**warning - mature content ahead like abuse, sexual assault, etc... please be warned disturbing content ahead**

I believe the worst kind of pain comes from the people whom you love and adore most.

In a way, that love, adoration, and trust- is also something that can be turned into something so painful.

It can be used against us.

And in the end, for me it was.

You were 16.

You felt a strong, rough pair of hands pull you close.

A gasp escaped your lips.

It startled you.

Then there it was.

That deep voice and hot breath against your ear.

"Shiina, my angel."

One hand was snaked around your waist holding you tight against his strong body that towered over yours.

You felt his fingertips trace down your shoulder, down your arm, until he interlocked fingers with yours.

Goosebumps trailed across your skin.

Your body became rigid.

In one swift movement he was walking. You pulled closely behind with his grip on your hand.

Your heart was sinking with every step you took closer to your bedroom.

You resisted once he stepped inside, but with one sudden harsh yank, you were right beside him again.

"Please. Not now."

Your voice was already trembling.

You felt that sick feeling in your gut knowing what was coming.

And the worst part was, you were completely helpless.

He shoved you up against the closed door and yanked your skirt up.

A yelp escaped your lips as your back hit the hard surface. His eyes were locked on yours. A look of lust shining wildly in them.

He didn't say a word as his rough hand started just above your knee, and traced slowly up your inner thigh.

"Please. Please stop," you muttered out, feeling yourself shudder at his touch on your lower body.

You felt his hand stop and move out from under your skirt to tuck your hair behind your ear in a tender way- that made your insides twist.

He had a tight grip on you with the other hand holding you in place as he leaned in and whispered into your ear with that nasty husky voice of his.

"Come on my precious girl. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

You felt the hot breath touching your neck, turning into rough kisses on your neck. Teeth grazed your sensitive skin. Each bite, lick, and kiss left marks on your pale skin.

You wanted to throw up. It hurt but also felt good at the same time.

You hated that it felt good at all.

Because even at the end of all of this- you were so scared of disappointing him.

You needed him.

You needed him to love you.

So even if it meant you wanted to die- you would let him.

You always did.

Everytime.

You felt the familiar tears well up in your eyes as you felt his hands all over your body in all the places you didn't want them to be.

You tried to remind yourself this was love, as you felt him grope every part on your body like he owned you.

This was his way of showing he loved you.

You shouldn't hate it, right?

But you did.

And you felt guilty for hating the way he touched you as you begged, "Stop," between sobs in a helpless voice you didn't even recognize as your own.

Every squeeze, shove, forceful touch from his strong hands left bruises.

And he showed no sign of stopping.

He never did.

"Stop. Please!"

You were suffocating.

"Stop!"

You sat up in bed.

Chest rising and falling.

Body covered in sweats.

Looking around the dark room although you couldn't see anything.

You couldn't breathe.

The intense fear burned fresh through your body. You put a hand to your racing heart as you sucked in a trembling breath.

No. Make it stop.

You could feel his hands on you still.

Fuck. Fuck make it stop.

You were choking for air. Your face was wet with tears. Your hands crossed over your chest holding your arms tightly as you sat balled up in bed.

You pinched your skin trying to get ahold of yourself, your body still shaking violently.

The world was closing in on you.

You were completely filled with disgust and anger and fear.

You so desperately needed to claw and crawl your way out of your skin.

You couldn't escape him. No matter how far you were, he was still there in your head.

Every time you shut your eyes you could still feel him on you, still.

Shouga.

The man who raised you.

Put you up on a pedestal, just as you did for him.

Told you were the most precious thing to him.

He was supposed to protect me.

But of course, he didn't.

He exploited that admiration and trust you had.

That precious vulnerability.

He took away things you could never get back.

Every single day for over a year.

You shifted in bed sheets sticking to your sweaty body.

But then you jolted.

At a noise- the sound of metal against metal that ripped you from your panic just for a moment.

Your eyes finally adjusted as you realized-

You were back in the infirmary.

And that noise.

That god forsaken fucking noise was the sound of a cuff around your ankle hitting the ledge of the bed.

The same seastone cuff that was on me when I tried to escape.

When I first got here, on this ship.

You let out a shaky exhale.

I can't use my powers.

You were breathless.

Insides twisting.

Because you knew.

Instantly.

Your mind had spiraled from one thing, to another.

You threw the sheets off of your body, immediately heading toward the door, shaky hand extending to the handle not hesitating to throw it open.

You could see out the windows of the sub in the hallway.

I knew it.

You had surfaced.

Fuck.

No.

No no no no no no no no no.

Out another window you could see, it was snowing.

No.

You ran down the hallway.

Please.

All the way down until you reached the door.

Please don't leave me.

Not here.

Not now.

Not when I need you.

Please.

You were met with a blast of cool air when you threw open the door.

It was snowing hard.

Goosebumps prickled over your exposed skin.

And a few faces turned and looked.

Instantly falling when they fell on you.

They know?

They knew?

All along?

The crew was gathered by the railing.

"Don't do this to me,"

A puff of warm air from your dry throat appeared in front of you.

It was silent, the only noise of your feet across the deck,

"Don't you fucking do this to me-"

"Shiina, you need to go inside."

His voice was calm. But for the first time, he was serious.

Shachi had that paled, weary expression on his face, as you approached him standing along the railing.

"I said don't- you can't-"

You forced your way through the crowd of men.

"Shiina-"

And then you were being restrained.

One arm by Shachi, one by Penguin.

Body thrashing violently.

You didn't mind touch- but then being constrained- you couldn't take it- not after what you had just felt-

"Stop touching me!"

Tears blurred your vision.

All you felt was Shougas hands.

Restraining you.

"Please! Stop, I can't take it-"

Your shrieks echoed through the air.

You heard ringing in your ears.

You weren't sure if you were yelling still.

But you stopped moving.

Because your gaze stopped on Law.

Who was staring back at you, standing on icy terrain.

That's when it clicked.

The sub is moving away.

"Why?" you breathed out in a barely audible tone.

But then you started to thrash again against the pairs grip as your voice raised, ripping through the icy wind,

"Why?!"

"Why are you leaving?!"

"Why wouldn't you tell-"

"Why-"

Your chest heaved, as you continued to thrash desperately against the grip.

"I trusted you..."

"I gave you..."

"...every part-"

Your voice broke off as you fought to breathe.

Vision blurred as you stared back at the figure standing.

Black jacket, spotted cap, sword gripped in hand as he stood looking back at you.

The one 37 days ago you had only seen on a wanted poster.

There's nothing else.

There is nothing I can give to anyone.

To make them stay.

Law.

You.

You didn't understand him.

How had two people gone through such similar things, but be so different?

Your whole life you had been hurt, used, and betrayed.

And it had left you with a need- an undying desperation to find that trust and love you so badly wanted to believe was real.

But him- no.

As he stared at you, standing still, saying nothing- just watching you fall apart, you felt a stab through your heart when you realized-

That pain and loss he had,

That trust you yearned so bad for,

That need to feel safe.

To feel protected.

To feel loved.

He didn't need it.

At least not as bad as you did.

And soon there was nothing but snow, and a gray horizon.

He was gone.

And there you were, being held by both your arms.

But now, you were no longer fighting it.

Just staring straight ahead.

Straight ahead at where that figure once stood.

Trafalgar Law.

A mysterious, dangerous, cold hearted man you had feared, and distrusted.

A man who you just simply needed to escape from.

Who somehow, became someone so much more.

And even now.

I believe the worst kind of pain comes from the people whom you love and adore most.

In a way, that love, adoration, and trust- is also something that can be turned into something so painful.

It can be used against us.

And in the end, for me it was.

Again.

 終

(end)