.

"Why can't I just sleep..?" He mumbled to himself, beginning to get angry. He flopped back down in bed and buried his face in the pillow, not caring that he was getting tear stains on it. He groaned into the pillow, gripping at its sides.

...Maybe he should just... calm down?

No, he can't calm down, not right now. His husband was a murderer. His husband was a murderer and Patton wasn't sure whether he should love him or not.

He sighed, turning to face the ceiling. He closed his eyes tightly, crossing his arms underneath the blankets.

...

Did he even have a choice, whether he loved Logan or not?

...No, he didn't.

He didn't because before this day, their entire relationship was perfect. Every day was a dream with him, and Patton could have never been happier. This was the first time now that Patton was trying to sleep in bed alone since they moved in together, and considering how hard of a time he was having, the answer was clear.

Patton did love Logan.

...He just didn't want to, not in that very moment, at least.

Patton sniffled, sitting up in bed.

"Why... why can't everything just be normal again?" He mumbled to himself. He looked ahead and barely caught his reflection in the bedroom mirror, it being hard to see since it was so dark. He rubbed his eyes.

He really wanted everything to be normal again. He loved Logan, he really did, just... right now he didn't want to. But he had to. Logan was his husband. They had been through a lot together. Logan always got him through tough situations- he just wished that he knew how to fix what was happening right now.

Maybe...

Maybe, if Patton wanted things to be good again, he had to make them good himself.

He blinked at his reflection in the mirror and immediately climbed out of bed, grabbing his glasses off his bedside table and putting them on his face. He walked out of his room and down the stairs, into the living room.

Logan didn't notice Patton- he was sitting up with his feet on the couch, curled into a ball, hugging his knees close to him and keeping his head down. Patton stared at him for a moment before slowly walking forward. Hearing the creaking of the wood, Logan suddenly looked up, and his face was red with tear stains.

Patton thought he was going to burst into tears in that moment too, but he didn't. He instead just silently reached out a hand to him. Logan slowly brought his feet to the floor and stood up, taking the hand very hesitantly.

Patton began to guide Logan back up the stairs and into their bedroom. He flipped the tear-stained pillow and then put it back where it was before, letting his husband climb into bed. Patton climbed in next to him and cuddled into his chest, making sure Logan's hands were on his back.

Logan was eerily quiet, and his shoulders were raised. He clearly didn't know what to think. After a few moments Patton heard him let out a small sigh, letting himself relax.

And they fell asleep.

•~~~~•

Light streamed through the window, and Patton's eyes fluttered open. He yawned quietly, snuggling into his husband's chest.

And then he remembered what had happened.

He raised his shoulders and his eyes opened fully, thoughts flooding into his mind. He was on edge- again. He let the thoughts slowly pass in his mind, not focusing in on a single one, until all of the worries seemed to be gone. Mostly, anyway.

He had made a choice last night that he wanted to do better, and he was going to do that.

"...Good morning." Patton heard Logan speak hesitantly. Patton gripped gently at Logan's shirt.

"'Morning."

"Uhm... why did you bring me back in here last night?" He asked after a moment.

"Mm... it's too early to think. Can I have a minute?"

Logan was silent for a moment. "...Yes, of course. Take your time, you only just woke up."

Patton shifted his head off of Logan's chest and into the crook of his neck, sighing. Logan was still and silent, hands on Patton's back, just letting him enjoy the morning. For as long as he might be able to.

About twenty minutes passed of the two just holding each other close until Patton slowly began to sit up. Logan took his hands away and sat up, too, both of them putting on their glasses. Patton blinked.

"Uh... so, I couldn't really sleep without you. I'm just... used to you being here, I guess." He chuckled gently. "And..."

Patton thought over his words. Logan stared at him.

"And..?"

"And, I- I want to do better."

"...What do you mean?"

"I keep saying that I want everything to be back to normal like it's just gonna magically happen. But it won't, and... I realize that. But if I ever do want things to be at least close to normal... I have to make an effort, too. So I thought that that was a good first-step."

Logan stared at him for a few moments. A smile tugged at his lips but it quickly passed, and he cleared his throat.

"Should... should we have that talk now?"

"Y-yeah. But, uhm... what even is the talk gonna be about?"

Logan blinked. "I'm really not sure. But, we're having it now, I suppose." He sighed. "Maybe we should just start by... letting loose exactly what we're feeling right now. Just let all of it out into the open. But before we do any of that, I think we should promise each other that we won't get mad, and we won't yell, until after the talk is over."

"...Okay, that makes sense. Yeah."

"Alright, good."

Both were silent.

"...Would you like to start, or should I?" Logan asked.

"I can start."

"Alright."

Patton sighed.

"I just... I don't know. I'm feeling a lot. We've known each other for twelve years and have been together for ten, so I kind of feel... betrayed? Yeah, that. Because you never told me about this... whole different side of you. And I'm really not sure what to think about it, because after some thought, I've realized that... I do still love you. Of course I do. And I think right now I really want to, too, but I don't know if I should. I'm scared of what might happen if I do. But at the end of the day, you're my husband. We're married. So... I don't know. I just don't really know what to think of it all."

"That makes sense." Logan nodded. "Uhm, I'm feeling... sad, I guess. You saw me last night on the couch. I still love you, too, nothing you could ever do would make me stop loving you. Which is why it absolutely crushes me to see how much emotional pain I'm putting you through. I hate it, and I hate that I know it's my fault. I hate that I can't go back and tell my high-school self to just ask you out on a date instead of trying to, well... you know. Eliminate the competition. And I'm scared about what's going to happen when this talk is over, whether you'll still love me. As I said last night, I feel like I might start killing people again if we were to ever split up. And I don't want to do that. But really, at the end of the day, all I actually want is for you to be happy. And if the only way for you to be happy is for us to end our relationship, then we can do that. And I'll try to keep myself sane, and away from you."

Patton frowned, staying completely still.

"...I really don't want to get a divorce, Logan."

"Then we don't have to. I don't want to, either, believe me. You're- ...you're my soulmate, Patton, there is no doubt about that."

Patton smiled, ever so slightly. "I know."

Both were silent for a moment again.

"...I think I know what we have to do, in this talk." Logan said.

"What?"

"We need to talk through exactly what had happened over the years, so both of us know everything. We can start with me, and I will talk through everything from the moment I met you to Remy getting arrested. And then you can start talking through everything around this point in time, and I'll add in anything else that you might need to know. The bottom line is, if we don't want to get divorced, we have to stop keeping secrets. Both you and me."

Patton was silent for a moment before slowly nodding.

"And..." Logan continued, "when we're done the talk, we'll decide what comes next. Maybe we'll still love each other, and we can begin to work on repairing our relationship. Or maybe we know too much about each other and think that splitting would be the best idea. We'll... decide when we're done."

"...Okay. So... you're gonna start?"

"Yes."

Logan took a deep breath, and reached out, grabbing Patton's hands.

"Alright. I suppose I should start in fifth grade, when my parents got divorced. It started one day, when my dad picked me up from school. I smiled that day and walked up to him, but something seemed off..."

And so, Logan talked through every event in his high school life. His parent's divorce, him getting attached to Patton upon meeting him because Patton reminded him of his dad, even to the point of describing how he killed the four people that he did. When he had gotten to Joe in the conversation he asked Patton how much detail he wanted to hear, and Patton said he wanted to hear everything, so he heard everything.

And then they got to Patton. Talking through each of the first four people he killed, Logan then jumping in and adding what he had been told by Remy. And then more people were talked about, before Logan and Remy's second conversation. The death of Janus and Remy and Patton's "battle" were laid out in the open.

And, through all of it, they cried. Of course they did. But it was okay. They held each other's hands tightly and they didn't stop talking until they reached the very end of it all.

"...so I fell down, and my knife was right next to me. I threw it, and he shot his gun. The bullet went into my ear and the knife went into his chest. I got up after a moment and stood over him. He started to say some more, not really important stuff about Emile. And then... you arrived. Which brings us to now."

The two stared at each other. Patton took a slow deep breath.

"Is that... is that the end of our talk, then?" Logan asked, quickly wiping his eyes before putting his hand back in his husband's grasp.

"Yeah... it is. What, uhm, what do you think?"

Logan blinked. "I think... I'm willing to go along with whatever makes you happy, because that is still my top priority. Even if... even if I never got to see you again."

Patton breathed quietly, wiping his own eyes. He thought.

He knew everything now, and that was a lot. In that moment he honestly just couldn't stop imagining Logan in all of those situations he had described himself in, whether it was throwing Joe's body into a river, stabbing Andrew with an icicle... everything. He was sure Logan couldn't stop picturing Patton with his own victims.

But it was clear that Logan still loved him. After all of that. All of it. And, once again, all of it was a whole lot.

"I think..." Patton began to say, still breathing softly. Logan took a deep breath himself, obviously scared for what Patton was about to say.

"Yes..?"

"I think that... we, should... look into getting my ear checked out soon."

Logan stared at him for a moment before a small smile came over his face, his lips patting briefly and letting out a sigh of disbelief. He moved forward and hugged Patton tightly, Patton smiling and returning it.

They pulled apart, and their hands slid together again.

"It's going to take us a bit to get... us, back on track, but I'm glad you're willing to do it." Logan smiled.

"Me, too."

"And I'm sure things aren't going to be instantly perfect again, that isn't possible. I can understand that you may not trust me at times, and I hope you can understand if I ever hesitate on anything you say. But we can fix that."

Patton smiled and nodded. "I think you mentioned, like a week ago, about getting a therapist for me, and maybe we should do that. And for you, too. I think we both need it. But, uh, maybe not couple's therapy, we'd have to tell everything to the therapist and that could get us arrested." He let out a breathy, awkward laugh.

"I agree. If we need more trust between us we can always do those... silly trust exercises that people always talk about, like trust falls and things like that."

Patton smiled. "Yeah. That... that sounds amazing, Logan."

"I'm glad."

Both of them smiled at each other for a moment. Logan sighed gently.

"Patton?"

"Hmm?"

"Could I kiss you?"

Patton nodded gently. "You don't have to ask."

And so, they kissed. Their lips softly connected and they completely melted into each other, their hands wrapping around each other's bodies. It felt real. Neither had really remembered having a kiss as real as this one with each other for a very long time. When they parted, they smiled.

"That felt... really good." Patton admitted.

"It did, didn't it? And... I'm sure we'll have many more."

"Yeah... yeah, we will."

Their hands slid together again, and they smiled.

"So... wanna go make breakfast, maybe talk about my whole ear thing?"

"Oh, right. We haven't eaten breakfast yet. Let's do that. And maybe we should dig up that knife you buried in the backyard."

The two got out of bed, hand in hand. "Eh... not right now. Maybe it will grow into, like, a tree or something?" He giggled quietly.

"That's... that's not possible, but alright."

The two walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"What are we gonna tell the doctor about what happened? We can't really say that I got shot."

"Well, it's mid-July. We can say you were standing too close to some fireworks on the fourth and didn't think to get your hearing checked out until now."

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense-"

When the two stepped into the kitchen, their eyes locked on something- the knife drawer. It was still open from when Patton had grabbed a knife out last night, him not having closed it, and Logan not having done it either.

Both took a deep breath. Patton thought for a moment before he slowly began to walk forward, taking his hand out of Logan's. He walked all the way forward, to the drawer, and pushed it closed. He turned around and smiled gently at his husband, who smiled back.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•
Now that's what I call a SPEEDY RECOVERY-

Haha y'all will never guess what the title of the next chapter will be. (MY DISCORD SERVER FRIENDS DON'T SPOIL IT-)

Eh. You'll find out... in two days.

See ya in the next chapter!👨‍👨‍👦