**warning - smut, mature/heavy content**

"So who had the fruit before me?"

You asked, as you followed Shouga from the training dojo back to the estate.

The sun was setting.

The landscape was beautiful.

All of the plants, trees, blooming.

"It's unknown," he replied, a slight smile on his lips as his gaze was fixed on you.

"Apparently it was so many years ago, no one knows the last person to possess the powers. It's even unsure if anyone ever did possess it. That's why the powers are so unknown."

You hummed in response, reaching out and grasping his hand.

"So basically, when I have that so-called 'awakening' we don't know what it will be?"

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze,

"Yes, love, exactly. We'd have to wait until you're able to awaken the fruit to really see the true powers."

"But there are a few more things that you should be able to do without awakening your fruit. Abilities you have yet to discover- that you'll be able to once you gain strength and train."

"Like what?" you immediately asked your curiosity getting the better of you.

He smiled and reached down and lifted you into his arms, your legs wrapping around his waist.

"Well, for starters let me explain something. Some users of a devil fruit never get to awaken it- I like to describe it as... destiny. The right person has to consume the right fruit, or they may never be able to unlock the full potential of its powers no matter how strong they are."

"And you, my love, will be able to heal."

Your eyes widened as you listened, completely entranced by his exciting new words.

"Heal?"

"Yes, love. That's supposedly one of the abilities. Because when you transform- you turn into a divine being of sorts."

His words swirled around in your head.

One day you'd be able to heal people? If you trained hard enough?

"That's why you must train love, and keep yourself healthy. This fruit is a secret, something that has been kept hidden for a long amount of time because of its powers."

You paused,

"But how do you know I can unlock them?"

His face grew slightly serious.

He hesitated for a moment, but then spoke,

"Because the moment that fruit touches the lips of a human it doesn't accept, it kills you- instantly. Because devil fruits have 'wills'. And the will of your fruit, is a powerful one."

Your eyes widened.

Not at the fact that he had fed you a devil fruit at the age of 6 that could've killed you, no- you're young mind didn't see that.

They widened because you had potentially been the first person to eat this fruit and survive.

"No one in thousands of years ate the fruit and survived."

He paused.

"There is a possibility you are the only one ever, to have been 'accepted' by the fruit."

He looked at you, fingertips gently caressing your cheek.

"So love, I mean it when I tell you it is destiny."

"You eating this fruit was your destiny."

You sucked in a breath as your eyes shot open, staring at the ceiling.

It was still dark in the room.

Law's room.

"What is it?"

You jolted when you heard Law's voice, gaze flickering to him, who was sitting up, looking back at you.

Had he been watching me sleep?

You blinked,

"What time is it?"

"Early morning."

You let out a heavy exhale, feeling your breaths calm.

'What is it?'

Where do I start?

"Another dream," you quietly replied.

You could feel his gaze on you as you sat up slowly,

"It was Shouga and I, talking when I was younger. 10 probably."

You stared at your hands that were sitting on top of the sheets, clenching them into fists.

"He told me my devil fruit had no known users before me- because if the devil fruits 'will' didn't accept or 'agree with' the user, they'd die instantly."

You could feel your nails digging into your palms as you uttered,

"That bastard."

"He gave me the fruit when I was 6 years old. Knowing I could've died in an instant."

"Knowing it was likely I was going to die in an instant."

When you glanced at Law finally he was staring at you with a slight look of shock.

He stayed quiet a moment before he asked in a low voice,

"So there's a chance- no one has ever eaten the fruit before you?"

"Because they... died?"

You swallowed, and then breathed out,

"Yeah."

"Shiina."

He looked at you with a look of disbelief, as if he had seen a ghost.

"So do we even know that your devil fruit really is the 'angel-angel' fruit?"

You blinked.

"Well I think it was assumed since the wings-"

He cut you off,

"But it could be something entirely different."

There was a moment of silence between you.

The gears in both your brains turning with the both intriguing and terrifying information you had just put together.

The fact that you may have consumed a devil fruit that could be something else entirely than you originally thought.

In all reality you could be a monster. Something dark.

And why you?

Why had you lived?

You let out a shaky exhale your words barely a whisper,

"What am I?"

He looked at you with the same look.

Of confusion, and disbelief.

"I don't know."

You let out a shaky exhale burying your face in your hands.

But you were quickly pulled from your thoughts when you felt your body shiver.

Goosebumps.

Cold air.

Cold air against my bare skin.

Bare skin.

You pulled your head from your hands, realizing you were in fact naked.

You immediately pulled the sheets over your exposed upper body, before you finally remembered.

Remembered, you had had sex.

For the first time.

With the man sitting in front of you.

All thoughts of anything from the previous conversation had left your mind.

And it was as if he could read the thoughts in your mind.

The way your facial expression shifted- thinking of something else entirely.

You felt the bed shift, his body somehow ending up on top of yours. Hands on either side of your head, body hovering above yours.

"What are you thinking?"

His breath fanned your face as he spoke quietly.

Despite the calmness in his tone, his gaze was searching yours- as if he needed to know what you were thinking.

You hesitated.

Thinking about the fact that we-

That I did that for the first time with you.

"Thinking about what we did," you breathed out, not wanting to say it outloud.

"You look conflicted."

You weren't sure what to say.

You felt conflicted.

Your words came out stuttered,

"I've just never- I don't-"

"Do you want to do it again?"

Jesus.

Christ.

"What?"

You blinked, staring at him in disbelief- that he asked that so calmly- but his face was already buried in the crook of your neck, as he whispered against your skin,

"Shiina."

The simple way he said your name.

Why did it make you feel the way it did?

How was that possible?

And then he spoke again,

"I can't bring myself to say to you what I want to."

Your breath felt caught in your throat.

"What?"

Your heart was beating so hard against your ribs, because somehow deep down you knew what he meant.

You knew exactly what he meant by those words.

Because he wasn't good with this kind of thing. He gave you bits and pieces and waited for you to pick it up and put it together so he didn't have to say it.

When he had told you 'it was impossible not to-'

And when he looked at you and said 'Shiina I-'

He was trying to tell you.

You could feel his hands shift, tracing up your forearms, fingertips intertwining with yours. Holding your hands, down against the bed.

"I can't say it because those are the words that Corazon said to me."

"Before he said goodbye."

What?

Goodbye?

Donquixote Corazon?

"Goodbye?" you breathed out in a barely audible voice.

"Doflamingo shot Corazon after he saved me."

"He gave me the Ope-Ope no mi."

His grip on your hands tightened, breaths against your neck as he spoke,

"He set me free."

You let out a shaky breath, head spinning with all of this sudden information.

Corazon saved him?

But your mind was focused on what he was trying to tell you.

The words he couldn't bring himself to say.

Because you couldn't either.

"I can't say those things either," you breathed out.

He pulled away from the crook of your neck when those words left your mouth, eyes desperately searching yours.

"Why?"

Isn't it obvious?

"Because... I don't think I know what love is."

He just stared at you.

It's not because I don't mean it.

Because the fact was, the words 'I love you' were cursed for both of you.

For 'I love you' he saw death.

And for 'I love you' you... remembered Shouga. The endless amount of times he had told you he loved you more than anything in the whole entire world. That you were the most precious thing to him. That he saved you, that he would protect you.

You felt the tightening in your chest, remembering how everything had been a lie. A ploy. A part of some twisted, fucked-up plan that you were somehow needed for, and going to be used for no matter what the consequences were.

Those words had been ruined for you, just like they had been for him.

But you didn't want to think about that right now.

More words left your lips without any thought,

"Why didn't you ever take my heart? For insurance?"

The ope-ope no mi.

The gift from Corazon that sent him free.

Law was known for taking people's hearts with his powers.

And it had been eating away at you to know why after all this time he hadn't.

He was silent.

It was so hard to look at you when he talked to you.

You looked so beautiful.

The look in your eyes so raw as you laid beneath him.

"Because I..."

His fingertips gripped yours harder.

"I wanted to believe you'd stayed here because you wanted to..."

"...and not because I made you."

He wanted to believe that you wanted to stay.

Your breath, words, everything felt caught in your throat.

It almost hurt you to admit as you breathed out the words,

"You didn't make me do anything."

I chose to stay.

I wanted to stay.

He let out a heavy exhale, not realizing he had even been holding in a breath.

The words he had needed to hear.

Because at the end of the day- there were moments you could have left. There were moments where the crew had their guard down.

But you hadn't.

You had stayed.

And here you were admitting all of this to him.

Without another word, his lips were pressed to yours, your eyes falling shut instantly.

The kiss was slow, but deep.

Breaths became heavier quickly, movements more needy.

The feeling of lips trailing along your jaw, neck, collarbone, chest.

Fingertips tracing down your body, in between your legs.

Breaths becoming gasps and moans, mixing with his.

Fingernails sinking into his back, as he pushed himself inside of you.

Rough, but gentle.

The feeling of skin against skin.

Pleasure.

Vulnerability.

Longing.

Love.

Because love wasn't Shouga.

The man who tortured you. Touched you.

Who used you to be his pawn.

Who raised you on lies, manipulated you.

Hurt you in so many ways.

And planned on hurting you more.

You may not have known what love was- but you knew now, it wasn't that.

You could feel your heart pounding so hard in your chest.

Legs trembling, broken gasps leaving your lungs.

His movements slowed, breaths heavy and ragged.

You could feel the heat of his skin against your own as he practically collapsed on you.

Head buried in the crook of your neck, as he caught his breath.

And for a moment everything finally calmed in your mind

All of the thoughts, worries, memories, pain.

It went quiet.

Just for a moment, just long enough to hear him.

"Shiina."

His voice was breathy, hoarse.

His forehead rested against yours.

He didn't say anything else.

The only noise the two of your breaths.

He didn't have to.

Because you understood.

You knew what he didn't say out loud.

Hi Readers!

Crazy chapter :o

A lot revealed- just a lot of details and interesting information.

So random but just wanted to share- personally when I read fics and they say 'i love you' it kinda makes me cringe unless the moment is right, and its said correctly. Also feel like it doesn't fit the characters to say it flat out LOL. So that was kind of my idea behind that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, hope you enjoyed.

xoxo,

       B<3