We all have different ideas and dreams about how we are going to fall in love. Some believe they are going to fall in love in a roller-coaster ride next to a person who makes them feel beautiful and special. Whereas the rest think they will fall heads over heels for someone over a date, ideally during that right moment in a movie. Or may surprisingly find love at first sight or love at first bite. For a screw-up like myself things were a little bit different. Truthfully things were horrible for me pertaining to relationships.

I had reached a stage in my life where I was through and done with men and all the "it's not you it's me" crap. I had heard enough to know that maybe I was the problem. There was not a single soul ready to date me. I have had specific rules since growing up that have been expressed in society for a very long time. No sex before marriage. Not a single person was ready to respect this tradition for I did not want to be touched intimately or be used as a display to mankind showcasing the ownership he has over women. Before you jump into conclusions I will spare you of the suspense. I did have a heart and it was perfectly functional just that when I decide on something I stick to it like peanut butter on bread.

I was proud of what I had and not pleased with what I had committed in the past. I will not blame it all on the standards that society had set for us but will entirely blame it on myself for having lost faith and letting go of what I had believed in. About two years ago my mind was officially full and ready to bless people of the opposite sex with my knowledge concerning dating and relationships. 

After loads of studying girls I hung out  with and other people randomly in relationships, I was ready to venture out and pursue the world of love. I always thought love was about a guy knowing my perspective and respecting it and then we would get married and have a bunch of babies. And of course I was wrong. There was more to it.

Love was and still is no longer an act of two hearts combining and reaching a common understanding but is now based on a few standards that we set for ourselves. 'If he comes from a crappy family and is emotionally unstable, he cannot be helped and I am not ready for the emotional struggle' or, 'If she has been called a slut before and has a couple of personal disorders, I don't want that. It means I will have to commit and commitment is boring.' There is the most renowned and most used as an excuse, 'I'm just not ready,' when you have been dating him for over fours. So he is simply saying that in all the four years you have invested in this relationship, it was eventually going to lead to having a 'let's breakup' conversation.

Love has lost its true meaning and is now clothed in shame, betrayal, violence, lies, punishment and so forth. It is no longer what classic novelist and poets portrayed it to be. It is now a shock or an impossibility that people can fall in love without having sex or sexual activities of any kind. Intercourse is no longer a justification of loyalty in a relationship but a bargain to pay in exchange for a partner's love and affection. Who would believe that some great women fell in love in just a gaze or holding of hands and instantly knew that she would be probably married by the end of the year?

We all have our opinions on love but the most common one every lady shares is the one whereby love provides emotional security. We are like a child. A child will never tell you they are being bullied at school unless they have complete faith in their parents that they will do what is best for them. A lady of virtue would never entertain what is below her standards. A woman would never love carelessly knowing very well that she deserves so much more. We have heard so many tales about love and I believed in one that existed only after tying the knot.

I believed that only one person was meant for me. I had faith in that it is much safer and worth it to be heartbroken by one person rather than a thousand people I would have dated in the past. If love required me to be patient and wait for a healthy relationship for half my life, I was ready to do it. But is a relationship ever really healthy?

A healthy relationship is defined as comfortable, difficult and strong. There is no relationship that is healthy without a bit of ups and downs on the way. It is through those ups and downs that we learn to make a relationship stronger and more reliable. In healthy relationships it is easier to trust and forgive. These are two words key in a God-fearing and healthy relationship. I was ready for such a relationship. Not one rated by one's performance in the bedroom but by their ability to utterly love and commit to make the other partner happy before their own happiness.

Sadly there weren't any people left who wanted love without selfishness. I did  date. I dated several boys that did not fully understand the act of being a man yet and made me feel insecure despite my very knowledge of my self worth. Then I found Jayden who was the most truest human  I had ever met. I was not exactly an easily approachable person or attractive. I was virtuous, weird and lacked social skills. Every time I went out with a guy from school I realized that I had been forcing myself too much to find love. Everyone out there was ready to give to receive. I was not ready to gamble with my heart. I wanted to be wanted.  So I waited for some miracle to take place. Patience does pay. It's reward is larger and broader than any of our expectations.

My mother fell in and out of love easily. She and Liberty were not a power couple but were relentless and acted stupid. She knew nothing about Liberty and his background and I was never introduced to him either. From his stare I could tell he thought I was my mother's sister. He came home nearly twice a week and never helped my mother with anything not even with the bills. I let it go and hoped she would wake up from her fantasy and focus on what was already on her plate. Everyday she disappointed herself and mostly me. I rendered myself to be her relinquishment/ punching bag/stress ball. At least that is what I thought I was but obviously I was wrong. She detested my existence and could not wait for my death. Each time she beat me up, in her mind she was reducing my life expectancy by a year.

''Are you sure this is the address Toby?'' I asked nervously.

''That is what Google maps is saying love.''

''Quit calling me love and let's go,'' I smirked at him and got out of the SUV his parents had taken to the airport.

''Are you ready?'' he asked politely removing his sun glasses. I had not realized that his eyes were a clear and bold grey in reflection to the sun. He was a gorgeous creature.

''Sure,'' confessed a nervous wreck with nothing but a notepad and Liberty's business card in her hand.

I could not speak because of my uneasy nerves. Toby looked and smelled like a professional entrepreneur interested in one of the employees of this company. He charmed the receptionist for his request and waited with me in the waiting-room for Liberty to turn-up. The lady behind the desk called the offices upstairs whilst we waited. Twelve minutes passed then a man in a clean black suit came to the desk. We watched the receptionist point at us.

We stood up to greet the man who attended to us diligently. Toby did the talking again and they were loud enough for anyone to hear. It was a good Limited Liability Company that deserved much praise. At the mention of Liberty's name a lady passing by got disquieted and dropped her paperwork in shock. I left the two gentlemen to offer her my help.

''Are you alright?'' I asked and she looked me dead in the eye. She asked me to follow her and I excused myself to use the bathroom.

''What is your name?'' she asked opening the bathroom door and walked quickly to each door checking if anyone occupied them. They were empty.

''Olivia. You are?''

''You don't need to know my name but I suggest whatever it is you are looking for from Liberty to drop it,'' she mumbled shaking in fear. I was in deep shock too.

''Did anything happen?'' I inquired.

''He got fired not over three weeks ago,'' breathes heavily ''he was a very short-tempered man. Please be safe.'' she mentioned with deep care.

''Do you have his house address or anything that might help me find him. I am looking for my mother. Please help me,'' I pleaded holding her hand.

''I have to go,'' she said walking away.

''Please tell me anything else you know, anything.''

''4067 Highveld. Good luck finding your mother,'' she said an walked away. I noted the address and left the bathroom to find Toby.

The man in a suit had said Liberty had been fired because of his excessive drug abuse and began assaulting a few women in the office. We left the modernized building to find the house address I had acquired. This was better than nothing. It was a two hour drive to a dead end. The house was burnt down and no one was there for us to ask. The streets were silent and deserted. No one except for the street kids living in filth. Filth of thrown away garbage lying every where around the place made the town unappealing.

It was not a safe neighborhood to be driving around in such a car. We drove off back into the city for a little shopping I had to do. We were now on our own. Toby had excused the cook so we could live alone as teens. Besides the cook did need a couple of weeks off. It was now our responsibility to make food. 

***Comment and let me know what you think about love and relationships. Are you in one currently? If not do you wanna be? Tell me what you think***