*abuse and suicide mentioned- warning*

You were 11, at the time.

You had awoken from a nightmare. You always had them from a young age, so vivid and utterly terrifying.

You couldn't go back to sleep, so that meant one of two things.

You would either go to your parents room, or to Kazuki's.

Your father was the most comforting of everyone. You would crawl between him and your mom. He would wrap you in his arms and kiss the top of your head.

Tell you, "It's okay baby. Daddy's here. Nothing to be afraid of. I'll protect you."

And then you'd drift back to sleep with ease.

But, he was away with business again.

You crawled out of your bed and made your way down the dark hallway to Kazuki's room.

You stood in front of his door, you didn't want to startle him so you knocked first.

"Kaziiii."

The boy was still sleeping soundly.

You knocked a little harder.

"Kazi I had a nightmare I couldn't sleep. Can I come in?"

You grew impatient with the boy sleeping through all your knocks.

"I'm coming in then, Kazi." you warned.

You turned the door knob and pushed open the door. Your eyes hadn't adjusted so the room was pitch black as you made your way inside.

But you stopped.

Dead in your tracks, as you made out a figure as your eyes adjusted.

A figure hanging from the ceiling.

His eyes were open, face was completely pale.

Blue lips slightly parted.

He had been dead for a couple hours now.

Your brother.

Had taken his life.

You sat up abruptly. Chest rising and falling, as you gasped for air. You could feel the tears that streamed down your face.

Fuck fuck fuck.

You were trembling. Your body drenched in cold sweats.

You let out strained gasping noises as you tried to force yourself to breathe.

Calm down.

Calm down.

Breathe.

You looked around the dark room.

No one.

It was so vivid. Exactly like you remembered it.

Your breathing was still rapid but you were slowly getting ahold of yourself, as you wiped the tears from your face.

Kazuki.

Your eyes adjust slowly to the darkness of the room.

It was quiet. Nothing but your breathing and the hum of the submarine.

It had to have been around 2 in the morning.

You glanced at your bedside table to see the water glass was empty. Your mouth was parched and your body was still trembling slightly.

You got down from the bed and walked out of the infirmary towards the kitchen.

The halls were dark and it was quiet.

Your heart was still pounding from the nightmare as you walked. You still felt so shaken up.

You hated it, but you had nightmares about the past often. You hated being reminded of everything that had happened. Everything you had tried to escape when you ran away.

You pushed open the door to the kitchen. It was dark and empty. You only heard the noise of your own footsteps as you walked over to grab yourself a cup of water.

You stood with your back leaning against the counter as you drank the cup of water. You could feel the way you felt so tense.

You shut your eyes. Trying to relax.

"Shiina."

You turned to see Kazuki standing in your bedroom doorframe.

You smiled.

"What's up?"

You had been reading in your bed.

Your eyes followed him as he walked over to sit in the chair by your desk.

You frowned slightly when you noticed how awful he looked.

He had eyebags and he looked pale.

When he stayed silent a moment, you set your book down and sat up,

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

How had you not noticed he was lying?

"I just wanted to check on you."

"Oh, okay."

There was a silence between you for a moment before he spoke again.

"Shiina."

"Hm?"

"I'm just sorry."

You had a confused expression on your face when you heard him apologize.

"Why?"

"Just..."

He hesitated.

How did you not notice he was struggling?

"Just sorry for how I've been to you."

How had you not noticed he was saying goodbye?

"You don't need to apolog-"

"If I tell you something, can you not say a word but simply nod your head."

You were so confused by his words but simply replied,

"Sure."

He hesitated a moment before he finally spoke,

"You need to promise me you'll get out of here. I won't- incase I'm not around to protect you."

You felt almost fearful of his words. You knew he hated Shouga but his words scared you.

"You have something he wants, Shiina. And he's going to manipulate you until he can use you how he wants."

You didn't understand.

He would never do that.

Shouga rescued you.

Saved you.

Raised you. Was always so proud of you. Treated like you were the most precious important thing in his life.

How could he do that?

You stared at Kazuki as he looked at you.

His tired eyes.

You nodded your head slowly like he had asked.

He got up off the chair.

He looked like he wanted to hug you or something, but he didn't.

He just said,

"Get to bed."

And turned and walked out.

Your eyes shot open.

Your heart was beating so hard.

He was right.

About everything.

He was trying to protect you.

He was saying goodbye.

He was cold to you, because he wanted to make goodbye easier.

You felt tears bead in your eyes.

Your body felt so tense, trembling slightly.

You hadn't realized that would be your final conversation with him, ever.

What had Shouga done to him?

You wiped the tears from your eyes with your sleeves and took a few deep breaths, calming yourself.

Your head was still spinning. Thoughts racing in your mind.

"Why the hell are you awake?"

You nearly jumped when you heard a voice.

It completely caught you off guard.

You turned over your shoulder to see Law standing in the kitchen.

Wearing a black t-shirt, and those pants he usually has on, but he wasn't wearing his hat.

Your eyes immediately moved to the tattoos on his forearms.

You hadn't noticed them before.

I wonder how many others he has.

"Shiina-ya."

Your head snapped up.

He walked over to where you were standing leaning against the counter top.

You finally spoke,

"I just couldn't sleep."

His face remained stern as he looked at you speaking bluntly,

"You look sick."

Gee thanks.

You sighed and placed your hands on the counter top and lifted yourself so you were sitting on it with your legs hanging over the edge as you muttered,

"How kind."

He walked to the countertop opposite of you and stood with his back leaning against it, crossing his arms as he spoke,

"It's just an observation."

He paused before continuing in the same monotone voice.

"You just... look pale."

"I'm always pale you idiot," you snapped, averting your gaze from him.

You hadn't meant for it to come out that way, but you had no desire to elaborate on the fact you had a nightmare.

"You need to learn to watch your smart mouth."

He snapped back.

You could feel his gaze burning into you still.

There was a moment of silence before you let out a heavy sigh and turned back to him.

You figured you would change the topic and get this out of the way so you felt better.

"I don't know what I said when I was in your office when I was uhm... intoxicated, but it was probably a bunch of nonsense."

You hesitated, but you had to put your pride aside.

"So... sorry I guess for that."

He rose an eyebrow.

But stayed silent just staring at you.

You hated that he was so unreadable.

It made you feel anxious.

You didn't even remember what hell you said.

The way he just looked at you in silence.

You blurted out, "I apologized, say something."

He scoffed.

"You're a mess when you're drunk."

Oh!

Your face flushed slightly.

You just felt embarrassed at that point and slightly panicked because you still had no memory of what exactly you had said to him that night.

You also felt irritated at his words.

They pissed you off.

"At least I'm not a ass for no reason."

Dammit.

The words left your mouth before you could stop them.

You were scared of his reaction.

But he stayed silent.

A slight smirk forming on his face.

You felt your stomach knot up.

Which pissed you off more.

"You're not very good at listening."

You bit your tongue not to say anything snarky and instead asked,

"Why are you even awake right now?"

His expression was stern and unreadable once again as he replied,

"Working."

You nodded your head slowly.

"I just couldn't sleep."

You had hoped he would just nod his head and leave or stay silent.

"Why?"

Oh.

He asked you the question you hadn't wanted him to ask.

"A lot on my mind." you stated.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at you.

"You're a terrible liar."

Excuse me?

You immediately snapped back, "I'm not lying. I have a lot on my mind."

He paused.

"Nightmare?"

Fuck.

He can see right through me.

You stayed silent just looking at him.

"You're so bad at hiding what you're thinking."

You clenched your jaw.

"Yes I had a nightmare."

He just hummed in response.

Probably in amusement that he was right.

"About?"

You scoffed, "Why on earth would I tell you that?"

"Can you try to get through a conversation with me without arguing?"

His voice was stern.

You crossed your arms as you looked at him.

"Fine. But I don't want your pity. So don't go pitying me and acting sorry for me when I tell you this."

That was the one thing you hated.

When people came to know more things about your past, they pitied you.

Treated like you were some fragile thing they needed to feel sorry for.

You hated that.

He scoffed again,

"I wasn't planning on feeling sorry for you at all."

You nodded your head slowly.

I guess I can try.

You let out a heavy sigh.

"It was just a nightmare, about when I was younger."

You didn't like talking about these things out loud, but continued,

"Kazuki, he is- was my older brother."

You tried to keep your voice steady and firm as you spoke.

The flashbacks still felt so fresh in your mind.

"Uhm... he was young when he found out all the kinds of things Shouga was involved in and... I guess he couldn't handle it."

That couldn't have been all.

That wasn't the only reason.

Why did he do it?

Why did he take his life?

You blinked a moment as you came to a realization.

"Shouga abused him."

You stated the words out loud.

Shouga abused him.

You had never realized.

All that time your brother was trying to protect you.

Warn you for what was coming.

Shouga was doing horrible things to him and you had no idea.

He took it all for you.

And he couldn't take it anymore.

You blinked coming back to reality, your eyes flickering to Law's blank expression.

"He took his life."

You paused.

"And I found him."

There was a long moment of silence between the two of you.

It wasn't uncomfortable, but you guessed he didn't really know what to say to all that.

He spoke finally,

"I wasn't expecting you to say that."

You let out a heavy sigh, as you slid to the edge of the counter and hopped down to your feet.

"It's just the life we all live in this world."

Your words were surprisingly calm, although inside you felt your heart clenching. You felt on the edge of breaking down. You felt so stupid for never realizing.

But you kept it together.

You walked over to where he was standing leaned up against the counter so you were beside him as you refilled your glass with water.

"Who is the white haired boy to you?"

That made you stop in your tracks.

You held the glass in your hands as you turned to look at him.

"Sora?"

Law nodded his head as he looked down at you.

The question caught you off guard.

You paused for a moment.

Sora.

He meant so much to you.

Your trusted second-in command.

"He's family."

Law's expression remained blank as he looked at you.

You felt that same knotting in your stomach knot up as you stood in front of him.

God what was wrong with you?

"You need rest."

You sighed softly when you heard his words.

"I know."

He looked at you a moment more, before turning to walk out of the room.

You were staring off into space as you held the glass of water in your hand tightly lost in thought as you heard his footsteps recede.

You finished off your glass of water after a little and set it in the sink.

Still completely deep in thought.

Strangely enough you felt better after telling him about the flashback that had been tormenting you.

It had just been such a strange conversation.

You walked out of the kitchen, down the hallway to the infirmary, lost in thought.

You crawled under the covers of your bed and curled up bringing your knees to your chest.

Each day that had passed on the submarine you just felt more confused about everything.

One thought lingered in your mind as you drifted off to sleep.

Maybe the captain wasn't so bad?