*warning - some dark heavy topics mentioned and slight smut*

You were 12.

You had found yourself pushing the door open to Kazuki's room.

In your half asleep state you had found yourself stumbling in, to find your brother.

Only to be met with the empty room.

It felt like some kind of bad dream, like you would walk in there and he would be sleeping in his bed.

Safe and sound.

Alive.

That sick feeling formed in your stomach as you turned to head toward your parents room.

The soft sound of your footsteps going down the long dark hallway.

When you got closer you could hear voices.

Arguing.

You stepped closer to the door that was cracked open and listened.

Your mothers voice sounded...

Broken.

She was yelling, yet her voice was trembling and she was choking up,

"I've accepted what you do. And- and I can accept that you're unfaithful to me-"

"But I cannot let you bring these- these whores into our house! Your children- child is here!"

You heard Shougas voice.

It was monotone.

He sounded almost dead.

Like he had no emotion.

"I would never put Shiina in danger."

He continued,

"They aren't a danger. They are brainless slaves who are probably so drugged up they don't even know-"

Your mother cut him off. Screaming in a broken voice,

"You're sick Shouga! Sick! Keep your work out of this house!"

You heard the noise of someone struggling, fighting against someone else.

"I'm your wife! The woman you married! We lost our child, the one that was actually ours, and didn't seem to care!"

She was screaming, wailing at the top of her lungs.

You could hear her thrashing around, fighting him as she continued yelling,

"Did you kill Kazuki?! Did you lay your hands on our boy?! My sweet little boy?! You did, didn't you..."

Her voice trailed off and there was silence.

Instinct kicked in an you quickly pushed open the door and walked into the room,

"Mom?"

You stopped in your tracks when you saw her laying on the ground.

Big black inky marks and symbols across her skin.

That was the first time you saw his devil fruit power.

Then came his soft voice,

"Shiina baby, your mother needed to rest, and I was helping her do that."

You glanced up at Shouga who was standing looking at your worried expression.

Your eyes flickered back to your mom who had clear tear marks down her face, but looked to be peacefully asleep,

"Why is she like that?"

He bent down to be eye level with you and gently tucked a strand of your face.

"Baby, your mother is sick. In her head. Sometimes I just need to help her rest. She'll be awake in the morning."

You looked at him.

"How did you do that?"

A smile formed on his lips.

Because instead of getting upset, you were just curious.

You never questioned him.

You fully trusted him.

You were right where he wanted you.

He sighed softly and picked you up and brought you over and sat you on your parents' large bed.

"Shiina my curious girl, I ate a fruit just like you did. Just a different kind. That gives me different abilities."

"Noroi-Noroi no mi."

Curse-curse fruit.

You looked at him.

"Can you do a curse on me?"

He let out a slight laugh,

"You want me to curse you?"

He stroked your hair and smiled,

"I'm not going to curse you, baby."

He paused.

"There's no need to."

"Yet."

You sat up abruptly, your heart drumming rapidly in your chest.

The room was pitch black.

The middle of the night.

You immediately got out of bed, disoriented as you stumbled out of the infirmary, into the hallway.

Your chest felt so tight, like you couldn't inhale any air.

Practically bursting through the bathroom door.

Those marks.

You stripped off your top and shorts desperately looking at yourself, and the mirror.

Your bare, thin body, bandage wrapped around your shoulder.

You were searching.

Where are they.

Desperately, but also so terrified to find.

Where are they.

Your fingertips almost clawed at your skin, desperately searching for any trace of those black inky marks on your skin.

Your chest felt so tight.

Like you couldn't breathe.

He cursed me, didn't he.

You moved your hair aside fingertips dragging behind your neck, but you couldn't quite see in the mirror the back of your neck.

I'll never escape him.

"Fuck!"

When your voice cracked you realized you had tears streaming down your face.

Those marks are in my skin, aren't they?

You sunk to the ground, your back against the bathroom wall.

I can't escape him.

You looked at your hands through blurry vision, only to see them trembling as another choked sob left your throat.

A pitiful noise.

I can't get away.

You clenched your eyes shut as you desperately tried to stop it all, but what were you stopping?

Your own thoughts?

Your own mind?

Shouga?

That's not possible.

You couldn't breathe.

Your mind was a storm, and you were drowning in it.

But then, it all went quiet.

—

Your eyes flickered open.

The room was dark, you couldn't see much.

It must have still been early morning.

You sat up slowly, rubbing your eyes.

Your eyes slowly adjusted, as you came to realize, you weren't in the infirmary.

You quickly recognized the room as Law's quarters.

You looked down at the t-shirt you had on, that didn't belong to you.

How did I-

Oh.

You remembered the dream you had.

The memories.

The panic attack.

Had I fallen asleep on the bathroom floor?

You glanced around at the empty bed, which you were lying in the middle of, then around the room.

Your eyes stopped on the familiar sleeping figure on the couch.

I've been here before.

Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest just looking at him, even though you could barely make out any details in the dark.

You scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up and walked over to the couch, the only noise was the sound of your footsteps.

You looked at him.

Studying his features.

You couldn't help the way your heart fluttered when you saw his peacefully sleeping face.

"What is it you need, Shiina-ya?"

You nearly jumped backwards when you heard his voice,

"Wha- you're awake?"

He let out a sigh and sat up slowly,

"Now I am."

You could feel your face heat up, but you cleared your throat and spoke calmly,

"...why am I here?"

He stood up and walked past you to his bed as he spoke,

"I'll ask you first, what you were doing passed out shirtless on the bathroom floor."

Oh.

Shirtless??

You kept your back turned to him for a moment trying to gather yourself enough not to melt into a puddle of embarrassment.

"I was going to shower and I fell asleep,"

The lame explanation left your lips before you could even think.

You heard the bed shift and then he let out another sigh,

"You're a terrible liar."

You turned over your shoulder finally to face him,

"I'm not lying."

He rolled over to grab something off the bedside and then you heard him say,

"Room."

"Shambles."

You blinked.

And then you were in the bed beside him.

You sat up abruptly opening your mouth to speak, but before you could even get a word out he pulled you backwards towards him.

A sharp exhale left your lips as he held you, arm around your waist, your back against his chest.

You could feel the warmth of his body.

Thank god he couldn't see your face because you could feel your cheeks burning.

You could hear his low voice right by your ear,

"I'd like an explanation."

You stayed silent for a moment.

The literal last thing you wanted to do was give an explanation. And on top of that you couldn't think being this close to him.

"I just had a dream," you finally mumbled softly, "some memories."

You could immediately feel your eyes water.

Dammit.

You couldn't control it.

"Bad ones."

You could feel his grip tighten around you, as you clenched your eyes shut. Feeling the tears stream down your face onto the pillow.

You couldn't stop it.

"Shiina-ya."

You stayed silent.

You couldn't say a word, because you didn't want him to know you were crying.

"What did he do to you?"

What did Shouga do.

What did he do to me?

You couldn't answer that.

You couldn't possibly tell him.

Some choked up, shortened breaths came out before you could stop them.

He pulled away from you slightly and turned you over, so you were facing him. You attempted to hide your face from him, not wanting him to see you like this.

You didn't want to have to explain.

You didn't want to talk.

You felt his hand gently grasp your jaw, and tilt your chin forcing you to look at him.

His voice was low, quiet,

"I can't understand you if you don't explain."

Words started pouring out of you immediately,

"I keep having nightmares, flashbacks-"

"Like everything I pushed down and forgot about comes back to haunt me every fucking night."

A heavy shaky exhale escaped your lips.

Thank god you could hardly see him, in the darkness, or you wouldn't have been able to speak.

"One of the first nights on the ship you asked about what I had dreamt about- it was the memories from the night I found Kazuki- my brother... hanging."

You felt his grip tighten on you slightly as you choked out the words you could hardly believe,

"My brother didn't kill himself, Shouga killed him."

A choked sob left your lips.

"He killed him! He was a boy!"

You felt your chest tightening.

"He was just a fucking kid! He was 13!"

I can't breathe.

"Fuck!" you breathed out in a broken voice.

"He's terrible! He's a terrible man!"

"And there's more- but my brain I can't even remember half of it and it just keeps coming to me in my sleep- like it's haunting me-"

Another choked up sob.

You were trembling hard.

You could hardly hear Law's voice over your own ragged breaths.

"He's not here."

You nodded your head as tears flowed down your cheeks.

Letting the words sink into the storm in your brain.

"He can't hurt you here."

He can't hurt me here.

He can't touch me here.

"You are safe here."

He held your face in his hands,

"Look at me."

You looked at him through tearful eyes, lips trembling as you tried to get ahold of yourself.

"You are safe here."

The pressure in your chest lightened slightly.

"He doesn't know you're here. He can't hurt you here."

The aching pain in your heart calmed slightly.

"You are safe."

Your breaths were short- but you could breathe.

You could breathe.

A few more shaky breaths left your lips, as you slowly started to calm down. His hands moved from your face to wrap around you, pulling you into him. Your face buried against him as you felt one of his hands on the back of your head, one wrapped around and gently resting on your back.

He was warm. His smell, his body, everything was so comforting. You could feel yourself still trembling slightly, despite your breathing calming.

"They're only going to get worse."

You uttered out, in a whisper.

You felt his grip tighten, more pulling you against him.

"Shiina-ya."

"I hope you know, I don't see you as weak."

"This doesn't change the way I look at you."

He knew exactly what to say.

He knew exactly what you were afraid of.

You nodded your head, unable to say another word.

You felt him shift, and grab your face once more.

And then your eyes went wide.

As his lips were suddenly on yours.

One arm still wrapped around you, pulling your body against his. The other on the back of your head, gripping your hair.

Your eyes quickly fell shut, melting into the feeling of your lips against each other.

Your body had just calmed down from your previous intense emotions and you were already overwhelmed with new ones.

Good ones.

Your body was immediately flooded with warmth. Like this was what you had needed.

The kiss was gentle, soft, but you could feel how tight his grip was on you. Holding you so tightly, as if he was afraid if he let go you'd just disappear.

Like he was trying to hold back, knowing you were vulnerable in the state you were in, but his composure was slipping away.

Which was apparent, as you felt one hand slide down your back. Your eyes shot open and your breath hitched as you felt him grab your ass.

When he felt your reaction he broke the kiss for a moment, his eyes searching yours. Like he was looking for some kind of 'okay' to continue.

Your head was spinning. Still overwhelmed with emotions.

But, your body wanted this, wanted more, wanted him.

And he was impatient. He couldn't take another second, he had already waited long enough.

When you showed no sign of resistance he pressed his lips to yours once again. This time, not as gentle.

You felt the hand in your hair tighten, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss.

You could taste your own tears as your lips moved against his.

Feel that familiar wave of heat through your body.

And this time you gave into it.

You felt his finger tips move across your body to your hips, as he pulled you onto him with ease, not breaking the kiss.

You could feel him hard, pressing against you, as you adjusted yourself, straddling him.

He let out a groan against your lips as he felt you on top of him. Hips pressed to his.

Just feeling you kiss him back with just as much want.

You felt as one hand came to your hair again, grabbing a fistful to pull you closer, deepening the kiss, feeling his tongue trace your lips, needy for more of you.

Your breath hitched once more as you felt his other hand grasp your hip, desperate for you to move against him.

And then you abruptly broke the kiss.

Panting softly.

Senses overwhelmed.

Heart pounding so fast you felt like it would stop.

He looked at you for a moment, breathing heavily himself.

When your breathing started to clam, he spoke in a hoarse voice,

"We should sleep."

You just looked at him a moment, heart still pounding so hard against your ribs,

"What?"

He could sense your fragile state.

The way you were so overwhelmed with emotions and let that control your every action.

And he didn't want to take advantage of that.

"We can't do more of this right now- you need rest."

You stared at him in disbelief, but you understood.

You nodded your head as you climbed off of him, to lay beside him.

He pulled you closer to him, once again. Your face buries against him, held tightly by him.

"Just rest," he muttered softly.

You hadn't realized just how exhausted you were when you finally relaxed and shut your eyes.

Your emotions were still swirling around your head.

You're safe.

You could feel the warmth of his body, hear his breaths, feel the way he held you.

Your mind slowly calmed, letting your senses just be surrounded by him.

You're safe here.

As you drifted off to sleep.