—jeongguk—

"hurry up, jeongguk!" i groaned. namjoon's smooth voice thrummed against my ears like waves against the shore. no offense, i loved that man like anything, but sometimes no one could rush me like that man did.

the engagement party downstairs of two of our closest friends were due to start until another half an hour, yet namjoon hurried like the train on the platform already started and we were yet to board it.

"jeongguk, hurry!"

"oh god, would you stop?" i yelled back, watching him enter my room clad in an impeccable suit.

the suit was a perfect three-piece, colored blue, sans the tie that was a darker blue. his silver hair brushed to the side messily to give him the look of the sexiest man to walk on earth. his physique hugged the suit in a way that highlighted his body perfectly. the biceps, the defined abdomen and strong thighs. his hands were accessorised with silver rings and some bracelets. the half jacket all buttoned up over the white shirt.

"stop staring, i know i look good." he was amused, though i made no effort to avert my eyes. i appreciated beauty when i see one and namjoon looked the most beautiful of them all right now.

i checked him out shamelessly before blowing out a whistle and said, "looking good, papa," in the accent i could summon with the best of my capabilities which made him successfully cringe.

"would you hurry up?" he snapped, brows drawing in the prettiest scowl.

"would you relax?" i snapped right back.

"jeongguk." a growl, " you're in your briefs. the engagement starts in," a quick look at the clock on the bedside table, "twenty-five minutes!" a shriek.

oh well, i kinda understood his rush now.

i chuckled embarrassingly, a hand shooting up to cup the back of my neck— a gesture i do to show i am, as i said, embarrassed, which happened so frequently that namjoon didn't even have to guess what it meant.

"well, that's my suit," i pointed towards the handsome piece of black clothing layed out on the bed, "and i know what to do with my hair. those are my accessories," a finger pointed towards the bedside table where my rings and wrist chains layed, "and those are my shoes for tonight," a pair of polished black shoes that could reflect faces at this point.

i made the gesture to soothe his nerves, to show that i had my shit figured out, i just needed to get my ass moving. however, if namjoon had a knife, he would've stabbed my neck with it by the look on his face.

"get your butt moving, mister. if you're not down in the next ten minutes, i would snitch about you to jimin and watch as he burns you to flames."

well, hell.

that threat worked its magic because i rushed towards the bed as if my ass was on fire. i could see the smirk of triumph on namjoon's face from the eyes i had on the back of my head, then heard him turn on his heels and walk out.

i was obviously down the stairs by the next thirteen minutes. and while i exceeded my time limit, namjoon cut me some slack. partly because he didnt want jimin, one of the grooms getting engaged tonight, to flip his shit. i could bet my left eye that man was already panicking as we speak.

if it wasnt about his hair, it would be his shoes. if it wasnt about his shoes, it would be his accessories. if it wasnt about his accessories, it would be his suit. if it wasnt about his suit, it would be his pocket square. if it wasnt about his pocket square, it would be his hair. that man never rested his pretty little brains.

though, i didnt blame him. it was his big day, he had every right to look perfect, to be perfect. which, considering how much thought he put in looking flawless, i knew he would look as perfect as a groom could look.

i skimmed my eyes across the decorated engagement hall. the theme for the wedding was blue or black for everyone, except for the grooms who were decided to match in white. the decider? jimin.

the hall however was decorated in whites and baby blues. the white, classy vases on the sitting baby blue tables surrounded by white chairs. the white carpet leading to the altar which was again blended in whites and baby blues. the white and blue lilies around the hall, on the tables, in pots by the sittings, on the altar. it almost blinded my eyes by how bright everything shone.

the guests were quickly filling in, not much of them anyway. even though jimin wanted to have everything grand, both him and his groom yoongi were high on privacy. that lead to only close friends and family being invited for the ceremony.

since i was a friend of both the grooms and witnessed their love story closely, i had the privilege of sitting right in the front along with our other friends— seokjin, namjoon (who were the first to gay out and marry) and—

kim taehyung.

the hair on the back of my neck rose to attention.

three years.

three fucking years and yet i felt this man before i could even see him. three whole years and yet this body refused to move on and close his memories in the box thrown in the far corner of my heart.

the reaction was instant, the quickening of the pulse, sweating of the hands in air fucking conditioner. i would have to complain to the organizers about the obviously broken ac. goosebumps layed on the wake, and my stomach coiled.

i hated it. hated myself for letting him have that effect on me still after everything. three years of never even hearing from this man, never seeing him, still i could feel my mind reeling back to form the clear image of his face and hear his deep (like the ocean) voice in my ears.

"namjoon!" my whole body shuddered as the sound waves entered my ears. it has been such a long time i heard his voice. the voice that made long lasting promises of love in my ears, the voice that growled in my ears while claiming me almost every night, the voice that soothed my nerves, the voice that was the anchor to my falling ship, the voice that always grounded me to reality, the voice that sang for me, sang with me.

i could go on and on.

he flew past me to give namjoon the tightest hug that screamed. . .longing. right, taehyung sort of went back to his shell after our falling out. even though no one in the group picked sides, we were broken to the point if anyone mentioned one in front of the other, we flipped out. the reactions were extreme and spontaneous, often leaving both of us — or atleast me, and the group drained trying to restore peace.

soon the group chat splitted into two, one with me and the boys and other with taehyung and the boys. it meant a lot to me— who was just a friend to them— for them to still be in contact with me. i wasnt the brother of namjoon's husband seokjin and didnt have the obvious privilege of being in the group after everything like he did. it made me all parts of envious, sad and anxious of being kicked out from the group and being away from the only friends i ever made.

surprisingly, it was seokjin who proposed this idea of different group chats, and being the eldest in the group, also threatened anyone who made any bias towards taehyung or me too for that matter. he was rigid on the stand that neither of us should feel the burden of a broken relationship only because our friends couldn't keep up with two different schedules and friendships.

even though seokjin and taehyung were brothers, after seokjin's marriage, he moved to seoul with namjoon leaving taehyung behind in daegu and then the brothers seldomly met. me being in seoul helped me and seokjin to move closer and establish an amazing relationship.

though never once did he made me feel like he forgot his own brother. me and seokjin were close, very close but i didnt hold a candle against his blood brother. seokjin would leave our conversations in middle to attend a call from his brother, though made sure to be subtle and short about it, even moving out of the room to respect my wishes and emotional boundaries.

even though sometimes it pained me and left me feeling like the second choice, i made peace with it. i couldn't ask seokjin for  more than what he was already giving me, taehyung was his brother afterall. best believe if it wasnt for him, i would be the forgotten friend.

however, seeing taehyung and namjoon hug and bond so closely made something crawl inside me— the fear of abandonment. selfishly, taehyung being away from everyone made me closer to them undoubtedly. we met frequently, had sleepovers often, went out and kept in touch more. however, each weekend everyone would take leaves from work to travel to daegu and meet— no brainer — taehyung.

sometimes, i would see them shifting schedules and plans to attend taehyung whenever he was visiting. i couldn't say it didn't bother me whenever they cancelled plans on me, however i also understood. it was hard on the boys to maintain two different friendships, taehyung also lived away and their meets stayed limited to two days. i could meet them or call them over whenever i wanted to. and for the sake of our old love, i could give taehyung the benefit of cancelled plans to meet his friends.

despite everything, the boys never left me neglected if i were ever in need of support of any kind. they would politely ask me if it was alright for them to move dates, and if i was emotionally okay. sometimes when i am not, they split into pairs. one pair staying back with me, and one joining taehyung. though i tried that this seldomly happened. if the absence of some of his friends bothered taehyung, i didnt hear of it.

i saw the hugging pair finally move away after some seconds, forty-two to be exact. i could hear them exchanging hellos and how are yous. they felt into an easy conversation.

though i didnt mistake the side eye of namjoon every fifteen seconds, a silent understanding passed between us. he asked if i was okay, and i was not but still told him otherwise. i wasnt not okay because namjoon interacted with taehyung, no. i wasnt okay because it was — taehyung.

my tear ducts couldn't miss out on the emotional breakdown party my body was having. my hands balled by my sides, refusing to cry for the forgotten love. if taehyung knew of my presence, he refused to acknowledge it. and i would be damned if i did anything otherwise.

i gathered my shit, silently pulling myself together. i couldn't make this day about me or my dead relationship that was still very much alive inside me. today was about jimin and yoongi, and i would die trying to give them all the attention they deserved.

dealing with my ex could wait.

—to be continued—

author's note; not proofread. please please ignore the mistakes and typos. hope you enjoyed. see you again with another update. bye bye :)