'Mai udna chahti hoon, Shravan'

She said that and I let her. I am happy she got her wings even if that means she will go fly away from me. I let her.

Pushkar found this diary left stranded at the crime spot when he had gone to collect evidence with the police team and his assistant Preeti. He was unsure how it came there because according to Preeti neither of the parties involved had a name called Shravan. He now needed to read the whole part to get to the owner may be it relates to the murder.

Preeti: Sir, I think this was murder for the property of the victim.
She told as she came inside the cabin

Pushkar: Maybe and maybe not. Because it could have been for revenge also.

Preeti: Right. Now what?

Pushkar: Let's play a small trick on our suspects.

Preeti: And that would be?

Pushkar: Hit and error. Well you have to blackmail them. The innocent ones would come to me and the culprit would do a mistake.

And they did it. Except for the victim's cousin everyone turned up to Pushkar. Case solved.

But the Case of the Diary was still a mystery. Pushkar was reading it part by part and realized how deep he was getting in to the personal life of a stranger. More or less it felt as if he knew the person.

She will leave the city today. Agra won't be the same as it was with her. She was the sparkle of Taj Mahalfor me because we always strolled around here and always told me about the world outside Agra but how would I know she was my world.

Pushkar and Preeti decided to go to talk to the Agra police to get information about this person but they failed because according to police there would be a lot Shravan they at least needed a surname.

She left yesterday. I cried yesterday.
She was smiling. She doesn't know how much I love that smile. For her I'm just her best friend since birth but for me she is my one and only love since birth till death.

Preeti cried for the boy from the diary while Pushkar also felt bad for him still consoled her. He had feelings for her but never realized. Neither she did. But they both knew something was special.

Today exactly twenty years ago she was born. She was wailing in the room next to mine in hospital as Mom used to tell us. I was taken to the hospital because pneumonia when I was 1 and half years old while she born that day. Our lives got entangled since that day.

I tried to call her but failed so left a mail for her birthday but I'm sure it would be unread as the others.
Happy birthday Sumo.

Pushkar has decided to reach out to Preeti today because as he read the Diary he felt the gravity of love and how much one can regret if not confessed.

But life had another plan when Preeti came to cabin telling him about another case and they were back to work. May be may be not destiny had another plan.

Her mother is ill and she doesn't know. She is flying and her mother never wanted to cut her wings thus let her go. Her love is so powerful yet weak that it cannot call her back then what am I? Just a one sided lover. Huh! No hopes Shravan.

Have read so many pages of this diary yet this boy has not mentioned her name even once. Thought Pushkar.

I still remember that day when she told me about her dream ,
'I want to roam around the world Shravan. See, touch, feel everything and learn so much. I have to feel the adventure and thrill that every moment of life can give.'
That day I knew the first chance she gets she will leave me. I was prepared for that day to come but not so soon.

Pushkar and Preeti solved the case and won in the court as well but the Diary in his hands was burning him everyday and thus the decision came to step out. If this boy is in Agra, it could be possible they find him after all Agra was small city.

That day we met at Taj Mahal as usual when she told me she was going. She got the contract with Discovery Channel and she would leave in a few days. Few days be exactly 3. She was going and I was dying.

So this girl works for Discovery Channel. Finally something about her.

I got a mail today. She is coming to India on tour and will take two days off to stay with her mother. I was ecstatic and jumped like a crazy all over. She will come.

This surprised them both. If she came then did he confess? Did she stay? What about her mother?

I met her today after a whole year. She was no more the same yet so very same. She cut her hair short, they were curled. She was wearing a white top and blue leggings and not her usual salwar kameez but she looked so serene and innocent with that smile on which I die everyday. My Sumo is back.

Sumo? What kind of name is that? Exclaimed Preeti. And Pushkar was lost. Just how much this guy would have loved her to be so happy in just a glance of her. They both were happy for him.

It was the last day of her stay here. She was going tomorrow morning like that happy summer. But something happened. Her mother got a heart attack. We rushed her to the hospital but none could save her. She cried in my chest and only thing I could do was hold her. She was again a baby crying just the way when her father died during a stunt in the Man vs Wild alike show of National Geographic. She was proud of her father and by travelling around like him she felt herself closer to him but it hurts. Me. But who cares? I'm just stupid me.

Preeti asked Pushkar for a few days leave as she wanted to go to Agra and find this Shravan. Pushkar decided to go along with her.
They started their road trip to Agra and wherever the destiny takes them.

We completed the 13th day ritual of her mother and it was time for her to leave. This time finally. I was crying. Inside only. I was smiling for her. I took the step and showed courage to ask her.

Preeti: Oh my God so he finally asked her.
Pushkar: Arey wait. Let me read further.

I asked her ......to stay........a bit more. What she replied made me rethink my status in her life.
" Why should I stay Shravan? For whom? Even Mom isn't there anymore. I'm alone in this world."
I was hurt the deep hurt of a sharp knife passing through my heart and being pulled out.
Do I not mean anything to you Sumo?

That was so sad. He was hurt so much. Said Preeti as she tried to control her tears. They were at a small dhaba waiting for their food to arrive. Pushkar asked the dhaba person whether there is any girl from around who works in discovery channel but couldn't get a satisfying answer.

Exactly 3 months, 2 weeks 5 days 14 hours later she came back to me. Her India tour ended. She wanted to stay at my place before she left because her home reminded her of her parents. My mother cooked all her favorites and she ate them with love. In evening while we were strolling around the Taj Mahal I asked her. I confessed because she won't come back now. We were meeting for the last time today. If not today then never may be.
Love hurts if you don't get your lover's love back. But regret hurts harder if you do not confess and stay with the hope that some day.....
I don't want that with me.

Pushkar read this and realized how true and deep the meaning was. He was going to confess to Preeti. After their whole day rendezvous when they were strolling around The Taj Mahal Pushkar asked Preeti to stand there only and he will be back soon.

He came back with a box in his hand and gave it to Preeti. Then went on his knees.
Preeti I'm no Shahjahan to built a Taj Mahal for you but still will you be my Mumtaz?

Sir but aap? Preeti was confused what she should reply. Yes she liked him and admired him but they were in a professional relationship and this way seemed awkward to her but she could not deny her feelings. And who could say no to that smile.

I confessed her.
She left.
She left to never come back may be.

Pushkar and Preeti both were shocked.

May be I shouldn't have told her. We would still be in touch but I could not even mail her now. I was dying everyday now. Ashpreet my friend from school asked to stop loving her but I can't find the switch off button.

Ashpreet! Preeti exclaimed.

Do you know him? Pushkar asked.

Yes sir I mean Pushkar. Ashpreet is the cousin of one of suspects of the case where we found this diary. I remember I met him while interrogation of Mrs Singh.

Do one thing call this lady and get the contact details of Ashpreet. This guy will take us to Shravan.

There were no more pages written in the Diary. Except for an old rubber friendship band pasted in there was nothing.

Preeti called Ashpreet and they got to know that Shravan no longer lived in Agra. He told that a few months after Sumo left he also left somewhere with his mother. Only clue with them now was Shravan was a famous freelance lawyer and an educator. He fights cases for poor people on minimal charges and earns living from his teaching job at Law school.

Pushkar investigated in the lawyer community about Shravan and got to know about his whereby in Manipur nowadays busy fighting a case .

Thus the two took off to Manipur. In Manipur they reached the guest house where Shravan was residing. There they could not find Shravan as he was at his client's place but his wife welcomed them.

The lady took the Diary in her hands and said " he never told me about it". She started reading it and cried. She was so sad and wondered how she never knew he was so much hurt and won't through so much.

Pushkar was wondering if Shravan loved Sumo then how he married someone else but according to Preeti he deserved to move on and someone to love him. The way his wife cried for him she must be too in love with him.

The small bell at the chimed announcing the arrival of someone. The lady through her tears exclaimed ' Shravan'.
Shravan was angry at the two intruders who made his wife cry and was shouting at them while his wife was trying to calm him down.

Pushkar was amazed to see the person in front of him. He never realized that what would he do when he would meet the person whose diary he read but it was altogether a new experience to see that tall 6"4 man looking like a lion trying to protect his precious. He was a man of well built and confidence from the looks but was so soft and his innocent eyes gave away the hard facade.

With a little conversation with his wife he calmed down and took the Diary. He realized he lost it on his Delhi tour.

I found it at the crime scene, informed Pushkar.

So you want to interrogate me about the case asked Shravan.

No. But we wanted to return it to you said Pushkar. He was about to continue when Preeti interrupted.

Why did you not write anything further? What about that girl? She never came back? What did she reply though? She bombarded.

Eager I see. And you read it? Laughed Shravan.

He asked his wife to call room service for the guests till he freshened up.

Pushkar was amazed by the calm demeanor of the man. The room service got the food ready while Pushkar, Preeti and the lady sat there awkwardly. Shravan came back and the tea was served.

So ask one by one, Said Shravan.

What happened after? Asked Pushkar.

I'll tell you but before that did you meet my wife, Suman Malhotra.

Yes we did. (Pushkar)

Yeah! And she is very pretty and sweet. Cute couple you both are.( Preeti)

That day at the Taj Mahal,

Shravan and Sumo, the two names were two variables directly proportional to each other. They were not just names of two best friends but heartbeats that were in sync. They walked by the galithey visit every evening for the famous Rabdi near Taj Mahal. They were enjoying the delicacy while standing right in front of Taj Mahal but not inside the premise. They sat at a nearby bench to have a clear view. Sumo was busy relishing her last day in Agra with him. While Shravan was dying thousands death every second.

He made a decision in that moment and acted upon without a second thought because may be second thought wouldn't have let him say what he said.

'Sumo do you remember that story your mother told us. How you were crying in your cradle in the hospital. You only got quite when I was taken to that same room. '

'I remember Shravan. And your mother used to say that we were born to become best friends.'

'Yes.'

'But why are you reminding me that?'

'Sumo you love travelling I know and don't want to settle at some place like a free bird but even after flying all day long even birds come to a safe place their home. I'm not asking you to stop Flying and Settle but if cannot stay at least come around sometimes. To meet me please.'

'Shravan, please try to understand. You know nothing about travelling that is why you say this. It is thrilling Shravan. I feel alive. There is so much to see in this world and so much to learn. And my father did that and I feel so close to him this way. You won't get the feeling of adventure in that boring job of lawyer of yours.'

'You're right there is no such feeling of adventure on bringing smiles to the face of people who suffer for their meagre rights. There is no thrill in fighting the battle of other person and becoming their Massiah. There is nothing to see around in the remote areas of India where they treat me with their traditional delicacies. A simple rice becomes tastier in Bihar and a few roots of some plants give exotic flavors in Nagaland. There is nothing to learn when I see those kids walking miles and crossing broken bridges to reach school. There really is nothing in my job Sumo.'

'I'm sorry Shravan. I....'

'You don't have to be. Its alright to have your own passion. Its fine by me what I do and if what you do gives you peace of mind its good for you. I don't want to cut your wings but its only that my heart doesn't understand. It hurts to not have you around. May be its just a habit and soon I'll learn to live without you but it is so difficult. Sumo please never ever sacrifice your passion for anyone not even me but just know this, whenever you'll need a safe place to come back to I'll be there.'

'Why?'

'I love you Sumo. Had since so many years. I know my feelings are one-sided but I just want you to know that you're not alone in this world. Even if you're on the other pole of the world I'll still love you. It just hurts me when you say that you have no one to call yours. Never say that again please. '

The silence prevailed. No one spoke a single world. Slowly Shravan got up to leave and Sumo silently followed.

The morning came with agony to two souls. One was confused about her life and choices now. She was confused about what she actually wanted. He was content at least he told her but he was worried if she felt guilty for hurting him it would in turn hurt him.

Shravan came out of his room to see her have Curd from his mother and her bags ready to leave. Leave him. He looked at her and she smiled. The smile was enough for him to know that she will come back. Soon.

He dropped her at the bus stand where she met her crew and they left. No words exchanged. She left. Now it was him alone with his love in heart.

Life went on as Shravan shifted to Uttrakhand where he teaches at Law School and works as lawyer for poor people. People from around India approach him through letters or mails. He never say No to anyone who is in the Right.

For Sumo, life was no more the same. She started realizing how she was losing herself slowly in her job. Yes she loved travelling because her father did that but was she happy. Sh loved to see and learn so many things but she forgot to learn some things about herself.
Slowly she found her job not just as her passion but a way out. A way out from facing the reality of life. Whenever she was faced with something complicated she ran off. Her job had become an excuse for her. While she was in Agra she saw Shravan's growing career but he used to bypass the opportunities to leave Agra for her. She craved for him to be around her but never wanted to bind him from his work. She wanted to liberate him from her but could not approach him because again she could not face her feelings and on the first chance she got she ran off.
She ran off from her mother because she could not face her after her father's death and she again took an excuse and ran off. She realized she was less living more running a life.

The project she was working on with Discovery ended and she resigned. She came back to Agra to find her safe place as he had promised but could not find him. This time she broke. She reached her house yes it was house because he was her home. She felt he had moved on may be. After all she never replied and its been almost a year.

You never met her again? Asked Pushkar.
You moved on and married Suman? What happened to her? Does she know you actually moved on? As usual Preeti bombarded them.

'I met her. I could feel when she calls me you know soul to soul connection. I called Usman Chacha her house's caretaker because I was feeling uneasy. He told me she came back in morning but has not come out of her room since then. I took the first train and reached Agra. She was still in her room when I reached there. She cried whole day and hadn't even eaten anything. I got so angry that I scolded her so much and all she did was smile at me. The moment she hugged me and told me that my love isn't one sided I knew I can now die a happy man.'

"I'll slap you!" Warned Suman

'That's what she said two years ago. She told her deepest fears and weakness that day. We got each other as our solace finally. '

Where is she now? If she confessed then how could you marry someone else? No offence to you mam.

This made Shravan and Suman laugh hysterically. Pushkar and Preeti were confused looking at them. Shravan finally controlled himself and told them,

"Suman is the name her parents gave her and Sumo is the name that I gave her."

Oh! Now I see.
That's why I said both of you look cute together.
If you don't mind me asking Suman or Sumo it is what do you do now? As usual eager Preeti.

'I'm a travel account writer. I write for travel websites and write books also. '

Don't you regret quitting?

No Preeti. I would have if it really was my passion but I was using it just as a way to avoid facing the reality and my own feelings. I think one should follow their dreams and desires in life regret hurts the most but if you sacrifice the peace and solace of life you'll shred off your blood to seek it but never can achieve it.

Thus Shravan and Sumo found their solace in each other and finally reached home.

000000000000

The inspiration for the Story has been taken from two sources
the movie called Yeh Jawaani Hai Diwani
the novel called If its not forever its not love by Dujroy Dutta and Nikita Singh.

Characters:
Suman as Bunny from YJHD
Shravan as Naina from YJHD
( its not the gender but the characteristics)

Plot: Diary of Shravan
Pushkar as Deb
Preeti as Avantika
From the novel.

Love,
Zindagi.