A/N Sorry this one isn't the happiest. *delivers tissue box to pictureonmawall* -

Hope its not too redundant! No tears!!! Be strong!

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The next few days were the hardest Mitch had ever had to get through. He felt the ache all over him. His throat hurt, his eyes burned.

He couldn't make himself move from the couch, he couldn't bring himself to do anything but cry.

Every breath pained him.

Every heartbeat... unbearable...

He hadn't honestly realized how much Scott meant to him. He knew he loved him, but he hadn't realized that he needed him. He needed Scott here with him. He needed Scott's arms around him. He NEEDED to see him smile... to hear his laugh... He needed him to BREATHE.

But he'd lost him. Scott was gone and it was his own stupidity that drove him away.

He'd never known love like he'd known with Scott, and now he'd never known heartbreak like he was currently experiencing. He couldn't breathe at all at times. It was all so overwhelming.

He lay there all weekend long.

He just lay there and cry and hurt. He'd stare at the wall a bit, then cry and hurt some more. He couldn't look at anything around his home without being reminded of Scott and some random memory would play out in his mind causing his heart to break all over again.

He didn't eat, he barely slept and what sleep he did get was full of moments he'd rather not relive.

He didn't even set his alarm to get up to go to work on Monday morning. It didn't seem to matter much what he did anymore. None of it was important. Nothing seemed important anymore.

He only moved when Kirstie came barging in after knocking obnoxiously for 5 minutes and made him.

She MADE him shower and change. She made breakfast for him and sat there, nagging him until he at least ate a little. Then she made him walk with her to the studio. He didn't want to go, but he just didn't have the strength to put up much of a fight.

When he walked into the studio it only made things worse. Scott was nowhere to be seen, but everyone Mitch looked at reminded him of something to do with Scott.

He looked at Esther and he could see her standing on Scott's shoulders in the pool. He could still hear Scott teasing her about trying to tilt while standing on him.

He looked at Jaimie and all he could see was her and Scott attempting the "Dirty Dancing" lift over and over, giggling horribly with each failed attempt until they finally got it. He'd never forget the triumphant look on Scott's face.

He looked at Deanne and he could see her and Scott over in a corner, whispering and laughing randomly at their own silly inside jokes and odd humor.

He looked at Kirstie and he could see ... heartbreak. There were too many memories to count, each one more painful than the last.

He stood in front of the mirror in his classroom, looking at himself, and all he could see was the blank look on Scott's face when he'd told him it was over.

We will never be anything... ever again

The words replayed over and over again in his mind.

He could barely focus all morning. He luckily made it through without falling, without losing his center and most impressively without crying.

Lunch time rolled around and he almost instinctively headed to Scott's room to meet him just like always. He was almost there when he realized what he was doing.

No. Scott wouldn't want to see him.

So he just ate alone like he used to.

He was thankful when the time finally came for him to go home.

As he stepped out of his classroom he couldn't help but be drawn to the large amount of noise coming from down the hall.

He would have probably ignored it had it not been right in the way of the exit, but it was. He made his way over, not even really paying attention to the commotion, just hoping he could bypass it and get to the doors.

Suddenly his breath caught, and he stood frozen.

Kirstie and Avi were holding on to Scott who was shaking with anger. His chest was heaving, his hands clenched in tight fists, trying to control himself..

On the floor was Evan, his lip was busted, the area around his left eye was already turning red as was his cheek. His nose was dripping blood.

Mitch felt as if he himself had been punched when Scott's eyes shifted and met his own. He could plainly see the transition from the anger and hatred he'd previously seen to pain and hurt. He watched as Scott finally broke free of the hold Avi and Kirstie had on him. Evan visibly cowered back, but Scott simply barged out the door.

Kirstie caught sight of Mitch and gave him a look that he couldn't decipher before she ran out after Scott.

Avi was the one who approached him and wrapped his arms around him.

Mitch felt like crying all over again, but people were starting ask questions. Thankfully Avi took charge and told them all to mind their own business and led Mitch outside and around the corner out of the way..

"I can't do this, Avi." he whispered mostly to his feet.

"You're going to be ok, Mitch. It's not the end of the world... I mean, yeah you messed up, but people make mistakes everyday." Kirstie had told him the whole story, as he'd known Mitch since they were kids. Avi was good at comfort and advice. Mitch would need him before it was all over.

"BUT IT IS!!" Mitch exploded as he looked up at Avi who didn't seem one bit surprised by his outburst.

"Mitch..." ...

"NO! You don't understand! He was my everything... I never..." He lifted the back of his hand to his mouth as the tears poured out of him like a fountain.

Avi pulled him against him again, hugging him tight to his chest and letting him lose his grip on his composure.

"He was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. I never enjoyed dancing like I did when I was dancing with him or for him. I always danced for him. It's not just a physical attraction anymore. I love him for every single thing he is. Every word he says, every step he takes. Every stupid, not funny, joke he makes...every time he takes up 95% of a queen sized bed...

He was the only one who took the time to really know me. He didn't care about my name, or my money, or what I can do for his career.

He didn't care about how immature I can be, or how bipolar, or how ...." he stopped as his voice broke...

Avi didn't know what to say in response to the broken words being whimpered into his chest. How could he possibly think of words to make it better, when there were none?

"I thought I knew how much I loved him. I had to lose him for me to know what true love really is... and I can't make it go away...

I need him!"

Avi wasn't one for crying. It took a lot to get a reaction from him, but he had NEVER seen Mitch so broken down before. He could feel his shirt tighten as Mitch gripped it in both of his fists.

"He took it with him. He took my heart, Avi... he took it... and all that's left is just nothing. There's nothing left of me!!"

Avi couldn't hold back his own tears and they stood, Mitch clinging to Avi and Avi wrapped around him, holding him close. The tears streamed down their faces.

Neither cared who saw them, but thankfully no one really bothered them.

It was Avi who gained his composure first. His shirt was soaked with Mitch's tears.

"C'mon, lets get you home. I won't let you go through this alone."

Mitch could barely contain his tears enough to walk, but somehow they managed.

.

Avi stayed with him for the rest of that first week. He took care of him, got his sessions with Evan switched over to Blake so Mitch didn't have to deal with that anymore. He made sure he ate, made sure he didn't do anything stupid. He tried his best to keep Mitch's mind off of Scott, but it never really worked.

He tried to talk to Scott, but he wasn't exactly around. Evan hadn't reported the incident to their employers, but they'd found out about it and he'd, thankfully, only been suspended for a few days.

But after a week of things not improving, he decided he had to let Mitch get over things on his own so he left.

Kirstie hadn't really shown herself. She'd checked up once in awhile for a moment or two, but she was still so angry.

She visited Scott all the time, but she just couldn't bring herself to go see Mitch again.. until two weeks after the fact when she heard Mitch having a break down of epic proportions.

She could hear him through the ceiling. She could hear him crying and swearing, throwing things and screaming. She could hear something shatter.

She was angry at him, but that didn't mean he wasn't still important to her. It also didn't mean that she didn't worry about him. He looked thinner than usual and ragged. He always seemed exhausted. He was obviously having a hard time sleeping.

But it was his dancing that showed her just how broken he was.

Mitch had always had such an amazing presence, but he currently had the power to bring an audience to their knees. He had such a build up of emotion that it was spilling over and anyone who witnessed it would feel the pain in their own heart and the tears filling their own eyes.

His entire class would leave somber after his sessions, but everyone was talking about how incredible his current choreography was.

No one seemed to realize that it was so emotional because Mitch was currently LIVING it. It wasn't an act, it was his heart out on display for everyone to see.

She knew he was wearing down, but she hadn't expected the scene in front of her when she opened the door to his apartment.

Mitch was trashing everything in sight. He had dumped over the table in a rage. He'd taken every book off of his bookshelf and thrown them into whatever he could. LPs were broken, the record player was upside down on the floor.

Picture frames and shattered glass lay scattered about. There were ripped up photos, overturned chairs, broken knick-knacks everywhere.

Kirstie had no idea what to do. He looked so angry and yet so sad at the same time as he moved like a berserker.

"Mit-" she cut off as a glass figurine was obliterated against a far wall.

"Mitch!"

He didn't answer. She ran over and grabbed the lamp from his hands that was just about to meet its end.

He looked at her and shook his head. His body trembled, he was out of breath and didn't say anything at first. His face was red, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"It's my fault. I don't deserve any of this stuff. I should just... " he didn't even seem to know what he was talking about.

Kirstie took his face in her hands. "Babe..."

"I just want... it to stop...I NEED it to stop!!!"

Kirstie didn't know what to do. She was terrified as he collapsed at her feet, crying against her leg.

So she did the only thing she could think of to do...

She called his mother.

~

The first couple of weeks for Scott were absolute torture.

He put on a front at the studio, and he'd try to keep up a happy appearance at what was his new home, but Zac always saw right through it. It would take a bit of crying and wonderful words from Zac and he would relax again.

Zac was a saint. He was helpless without him and he knew it. Right then he didn't care if he was being weak. He let Zac take care of him, he encouraged it and even more than that he embraced the distraction.

He kissed Zac whenever he needed a bit strength to help him get through the next few minutes without completely falling apart.

He couldn't sleep without the sleeping pills, he'd tried and it just wouldn't happen. Mitch filled his mind and his heart and it was becoming a chore to keep him hidden.

He missed everything about him.

He'd managed to avoid him for the greater part of the two weeks, partially with help from his brief suspension, but a couple of days ago he'd caught sight of him.

Mitch looked horrible.

His hair was a mess, which wasn't like Mitch AT ALL.

His eyes looked tired, he looked weak, pale and drawn. He'd obviously lost a bit of weight. He didn't talk to anyone, he just walked with his head down and his eyes on his feet.

Scott hated himself for a moment, knowing it was because of him, but then he had to remind himself that it wasn't he who had been unfaithful.

Esther suggested he should give Mitch a second chance, that he obviously regretted it.

Maybe he did. But who's to say that he wouldn't do it again!? Then where would he be?

Six feet under and he knew it. There wasn't an option to try again. He couldn't risk it. He'd worked so hard for so long to pull himself out of the dark place he'd been in when he was younger, he couldn't go back there again. He couldn't give Mitch that kind of power.

So now he threw himself into Zac, and the other man welcomed the attention with open arms.

He held Scott while they watched television, he wrapped his arms around him at night and let him kiss him whenever he wanted to. He whispered wonderful, positive words, sent funny text messages when he could to try and cheer him up. He never pushed.

He was the support that Scott needed, just like he had been once before so many years ago.

Zac had told him he was sure that things would work themselves out, and whatever was meant to be would be, and whoever he was meant to be with would find their way to him, whether it was Mitch or someone else.

Scott wasn't sure of anything anymore; anything, that is, except for the horrible ache in his chest that refused to leave him.

He was always teetering on the edge of darkness, but Zac helped to keep him anchored so he didn't drift away into the abyss.

~

Days went by and Mitch seemed to be getting better.

His mother had made camp at his place and had made him go and talk to someone... a shrink.

They said he'd had a nervous breakdown. They said he was depressed, but it would pass with time.

Now he was supposed to be ok, he was supposed to be fixed.

The only thing they'd done was confuse him even more and put him on depression meds to try and make it better.

He knew the only way they'd leave him alone was if he started to pretend that he was ok. So he did.

Everyone started to slowly leave him be. His mother finally left his loft, Avi quit his daily stop-ins and Kirstie stopped hovering.

But, in truth, he was still a mess. He was still broken.

He lived...

He breathed...

He existed...

But that was it. He just... existed.