Evan tore out the pages of the stupid books Connor gave him.

He knew that it was horrible that he was doing this, tearing up what was so important to the man.

But he couldn't help but feel angry towards them. But it's pretty much his fault that he felt this way. He ruined everything. No need in blaming inanimate objects.

He fell for the American. The solder keeping him captive. A man of all things. Fuck.

And as he cried while tearing up the literature. Sobbing over the man that HE told to leave. And it kept playing in his head, he re-thought of the moment. They leaned so close, lips barley touching, He let out a shaking breath.

And Connor wanted to kiss him back. He really did...

He fucked up.
---

Veronica stared at Evan, rather shocked. She sat at the edge of the bed, running a hand through her short black hair, taking in a deep breath. Her eyes shut, before she opened them again to watch the boy huddled in his sheets.

"Explain it to me again"

It was probably the tenth time Evan had to tell her what had happened.

He didn't leave out a detail. He explained his feelings, and everything that went down. Well. Leaving out the suicidal issue. But beyond that, every secret Evan had to offer, he spilled to her, it all cascaded from his lips, like candles wax, burning his skin every time it dripped.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Alana. Or even Jared.

But he couldn't tell either of them that he had felt these feelings for another man. They may love him, but they still are stuck in their ways. Even if it's Connor that Evan may be fixated over. And on top of that, Alana would probably be upset that Connor would no longer come a visit because of Evan.

"I feel like shit Veronica. I mean, I've done a lot to him, and he's forgiven me, and then I scream I hate him in his face? Am I insane??"

She paused, looking at Evan longingly, and slowly, almost hesitantly— reached out to give him a hug. Pulling his body against hers. His body tensed, but he realized there was no reason to be. He relaxed in the comforting heat she radiated. He knew she would understand.

"Yea, you are insane"

He takes back that thought.

"But-"

She shushed him, patting the side of his head to smooth down his hair, then cupping his chin.

"You're a idiot. But I understand your fear. I don't understand how you feel these feelings for him. But it's not my place to tell you that liking a man is bad, because I am no pope. But you do have to realize that even if you were having these feelings, that scared you. That is still no reason to do what you did to him. It probably hurt him too, and he didn't do anything to deserve it."

She smiled sadly, "well except keeping us captive." She added bitterly at the end, looking away from him.

He let out a breath, laying his head on her shoulder.

"When did you become so smart" he asked slightly sarcastic, but secretly his words held legitimacy.

But she just laughed softly, holding him tight.
"It's not that I'm smart. It's that I care about you rose bud. You're my family."

He smiled slightly, her using his child nickname, it had been so long since he heard that name.

But then he nodded slowly. He realized, that he is infact her only family now.

"Veronica" he spoke softly. Thinking about her instead of him right now.

She hummed in response.

"I know I needed to talk about how I feel but how about you talk now? Let it out." He suggested, with his head still wedged inbetween her neck and shoulder.

She looked at him confused, but then her features softened. But not in a good way, in a pitiful way. She was quiet for what seemed like hours, but were most likely just minutes, until she took in a small intake of breath.

"Well.. I guess I could talk about JD" she whispered, nuzzling into him slowly.
---

Alana stared out the window, as if waiting for the solider. A few days passed, and Connor would have normally came to visit.

Only Evan and Veronica knew why he wasn't coming. And he felt guilty.
He didn't want to hurt her as well.

After more talking with Veronica, he devised an idea. Maybe it wasn't the brightest one, but it was an idea non the less.

So his plan was to go to the unit and find Connor, and tell him that he shouldn't use the grudge against Evan to stay away from the barn. He should at least visit Alana.

Veronica tagged along, close to Evan's side. After a few days of speaking back and forth about their feelings, they both seemed to get closer, and now their pretty much connected to the hip. Offering another human your deepest secrets and condolences builds bonds.

He explained to her the plan while walking to the base. Noting that the snow was high, and It was freezing. Even Evan of all people had to wear a coat.

As they reached the compounds, they looked through the gate.

Evan knew which cabin was Connor's, but he wouldn't be able to get past the fence.

He looked around for soldiers, but non were to be found.

And even if he did get the attention of one of them, they wouldn't really care enough to get Connor anyway. What was he thinking, coming out here.

But then he saw a panicked man come out of the cabin Connor was supposed to be staying in. He watched the man scurry around before he realized who it was.

"Micheal!" Evan called beyond the metal fence. Pressing into the cold chain of the border.

Just as Veronica moved closer to Evan as the wind blew more violently.

The man jogged to the fence, taken aback, but then his face grew into a smile "um.. Oh uh! Evan! Of course! Why didn't I think of you??"

Evan's brows knitted together, what was he babbling about?

"What?"

"Have you seen Connor??" Catholic asked, worry in his tone.

It wasn't until then the boy could see the dark circles around the man's eyes, from lack of sleep. He was shaking from the cold but was too worked up to notice.

"Bu-what? Aren't you supposed to know? You both sleep in the same cabin?"

The small bit of hope in Micheal's eyes faded.

"He's been missing for days."

That's when Evan's breathing stopped.
---

The blonde stared blankly at the stain glass of the church windows.

The town had a small cemetery, and placed in the middle of the yard, was a abandoned holy place.

It was comforting in how silent it was. How casted out and forgotten a holy temple could become. When everyone lost hope.

He let his eyes linger along the windows, each tile of glass, showing a different story. From Christ's coming, to his death.

And he smiled softy, looking down at the ground of he church.

He remembered Connor talking about his lack of faith in a god.

And Evan finally might just be understanding why.

The world was unfair.

Connor had been missing for over a week. And in only 4 days, it would be Christmas.

So Evan set a small rose in the center of the ministry, and prayed to his false prophets. Fake gods. And useless idols. For the hundredth time this week.

Because they seemed to not be answering.
---

(To be Continued)