"Where have you been?" Lori whined as soon as Audrey entered their room. Audrey set her bag down and sat on her bed. "Jack won't stop calling me. I'm trying to study!" She held up her textbook as proof. "Didn't you get his calls?"

"My phone was off." Audrey lied, rubbing her temples. Her phone buzzed and Lori gave her a quizzical look. Audrey glanced at her phone. "It's my Mom." She sighed.

"Still not talking to her?"

"Not today."

She threw her phone on her bed shuffled to lay down, boots and coat still on. "Jack said he was worried because of some guy? Elliot or something?" Lori forgot about her studies, as this was much more interesting.

"Eli." Audrey corrected, voice muffled from her hands being over her face.

"Eli?" Lori asked, "As in the Eli? He's here?" Lori bounced up and down in excitement. "What happened? Tell me everything."

"Nothing happened. Nothings happening." Audrey pushed herself up on her elbows. "He wants me to read his book." She shrugged, trying to give out an air of nonchalance. Before Lori could inquire further, there was a loud knock at the door.

"Come in." Audrey said, putting on her best smile as Jack walked in to the room. He frowned and stood at the foot of her bed. "What happened? We had a lunch date." He watched Audrey accusingly. "I forgot, I'm sorry." Audrey sat up, "I went for a walk."

"I called- like, 20 times."

"My phone was off."

Jack sighed loudly and scratched the back of his neck. "Okay, how about tonight?" He tried, growing more curious and agitated by the second. "I have to study." Audrey said in a small voice, watching his blue eyes get brighter. They got brighter when he was mad, something that quite fascinated her.

"So then, tomorrow, I guess?" He threw his arms up in defeat. Audrey nodded and smiled nervously, and Jack calmed down at the sight of her soft, innocent face.

"He wrote a book?" Lori continued their previous conversation immediately after Jack left, and Audrey rolled her eyes. She started to gather up her books. "I've got a class." She said, glad to get out of all the Eli fuzz for a couple of hours.

****

Two Years Earlier

"Some days I don't feel anything. Like, I'm totally numb." Eli's foot scuffed nervously on the carpet as he looked down at his lap, "Or I feel everything, all at once. There's no in between." He swallowed, still getting used to these sessions. "Except- except with Audrey."

"Yes, Audrey." Dr. Lee nodded, "Tell me about that. How did she help you?"

Eli ran a hand through his hair and thought. "She looked at me. She really looked." He sat up a bit, "And she understood, and if she didn't, she tried to. It always felt like she could see into me. She saw into me, and she just knew."

"She made you feel like your pain was valid?"

"Yeah," Eli nodded, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. "Like I wasn't crazy, or making it worse in my head." He smiled slightly, "But, she didn't pity me either. She never made me feel weak, or broken."

"So, normal?"

"No... Just human."

****

It was closing in on 10 PM by the time Audrey got back to her dorm. After class, she decided to study in the library for some peace. She hoped Lori would be out partying, which was often the case. She balanced a bag of take-away McDonald's under her arm as she dug around in her pocket for her keys.

Audrey never ate in McDonald's anymore. Even going in there, so late at night, with the fluorescent haze around her. It felt like she was transported back in time, like she could see the exact table she sat at with Eli. In light so bright and artificial, Audrey had felt like she could count every single freckle on his face. He was a constellation.

She jumped at the sight of Lori hunched over on her bed. "You're home early." Audrey commented, sitting down and taking out a burger. She stared at the burger for a moment, hating the fact that every silly little thing was associated with him. All of these ordinary things, and yet they all brought forth the most radiant of memories.

"I know I'm wasted," Lori drawled, "But, I've cried five times so far reading this." Audrey raised an eyebrow and looked to see what Lori was hunched over. It was Eli's book. She groaned. "Lori, give it back."

"You've got to read this." Lori said, and Audrey groaned again, abandoning her food and flopping down on her bed.

"Listen to this: 'She was like sunshine, she radiated warmth and love and light. She looked into my eyes and knew who I was, even though we had just met. At that point, when she looked into me, I questioned if she was real. How someone could have such ridiculous amounts of beauty pouring out of them- I didn't know. I still don't know.'"

Lori looked up, a silly smile on her face. "If that's not the sweetest damn thing I've read in my miserable life-" She trailed off, laying herself down. "If a guy wrote that about me, I'd-" Lori hiccuped, half asleep. "Even if it's not about me I might..."

Audrey stayed motionless, heat burning her cheeks, curiosity itching her mind. As Lori started to snore, Audrey got up and snatched the book, clicking on her lamp.

****

There was a soft tapping at the door, and Phoebe motioned for Eli to get the door, too engrossed in the TV. He closed his book, and got up. Audrey stood on the other side of the door, clutching the copy of his book to her chest. Her eyes were slightly puffy and red from crying, her face flushed from the cold.

His eyebrows creased at the sight of her. Before he could greet her, she spoke. "It's amazing." She said in a croaky voice. "It's beautiful, and it's true." Audrey threw out her arms for him to take his book back. Eli took it, still unsure of where their conversation was going.

He hadn't had any contact with Audrey for two days, and couldn't help but wonder if she'd stayed up and read the entire book without sleeping. "So, that's it right?" She asked, jumpy, as if she were anxious to get out of there. When he didn't answer, she started walking.

Eli closed the apartment door to stop Phoebe from snooping and walked after her. "What's wrong?" He asked, scared of what he'd written to put her in such a state. Audrey wrapped her arms around herself again, another thing she never used to do. Eli didn't like it, this shift in her, and had to hope he wasn't responsible for it.

"I want to kiss you, that's what's wrong." She deadpanned, glaring into his eyes. His eyes, so dark, and so soft. How had she gone her whole life without seeing any other eyes like that? She tried to push those thoughts out of her mind. Those Eli thoughts; where everything was so poetic and bright and real.

Eli stepped forward, not breaking eye contact despite her accusing glare. "What's wrong with that? The feeling is more than mutual." He seemed ever so slightly amused underneath his concern.

Audrey had conflicting feelings about this new Eli. He was still Eli, but with confidence. He was an Eli who knew what he wanted and was going out to get it.

There was almost no space between them now, and Audrey could see Eli watching her lips. She forced herself to speak again to stop him from kissing her.

"You hurt me." She said, and stepped back, too close to his intoxicating nutmeg scent. "I don't know if you don't get it, or you don't care- but you hurt me." Audrey backed away and started to leave again.

She tightened her scarf as she entered the lobby, and heard footsteps running up behind her. "Eli, leave me alone." Audrey spun around and came face to face with Phoebe. She closed her mouth, throat too dry, waiting for Phoebe to inevitably tell her off.

"It's not easy to admit, you know." Phoebe said, her voice scratchy, "That I couldn't save my own brother, but you could. You knew him two weeks, I knew him his whole life- but you got to him."

Audrey crossed her arms, looked Phoebe in the eye, and realized Eli's stories about her were true. Phoebe's stare was cold and unforgiving. "So, you should believe me when I say you're his everything."

Phoebe caught the glint of fear flash across Audrey's face, and narrowed her eyes. "But, you do believe me, don't you? That's not the problem at all." Phoebe nodded at her own realization. "You're scared."

Audrey looked down at the ground and Phoebe chuckled in that cold way of hers. "It doesn't seem to fit you, to be scared of love."

"I'm not scared of love," Audrey retorted, heart in an emotional frenzy, "I'm scared because I can't trust him." She knew she'd said too much, revealed herself. But, Phoebe was a human lie detector. She never missed a single falter, and Audrey couldn't keep up the energy of the facade.

"Has he not explained all of that to you yet?" Phoebe watched Audrey shift uncomfortably in her place. "Maybe you just need to listen to him." She uttered, and with that she walked away, head held high. Audrey pulled her hat down on her head and shuddered out a sigh.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she ignored it once again as she headed out the door into the frozen, rigid winter world.

((KellyGe is the coolest for making these super pretty graphics!!! This has been a PSA))