In Which Percy Jackson and Drew Tanaka Purchase Homophobic Chicken With Great Aunt Hitomi's Money

Two balloon arches later, Percy found himself driving down the main intersection, getting out of the car every couple of minutes to place a yard sign on the road. Who was driving slow enough to be able to read those, he wondered.

When he asked Drew, she told him, "People who need new cars. That's who."

The September heat wave wasn't showing any signs of letting up, and the heat from the car exhaust wasn't helping all that much either. By the time he laid the fifth sign by a yard sale advertisement, he was ready to be done.

"Can we go to Chic-fil-A?" Drew asked.

"Why would we go to Chic-fil-A?" Percy asked. "To be honest, a chicken sandwich is the last thing I want right now."

She cackled and turned up the Taylor Swift song on the radio. "Not for chicken, silly! For milkshakes! I'll buy! Come on!"

"Are you sure you want to support a corporation that donates to conversion therapy programs?" Percy didn't want to support a corporation that supported conversion therapy, even though a milkshake would hit the spot.

"No," she said, tilting the mirror to check her makeup, "but I have a gift card, so technically, my Great Aunt Hitomi already did."

Percy tilted the rear-view mirror back where it belonged. "Well, I wouldn't want Great Aunt Hitomi's efforts to go wasted," he said, turning into the Chick-fil-A line. The line was the entire way into the intersection! How long was this going to be? Was this even worth it?

Drew took off her beige heels and rested her bare feet on the dash. Her toes were painted pink just like her fake fingernails. "Guess we'd better get comfy!"

He smirked. "I spy, with my little eye, something..."

"No," she said. "We will not be playing I Spy."

"Got any better ideas?"

"Never have I ever..."

"That is not workplace appropriate," Percy asserted.

She scoffed. "Neither is whatever the hell Piper and Annabeth have going on, but here we are."

It was good that Percy hadn't gotten his milkshake yet because he sure as hell would have spat it out at that. "What?" He always suspected Piper wasn't straight, but that feeling remained a suspicion because conversations speculating about employees' sexualities are not workplace-appropriate.

"I mean, they're not together or anything, so you still have a chance with Annabeth, if that's what you're worried about," she teased.

"No!" he said. "Definitely not. Just a little thrown. Can we move this conversation back into SFW territory?"

Drew said, "Percy, hon, that hardly counted as NSFW. Now the date I went on-"

"La-la-la-la-la!" he sang. "I can't hear you, person I have a professional relationship with!"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine then. File any good papers lately?"

"We can have a friendly conversation, Drew." The car in front of them moved a few inches, so Percy followed suit, maintaining a good following distance. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Well," she said, "I'd tell you, but that wouldn't be SFW."

He scowled and turned up the radio.

Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane...

Percy leaned out the window far enough for him to glance at the line in front of him. Behind him, four more cars had lined up. There was no escape. The only way out of the Chick-fil-A line was forward.

He rolled the window back up and put the car into park since they weren't moving anytime soon. "Fine," he said to Drew. "Tell me about your workplace romances."

"Oh, I don't have any workplace romances," she said, "I like to play matchmaker in the office and save myself for Tinder. But I'll say I do have some perfect matches up my sleeve! I can't figure out Frank though. He deserves someone who can match his energy."

"Uh-huh," Percy said, only half listening.

"Now, here's the tea," Drew said. "Annabeth is totally into Piper."

"I didn't realize she was... you know..."

"Your gaydar sucks, Percy," she said. "I mean, she's a mechanic."

"Isn't that playing into a stereotype?"

"It's true, isn't it?"

Percy sighed. "Okay, fine. Go on."

"Yeah, so she gets all flustered around Piper, but not around anyone else. She and Nico talk a lot over at the reception desk," Drew explained, "but as soon as Piper shows up, she says something dumb and then hides in the garage! She's a pathetic little dork! It's adorable."

Percy opened his mouth, ready to defend his employee, but then a teenager in a green safety vest came up to their window. "Oh, hey," he said. "Can we get two medium milkshakes? One cookies and cream and the other strawberry? Thanks."

He drove up a few more feet and Drew continued her gossip. "I mean, I say that endearingly, but really? I don't see 'Pipabeth' happening any more than I'd see... Oh, let's see... Ha! I don't see 'Pipabeth' happening any more than I could see 'Percabeth' happening!"

"Why is the idea of me and Annabeth so funny to you?" he asked. After all, that was the second time she'd joked about it today.

"I mean, you guys are just so different," Drew explained. "Plus, I know Annabeth's bi because I stalked her online, but I can't fathom the idea of her dating a man."

"That's kind of biphobic," Percy said, immediately regretting caving into Drew's craving for work gossip.

"Is it? I mean, nothing against bisexuals, but I can't see it," she said. "Annabeth totally would wear the pants in a relationship, and I don't think there are many men out there who'd be okay with that."

Maybe it was just their line of work, but Percy can honestly say he'd never seen her in anything other than pants.

Percy had never been one to consider the traditional gender roles arbitrarily created by society, but if he were to, he can't say he'd mind letting a woman like Annabeth 'wear the pants,' as they say. Hell, Percy happened to enjoy cooking.

"But here's the thing," Drew continued. "I think Will has a thing for Piper too."

"Uh-huh," said Percy.

"But they're wrong for each other!" she said. "And I mean, hello? Nico is right there!"

"Nico and Will?" Percy asked, happy for some reason that the subject was no longer on Annabeth.

"Oh, totally. I'm a slut for a grumpy/sunshine relationship."

"Grumpy sunshine?"

"It's grumpy slash sunshine, hon. Keep up; it's like you've never read a romance novel in your life," Drew scolded.

Percy pulled the car forward a few more feet and rolled down the window so he could pay. "I'm dyslexic, Drew. I can barely read an email."

"Whatever," she said, handing him the Chick-fil-A gift card.

He passed it to the blue-haired teenager in a green safety vest.

"I'll drop it," Drew said, "but if there was a certain natural blonde you were interested in dating, you might want to hurry up and shoot your shot before the ship sails. Or better yet, save yourself the pain." She took a long sip of her strawberry milkshake when Percy handed the drink to her.

Drew held her drink out. "To Great Aunt Hitomi."

Percy accepted the friendly gesture, clinking his milkshake against hers, except it didn't make a clinking sound because the milkshakes were in paper cups. It was not satisfying. "To Great Aunt Hitomi," he repeated.

***

Percy and Drew threw out their Chick-fil-A cups in the lobby. He shook out his hand, missing the cold feel of the drink against his palm. "Alright, Drew, what's next?"

"I'm going to log on to our social media accounts and follow some notable community projects and local businesses."

"What about me?" he asked.

She shrugged. "You're the boss. Do whatever you want as long as it isn't too expensive."

"Oh my god," Nico said from behind the desk.

"Gods, plural, Nico," Percy said. "It's part of our Greek mythology branding."

Nico shook his head. "That's great and all, but I seriously need you to turn around and tell me I'm not the only one who sees the sparkly jumpsuits."

Percy did as he was told, and sure enough, Annabeth, Leo, and Frank emerged from the garage, sparkly and covered in sweat and other assorted grime.

"You guys!" Drew scolded. "You were supposed to keep the new outfits nice!"

Yes, Drew had mentioned to Percy that she was looking into new outfits for the mechanics just to freshen up the look and commit to the new aesthetic. No, he had no idea that it was going to entail sparkly jumpsuits with rhinestones.

"We're mechanics, Drew," Annabeth said. "It's a messy job. That's why we don't have uniforms."

"Why does mine fit so weirdly?" Leo asked.

Frank smiled. "They look nice, Drew, it's just that we can't possibly keep them clean."

"I think there are rhinestones up my ass," Annabeth declared.

"Guys, for real," Leo started again. "It's hugging my waist really tight."

Will came by and gave the mechanics a one-over. "Leo and Annabeth," he said, "did you guys swap jumpsuits on purpose?"

Annabeth and Leo looked at each other and then down at their jumpsuits.

"I don't know what's worse," Piper said through her laughter. "The fact that you guys couldn't just assume the one with the longer name was Annabeth's, or the fact that you guys are the same size."

"Wait, these are supposed to be our names?" Leo asked, looking at the flowing cursive over his breast pocket.

"Why is mine fitted like that?" Annabeth asked. "You can keep that, Leo."

"No way!"

"Guys," Frank said. "Can we attack the problem?"

"Oh, yeah!" Leo said. He cleared his throat. "I present to you, our TikTok content!"

Annabeth unlocked her phone and turned it around so Percy, Drew, and the others could see the video they made.

On the screen, Leo and Frank spun around the garage, waving their wrenches and other assorted tools to the tune of "The Boys Are Back" from High School Musical 3: Senior Year. It was a cute performance, and certainly on-brand for the company. Percy was pleasantly surprised with Annabeth's progress as temporary TikTok manager.

So he told her: "I like this!"

"Thanks," she said.

"What is this?" Drew asked. "Annabeth, I told you to make a TikTok, not one of those lip-syncing videos we all made in middle school!"

"Huh?" It was at this moment, it seemed, that Annabeth checked out of the conversation. Percy wished he could do that on occasion, but alas, his job didn't grant such luxuries.

Drew snatched the phone and scrolled through the other videos Annabeth took. "This is terrible! I trusted you with one stupid thing and you're not even in any of these videos!"

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to be," Annabeth said.

Will's and Piper's eyes followed the conversation like a table tennis match.

"Forget it!" Drew said. "I was trying to be nice and include you, and you had to go and mess everything up!"

"You didn't even ask me what I wanted to do to help," Annabeth said. "You just gave me a mildly hurtful TikTok password and asked me to shake my ass. Did you ever think I might be trying to avoid that?"

Percy felt like he needed to break this up before it escalated. Drew hadn't taken her earrings off yet, but Frank was standing close enough that she'd have someone to hand them to if she wanted.

"Hey," Percy said at last. "Why don't we reorganize this extreme makeover thing? I, for one, have some ideas that I'd like to share. Can anyone who wants to be on the extreme makeover committee please raise their hands?"

Nico, Will, and Drew raised their hands.

Percy couldn't help but notice that Annabeth was not among the group of people who wanted to be on the makeover committee.

"Cool," he said, pretending not to be disappointed by the lack of a certain Annabeth Chase on the committee. "Tomorrow, we'll reconvene over some lunch. I'll order... What do you guys like? Do you like Panda Express?"

Will moaned. "Gods, I love Panda Express!"

"Can you get the orange chicken?" Nico asked.

"Wait," said Piper. "We don't get Panda Express just because we want to do our actual jobs?"

"Well," Percy said. "Yeah." Nothing sounded particularly unfair about rewarding people who wanted to do extra work.

Leo cleared his throat. "Well, if it's all the same to you guys, we're going back to the garage. Annabeth's stencil came in and it's..."

"It doesn't fit on the Punchbuggy," she said. "So now I have to make my own stencil."

"I'm hot," Frank complained.

Annabeth patted him on the back. "We'll get you out of that jumpsuit when we get back to the garage, my guy." She slowly retracted her hand and frowned at the amount of back sweat that soaked through Frank's sparkly jumpsuit.

Percy turned to his new extreme makeover committee, but before he could speak, Drew cut in.

"Okay then," she said. "Nico and Will, welcome to the committee. Will, I'll need you to take over social media, and Nico-"

"No," said Percy. "Look, I hate to play the big mean boss, but this is getting out of control, Drew. All of you are going to go back to work. We'll have Panda Express on me tomorrow, and you guys can all share your ideas then."

Nico went back to the reception desk and answered the phone. "Olympus Auto; your chariot awaits. My name is Nico..."

Will whistled some country tune Percy couldn't remember the name of and walked out onto the lot to greet a group of potential customers.

"Well, it's about time you took charge," Drew said.

"Really?" Percy asked.

She nodded. "Yep." And then she passed him a black gift card. "Panda Express can be on Great Aunt Hitomi tomorrow."

"What would we do without Great Aunt Hitomi?" Percy quipped.

She shrugged. "I don't know yet. She died last week."

"What?" he gasped.

She smiled sadly. "Thanks for letting me use this makeover thing as a distraction. I needed it. And I'm also sorry if I've been mean lately."

"You mean meaner than usual?"

"Shut up, Percy."