Hello readers,

I know that the story isn't exactly the dark themed stuff anymore. Parts of the further storyline can still be classified as mysterious and dark and I promise not to disappoint my lovelies.

Unfortunately, I have so much happening in my personal life at this point that I can't do 40/50 chapters like I had initially planned. I had a different storyline in mind but takes a lot more time and effort to take the story that way. Owing to my current work and personal situations,  I would probably take more than a week or maybe two to write a chapter that if I stick to my original plot. At the same time, I don't want to leave it unfinished so I am taking the easier route, a slightly subtle storyline. I will make one update a week and I might wrap up the story in the next 10 or 15 chapters. I promise to give a satisfying closure to the plot.

Much love xx

Ashwin was watching tv as Sivaangi held out a plate in front of his face.

A: Ennaku vendam.
(I don't want dinner)

Sivaangi sat next to him with the plate in hand. She tore a piece of the roti and dipped it in his favourite veg curry before taking it to his mouth.

S: Aah sollu.
(Open your mouth)

His icy stare did nothing to her stubbornness while she held her fingers close to his mouth with her wiggling brows signalling him to open his mouth. Without breaking the eye contact, he silently opened his mouth to take in the food she was feeding and let his wet lips linger a fraction longer on her soft fingers. He watched her bite the inside of her lower lip as she felt him deliberately sucking on her finger.

He chewed on his food as she lowered her gaze and focussed really hard on tearing another piece of the roti. As she brought it to his mouth, he used his hand to push the morsel to her mouth for her to eat which she took in wordlessly. She refused to look at his eyes as neither of them spoke a word  until finishing the meal.

The intimacy in the smallest thing like sharing a meal as she took turns to feed herself and him was making her heart beat faster. She has shared a meal with him before but the emotions in doing that today in his house felt different. The non verbal communication between them meant taking a massive step in their relationship. She felt her heart flutter at the idea of being this man's partner.

As she was doing the dishes, she silently pondered the comfort in sharing everything with this man from this point in life, his life, his happiness, his sorrow, his home, his bed, his food, his car and all of it. It was theirs, she was part of him. It felt great.

She watched him from afar and thought of the start of a beautiful journey in their lives where there was going to be plenty of sharing, caring, fighting, healing, growing up and most importantly lots of loving. The very thought made her feel elated.

He belongs to me and I belong to him. What more can I ask for in life?!

She noticed that the man who usually was chirpy and fun look lost and dull. She sighed and decided to try and bring him back to normal. She went into the kitchen and walked back to him with a small bowl in hand. He looked up as she gave him the bowl.

A: I don't want it. I am in no mood for desserts.

S: Nennappu than. Ithu oil.
(You wish! This is oil)

He looked at her questioningly as she opened his palm and placed the bowl while making herself comfortable on the floor between his legs.

A: Are you serious?

S: Yes!

A: What are you trying to prove?

S: You used to do it whenever you visited me at my parent's house. What has changed now? It is just us here, in our home.

A: Don't act like you are oblivious to what is happening in our lives.

She turned around and placed her palms on his knees and looked at his handsome face.

S: Ashwin, I promised to make you trust me. But I am sure you do not want me lose my dignity while I make the effort to right the wrong. Don't be hostile towards me until then. Can you be yourself and not hold back your emotions? Is that too much to ask for? I will make you believe in love but until then be my best friend.

The sincerity in her words made him soften his eyes. He dipped his fingers in the oil and started massaging her scalp. She closed her eyes and relished the feel of his fingertips working in small circles on her scalp. She bent her head back to rest on the couch and he moved her head to the side, cupping her neck. She revelled in the sensations of his thumb on her pulse point on her neck.

S: Ashwin?

A: Sollu.

S: Do you really hate me?

A: You know the answer.

S: It will boost my confidence to hear it from your mouth.

A: I don't hate you.

She cursed herself for crowding him but she couldn't stop herself either.

S: How long will it take for you to say 'I love you' instead of 'I don't hate you'?

A: Honestly, I don't know.

Silence.

Her silence was full of questions but he continued massaging her head even after knowing that she was upset with his impassive behaviour.

A: Sivaangi ma, I can say that to you right away. That is to make you happy. But there is a void in my heart. Where I felt love and happiness, I feel sadness now. The trust and the feeling of togetherness is missing between us. I don't want to pretend to be happy with you and then when you aren't around, when I am not facing you, I am sure to be filled with remorse and confusion. Do you get it?

She nodded her head and even though he couldn't see her face, he knew that she was broken and that she was probably crying.

A: Ennaku un mela express panna mudiyaatha alavukku love irukku ma. Aana yetho oru gap vandhiruchu. Athunaala oru naal, unna veruthuruvanno appadinu oru feeling iruku. Ennaku yenna panrathubu therila ma.
(I have so much for you, more that I can ever express. But there is a gap between us. It will lead to building a wall around me and I am worried that one day I might end up hurting you. I really don't know what to do)

The second she heard the possibility of him hating her, he felt her clench her teeth as his fingers massaged behind her ears. He wasn't going to give her false hopes. To say the truth, he wasn't sure what she could possibly do to make him trust her again. It wasn't ego but for some reasons unknown to he just couldn't get himself to look at her the same way.

He could have easily sent her back home when she turned up at his doorstep. But he desperately needed her around to remind himself of his love for this woman. He was worried about distancing himself from her.

A: This isn't right!

He stood shirtless next to the bed as she climbed into the bed and stretched herself.

S: Why? What about the night in the tent when you spooned me? It was just a week ago.

A: I am going to go to the guest room.

S: I will follow you there.

He rubbed his palm over his face and switched off the light before crawling into bed next to her, yet distancing himself from her. She moved closer to him as he faced the other way, clearly avoiding her.

A: Stop it! Don't come any closer.

S: Ennaku kuluruthu.
(I'm cold)

A: Athuku naan enna panna mudiyum? Use the duvet to make yourself warm.
(So? What can I do? Use the duvet to make yourself warm.)

S: I don't need a duvet when I have my sexy hottie here. Aren't you my personal heating source?

She wound her arm around his waist and splayed her fingers over his abs. Ashwin turned around in one quick movement and pinned her under him, his hands slid up her face as he kissed her hungrily. Having overcome the initial shock, she kissed him back with the same fervour. As he broke the kiss and moved his face down, he started kissing her jawline, moving down to her collarbone and neck, and then uncovered areas of her chest leaving tiny love bites. She held his head closer to her skin as she shut her eyes and moaned in pleasure.

When he moved back to take her lips in a kiss, she felt pain shoot through her body as he bit her lower lip, with one hand holding her tightly by her hair and the other clutching her waist with his nails digging into her skin. Her eyes widened as she felt his hardness against her tummy. He broke the kiss abruptly and looked at her scared face.

A: Yes, that's right! You should be scared of me. Think before you decide to get into my bed because this is what I want from you right now and I am not ashamed of it. My body is begging to give into this primal urge to make you mine. And you are the only person to make me feel that way. No other woman, man or any living creature can evoke these emotions in me. But beyond all these desires, I have unfathomable love for you.

Her mind voice chided her for walking into the lion's den. She was suddenly unsure about her decision to move in with him. Her critical inner voice known for negative vibes screamed at her irresponsible behaviour, and called him bipolar. She wished to strangle the voice in her head.

A: Dammit Sivaangi! I swear I have never felt this way about anyone. I felt betrayed that you thought that I am capable of all this with someone else. Don't you see the pain? I chased you to win your love!  And you kept running away from me. You have pushed me back into the darkness where I had nobody to trust! It resides inside me. I believed that you are my sunshine to pull me out of this. But there is clearly no escaping. WHY????

Ashwin growled making Sivaangi feel alarmed at his moods. This wasn't the calm, compassionate person she has known before. He could be moody, he could be ruthless with his business associates but he was always gentle with her. To see him suddenly burst out at her was something new.

She saw his tears fall on her face and she pulled his face towards her. He tried to resist it but she wouldn't give up either. She begged him with her eyes and he finally gave in and she kissed him with a despair of a broken woman. Her tears ran down her cheeks mixing with his.

S: Ashwin, please don't cry. It is all my fault. I am sorry. I know that a sorry doesn't make a dead man alive. But we can't change what has already happened. I will never leave you alone. I am here to stay by your side, no matter what. Baby, please? We belong together, I will do everything to make sure of that. Please?? I can't bear to see you like this.

Ashwin hugged her tight and buried his face in the curve of her neck. She could feel her skin wet from his silent tears. She laid small kisses on his cheeks and the side of his face as one arm rubbed her back and the other combed his thick mane. Her tender embrace slowly calmed him to sleep.

An hour later, she lay wide awake with him clutching her like he was a little boy dependent on his mother. She tried to move her dead arm from under the discomfort of his weight making him stir in his sleep. She looked at his child like, vulnerable face and tried to moved his face to her chest from her arm. She loved watching him sleep and recalled the hours she had spent watching him sleep in the last week that they spent together during their trip to Bangalore.

Her index finger traced his jawline and parted lips and she hated herself for causing pain to this beautiful human. She heard him whisper her name in his sleep when she traced the tiny scar about his right eyebrow. The scar from his first foster home.

Foster homes can be traumatic, not because of the abuse that one faces there but because of the idea of having no family and being fostered. The idea of being orphaned at whatever age was a really disturbing feeling.

Ashwin had the perfect life with a strong bond between him and his mother, who was his only caretaker. He was emotionally attached to her. As a child, he was guided to be a good person by his mother. The upbringing still shows in his strong character and intelligent persona. But losing his mother came as a big blow to the fourteen year old. The young optimistic child lost trust in everything in life. Having to be dependent on a stranger made him lose hope. He, no longer felt safe and there was a lack of willingness to live

The couple who fostered him were sweet but they were not his parents. They cared for five children, two of their own and three orphaned kids. They took punitive measures when things went out of control. It crushed his confidence. It changed the idea of love, safety and belonging. The boy became an anxious child with no one he could confide in.

She was in awe at where he was after all that's happened. Ashwin was usually this fun, upbeat person. That is the image that people had of him but Sivaangi has been witness to some of erratic behaviour. He has never harmed himself or anyone but he would shut himself when he goes through one of the extreme lows. The only people who has seen him struggle were Rohit and Sivaangi. It was mostly Sivaangi by his side.

She remembered the anguish on his face when he spoke of his mother's passing and what happened there after. She now realised that he sought a mother in her and she let him down. She totally failed him! She understood the pain he felt.

He deserved happiness. All the happiness in the world. And she would do anything and everything to make him happy. It was her fault that he was hurt right now so it was her duty to make him fine. She hugged him closer if was even possible which seemed to make his sleeping form delighted.

Ashwin stepped out of the shower in his bath robe and saw Sivaangi sitting on the armchair in his dressing room. He strolled towards her as she held out her palm. As he placed his hand in hers, she dragged him to sit on the arm chair opposite to hers. She handed him her coffee mug and, stood up and walked behind him to towel his wet hair. They enjoyed the silence while he sipped the coffee and she styled his hair.

She then came forward to sit on his lap and took the cup from his hand. His brown orbs locked with her blacks ones and she sipped the coffee slowly while he his hands caressed her waist.

S: I have taken out your clothes. I will get shower and then we can go to work together.

She put the coffee mug aside and stood up to go get ready.

A: Sivu?

Sivaangi turned around as he held her hand.

A: Take the day off. I know you did not sleep a wink. I will finish my meeting at 11 and then we can go out for lunch.

Surprised, she looked at him happily and nodded her head. He pulled her into a hug and she lay her head on his chest.

S: I know that you are not completely fine. But thanks for making this effort. It means a lot to me.

Ashwin kissed the top of her head.

S: I meant it when I said I will sweep you off your feet.

A: Mudhala enna move panna mudiyumaanu paaru, apparam thookaratha pathi pesalaam.
(Let us see if you can move me, let alone carry me)

S: You seriously crack me up!

Ashwin glared at her making fun of his sense of humour.

S: I am the only one to laugh at your stupid jokes.

A: Come on! People at work call me funny!

S: That is because you are the boss! You leave them no choice!

Ashwin rolled his eyes. She stood up on her toes and pecked his lips.

S: I love you. Go before I decide to change my mind! I am this close to keeping you with me all day.

He laughed at her and went to get ready for his meeting. She had a smile on her face but little did she know that it was just the first step of the long journey to win his heart.

How was it?

This wasn't proofread so please ignore any typos. I was going to post it yesterday but I lost most of what I had written when my laptop crashed and I hadn't saved it! Silly me!

I find writing one shots easier. I will maybe post part 2 of Home in the next day or two xx