Scott was nervous. Ok, understatement of the century.

Kirstie had done her best to calm him, and she had to a certain extent, but she was gone now and he was alone staring at the wooden door in front of him.

He could hear the television going inside.

He wondered what Mitch was watching. He wasted a bit of time trying to figure it out, but he eventually realized he had been standing out there for nearly 15 minutes staring at Mitch's door like a fool.

Its not doing you any good to stand out here. If this is going to end badly, then it’s still eventually going to happen and standing out here isn’t going to make the situation go away.

He raised his fist, letting it hang in mid-air momentarily before he finally found the courage to connect.

The sound of the television came to an abrupt halt and he could hear Mitch’s crutches moving across the floor.

Deep breaths. Just breathe. It’s just Mitch. Remember what he said earlier.  It’s going to be fine. You can do this.

His mental pep-talk didn’t do much to ease the anxiety, and his fingers tapped against his legs as he waited. When the door finally opened he couldn’t help but give a tiny nervous smile. Seeing Mitch helped with the nerves a bit, well that is until he got a good look at him.

Mitch looked hesitant and wouldn’t meet his eyes but he stood aside and let him in.

Something was wrong.

The fear and anxiety returned tenfold. Kirstie had said Mitch cared about him as much as he cared about Mitch, but did he really? Was she mistaken? Was everything he’d said earlier at the studio a lie? What if he’d thought about it and realized what a wreck Scott was and decided he wasn’t worth it.

He didn’t think his heart would be able to handle that. Not after it had taken so much work to prepare it for this. Not after he had shown up ready to give it completely to the other man…

He followed Mitch inside and watched as he sat down on the couch. He still wouldn’t look at him.

Scott sat for a moment on the other side of the couch, facing him.

His heart sank. He could see it written all over his face. He’d seen that look before… Mitch was searching for words to let him down easy. He was gonna say he was wrong and that they were better as friends.

He’s gonna tell you it’s not you, it’s him… even though it really is you…

He felt the pain and disappointment all over again, even before Mitch had opened his mouth.

“I can’t do this again. If you’re gonna say that you made a mistake, that you were wrong…”  he paused for a bit, hoping Mitch would interrupt him to tell him he was wrong. Mitch remained silent. He felt tears stinging his eyes again, but he managed to keep it together.

“I can’t do this.  Not again.”

He stood and headed for the door. The pain was too much this time, it was sharp and vicious and Mitch just kept sitting there.

His hand was almost to the doorknob when the other man finally spoke up.

“Wait.”

He stopped.

“Come back.  Please?” Mitch sounded quiet, hesitant still.  

Scott let his hand fall to his side, but he couldn’t turn around yet.  He couldn’t face him again.

“I’m not gonna say that I made a mistake, because I didn’t.  But…   I’m scared, Scott.”

Scott was confused. That was his M.O. not Mitch’s. He finally turned around to face him again. “Of what? Me?”

Mitch chewed on his lip and finally locked eyes with misty gray-blue..  “I don’t want to break you.”  

Scott misunderstood. His insides turned to stone, an actual, physical shooting pain going through his chest. “Then just say it. Stop fucking around it and just say it, and get it over with.”

“No, Scott that’s not what I mean.” He put his hands over his face. “I’m fucking this up on a level I didn’t even know I was capable of.”  

“Just spit it out, Mitch!”

***1 hour prior***

Mitch looked up from his dinner at the sound of his doorbell ringing. He raised an eyebrow.  

Since when does Scott ring the doorbell!? I didn’t even know I HAD a doorbell.

He felt excited and nervous as he made his way over to the door, but that disappeared when the absolute last person he had expected was at his door.

The beautiful blonde shifted nervously.  “Hi. I know this is a bit awkward, but I was hoping that you could possibly get this stuff to Scott?”

He looked down at the box in Angel’s arms. It took a second for the surprise to wear off and he could speak again.

“Yeah, of course.  Um, come in. You can put it down wherever.”

She came in and put the box down right on the inside of the door against the wall.

“Thanks. I just wasn’t ready see him again, yet.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

She gave him a sweet look. “He told me,” she shifted a bit, “about his feelings for you. I mean he told me you guys had kissed, so…”

He blushed.  What are you supposed to say to that? Sorry I tried stealing your boyfriend and made out with him while you were still together? My bad.

She sensed his discomfort. “It’s ok. I mean, it sucks for me, but I want him to be happy. He deserves that.”

He suddenly felt so bad for thinking so many horrible things about her. He knew he would never be this amicable with someone if they had done the things that he’d done with Scott. He just nodded his agreement.

“So, I just want to ask you to please take care of him. I know he tries to act like he’s always got everything under control, but he gets really insecure sometimes. He just needs someone to reassure him and take care of him, even when it doesn’t seem like he needs it.” She let her emotions get the best of her and he could tell she was fighting tears.

“I will. I mean, we’re not, but… we might. I mean-”

“It’s ok. It’s not really any of my business anymore, I guess. I just want to make sure he’s ok. He’s a special kind of person, and I’m just sad he doesn’t realize it.”

“I know what you mean.” Mitch agreed.

“So, I should really be going, I don’t want to keep you. Thank you, for letting me leave his stuff here, and also for listening to me ramble.”

He smiled. “Thank you for caring so much about Scott.”

She gave him one last smile. “Same to you, Mitch. Take care.”

And she was gone.

That’s when it all went to shit. Mitch returned to his dinner, but he couldn’t do anything but pick at it.  He had too much on his mind. He told Angel he would take care of Scott, but what if he couldn’t. He was usually the needy one in relationships. What if that wasn’t what Scott needed? Could he be the one to take care of Scott instead? What if he screwed up again?

He thought back to his conversation with Zac. What if he screwed up so bad that Scott tried to hurt himself again? He’d never forgive himself.

What if, what if, what if…

He couldn’t turn them off.

***Present***

“Please come sit first.”

Scott hesitated, but Mitch’s eyes beckoned him and his feet moved without thinking.  He sat next to him and Mitch scooted closer taking his hand in his, staring at it, running his finger over Scott’s palm.

“Did you really try to kill yourself?”

Scott’s heart stopped and he jerked his hand back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Zac told me. He told me about your dad, and he said that you when you thought you might be-” He couldn’t even say it again.

Scott was blown away. The only people that knew about that were Zac and his family. Zac was the only one who knew the real reasons why.

He felt so completely betrayed he couldn’t speak for a moment. Zac had never done wrong by him, but this -

Mitch looked up at him “Please don’t be mad at him. He was trying to help me understand. I just want you to tell me that he was lying.”

He couldn’t look at him. He was ashamed of what he’d done, what he’d tried to do on multiple occasions. That was a past he didn’t want to remember, a past he was working hard to forget and overcome.

“It was a long time ago…”

Mitch shook his head. “Do you have any idea… I can’t even… ” He grabbed Scott’s hand again and held it tight. “Promise me that you won’t ever even THINK about doing that again.

Scott didn’t understand why this was a big deal to him.  It was in the past, but then again, what would he do if he found out Mitch had attempted suicide before.

He figured he’d be about the same.

“It was a mistake. I was in a really bad place when-”

“-I need you to promise-” Mitch looked him dead in the eyes completely serious.

“…I won’t”

“PROMISE”

“I promise.” Scott didn’t know what to do as Mitch just grabbed ahold of him like he was afraid he was going to just get up and go try to slice his wrists open right then.

“Mitch, look at me.” He felt his heart aching. He leaned back a bit and Mitch’s eyes met his again. “What do you want from me?”

“I want us. I want you, all of you. I want you and me and I don’t want to hurt you, but I know I can be selfish and I don’t want to break you and I don’t know if-”

He stopped as Scott’s finger slid down the side of his face ceasing his ramblings.

“Mitch…” He slid his fingers down to his chin and lifted it, leaning in closer and closer.

“I’m here.  I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. If you really don’t want to hurt me then you won’t. I trust you, ok?” Scott himself couldn’t believe the words had even come out of his mouth, but he’d said them with such honesty…

He didn’t even have to think about it he had just said it, because it was real. It was everything he was afraid of and yet Mitch made him want to face all of those fears even if it tore him into tiny pieces over and over again.

“I love you.”

Mitch closed his eyes as Scott kissed him softly. The kiss eased all of his own fears and he relaxed into Scott.

The innocent kiss didn’t last. They both pulled away and looked at each other.

“I love you, too. I really mean that.” Mitch spoke his truth without hesitation and Scott’s lips met his again. They kissed for a few moments before Mitch pulled away again.

“Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend now?” Mitch looked at him with an adorable innocence. It made Scott grin like a fool.

“As long as I can call you mine.”

It was Mitch's turn to grin.

“No more tears.” Scott wiped his cheeks. 

“Same to you, boyfriend.” Mitch did the same for Scott, smiling from ear to ear.

“Well, boyfriend, lets get you to bed.” Scott grinned and kissed him quickly before shifting them a bit so he could get his arms around Mitch and lift him.

“You realize once my ankle is better you won’t have to carry me everywhere…also it’s not bedtime." He wrapped his arms around Scott’s neck.

“Who said I was doing it because I had to?” Scott smirked cutely, “also, no one said we were going to sleep”

Mitch laughed as his boyfriend carried him into his bedroom.

______________________

A/N: Up in the Air about how i feel about this chapter. :/  Next one will be better, I PROMISE 

Also I just started a 2 part mini story called Details in the Fabric. I just posted part 1. Part 2 is mostly done and will probably be up later tonight.  Check it out, if you're.. y'know bored or what not. 

<3 U all and your comments are fantastic - I'm going to have to start pulling a Grace Helbig and comment on comments...