*warning - heavy topics like abuse mentioned*

You couldn't remember how old you were the first time you noticed something was wrong.

Or maybe you knew something wasn't right before that, but you didn't understand it enough to stop it.

You had just gotten done with a lesson with your sensei.

You were headed up to your room to bathe.

"Shiina, baby."

You turned over your shoulder and stopped as you climbed the stairs.

Shouga was following close behind. His fingertips traced along your soft cheek.

You smiled softly at him as he spoke,

"You look so pale, I'm worried."

You felt exhausted, from a hard day training.

"I've been training all day I am exhau-"

"Let me help you upstairs. I'm worried about you."

You nodded your head not thinking twice.

He filled the tub as you undressed.

"Shiina, my precious girl, what happened?"

You stood in front of the mirror looking at your body. You had bruises scattered all over your porcelain skin from training.

"Training."

You could feel his eyes glued to your body as you walked over and stepped into the tub.

The water was hot, but felt amazing as you lowered your body in.

"How does it feel?"

"Good, thank you."

Your eyes shut and your head tilted back, relaxing into the warmth.

You were slightly startled when you felt fingertips tracing over your shoulders, and across your collarbone. Your eyes flickered open to see him sitting on the edge of the tub.

"Shiina, I worry about you."

Something inside was telling you something was wrong but you pushed it down as you spoke.

This was the man that saved you, took you in when you were left to die.

Gave you so many opportunities, so many things.

Talked to you like you were the thing he loved most in the world.

Like you were the most precious thing to him.

"Worry about me?" you asked.

His fingers traced along the small curve of your chest that was exposed above the water.

"You're growing up."

He paused.

"I don't want you to drift away from me."

His fingertips now went below the surface of the hot water.

"Shiina, I need you to promise me. You'll stay by my side forever."

Your eyes flickered open.

Your ears were ringing, but you could hear voices speaking.

Your body felt overheated and ached all over. Everything around you blurred.

Where am I?

Your blurred vision finally focused slightly and you made out Law standing over your bed saying something.

He looked so serious. Stressed.

He was speaking to Bepo who was standing on the other side of your bed looking at you with a worried expression.

You smiled faintly at the sight of the bear.

You felt like you were in a trance like you were too tired to move or speak.

You could feel sweat beaded on your forehead and body.

Am I dreaming?

Dying?

What is happening?

The ringing in your ears slowly died down and you could finally make out words.

Law was speaking as you could feel his touch on your exposed stomach.

"Shiina-ya you have a high fever, the wound on your side is infected."

The wound on my side?

In all honesty you had completely forgotten about it.

It hadn't given you any pain at all, you thought it was gone.

You felt too weak to say a word.

The last thing you remember was Law saying something else you couldn't understand, before your vision started closing into blackness.

—

Your eyes flickered open and you groaned at the feeling of your aching body.

The infirmary was dark, it took your eyes a moment to adjust.

It must have been night time.

Was that all a dream?

You sat up slowly and looked down lifting the t-shirt you had on to examine the bandages wrapped around your side.

Damn. So that fever shit was real.

Which made sense. You felt awful.

You scooted to the edge of your bed shivering as you felt the cool air against your bare legs.

It was definitely the middle of the night. All you could hear was the quiet whirring of the sub.

How long have I been asleep?

You got down from the bed, still holding the edge to stabilize yourself as you stood.

You felt so out of it.

You didn't know where you were going, the kitchen maybe? But you started walking toward the door to the hallway.

But you stopped instantly in your tracks when your eyes fell on something.

Someone.

There sitting in one of the chairs was Law, sleeping. His head leaning on his own shoulder.

You felt a faint smile form on your lips just looking at him.

He looked precious, although he couldn't have been comfortable sleeping like that.

You remembered him standing over your bed before you had passed out, going on about medical nonsense you didn't understand.

How long has he been here?

He had probably been exhausted.

Without any thought, you walked over and sat in the chair beside him.

You couldn't help but study every one of his features.

His dark hair was a little messy, and his hat rested in his lap.

You could see his chest rising and falling ever so slightly.

His jawline, his slightly parted lips.

How could someone be so damn intimidating when awake, but look so peaceful when asleep?

You had no idea why you did it, but you leaned over and gently rested your head on his shoulder and shut your eyes.

What am I doing?

You heard him mumble something and then felt his head lean against yours.

He was probably unaware he had even done it but shit it made your heart pound.

You still felt out of it, but in that moment what you felt strangely, was thankful.

You could have ended up on any pirate ship, or been dead.

But you were here, alive, and taken care of.

You stayed sitting there a moment before you whispered softly,

"Sorry for causing so much trouble,"

You didn't care that he was asleep, it was still nice to say the words out loud, even if they were only to yourself.

He already had a million things to worry about, and there you were yet again at the top of the list causing more problems for him.

You felt bad.

He had probably saved your life yet again, and in return you had done nothing but cause him extra work.

You spoke up in a soft voice,

"I didn't mean it when I said I didn't like you."

"You're just...confusing... hard to understand."

You paused.

"I don't understand you."

At this point you were just talking to yourself, but you didn't care.

It was comforting to say the words out loud.

You stayed silent for another moment.

Your eyes traced over his hands that rested in his lap. The tattoos, the word "death" spelled out on his fingers.

You finally whispered out into the silence of the infirmary,

"I do want to understand you."

Your heart was pounding so hard for no good reason.

You felt weird admitting these things to yourself.

There was more you probably could have said.

But you couldn't bring yourself to try to understand what you felt.

And saying more words out loud would just make it all feel so much more real.

"Shiina-ya, I can't sleep when you won't shut up,"

You jolted up immediately when you heard his raspy voice.

Thank god it was dark, because you knew your face was completely flushed.

He lifted his head and looked at you for a moment, not saying anything.

You felt like an idiot.

You didn't know what the hell to say, because once again, you were caught doing something stupid.

"You should be in bed, you're sick."

He reached toward your shirt and pulled it up gently to see the bandages still intact wrapped around your middle.

His fingertips traced gently along the neatly wrapped bandages around your waist.

He took his hand away and dropped your shirt back down as his eyes flickered back to meet yours.

"Shiina-ya."

You felt frozen in place. Just looking at him.

"Hm?" you softly hummed in response.

"You're sick," he repeated.

"I feel okay."

He rolled his eyes at this answer, and shifted and stood up to his feet, stretching.

You just stayed sitting and looked down at your hands in your lap, fidgeting with your fingers.

You then felt a pair of hands, his hands, grab you under the armpits and pick you up, which caught you completely off guard.

He adjusted moving his hands to get a better grip on you, and you sharply inhaled when you felt one of his hands have a firm grip on your ass.

He walked over and gently placed you back on the infirmary bed, so your legs were hanging off the edge.

"You're bad at listening," he muttered as he stood in front of you.

"You say that a lot."

He let out a slight laugh and then stayed quiet just looking at you. His face turned back to its usual serious look as he spoke,

"Shiina-ya you had a dangerously high fever. You could have... something serious could've happened."

You just hummed in response and he continued,

"It was from the wound in your side. I am going to need to check that regularly and clean it and make sure it's healing okay this time,"

When you hummed in response again he huffed,

"You need to take your health more seriously."

His tone sounded like he was scolding a child.

You just muttered, "Sorry."

He went silent another moment before he sucked in a breath.

"I wanted to ask you something."

When you stayed silent, he took that as an okay to ask.

"Were you dreaming about something when you had your fever? Having some kind of flashback?"

You blinked a moment slightly caught off guard by the question.

How could he read me so damn well?

He sounded genuinely curious, you could feel his eyes on you studying your expression.

The color drained from your face as you looked down at your hands in your lap,

"...yeah... yeah I was."

You didn't want to talk about it at all. He could see you were visibly uncomfortable, but for some reason he wanted to know. He wanted to know what it was that was troubling you.

"You were mumbling things when you were in and out of sleep."

Your gaze was glued to your hands as you fidgeted with your fingers not wanting to talk about this.

There was another awkward pause before he said,

"Well, I'm not going to force you to tell me."

Damn.

He had meant that to sound comforting, why was he so bad at this?

It made his chest tighten up at the thought of bad things happening to you. He needed to make you feel better. Comfort you, somehow.

But before he could think or do anything your voice broke the silence,

"Can I ask you something? And can you be honest?"

His brows furrowed when you asked this. He didn't know what you planned on asking, so how could he promise honesty?

But for some reason he mumbled, "fine."

You paused a moment, thinking about it before you finally just came out with it,

"The day you found me... why'd you save me?"

"I mean... I think you're careful... you don't do things unless you have a good reason."

He just stared at you for a moment.

He wasn't sure if you asked it to change the subject, or if you were really curious.

The truth was, you genuinely wanted to know the answer.

Because deep down, you hoped for something. You didn't even know what or why, but you hoped for something.

Maybe it would help me better understand him.

He seemed to be contemplating, choosing his words carefully.

"Well the main reason was because I recognized you, knew your background. I knew you knew a lot of things, information, and I simply couldn't pass that up."

He paused,

"But when I first saw you I..."

This time there was a long pause like he was struggling to get the words out and say the right thing.

"...I did it because you reminded me of someone."

Strangely enough the thought made your heart sink a little.

Did you just look like a past lover or something? Is that the only reason he saved you?

You couldn't help the way you immediately blurted out,

"Who?"

Why did I just ask that so desperately?

There was another long pause as he looked down.

"Your features. Your hair, and eyes,"

"When I saw you, you reminded me of someone who was important to me."

He paused.

"Someone who saved me."

Was?

As in they are not alive?

"Are they..." you trailed off not wanting to say the word dead.

There was another moment of silence before he spoke quietly,

"Yes."

"He's dead."

Was it a friend?

Someone who was like a brother to him?

Or maybe someone who had taken care of him?

He spoke again in the same quiet tone,

"It kind of shocked me when I first saw you, it was like you could have been his chi-"

He cut himself off as he sucked in another breath and sighed heavily,

"It sounds silly saying it out loud."

"It's not silly at all." you immediately said.

"It actually makes a lot of sense."

You didn't fully understand, but you left it at that, not wanting to pry more. He would have given you a name, told you who it was, if he wanted you to know.

And you were honestly shocked he had even told you that much. He seemed to struggle to say some of it, like it was some painful memory.

So you decided to give him something in return.

He had trusted you with that, so you could trust him with something else too.

"You were right about it earlier... I was having a flashback."

He immediately looked up at you as you continued.

"A pretty bad one... that I wish I could forget."

When you said those words his gaze softened more.

You were made aware of his hand on your thigh when you felt his thumb stroking your leg gently. And also the way your heart was pounding incredibly hard.

He was standing so close, and your body was utterly exhausted from fighting off the fever and infection, you couldn't help but lean forward and rest your head against him and shut your eyes.

You felt one of his hands gently stroke your hair which nearly made your heart explode.

You didn't care if this was all only happening because you were both exhausted. You were just happy to be there.

You just stayed like that for a moment.

Even if he wasn't good at words, this was enough. More than enough.

He finally broke the silence after a while,

"You need rest."

At that point your eyes had fallen shut and you were half asleep.

His touch was comforting.

When he didn't get a response from you he gently pulled away and held you up from falling.

He brought one of his hands to your forehead and could feel you were still warm.

He sighed and lifted your legs onto the bed so you were laying down, and pulled the sheets over you.

In your half asleep state, you gently held his arm that was resting on the bed beside you.

He just watched you and let it happen.

You were precious,  your hand wrapped gently around his wrist.

You then muttered in your half asleep state,

"I'm sorry..."

His brows furrowed as he asked, "For...?"

Your words were mumble but you still managed to get them out,

"That the special person in your life died."

He just stared at you.

You didn't even know what or who you were talking about, yet somehow the words still made his chest tighten.

He had no idea why he even told you that. He never talked about it. Why now?

Why with you?

He hated to talk about these things.

He hated that people said 'time heals all wounds' and talking about it still hurt him so much.

But somehow hearing your apology, feeling you hold his arm, even if you were half asleep, was something he needed.

He just stared at you unsure of what to say, and it didn't matter anyways because you had fallen asleep.

He watched you for a couple moments longer, before he sighed, and finally decided he needed to leave. You needed your rest after all, you were still recovering.

And he could not afford to get sick.

He slowly and gently peeled away his arm from your now limp grip, careful not to wake you up, and turned to walk out.

He put a hand on the door to leave, but stopped.

You were asleep but he needed to say something.

His back remained turned to you as he finally muttered quietly,

"Thank you, Shiina-ya."