Since Yibo was on late duty, he could only stay until lunch. Right after that he had to leave again. But he promised me to come back to me in the evening after his shift. It was strange that I missed him as soon as he left. I still can't explain all this, I just know that I seem to have fallen head over heels in love with Yibo.

Fortunately, I was able to walk again when Yibo left. I had walked him to the door and then I put the dirty bedding from last night in the washing machine and turned it on.

I went back into the living room and turned on the TV. Still the media was reporting about these sink holes and how no one can explain how they were caused. Or even when! Additionally they talked about the lockdown of the city and that it was set for 2 weeks for the time being. But already it was assumed that it would last longer.

Since nothing else was on TV, I turned off the TV. But I didn't feel like listening to music either, so I just opted for silence. But after a few minutes I found the silence somehow eerie. It seemed oppressive and gave me a strong feeling of loneliness.

If this were a normal day, I would have gone to work in the morning and certainly would have had enough to do there. Enough to be distracted until it was closing time and I could go home. Then I would have showered, prepared dinner and rested a bit in front of the TV until Yibo would have come. But this was not a normal day.

There was just nothing to hear. No traffic noise from outside. No quarreling neighbors. Nothing, just absolutely nothing. At some point I heard the soft tick-tock of a clock. I don't have a clock in the apartment that can make that noise. The washing machine was also very quiet. And then the silence was so all-encompassing that I could even hear the blood rushing in my ears.

My chest felt quite heavy, almost like having a panic attack. I was sweating badly. I was getting harder to breathe, my heart was racing, and I was really starting to panic. I ran to the window, opened it wide and breathed in the freezing cold air. I slowly calmed down again.

And while I was still wondering what the hell was happening to me, I saw other my neighbors also holding their heads out of the windows. Were they like me?

I turned the TV back on to break the silence. A documentary about wildlife was on, and I left the window open. I got my files with all my important documents out of my closet and started sorting them. I needed to distract myself somehow and keep myself busy. I hoped that the day would pass quickly and that Yibo would be with me again soon.

Sorting all my documents took less than an hour. So after that, I sat down at my computer and filled out a divorce application online. Because now more than ever I wanted to end my marriage officially. After all, I now have Yibo and don't want to bring a legacy into my new relationship.

The problem was, it didn't take long to fill out and send off this divorce application either. Only two hours had passed since Yibo had left, and I still had at least 8 hours to go before Yibo would be back with me. How was I going to spend them? I was completely at a loss.

I sat down on my balcony, wrapped up thickly, and just stared at the sky until it started snowing again. It was so eerie not to see or hear any vehicles on the streets. No walkers were hurriedly walking down the street either. Only once this silence was briefly interrupted when a helicopter flew over the apartment building.

Out of sheer boredom and slight desperation, I even rearranged my living room. After that, it was my office's turn. Then I considered rearranging the bedroom as well. But I realized that I probably wouldn't be able to do that. The bed and the closets were just way too big and too heavy.

After Yibo had been gone for 5 hours, I lay on my carpet in the living room and stared at the ceiling. I listened to the repeating news and winced in shock when my doorbell rang. I ran to the door and opened it. And who was standing there? Yibo, in his police uniform.

"I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to check on you for a minute." He said. I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him.

"I'm dying of boredom here." I said whining.

"Then get dressed and come with me. I'm alone today because my colleague is sick."

"Oh yeah, I'll take that offer."

"Go on then sweetie." He said. I grabbed my jacket and put it on while putting on my shoes at the same time. Yibo laughed because I was being so stupid about it and landed on my butt. He helped me up, put on my jacket and tied my shoelaces. Then he handed me his hand and walked downstairs with me.

I got to sit in a police car for the first time and then in the front next to Yibo. I was really proud. I took a few selfies of Yibo and me and sent them to my parents. My mom replied with a big heart and my dad wrote that we looked good together. I thought so too.

In general, it was that day that I really noticed how crazy good Yibo looked in his uniform. Really hot even. In general, he's very handsome, a man you like to be seen with. And I also noticed how quickly I got used to the new situation of showing my true self.

For so many years I suppressed who and what I really am. And then all it took was Yibo and one night with him and I was myself, for the very first time. And it didn't even cause me any trouble. It had taken me more than 4 years to convince everyone that I was the "normal" Zhan. And it took me strength every day to hide the fact that I was gay. But it only took one night with this great man to be who I should have always been.

All the while, the radio was on and we listened. I was mighty impressed with Yibo's coolness when he answered radio calls with any police codes. So cool, so tough and so manly.

After half an hour, I told Yibo how the time without him was when I had been home alone. I explained to him how I felt and what was going on inside me. And when I said that it looked to me like my neighbors were feeling the same way I was, he stopped the car and looked at me thoughtfully. "It seemed like a lot of people felt that way today. We got quite a lot of calls from concerned citizens who suddenly started having panic attacks." He said.

"Now I'm really convinced that something is wrong. This can't be normal that so many people were having these panic attacks at the same time." I replied worriedly.

"Maybe you shouldn't stay home alone for now. I don't know what it was, but I know it wasn't just you and your neighbors who had it."

"So what am I supposed to do now? I definitely don't want to go back to my parents."

"No, you don't have to. I'm still on night duty tomorrow and the day after, and then I have a week off. You're welcome to join me at work. And after that, I'll stay with you."

"Mhhh, okay. That sounds good." I said. That's what I was hoping for Hehehe.

When Yibo got a direct radio call asking him to go to an address for Domestic Violence, he turned on his blue lights and siren. Man that was so awesome. At top speed he chased through the streets to the address.

I was supposed to sit in the car and wait, which I thought was silly, I wanted to see Yibo on a mission. But I also understood. I'm not a trained police officer and could be a hindrance to Yibo doing his job. Besides, Yibo doesn't know what I'm capable of. So I waited downstairs until Yibo pushed a huge guy in front of him and shoved him into the back of the car.

The guy stunk like a whole brewery mixed with sweat. Disgusting! A woman also came out of the front door, she had a badly swollen eye and was bleeding on her cheek. I turned to the guy and saw blood on his hand. "You disgusting piece of shit!" I muttered.

The guy growled at me and asked, "What did you just say?"

"I said you're a disgusting stinking woman-beating piece of shit!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"I don't fucking agree with that. You miserable loser. What kind of poor sausage gets drunk and then beats up his petite defenseless wife? You're such a great pike! Do you feel comfortable beating your own wife? Look what you did to her pretty face!"

"If you don't shut your mouth right now, I'll do the same to you!"

"Try it, will you? I may not be a trained police officer. But hey, I spent two years in the military. And I learned to fight back against brutal morons like you when I was a kid."

"Keep it up and I'll bash your head in."

I rolled down the window on my side and shouted to Yibo, "Hey, that guy is threatening to bash my head in. Yet I didn't do anything!"

"You're lying! You've been provoking me all along!" Yelled the guy.

"Shut up! One more word and I'll shut it for you!" Yibo yelled to him.

I turned to the guy again and asked him, "Do you know what the company I work for does to guys like you?"

"What?" He asked.

"They secretly come to your house, drag you out of bed, put a bag over your head and take you to a secret facility where they leave you bound and gagged in a small dark room for hours. Then they come and get you, they'll take turns asking you a question and inflicting pain until you're already admitting everything they want!"

"Bullshit! This kind of thing only happens in movies."

"You really think so?" I asked him, showing him my ID.

"Special Agent Xiao Zhan, Federal Agency for Protection against Terrorism?"

"That's right! It's called Federal Agency, but we don't actually exist officially. We go to our office every day like so many others. It's just that nobody knows what those offices are. And you know, with a guy like you, I'd really feel like taking you to one of our offices."

"No, that's okay. I, I swear I'll never touch her again."

"I know. Because if you do, I'll make sure you don't have any more hands to hit her with. And don't you dare say a word!" I threatened. The guy sat down neatly and stared out the window.

When Yibo got into the car, he looked back and forth between me and the guy, confused. I explained to him that the guy quieted down after Yibo told him to shut his mouth if he didn't shut up.

I can't tell Yibo who I really am yet. That means what profession I really do. You can't tell by looking at me. Which is also quite intentional. I have been well trained. Nobody knows what profession I do. Not even my parents. They think I work in an office and sell insurance over the phone.

Now I think the reason why I had to hide my true self all these years is clear. They would never have hired me if they knew I was gay. My boss is not homophobic, but he does not want gay men in his unit.

I am Special Agent Xiao Zhan and I have been trained in special interrogation methods. To interrogate possible terrorists is my main task! But I am definitely trained for field operations as well. Who knows, maybe Yibo will not only be my first boyfriend, but also the first person I tell the truth about my work.