Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest.

- unknown

Yoongi's Pov

I would say I woke up to my annoying alarm but how can you wake up if you never went to sleep. Yep, another restless night. Another nightmare of my mum dying, burning and screaming for me to run. I shake my head from the thoughts and get out of bed.

I walked over to my bathroom which was all black and white. No other colour than that. I got in the shower and turned it to the right temperature. I hissed when the hot water hit my cuts that were made last night. I just stand in the shower looking straight ahead at the white tiles thinking about nothing. Just letting the water run. I wrapped my arms around myself letting my tears run with the water down my face. Empty is all I feel.

Once I stood under the water for a good 15 minutes I quickly did my business and wrapped a towel around me shutting off the water. I shivered and ran over to my wardrobe. I picked a pair of black jeans and a white tee and put them on.

I heard a soft knock at the door and my grandpa's head popped in. "Hey sweetie, I'm making breakfast okay. Come down once you're ready." I nodded at him and watched his head disappear.

I walked over to my bedside draws and opened the bottom on revealing some gauze and plasters. I grabbed a gauze and wrapped it around the arm I cut last night. I made sure it was tight so it would bleed throughout the day.

I took my leather jacket off the back of my door and put it on. Along with my black air max. They were the only comfortable shoes I really liked.

I began making my way downstairs towards the kitchen where I could smell pancakes being cooked. I gave my grandpa a kiss on the cheek and a small smile. He handed me a plate with one pancake and a few bits of fruit on the side. Knowing I wouldn't eat it all he only gave me a small one. I picked up the fork and ate a small piece of the pancake. I cut the pancake up into tiny pieces and played around with them.

"Sweetie come on eat a few more then you can go." My grandpa spoke up.

"Okay," I spoke in a small voice.

My grandpa is old and he always takes care of me. Making sure I eat or I get enough sleep. In reality, I should be the one taking care of me. He is the only one I have left and once he goes I won't be able to take that.

I ate a few more pieces before emptying it into the bin.

"What are you doing today?" I asked my grandpa.

"Hmm, maybe bingo or going to see Namjoon." He said sipping his tea.

"Namjoon? Oh yes, your toy boy." I turned to face him from the sink.

"He is not my toy boy, he is just a friend sir." He pointed a finger at me.

"Mmm bet he takes really good care of you, grandpa." I winked at him.

"Oh you, get to school." He waved me off.

I made sure to give him a kiss on the cheek goodbye. I grabbed my school bag and waved at him walking down the path. The school was only a 10-minute walk so it wasn't that far.

I saw the school building in my view and I walked faster because days just seemed to be getting colder. I saw the all the groups hanging together. I looked towards the popular group and saw all my old friends who all bully me now for being a freak or whatever.

I carried on walking ignoring their naming calling. I pushed opened the doors and walked towards my locker. It was on the side of the school were no one really went. To be honest I'm grateful for it. I can just sit and think without stupid jocks shouting or catcalling stupid bimbo Barbie's.

I reached my locker and took out the book I need for today. I heard the bell ring, meaning the first period.

As I was walking around a corner I bumped into someone. "Sorry," I said grabbing some of the books that fell to the ground.

"Sorry." A deep smooth voice said. They bent down and helped me pick up my books. The person handed me my books.

I looked up and smiled. "Thank you." When I saw who it was I was shocked. Jung Hoseok. The school's bad boy.

I looked into his dark brown piercing eyes. He tilted his head like he was trying to figure something out. It felt like he was looking into my soul. Like he could see all the sadness in me. All the loss of hope and love. He nodded I think it was more to himself than me.

"Urm thank you," I said again before walking off. I looked at my watch and saw I was around 10 minutes for class. Damn, we stood that long just looking at each other.

I walked into the class and got shouted at by the teacher why I was late, really I couldn't give a fuck. I walked towards the back and sat in the corner. I took out my notebook and began writing my name.

Min Yoongi. That is who I am. A 18-year-old boy with straight brown hair and dull hazel eyes. I was around 5ft6. I was small but it came as an advantage if I wanted to hide from people. I could just wrap my short arms around my short legs and roll up in a ball.

My mind wandered back to Jung Hoseok. Every time I hear something about him it is always bad. He either got into a fight or arrested or other stupid things. Personally, I don't believe half that shit otherwise he would be a school for delinquents or basically juvie. But hey never judge someone from what you hear. I kept thinking about his eyes. His dark brown eyes that were practically black. He had bulging muscles that seemed to pop out of the jacket he was wearing. His dark hair that was messy his forehead showing.

Every girl and guy wishes they had a piece of his ass but they never get close enough to get a piece. Some of the boys wanted to friend him but it was like their balls shrivel up. But it's not my business, I'm keeping me to myself.

~~

The bell signalled the end of school. Thank god. It was horrible, especially at lunch.

I was just sitting in the toilet and I heard heels clicking away coming into the toilets. I heard giggling, I instantly knew it was my old best friend Kae and his minions. I and Kae were close we did everything together. Even our mothers were best friends but then my mother died and I started pushing everyone away.

I believe that if everyone I cared about just left me then I should have no one so that is what I decided. My grandpa was the only person I allowed myself to care for because he was like a second mother. Yes, mother. Always there when my mum couldn't.

Once I pushed away all my friends the bullying started. Name calling, being pushed into the lockers. Everything you could possibly think off.

"Ew did you see that freak today?" I heard one of the minions screech.

"What that loser Yoongi?" The other one said.

"Boy he is a low life." I heard Kae say.

"Like he has no life."

"I like just said that," Kae said.

"Oh yeah right." One of the minions scoffed. Stupid dick.

"Honestly he is just milking it because his mum died. He totes need a new life or better yet kill himself." Kae laughed causing the minions to laugh with him.

I felt warm tears roll down my face. My old best friend actually said that about me. I thought about ending it all but then my grandpa would have no one left. Grandma died when I was young so I hardly knew her but I knew she was a great woman. She died of a heart attack. And yes. My grandpa was Bisexual.

I felt the cold when I stepped out of the school building. I shivered, this jacket did no justice in keeping me warm.

I heard the rumble of a motorbike. I looked across the parking lot and saw Hoseok getting on the bike and revving the engine. It's like he knew I was looking at him because his head whipped my way and stared straight at me. He did one of them boyish nods before pushing off. I just watched he back as he drove off.

I sighed and made my way back home.

I knew grandpa would be at bingo or with Namjoon at bingo. Man, my grandpa has a better love life than me. Once I reached home I ran upstairs to my bedroom. I took off my clothes and put on a baggy tee. I jumped in bed waiting for sleep. Knowing during the day I don't get nightmares so I always sleep when I get home from school. On the weekends I hardly sleep. I get around 2 hours in the two days.

At least I will have around 5 hours before grandpa wakes me up for dinner.

~~~

"Yoongi sweetie dinner." I felt my grandpa soft voice float through my bedroom. I stretched my body feeling a bit refreshed. I looked at my grandpa standing at the side of my bed stroking my hair.

"Alright, I'll be down in a minute." He nodded and left my room. I walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my grandpa looking at his phone laughing. It was just a simple phone but he only really texted me, Namjoon or his bingo friends.

"What grandpa got a text from lover boy?" I smiled at him sitting down opposite him on the table.

"Oh shush. When are you going to bringing me, someone?" He grinned cutting up his food.

I looked down at the chicken and pasta. I placed a bit of pasta in my mouth. "Urm never."

"Oh come on Yoongi." He whined like a child. "You could get jiggy." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Jiggy? Isn't that what you old people do?" I laughed, eating more of the food.

"Hunny I am not old. I still have my moves for the bedroom." I made a face of disgust.

"Honestly I didn't want to know that."

"You wish you could do this." He brought his leg up on the table and placed it behind his head. My mouth dropped. I couldn't even do that. "Namjoon likes it when I-."

"Nope don't want to hear it." I held up and hand to stop him from talking.

"Your loss." He rolled his eyes. "So how was school?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Same old."

"Anything new?" I just shook my head no.

I felt sick from eating and I looked at my plate I ate more than I usually would but I'm done. I got up and emptied it all in the bin and took my grandpa's empty plate and washed them.

My grandpa knew I just sit in the living room looking out the window now. Just watching people go past and the colour of the sky changing.

I took my seat at the window and looked out. I watched as elderly couples walk past. A dad and a son. A family.

Before I realized it was 11:45 pm, grandpa said goodnight around 10-ish. So I've sat here for a while. I knew my mum would off scolded me for staying awake so long.

I felt the tears beginning to fall at the thought of my mother. She was my other half. My whole world. It was us two and grandpa. No one else really mattered.

I got up and ran to my bedroom to put one some tracksuit bottoms. I grabbed my winter coat and walked back downstairs being as quiet as possible. I put on my shoes and opened the front door. A gush of cold air hit me, I quickly shut the door so the heat doesn't get let out.

I begin walking down the street with my hands in my pocket and hood up. The wind was strong I could hear it, that sounds weird like I could hear the wind. But it sounds like a hurricane or something.

I turned down the alleyway. I've walked this way many times so it hardly scares me anymore. I heard. I carried on walking around town before I looked at my watch and saw it was 2 am. Damn, I have been walking around for a while.

I get this rush of sadness take over. It's like I can't breathe like some is holding a pillow to my face and I can't breathe. I start to feel dizzy and I hold onto the wall for support. I feel warm tears slide my cold face. My heart starts to ache and burn.

I breathe in and out trying to slow down my breathing. Once I get my breathing to a normal rate, I quickly rush home so I can get rid of this sadness and feel numb once again.

I turned corners of streets and walk down alleyways. Walking as fast as my little legs can carry on me. my vision is all blurry.

I turn a corner and smack into something, I feel their hands steady me. I grip onto their arms holding myself up.

I breathe in and out heavily with my heart beating fast. I see the fog that comes out of my mouth when I breathe out.

"You okay?" I hear that deep smooth voice again. I look up and come face to face with Jung Hoseok again.

"I'm good." I nod.

"You're crying." No shit Sherlock.

"I urm, it's the wind." I wipe my eyes.

"You're a bad liar." He says.

"I-I am not." I cross my arms.

"You really are." He chuckles. Oh, my sweet baby Jesus. I've never heard anything so beautiful in my life.

"Maybe. But I need to get home." I step to the side but he steps with me blocking my view.

"Yoongi, I'm going to help you. I see the sadness and emptiness in your eyes and no boy as beautiful as you should be sad. I'm going to give you hope." He says holding my face in my hands.

I just didn't know what to say to that. The fact that he knows what I'm feeling or the fact he is going to help me.

"I don't need help," I say walking away from him.

"Yoongi I don't care I'm not giving up." He shouts to me from where we were standing.

I shake my head and begin walking home.