Hey guys, I know it's been a few months since I did a Let's Talk, but I've seen this a lot on the internet for the past few days and I decided that this needs to be addressed. I've seen countless videos on YouTube of children being abused by their parents, family members, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. This was a difficult Let's Talk for me to make and I had to take frequent breaks. Like all the other topics I have covered, this will contain triggering content so if you are sensitive to the topic of children being hurt, and you can't read this, no hard feelings.

Before we start, I want to be very clear and say that I have never been abused, I'm just someone who cares about the health and safety of children and wants to bring awareness to the ongoing problem. I'm thankful that I have parents who care about me and treat me with respect. But, unfortunately, not all parents are like that, even though we wish they were. In this Let's Talk, I will be talking about signs of abuse, what you can do to safely get out of a situation like that, and how you can help a friend, family member, or anybody you know out of a heartbreaking situation.

There are many kinds of abuse, including Physical, Emotional, and Sexual. (If you want to read about Sexual Abuse, I covered this topic in my Let's Talk: Sexual Assault) I will be talking about Emotional and Physical abuse in this Let's Talk.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is the act of "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth." According to HealthyPlace.com, people who suffer from emotional abuse tend to have very low self-esteem, show personality changes, and may even become depressed, or suicidal.

Emotional abuse symptoms vary but can invade any part of a person's life. Signs of emotional abuse include:

Yelling or swearing

Name-calling or insults; mocking

Threats and intimidation

Ignoring or excluding

Isolating

Humiliating

Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim

Some more signs of Emotional Abuse include...

Threats of violence or abandonment

Intentionally frightening

Making an individual fear that they will not receive the food or care they need

Lying

Failing to check allegations of abuse against them

Making derogative or slanderous statements about an individual to others

Socially isolating an individual, failing to let them have visitors

Withholding important information

Demeaning an individual because of the language they speak

Intentionally misinterpreting traditional practices

Repeatedly raising the issue of death

Telling an individual that they are too much trouble

Ignoring or excessively criticizing

Being over-familiar and disrespectful

Unreasonably ordering an individual around; treating an individual like a servant or child

Signs of Physical Abuse

Spotting the sign of Physical Abuse is not always easy and sometimes people choose to overlook them as they don't wish to believe that physical abuse is taking place. Here are some obvious signs of Physical Abuse.

Cuts

Bruises

Burns

Restraint or grip markings

Black eyes

Unusual pattern of injury; repeated trips to the emergency room

Some victims will try to cover them up to hide the abuse due to fear of the abuser or shame about the abuse. While physical violence is never okay, and physical abuse is never the fault of the victim, many victims feel the abuse is their fault.

These are some behavioral patterns that can also be signs of physical abuse while they are not strictly physical.

Name-calling and put-downs;

 overt anger; 

threats; attempts to intimidate by the abuser

Restricting the victim's movements (preventing them from attending work or school, controlling what they do or say)

Restricting the victim's access to money

Overt jealousy or possessiveness over the victim

A delay between the time of injury and the seeking of treatment – this may be because the victim is unable to leave the house for treatment or due to the shame felt over the abuse

The victim's noncompliance with a treatment regimen such as missed medical appointments or an inability to take medication due to lack of access to money

Victim's fear of disagreeing with their abuser

The abuser harming other people or animals in the victim's life

Now, I'm going to be talking about how you can identify signs of abuse and how you can help someone who is being abused. Please note that everyone's situation is different. 

Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won't be distracted or interrupted. Visit them in person if possible.

Let her know you're concerned about her safety. Be honest. Tell them about times when you were worried about them. Help them see that abuse is wrong. They may not respond right away, or they may even get defensive or deny the abuse. Let them know you want to help and will be there to support them in whatever decision they make.

Be supportive. Listen to them. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for them to talk about the abuse. Tell them that they are not alone and that people want to help. If they want help, ask them what you can do.

Offer specific help.

Don't place shame, blame, or guilt on them. Instead, say something like, "I get scared thinking about what might happen to you."

Help them make a safety plan. This might include packing important items and helping them find a "safe" word. This is a code word they can use to let you know they are in danger without an abuser knowing. It might also include agreeing on a place to meet them if they have to leave in a hurry.

Encourage them to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help them find a local domestic violence agency. Offer to go with them to the agency, the police, or court.

Encourage them to do things outside of the relationship.

If they decide to stay, continue to be supportive. They may decide to stay in the relationship, or they may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what they decide to do.

If they decide to leave, continue to offer help.

Let them know that you will always be there no matter what.

It hurts my heart to know that so many people are going through these horrible situations, and I hope that with this Let's Talk, we can bring awareness to the ongoing issue of Child Abuse. As someone who dreams of being a mother one day, I would never imagine hurting a child or anyone that doesn't deserve it. Please spread the word about the ongoing situation and share the link to this book so others can join the fight in bringing awareness to this problem.