"Do we really have to get up yet?"

Patton clung to his husband's arm as Logan tried to sit up in bed, only to be pulled back down onto the mattress. He sighed, turning to face Patton and lacing his fingers in his curly hair.

"We should get up soon. I know we have nothing to do today, but we still should get out of bed. Maybe talk to Roman a bit more."

"Mmh... he can wait. I wanna sleep. What time is it?"

Logan grabbed his phone off his nightstand. "Ten-thirty. Which means you've been trying to convince me to fall back asleep with you for... fifteen minutes, about."

Patton grinned tiredly, inching closer to Logan and laying his head on his chest. "Well, let's keep it at fifteen minutes. Fall back asleep with me."

"We really should get up..."

"Nah."

Patton threw a leg over his husband's waist and then lazily climbed on top of him, laying down with his head near his neck and their chests touching. Logan realized that if he really wanted to get up he'd have have to push Patton off of him, and so he sighed, putting his hands on his back and closing his eyes.

...

Or...

Logan opened his eyes and saw a small smile on his husband's lips, his arms spread out to his sides. Logan smirked and lifted his hands from Patton's back, slowly moving them until they were underneath his arms. He began to tickle him.

Patton's eyes shot open and he immediately squealed, squirming out of Logan's arms. Logan started to snicker and continued to tickle him, even though Patton wasn't on top of Logan anymore. Patton giggled and snorted as he tried to push his husband's hands away, telling him to stop in a way that was obviously playful. Eventually Patton successfully pushed his husband away, and Logan started to snicker more as Patton tried to catch his breath.

"You seem to be awake now, aren't you?" Logan asked, smirking. Patton jokingly rolled his eyes and shoved Logan lightly again. He then sat up and hoisted himself out of bed.

"Fine, fine... I am. Can we eat breakfast?"

Logan got out of bed, too. "Sure."

The two of them got dressed and Logan grabbed his phone. He stared at it for a moment.

Honestly, for some reason, he had a feeling that the person Remy was going to kill would be Roman- he wasn't sure why he thought that, he just did. That's why he wanted to FaceTime him the day prior. It would be beneficial to send him a text, just to see if he's still alive.

...And, maybe, he should also keep Patton away from the TV until he got an answer. It seemed like the news was on at all the wrong times these days.

Logan shot Roman a text and then slipped his phone into his pocket, grabbing his husband's hand as they walked downstairs. Patton wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge, getting out bread and Crofter's. Logan's eyes lit up.

"Crofter's?" Patton asked, adoring the sudden needy look on his husband's face.

"Crofter's."

Patton quickly closed the fridge and Logan grabbed two paper plates. They then worked together, spreading jam onto the bread. Holding the knife with the red substance on it, Patton had a flashback to stabbing the eight people that he had stabbed in the past, but he merely chuckled and pushed the thought into the back of his mind. He didn't have to think about that right now.

When they finished spreading the jam Patton dragged his husband over to the couch, sitting down. Logan started to eat his breakfast, and to Patton's confusion, he didn't turn on the TV.

"...You wanna watch something?" Patton asked, gesturing to the TV. Logan looked his way and then got his phone out from his pocket, frowning at it. His frown was quickly replaced with a small smile and put his phone away.

"No. You're much more fun to look at."

"Logan..!"

Patton giggled, blushing at his husband's words. Logan leaned closer to him and pecked his cheek, before taking his hand in his own. Patton sat contently, leaning his head on Logan's shoulder as the two of them ate in comfortable silence.

When they finished eating Logan very quickly threw their plates away before hurrying back over to the couch. He glanced at the TV and then got out his phone again, once again frowning and putting it away. Patton sat patiently, waiting for Logan to do or say something.

"What would you like to do?" Logan asked.

"I dunno. We could binge Parks and Rec again."

"...Or, maybe we could do something else?"

Patton tilted his head slightly, confused as to why Logan was so unfavorable to the TV today.

"You got something against the TV?" Patton asked, smiling and raising an eyebrow. Logan chuckled.

"No, no... I just think that maybe we should take a break from it, you know? We watch so much. We should try something different."

"Like..?"

"Like..." Logan thought for a moment, "watching YouTube on my phone in our bedroom."

Patton giggled. "That's just off-brand TV."

"And it gives me an excuse to be close to you so we can both see the screen. Come on, let's go upstairs."

Patton snickered as Logan grabbed his hand, starting to lead him towards the stairs. They walked up them, and made it to their bedroom, quickly climbing underneath the blankets. Logan got out his phone and opened YouTube, setting his phone on his chest and letting Patton lean his head on his shoulder. Patton adjusted his head until it was more in front of Logan's shoulder, and Logan moved the phone back a tad so they could both see it.

"What would you like to watch?" Logan asked, opening the search bar of YouTube.

"I dunno. There's a lot of things we could watch."

"Well, let's see what's in our recommendations." Logan started to scroll. "Jacksfilms, GrayStillPlays, Randy Rainbow, there's the Dad, How Do I? channel, uhm... the Thomas Sanders guy..."

"We can just watch Jacksfilms, maybe," Patton suggested.

"Alright."

Logan selected one of the YouTuber's many videos and they started watching, holding each other close and laughing every once and a while if something funny happened. The day went by with them eventually skipping from YouTuber to YouTuber until they got hungry and decided to make some lunch.

Lunch was simple- just grilled cheese. But spreading butter over the bread before putting it on the pan turned into Patton wiping his accidentally-buttered fingers on his husband's back, which turned into both of them needing a shower because they had started a food fight with butter, cheese and bread.

When they finished eating they did agree to take a shower together, since they're husbands and that's what husbands do because it's domestic and cute. Also because Logan really wanted an excuse to wash his Patton's soft hair.

Patton definitely enjoyed it, just standing still as Logan threaded his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. He just stood there with a small smile on his face, which turned to a grin when Logan would finish rinsing the shampoo or conditioner out and then gently kiss the top of his head. When Patton's hair was done being washed Logan would start to wash his own hair, and Patton would take very fondly to using a washcloth to gently fling water at Logan just to be annoying.

When they got out of the shower after also washing their bodies they dried themselves off and dried their hair, Patton putting the product he normally would in it so it curled properly while Logan blow dried and straightened his hair. When they were done they got dressed and made their way downstairs.

"Can we watch TV now?" Patton asked as they sat on the couch. Logan grimaced and got out his phone. He frowned at it for a moment until suddenly Patton saw a notification pop up and Logan's face lit up.

"Oh! Uhm, Roman just texted, how about we FaceTime him and Virgil again?"

"Oh, okay! That sounds fun!"

The two found their place on the ground again and Logan quickly found Roman's contact in the FaceTime app, calling him.

And...

...

Roman and Virgil appeared on the screen. Unharmed, and smiling. Which meant that Roman had more time- at least to Logan. But it probably meant something completely different to those people that Remy's been talking to lately.

...Yeah, that's right. Prepare yourselves.

The four friends chatted happily about all the good things in their lives, including wedding plans for Roman and Virgil. They were planning to get married pretty soon, hopefully in a month or two. Though they also wanted to wait until some of the... stuff that had been happening recently blew over, just so Logan and Patton could safely attend the wedding. The two definitely needed to be there, considering that Logan was to be Roman's best man and Patton to be Virgil's.

Eventually, night began to fall, and the call ended so Patton and Logan could start making dinner. They made pasta, trying to be careful not to spread their butter as much as they had when making lunch.

Patton scarfed up his noodles as the two walked over to the couch, sitting down. Logan stared at the TV remote for a moment before sighing and grabbing it. Patton snickered.

"You're finally succumbing to the television, I see?" Patton asked, smirking. Logan rolled his eyes jokingly and smiled.

"I suppose so. You don't need to sound so professional about it, though."

"Sure I do."

"Fine, fine."

And Logan turned on the TV.

...But it would be a lie to say that he didn't regret it immediately after.

As the light from the TV hit their faces, words spoken being registered in their minds, Patton was instantly hit with déjà vu. A sickening sense of déjà vu.

He was reminded of just about every horrible moment in his past. When some of his friends stopped showing up to school in senior year. When he saw a dead body- and not just any dead body, the body of one of his friends- for the first time, in the hallway of his high school. All of the times he screamed internally at himself for thinking horrible thoughts. All the mental breakdowns he had before and after killing people. When he screamed out loud after finding out that Remy was in their neighborhood.

And that brought him to now.

"BREAKING NEWS: Remy Cafe takes another life- Janus Foster, the brother of Cafe's highschool boyfriend, was found dead in his home. Foster was stabbed on the right side of his neck in his kitchen late yesterday morning and left to bleed out as Cafe escaped."

Logan's eyes widened and he cursed underneath his breath, quickly pausing the TV and turning towards Patton, who was staring blankly ahead at the screen.

He... wasn't crying.

He couldn't.

Because no way was Janus actually dead.

"...Patton, hey-"

"No no no, it's fine, Logan. Hold on."

Patton reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, his hands shaking. He opened up his brother's number in Messages. He would text back. He would text back, right? Right. Of course he would.

💛JJ!💛
6:56 PM

Janus?>
Hey, Janus. How are you?>
We should talk soon.>
We haven't talked in
a couple days, have we?>
Janus?>
I saw you on the news.
But you're not dead.>
You're not dead, right?>
Janus??>
Janus, please answer me.>
I love you so much.>
What was the last
thing I said to you?>
I should have said more.>
I really should have said more.>
Why didn't I?>
I could have told you how
much you mean to me,
how you're the only one who
I've really been able to
talk to through any of this.>
Janus?>
What am I going to end up
doing if you don't answer me??>
I love you, so much, JJ.
You mean so much to me.>
Please don't leave me.>
Janus?>
Janus?>
Janus?>
Janus?>
Janus?>
Janus?>
Delivered

"No no no... he's just not at his phone, right, Logan?"

Logan stared at his husband with one of the saddest expressions Patton had ever seen.

"Patton..."

"What? What is it, Logan?"

Logan gulped and then sighed a shakey sigh, putting a hand gently on his husband's shoulder.

"Patton... he's dead."

...

And for some reason, hearing it come from Logan's mouth was the way that Patton really realized it. His brother was dead.

Dead.

"...Oh." Patton mumbled.

His amazing, loving, caring brother.

"I- but..."

His amazing, loving, caring brother, who was so excited for the future because he was planning on adopting that kid he had fostered not too long ago. He was gone...

"...no."

Forever.

"Oh my- NO!"

Logan tried to reach for his husband but Patton stood up, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. He just wanted to run away from everything.

So he did.

He ran, upstairs, and into the bathroom where his knife and gardening gloves were hidden. He locked the door behind him, curling into a ball on the floor and beginning to sob after a few minutes of panicked, heavy breathing.

He was too young to die. He was, what, thirty-one? That's too young. He should have had decades more time. Decades more time to adopt that kid, raise him, give him a perfect life. More time to have a perfect life himself.

And because of Remy, all of that could never happen.

...

Or...

...

And because of Patton, all of that could never happen.

That's right- it was his fault. It was his fault, obviously. He should had never murdered any of the people he had- if he hadn't, maybe Remy wouldn't have done this. Maybe Remy would have just left Janus alone.

Oh god- Patton's body count was nine. That's almost double digits. That's nine too many. He- he could have just at least stopped at Matt, because Matt didn't get on the news. Matt's looked like he chose to overdose on antioxidants, not like he took in a bunch after eating a bowl of soup. Patton could have stopped there. He should of.

Or, he could have just protected his brother more. Why had Remy done this? Probably just to get on his nerves. To be a... jerk. A stupid, idiot jerk. Patton spent so much time protecting his own husband that he forgot Janus was half of his sanity. Janus was the one he talked to when he was stressed, not Logan. But Patton was the real idiot- he forgot that.

Patton loved his brother a lot, even if it was just platonic sibling love. But, all of that aside...

He only had one person left to love now.

Patton looked up from his ball suddenly and spotted a dirty piece of metal, sticking out from behind the sink counter.

"...You." He mumbled angrily underneath his breath, wiping his eyes. He sniffled and slowly rose to his feet, walking over and grabbing the knife out from behind the counter. He glared at it angrily, eyebrows knitted, running his finger over the long-dried blood stains.

"God... FUCK!" He cursed, for what was probably the first time in his entire life, throwing the knife harshly onto the ground. It clattered against the bathroom tile and Patton sat down again, burying his head into his hands.

Get rid of it. Get rid of it, NOW.

Patton was on it. He was luckily already wearing a hoodie, and so he grabbed the knife, his eyebrows furrowing as he sticked it into his pocket. He walked towards the bathroom door when, suddenly, there was a knock at the other end.

"Hey... Patton? Are you alright in there?" A soft voice asked.

Patton opened the door and mumbled that he was fine, before storming past his husband and down the stairs. He walked into the backyard and kneeled next to a nearby tree.

Using the knife to dig a hole in the ground, he worked diligently for what was probably a good fifteen or twenty minutes, tears still threatening to spill from his eyes. He wiped them away before they could come, and kept digging. His mind was screaming, and even though it was a very quiet night, everything around him was too loud. It was giving him a headache.

"Shut up!" Patton exclaimed loudly into the sky, to himself. As he kept digging the knife hit a rock in the ground and a few tears escaped his eyes as he cried out angrily, throwing the knife a few feet away from him. He sat with his eyebrows furrowed for a good five minutes before standing up and stomping over to the knife, picking it up, and walking back over to the hole. He kept digging.

When he finally got the hole to a decent depth, he dropped the knife in and covered it up with dirt, standing up and stamping his foot on the grass a few times after covering it to make it look like nothing had ever been buried there. He then kneeled back down and stared, his face still angry. He was unsure of what he was supposed to do next.

He remembered something Janus had assured him, a long while back.

"I'm your brother, silly. I'll always be there for you."

"Always?"

"Of course, always."

...

...The dirty liar.

Just then, Patton heard the backdoor of his house open and close, footsteps walking very slowly and cautiously towards him. Logan sat down silently next to him, his existence barely even being noticed or acknowledged.

They sat in silence for at least five minutes, Patton still to angry and confused to see that Logan was trying to be a good husband and give him some company.

"...Do you want to talk about it?" Logan asked quietly. Patton shook his head no, still staring off into nothing, frustrated.

Silence, again. Patton grew a tad bit less angry.

"Logan?"

"Yes?"

"You're not gonna leave me, right?"

Logan's expression softened, both of them staring ahead, at the tree in front of them. "Never. I would never leave you."

"But... but that's what Janus said." Patton's expression softened, very slightly. "He said he'd always be there for me. But now he's... he's- now he can't do that anymore."

Logan was silent for a moment before he sighed gently, carefully taking Patton's hand and intertwining their fingers.

"Well... sometimes, things just happen. Sometimes we don't have control over our own lives. People come and go from our reach, whether we like it or not. And, well, there's just nothing we can do about it. You may... you might find someone that resembles them, the person that you lost, and try to hold them close, but that isn't healthy. That isn't healthy, and that can just lead to worse things. So all we can really do is sit back and hope for the best. Sit back and be positive that... things will work out, eventually, in the end. And that, after everything passes- which it will- we... will be okay."

Patton blinked and took a deep breath, letting out a very shakey sigh.

"But... you'll never leave. Right?"

They made eye contact for the first time in that conversation, and both of their expressions faltered.

"...I will do everything I can to make sure I never leave. Because I don't want to do that, and I never will want to do that. So... I promise, that I will try."

Patton sniffled. "...Okay."

They stared at each other for another moment until Logan wrapped his arm around his husband's waist, pulling him gently closer. Patton sniffled and nuzzled his head into his shoulder. He started to quietly cry after a couple minutes of silence, his chest rising up and down in hiccups, and Logan just rubbed his back calmly, laying his head on top of his husband's.

...

Janus was dead.

Patton couldn't let Logan die, too.

•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•
...So, uh, hey. How'd ya like that? Did it make you cry? Kinda hope it did, not gonna lie.

...

when it didn't make me cry because i was too busy laughing at the fact that this was gonna C R U S H  some of y'all-

See ya in the next chapter!📃

P.S.-

Yes, that's right, after killing off Patton's brother I'm announcing my discord server officially!!

It's easy to get in, and if you don't already have a discord account you can very easily make one. It's free!

All you have to do is PM me in this app, saying that 1. You want in, and 2. Who your favorite Sanders Sides character is. This includes Remy, Dr. Picani, and even the unknown orange side!

Once you do that I'll message touch back with some helpful info along with a link to join the server. (Though I most likely won't do this for a bit. I'm posting this chapter at what is 12 AM for me and so I wanna wait for morning until I open up my discord server officially lol.)
PLEASE READ EVERYTHING I SEND YOU, even if it looks like a lot. And if you decide you don't wanna join after reading everything, that's fine!

Here's some little tiny perks of joining though:
-I made lil custom emojis! Pride flags, book covers, etc.!
-I'll be dropping on sometimes to give hints about future chapters of this book along with other books I'll write in the future!
-I'll also sometimes ask you guys for help deciding on things in one shots/books!
-There's different chat rooms! There's one for this book specifically, one for just talking about all things queer, and more!

That's it. I doubt many people are gonna join, but that's fine, because I think it will be fun. :) I'll also be posting this announcement to my conversation/message board after I publish this chapter (or... in the morning, lmao) so some people who don't read this book but follow me can also get in.

Hope to see you guys there soon!! And I'm really sorry for killing Janus, he's my favorite character but ehhh you know??? I love you guys!!!! I'm sorry again!!!!!! I'm an angst writer, this is just what I do!!!!!!! :D