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I wonder, is this a dark paradise I'm living in?

Freedom engulfs my soul and I've reached a point of paradise. But what got me here is the problem.

I've attempted to kill my husband three times and the third time was truly the charm. However, does this fact give a sense of darkness to my new happiness? I have no idea.

I have no idea about anything nowadays. Today, a man complimented me and smiled sincerely. He didn't grab my ass or catcall me. Plus, he seemed rich. I didn't take anything of it, though. I just nodded.

I liked that man. But I also don't want to fall into a never-ending trap of whether he loves me back or not. I don't want to suffocate myself in a toxic relationship again.

I do, however, want to be free with men like I used to be. I do not want to feel lonely in a long-term relationship when I can have joyful fun in mere one-nightstands and wreckless parties. And I'm planning to do just that very soon... if only there wasn't a problem slowly threatening my life & safety.

I've heard malevolent rumours of certain people trying to expose the rich, pretty widow in town. They want to send me to jail because of their unright beliefs. They stare at me, examining my every move, day through night and give no privacy whatsoever. I haven't filed a restraining order (yet) because of how fun it would be to witness a group of lifeless nobodies trying their hardest just to reveal absolutely nothing to the world.

They can try all they want to take me down. And honestly, it wouldn't be hard for me to take them down.

There is no proof of what I did. And there never will be.

Ever.