CHAPTER TWELVE:
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I love you.

Three words that have always shot fear into Clara's heart. Those words were still something that Clara struggled to say, and something that she found even harder to hear.

That's why she never told Adrian that she was awake.

Clara lay there, pretending to sleep while a very clueless Adrian ran gentle fingers through her fair hair, catching and untangling a few knots as he did so.

With a reluctant sigh, Adrian was able to drag himself from the bed and lazily slipped into his dressing-gown before heading downstairs to make breakfast.

The sound of his soft footsteps descending towards the kitchen promoted a very uneasy Clara to open her eyes, one at a time for added caution, as the cogs in her head began to turn. She had not been expecting that confession from him for a long time, and hearing those three words sent waves of shock and fear over Clara as the gravity of them began to sink in.

Love.

Love was just a mix of three seemingly innocent neurotransmitters coming together to form something that she had never wanted to believe in. How could three neurotransmitters have such an impact on someone?

She was about to find out.

It was lying there in bed listening to the combined sound of the soft hum of traffic and the calming call of a bird that Clara decided what she would do. She would pretend that she never heard him.

The thought of not telling him that she knew that he had said those powerful words caused a dull ache in her chest. It was true that Adrian had no idea that she had heard him, but she knew him well enough to know that that he would have hoped that she would let him know if she was awake.

Deciding that it was finally time to join him downstairs, Clara grabbed a soft throw and draped it over her shoulders as she made her way to the kitchen.

Adrian heard a small thump, followed by an annoyed 'damn it' come from the hallway before Clara reached the kitchen.

"Morning," he greeted her with a small smile as he noticed her sleepy state. "Did you trip over your blanket again?" Adrian continued with a chuckle.

"I did. But it's comfy, so it's worth a broken bone or two."

"You know, I'm not sure that's what the product design team envisioned when they created that blanket." Adrian's amusement grew as Clara clutched the blanket tighter as if she was afraid it would disappear.

"You may have a point, but really, I think all they were thinking about is how many people will buy it and not how they'll use it."

"Well, that's a grim commentary on society, but also true. Breakfast is ready."

As the couple sat down for breakfast, Adrian noticed the subtle shift in Clara's gaze away from him whenever she thought he wasn't looking. He also noticed that her left hand was twitching, something that happened whenever she was trying to avoid playing with her sleeve.

In conclusion, Clara was hiding something.

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A week had passed since Adrian's confession, and she felt as though it was eating away at her. He had helped her grow too much for her to not tell him without feeling like an awful person.

"I heard you this morning. I was awake when you told me you love me." Clara blurted it out rather by mistake, prompting her to silently curse the person that Adrian had helped her become for getting her into that mess.

"You were awake? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was scared. I froze. You know how I feel about love, and I didn't want to tell you I was awake, but you made me a more honest and open person, so the guilt ate me away."

"Why didn't you tell me, Clara?" Hurt developed in Adrian's features as his lips began to turn down into a frown; his eyes grew watery as his shoulders slumped in defeat, tugging on Clara's heartstrings as they did so.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you, but I just..." Clara trailed off, hating that she was causing him pain with no idea how to stop it.

"You just wanted to forget that I said it."

"Adrian, I... I don't know why I didn't tell you."

"I know that this is hard for you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through what you do with your attachment disorder, but you know that it's not easy for me either. I'm not saying that my struggle is more important because it's not, we're both equally entitled to feel the way we do, but I hoped that you would have been willing to talk about this because you know that this isn't easy for me either."

Clara didn't really know what to say to him; she knew that there was little that she could say to cheer him up. So, she did something that may have made it a little worse and sat in silence, finding herself unable to look at him when he had that look of betrayal in eyes.

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A day or two passed with the couple avoiding the other, only sharing the occasional sentence here and there when it was necessary. The tension was so thick that it felt enough to drown them both.

Clara was lost.

She had no idea how to make up for what she did; she had hurt Adrian deeply. He was right in saying that they both struggled, and Clara felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for not even considering how hard it must have been for him to say it.

Face to face communication had never been one of Clara's strong points; in fact, she often struggled to have any personal conversations when she was face to face with someone else. Therefore, Clara did the only thing that she had ever believed that she had been good at.

Sitting at her desk, Clara stared out of the window as she tried to find the words to apologise and explain. She believed the action to be somewhat cliché and reminiscent of a typical romantic comedy, making it rather fitting I suppose.

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Hey Adrian

I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I heard you tell me you love me. I just wanted to explain to you how I'm feeling and why I find it so hard to hear words like that. I know that some small part of you thinks that you did something wrong and I want to assure you that you didn't.

I know that you know that I have reactive attachment disorder, and I know that you know how it can affect me and why I have it; being adopted is one of the most common causes. You already know that it's the reason that I made that vow when I was fifteen. But, it truly makes making a connection terrifying. Indestructible walls build within me as a deafening alarm goes off in my head. It makes it so hard for me to connect with anyone, no matter how I try.

Believe me, I want to be able to accept your love and show you how I feel in return. I want to allow myself to feel everything, but there is something in me that feels like it is physically stopping me from doing that.

It torments me because all I want to do is accept comfort and warmth and love. I have always loved hugs and cuddles and comfort, but there's something in me that rejects it. There were moments when I was younger that I would lie awake in bed crying because I knew, or thought I knew anyway, that I'd be alone for the rest of my life because I can't help but push every single person away from me when all I want is to be close to them. That mental torment was so tiring and draining, and it just made me want to give up. And then that small part of me brought me back from that point, saying that RAD doesn't have to mean you'll be alone forever. One day you might find someone who helps you overcome those barricades.

You're that person, Adrian.

You're slowly breaking down these walls, and I'm terrified, but I'm also so excited. Just be patient with me. I need time to adjust and practice so that I don't push you away.

I'm sorry if I ever grow distant, perhaps like I have now. I'm only doing it because of how much I care about you. I know that I didn't consider your feelings too and I'm so sorry. I want to be better. You deserve better.

I'm trying.

Love, Clara.

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After 17 attempts, Clara finally managed to write something that she was happy for Adrian to read, believing that it should explain all that found herself unable to say in person.

Satisfied, she folded the paper and left it on Adrian's pillow, yet another cliché she thought before she continued with her day.

"Sunshine?" Adrian called softly from their bedroom, prompting Clara to make her way upstairs, the hammering in her chest increasing with each step closer to him.

"Hey," she called out as she entered the room. As soon as she stepped foot in the room, she was tackled in a warm hug, drawing an automatic smile to form on her lips for the first time in days.

"I read your letter. Thank you for explaining it to me. I understand why you didn't tell me."

"I'm still so sorry I didn't tell you, Hadria."

"Hey." Adrian lifted her head to look her him with a soft smile, "it's okay. I understand and forgive you."

Once more, Clara found herself lost for words, so she did the next best thing and leaned in and kissed him with all of the passion that she could. She hoped that she could show him how she felt just through their kiss and, if Adrian's goofy smile was anything to go by, she succeeded.

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Two months after two very sceptical people were joined together with perhaps the most unromantic vows ever to be said, the time came for them to decide what would happen next.

They were sat in their living room with some keen and hopeful onlookers in the form of Aphrodite, Cupid, and Eros. Over the weeks since Eros' error, he too had become enchanted by Clara and Adrian's relationship. The love meddlers were sharing a bowl of fizzy watermelon sweets as they waited in anticipation for the couple's final verdict.

At that moment, Adrian found himself picking up Clara's habit of fiddling with her sleeve as he copied her now very familiar action. A few beads of sweat laced his forehead as his heart rate increased so much he was sure that it would fly right out of his chest. His clammy palms continued to mess with his sleeve as he managed to convince himself that Clara was going to ask him for a divorce.

With a warm smile, Clara removed Adrian's hand from his sleeve, prompting him to give her a sheepish smile. Her smile grew wider as she studied the small flakes of a gold-like colour in his eyes. After taking another moment to appreciate her husband, Clara intertwined their fingers and turned towards the Goddess who looked like she was about to burst.

"We're going to stay married."

The mythical beings had very different reactions to one another; Eros jumped up and let out a squeal of delight, Cupid stood and clapped, and Aphrodite fainted. However, none of that was of any importance to Clara or Adrian, for their focus was on each other.

It was a shame for Aphrodite because she missed Clara's next sentence.

"I love you too."