Watching Lan Zhan sleep blissfully has always been a treat for me. Usually the one to wake up after him, it's rare for me to be up before dawn and even rarer for me to be awake before Gusu's ritual time of awakening.

Today; sleep evaded my senses and even though Lan Zhan wrung every ounce of my body last night, still my heart was restless.
My soul felt it was missing out on something and I couldn't find any clues on what that could be.

Kissing my beloved's cheek softly, I smile at the faint love bite on his neck and careful I trudge around our chamber. Collecting Lan Zhan's inner robes I smirk at my tattered ones discarded unceremoniously on the ground.

How many has it been now? A lot!

I grin at the memory of once not owning any inner robes; thanks to my husband's lovely impatience and debauchery. Lan Zhan never cared for my robes, his moto; 'What is mine is yours. Pick out any clothes of mine and wear them around'; having said that, it was at times quite an embarrassment; not for Lan Zhan or me; but for the Lan Clan when they would see me donned in Lan Zhan 's clothes.

Our shenanigans were well known around the realm. Which brings me to the present; I do need to visit the market soon to buy some inner robes for peace and pride of these Lans.

With utmost care to not make any noise, I leave my Lan Zhan to enjoy his slumber and proceed towards his writing chamber.

When my heart's filled with melancholy and words don't seem to describe my innermost feelings, I subconsciously sit in front of Lan Zhan's desk and pick out any random letter he wrote from the past to read my beloved's longing for me.

Today was one such letter. Like his speech it was short; but the words seared my soul. Lan Zhan abhors me reading these letters. He believes that these should never be read by me. He had written when there was no scope of hope; but how could I not?

These letters are those fine lines that made me realise how feeble are our lives. How Lan Zhan once lost me and if I'm not careful, history can always repeat.

Dear Wei Ying,

Blue is you.
Azure is you.
My body is here but soul askew.
Nights are same, days are few;
my robes are white; jaded by the love I have for you.
Colours are lost if not black and red.
Let me be the white to your black in this monochrome world.
My Wei Ying; my love for you is as pure as blue; blue is you; Azure is you.

Yours,
Lan Zhan

Before I could wipe the tears, a soft yet cold palms cupped my cheeks and kissed the side of my head.

In his coarse voice he whispered, "Why do you keep reading them when all they do is make you cry?"

Unable to be away from him; I twist my body and hug Lan Zhan with all my might. Even though I hear his grunt it did not deter me. I wished with all my soul to make his pain evanesces.

"I love you." Was all I could say.

Embracing me warmly I felt Lan Zhan lips on my crown. "And you know my heart will always belong to you my Wei Ying."

Glancing up at Lan Zhan I asked what my heart feared, "Tell me please; what did you mean in this letter? In this poem?"

"Why Wei Ying? Why do you wish to know? It's just going to hurt you even more."

"Please..."

With a sigh Lan Zhan took the letter from my hand and without glancing at the contents he recited those words once again, this time for my ears.

He was right. Listening to him was even more painful.

"When you left me-" the pain was ever present both in his voice and heart even after all these years. "You took away all the colours in my world Wei Ying. Without you my life became a tragedy. Horrific. Sad and meaningless. They say the word devastated, the true meaning is associated only when parents loose their child; but Wei Ying, there isn't a pore in my body that was not alone and truly devastated.

"You were the end of me. With you gone, I had a body but no soul. The moment you said 'Let go Lan Zhan'; the moment your eyes pleaded with mine; I knew your soul had already given up much before your mortal body, and I dreaded leaving your hand.

"One hope. Any hope that you would change your mind and choose me over all that madness. But in the end I never even had the courage to hate you. How could I? You are me and I am you, right?"

"Oh Lan Zhan!" Unable to bear his pain I carefully tugged his hand and walked over to our bed. Gesturing him to lie down with me, I held him close to my heart as he poured his soul out.

"Wei Ying, my mother had always worn blue robes when brother and I went to meet her once a month. It was not my intention but I overheard brother and her conversation where she encouraged him to wear the blue robes. She said, it meant the heart is at peace.

"I had always associated the colour Blue with you. You were my peace. I am unsure if you remember; but the first time I wore blue in your presence was on our journey to finding Yin Iron."

"Yes!" I had to clear my voice. It was coarse. "I remember."

"I am glad you remember. From then on when I knew my Wei Ying would be around, I made sure to always don on my blue robes."

"You had them when you visited us at Burial Mountain!"

I could feel Lan Zhan's smile. "Yes. I hoped we would meet again."

"We did."

"When I came back; Uncle punished me for having associated with you. But even when I was punished it did not make me sad."

It pained my heart. "Why?"

"Because of your memories. Your smile. Our date?"

I laughed as my tears welled up. "Date? I did not even pay for it."

"Doesn't matter. Your smile. Ah Yuan's smile and all the spicy food that warmed your both stomach was enough for me to know you're surviving."

A dreaded memory from the past made me blurt out; "Lan Zhan, back then when I was helping the Wen Clan elope, weren't you wearing a blue robe then too?"

No!

Lan Zhan was silent and it made my heart fall.

"Yes. I was."

Holding him even more closer I ran my hand at his back. Words were never needed between us. But at this moment I knew no words would ever be enough to fill the void in his heart.

"Lan Zhan -"

"Wei Ying; when you became the Yiling Patriarch; your preferred robes were black and red. When you fell from your grace, you had your black and red robes on you, black was associated with you, to live in your name, I knew you had the most chaste soul.

"In your memory I chose to wear white. White to your black. My sect knew the reason I always wore pristine white. Not to show of my purity, but that I; Lan Wangji believed in yours."

"Lan Zhan -"

"For me you'll always be my Wei Ying. For the world out there you're Wei Wuxian, The Yiling Patriarch and Elder Patriarch; but for me you'll always be the one who stole my heart at five years old. My Wei Ying."

Placing my thumb and forefinger below his chin, I pull Lan Zhan for a deep kiss.

"Was that the reason when we met after all those thirteen years; you were wearing white?"

"Yes."

"But I remember when we parted after our fiasco in Yunping city; you were wearing your Blue Robes."

His pale eyes rested on mine and I knew what he meant when he said, "True. By then I knew no matter where you'll go, my Wei Ying was home. Your home is in my heart."

Yes. My home is in his heart.

"I'm glad that you no longer are wearing those white robes. I love your blues. I love you."

His blush made me grin. "And I love you."

"How about you demonstrate how much you love me?"

He was up for the challenge and as expected Lan Zhan was delayed by two hours for his class.

The sun shone bright and beautiful. As WuJi played by my feet, I had Lan Zhan's letter on my lap. The words that were once painful, I knew had to be filled with love and colours.

Turning the page I wrote a new poem for Lan Zhan to read in future.

Dear Lan Zhan,

Blue is us.
Azure is you.
Together we create palettes of hues.

Yours,
Wei Ying.