Hearing timid footsteps in front of Jingshi whilst Lan Zhan was not present made me curious. Usually, members of the Gusu Lan Clan would never seek me here because of their unhappiness towards The Yiling Patriarch. Not all hate me, but I am aware that my presence irks few. Thus, they all make it a point to converse with Lan Zhan outside Jingshi. Meaning the person out there definitely is one of the younger lots.

Lan Zhan always refers me as their leader and I tease him for being their 'Mama Hen'.

Making my way out, I was more surprised by the fact that it was Sizhui who was hesitating to enter the premise. He has always been one of the few who received permission to enter Jingshi even without Lan Zhan's presence. This could mean only one thing; whatever is in his mind, it's causing him anxiety.

"Sizhui?"

With a gasp he turned around and it was then I noticed he was looking extremely pale. Is he alright?

Placing my arm on his shoulders, I nudged him to take a seat on the porch. Leaving him to gather his thoughts, I poured a cup of water for him to consume and waited patiently.

By my leg Wu, partner of Ji, a beautiful jade white rabbit nibbled the ends of my boot.

"Hey! Are you hungry? Didn't Lan Zhan feed you dinner?" I looked around and asked Wu as if he could answer me, "Where's your lover Ji?"

The rabbit in response tickled my palm with its nose. It was then Sizhui sighed and asked softly, "I admire you Elder Patriarch. You have this calming effect on everyone. Be it a person, animal or even a walking corpse. Without you, this place was incomplete." Our gaze met and he whispered, "Without you; even Hanguang-Jun was incomplete."

Smiling inwardly I nod.

"I don't have much memory of my childhood but I do remember vividly of you smiling. It is now that I realise you were in so much pain. How? How did you manage to smile and live life in such carefree manner Elder Patriarch?"

"Is that why you came here; to ask me this question?"

"No, but I want to know. What made you smile and act happy when staying in Yiling was the worst period of your life?"

It was, wasn't it?

Caressing Wu's forehead gently, I smile at Sizhui's question and ponder on what my true feelings were back then.

"When you have nothing to loose, all you can do is smile Sizhui. I had lost everything precious to me by then. Shijie's warmth, Jiang Cheng's brotherhood and Lan Zhan's..."

"Elder Patriarch?"

Years of getting to know Lan Zhan.

"Lan Zhan's companionship." I replied.

"Was it worth it in the end?" His question hit a nerve close to my heart and I shrugged, "Do I regret? Yes. Who wouldn't want their loved ones to be protected. Time and again I questioned myself, 'What wrong did I committ to suffer all this pain?'; but in my naiveness I never stoped and realised; along with me there were others who also suffered. In all this mess; Shijie, Jiang Cheng, Wen Ning, Wen Qing, you and Lan Zhan... you all suffered with me."

He was quiet and so was I. Yes, all of them suffered terribly because of me.

"Sizhui."

"Elder Patriarch?"

"I am sorry."

He was taken aback at my sudden apology.

"Elder Patriarch! Why are you apologising?"

"It has been long due Sizhui. Things that I did back then, my arrogance, my youth, my thoughts that I was right and everyone else were wrong led me to a devious path." Bowing my head down slightly I sighed, "I have wronged you Sizhui. I am sorry."

"Elder Patriarch!" He cried out, "Stop! I have never held you responsible for your past acts. Please stop apologising!" Closing his eyes Sizhui clenched his fist tightly, "If not for you saving all of us, Uncle Wen nor I would even be here. If it weren't for you, I would have never met Hanguang-Jun. If it weren't for you, Jingyi and I-"

"Wait!" Is he?

"Huh?"

"You were right, weren't you?"

"What?"

"You aren't here to talk about the past but about the future."

"Elder Patriarch, I am truly derailed from the thought process of this conversation. What are you getting at?"

"Sizhui... Sizhui..." I sang out his name and teased, "You're here to talk about matters of heart." When he didn't respond, I flicked his forehead and grinned; "You're here to talk about Jingyi and you."

Instantly pink shade coloured his cheeks and ears and I rolled out laughing.

"Elder Patriarch..." At this adorable whine I patted his back and tried controlling my laughter. "Alright. Alright. I won't tease. Why don't you tell me what is it that you came here to ask; or is it Hanguang-Jun that you seek?"

"No. Not Hanguang-Jun but..."

"Do you wish to ask me? If not, then I can leave you here at peace and walk away." I was about to get up when he held my hand tightly and shook his head, "No. Please stay."

He was quiet and appeared extremely distressed. While giving him space to think, I leisurely strolled towards the peony tree and smiled at her grace.

Sizhui didn't make me wait long when he finally mustered up the courage and asked me, "What is love Elder Patriarch?"

"I don't know Sizhui." My answer surprised him. Next moment he was by my side, eyes wide and enquired hastily, "How can you not know? If anyone has the answer to this question, it has to be you!"

I was genuinely astonished to hear him say that. "Why? Why do you think I should have answers?"

"Hanguang-Jun and your are epitome of love Elder Patriarch. If anyone should know; it has to be you."

Smiling at his innocence I was humbled he revered me that way.

"Epitome of love; isn't that a bit too much?" Chuckling at the choice of words, placing my palm on the tree trunk I bowed my head respectfully, "Do you know what's common between Loyalty and Love, Sizhui?"

"No." He whispered.

"Both starts with the word 'L'; without one the other cannot survive Sizhui." Glancing at the young man in front I continue, "Between Lan Zhan and I, first came loyalty, then came love, or maybe for him loyalty and love meant the same."

Catching hold of a fluttering peony petal I caressed it softly, "Love cannot be defined Sizhui. What your Hanguang-Jun felt for me can and will always be different from what I felt for him. Back then he loved me, while I cherished his companionship. True, I came back for a reason, but now that reason has solely become to keep Lan Zhan smiling and happy, with a promise to never leave him again.

"Love isn't the same for everyone Sizhui. For some it's friendship, feeling of being united, for some it could simply mean having them beside and for some it can simply mean a promise."

"What is love for you Elder Patriarch?"

This made me stop and think. What is love for me? The answer was simple and plain though I didn't answer Sizhui's question.
Taking a step towards the young one, it was my turn to ask, "Do you have feelings for Jingyi?"

"Ye... Yes."

"Are you ready to confess?"

"I am scared, Elder Patriarch."

"Of losing his friendship?"

"Yes."

"Take your time. Court him like Lan Zhan did to me. There is something afterall you can learn from your Hanguang-Jun."

"What's that?"

"Be relentless, and if he does not listen, then use that headband of yours to tie him up and have your way with Jingyi."

One blink.

Two blink.

Three blink.

"Elder Patriarch!!!"

I started laughing when we both suddenly heard someone clearing their throat. Pivoting we saw Lan Zhan standing at the gate of Jingshi.

"Hanguang-Jun." Sizhui bowed respectfully and without any further words he walked away.

Standing next to me, Lan Zhan's gaze were steady on me and I enquired, "You heard our conversation?"

"Hm."

"How much?"

"When you told him the meaning of 'L', Wei Ying."

Banding my arms around my husband's waist, I pulled him in for a warm embrace and whispered, "Did you know there is another meaning for the word 'L' too?"

"Hm?"

"L for Lan Zhan."

His steady gaze wavered a bit and he placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"Lan Zhan, for me, you're love and loyalty. Thank you for believing in me. I love you."

"Love you too Wei Ying."