"Don't say anything, you may hurt me again"

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The night sky is indeed different. It's not only the change of the mere color; replacing bright with the dark, it is also a change of time, emotions, and perspective. It's bewildering that how the irritating traffic sounds on the streets descend into nothing, but the sweet humming of crickets. The scorching heat of the sun disappears, giving us a beautiful warming sight of the moon, with a soft breeze blowing around as if there were never any bitter days to experience. All the anger riled up due to lost arguments, unfinished work, and useless fights get replaced with deeper regret and a little bit of optimism that lasts until our eyes give up, until they shut down when it becomes nearly impossible to bear anymore, with a slight hope that things would get better, solutions would finally get easy to reach. Also, if the future allows, a life full of happiness might be somewhere near.

But there was a time when I even lost that single hope. My eyes didn't have anything to look forward to. The night skies looked bleak, even the stars completely lost their shine. The humming of crickets sounded like annoying screeching; the moon seemed to have lost its warmth and giving off an aura of coldness and apathy. Nothing felt beautiful and relieving anymore. Then did I actually realize how it feels when the last aspiration waves goodbye, leaving you to meander alone in deep somber.

Tears became frequent just like the blinking of my eyes, sadness engulfed my heart without any hints, anxiety surged with each breath, and the wish to escape this world increased even more.

"The one who was my reason to survive suddenly turned out to be the reason for which; I do not want to live anymore"

But someone once said that we are the captain of our own lives. We control the steering wheel, our life can change its path if we want it to. What is important, is the urge to change, the motivation to move on. At least I am glad, I had people around me during the toughest phase of my life, who held my hand, hid their tears, and gifted me with the words I needed to hear. That is what made me stand up again, gave me the courage to paint the canvas of my life that was losing its colors; once again.

Initially, it was difficult; trying to expunge those heart-wrenching memories. But, every emotion is mortal, including heartbreak, so the strength of the feelings slowly weakened, giving me a chance to begin a new start; with a new definition of life and love.

If for others, the night sky means the end of a day, it is the start of a tomorrow for me; a fresh one. Rather than dwelling on immense regrets, I like to think of them as lessons; something to learn from, so that I do not repeat the same mistakes, and live my life in a better way. But even realizing this trivial thing was not easy. It cost me a heartbreak; not a small crack but, rather a whole shattering of pieces, enough to capsize my own existence.

It took me two years to pick up the broken 'me', to understand that it is not worth crying for someone else's fault. I might have been the victim, but breaking down will make me the criminal.

So when he returned to confront me, I did not cry at all. I did not want him to know that I was still weak; I kept looking at him intently with strong eyes, with whatever courage I had left inside of me, to prove that his betrayal meant absolutely nothing to me.

But little did he know, his every word stabbed me so hard. It was so painful that if I could, I would have shut him up instantly, as it was getting a lot harder to listen anymore.

I kept repeating the words in my mind, " Don't say anything else, it might hurt me again!"

But I remained silent, told him to leave me, and to never show his face again loudly, tried my best to look him in the eyes with an irritated look.

I clearly remember that once he told me that one look in my eyes is enough to know what's in my heart, just like an open book.

So I tore the pages of it.

so my eyes couldn't let him know the truth at all.

At least, he can't crush me up again.