Rose Kennedy once stated that 'It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, protecting its sanity - covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone'

Passing through the old pages of my life, I recalled those decisions that I made. Either they are mature or not, the choices I made will always remain as a memory. A very painful memory but I learned how to live with that pain. It will never disappear, that's a reality that sucks and hard to swallow.

Lucas Saavedra broke my heart but I know how to grow more mature after that. How childish I am to choose him over my dreams was one of the foolish decisions I made. I never achieve anything if I continue the life that I had with him.

As a young and immature woman who thinks life is a fairytale, I thought love is the only thing that matters in the world so I can be happy. But I was wrong, the reality slapped me so I could open my eyes and see the harshness of the world. Love will never be enough in order to be happy.

But knowledge and awareness.

With these two, you will always be ahead of others before they can even hurt you.

But now, I found my light and escape the darkness.

I thought I can never escape that darkness but through the years of following the path that I must take, I was able to pass through everything. It gave me a light so I can walk again and let reality have its own evilness around me. But nothing can bring me down, this time. This is the real game and I will always be using my head first before my heart.

"Art is a wound turned into light." I speak during my lecture. "In the form of artistic expressions, art therapy not only helps to bring out traumatic experiences and emotions that are otherwise extremely difficult to express but it also helps the survivors to process and cope with such experiences in a non-threatening manner. And above all, the process of art-making itself serves as a positive, healing experience and reshapes the brain to start experiencing joy, again."

I crossed my arms and looked directly to my students. Each of them are listing to me intently and some eyes are full of wonder. They placed their notebook down and forgot to write some notes during my talk. These kids need to know as well the truth about reality and I've been discussing it clear to all of them.

For the past seven years, I became successful in my field. My love for arts is the one that healed me for the pain and I was able to express them all through my paintings. All of them, out of my chest.

Being a successful artist and a university lecturer, I was able to encourage more youngsters to embrace the idea of art and the benefits of it. How helpful it is to a person who doesn't like or who doesn't have anyone to share her feelings.

"So, for next week, I want all of you to express yourself through art. I will give you an activity where you can just draw or pain anything you want. Let all those heavy tons inside you be lifted and throw them on a paper." I smiled at them before walking back behind my desk." And that would be all. Class dismiss." I told them and they all snapped back and fixed their things.

I fixed my things as well and said goodbye to my students.

I have been teaching at the university every Saturday mornings. Around eighty students registered to my class in order to listen to my lecture and I've been doing this for almost a year now.

It is actually exciting to teach and inspire more artists in the making. All of them have a potential to be a great artist and I am here, to enhance them more.

My love for art grew more and more through the years. Many famous and rich people buys my painting and I've been introduced to the public causing me to gain more clients and art galleries selling them ad well.

I let out a deep sigh once I drove my car. This is actually a international university so I have to speak a universal language when I'm lecturing so everybody can understand me. Well, here in Paris, it think it became fluent in French more because I've been speaking this language mostly. I was only able to speak English when I'm teaching but other than that, basically French.

Oh, I almost forgot sometimes I speak English with-

"You are always late when it comes to our date."

I let out soft giggle when I heard Valentin as he leans closer to me and place a quick kiss on my temple. "Sorry, you know I always lost track of time."

Valentin just shakes his head as we sat down and choose for our brunch. It's been our routine that we will have a lunch together every Saturday as well. Besides, he has been very patient with me so I want to return the favour.

He and I met seven years ago at the club and he impressed me with his unique way of flirting...which was very annoying to me me. Valentin never gets tired of my hissed and never gives up about asking me out on a date. And later on, I got used to it to the point that I need him to boost me up when I'm feeling low.

Turning him down could not be counted anymore because there are too many. He works hard to earn my trust to the point that every time I would go to that club with the girls, he will sneak out from the bar and try to chat with me at the tables. He literally turned his back from the waiting customers he had just to entertain me.

I guess that is also the reason why he melted my heart. But not totally melted.

He became my friend.

Valentin is one of the person who helped me regain myself. There are only a few people that I trust and he is surely one of them.

Years passed and he confessed to me. Stating the fact there is a intent feelings developed in there.

It wasnt a surprise to me though. Somehow, it seems like I am already expecting that confession sooner because he always give me his only attention. For seven years, he never had a girl aside from me and I never been jealous honestly.

But until now, I am only looking for a friend.

Just friends and he promised that he will still wait for me.

He doesn't know a thing about my past and no one knew about it. Just my family.

Dolly is still my best friend, so is Mercedes and Soleigh. We became the best gals even when we started working.

"How was your lecture today?" Valentin asked, as we eat a fancy and delicious French cuisine.

"Amazing. You know how much I enjoy while doing it." I took a bite of my food.

Valentin smiles warmly and I became curious all of a sudden because he didn't have any come back after what I said. He usually never gets lost of questions or words. He always have something to tell even if it is just nonsense. But it was a dead air and I sense that something is bothering him.

"Is something wrong?" I asked softly, placing my fork down on the plate. "You're surprisingly quiet today. Did something happen at work?"

He just shook his head and gave me another weak smile, bit never meets my eyes.

"You know that means there is something wrong." I chuckled and placing a hand on top of his. "Tell me."

Valentin sigh deeply and unable to look me in the eyes. "I slept with someone."

My eyebrows touched and got surprised. For the first time in seven years, he breaks his promise. But, I don't see why he is worried or afraid. "Then why are you so quiet?"

Then pain registered in his face but only for a moment but suddenly, he got angry due to my question. "You're not even angry?"

"What?" I was taken back of his question. Shit, I should have become more sensitive with my words. "I-I mean..." but I cannot proccess anything else to say. I just don't want him to get angry at me. I can't bear that.

Valentin scoffed and bluntly retrieve his hand, gazing at me with coldness. "Talia, I broke my promise! I slept with another woman last night and you didn't feel anything?" his voice starts to raise which makes me to tremble.

All I want is to make him happy but I didn't realize that I'm making the other way around. "Valentin, please...don't shout."

Valentin lifted his hand to massage his temples before raising from his seat.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go." He placed his napkin down and marched out of the restaurant but I was too stunned at the moment to process everything.

It's a very rare scene to see him this angry and to think that it's me who caused it. I can't accept the fact I'm the one responsible for that anger. Jeez, what has gotten into him?

Shit, this is my fault! But it would be more painful if I told him that I love him and I want to be his girlfriend if I don't really mean it.

I am not a robot but I know that I should at least give him a chance but I do appreciate his love. I quickly raised after him and manage to catch him before he enters his car.

"Wait, Valentin!"

"Don't...please." He stopped me in my tracks. "I may be angry right now but I can't bare to see you lonely."

"But Val..."

"I love you, belle. But, last night I was too drunk to realize that I may be a fool who keeps on waiting for you. If you don't want to be mine then tell me already. I am literally stopping myself to do what bachelors are doing" Valentin clenched his jaw and tighten his fist as he leans on his car. "Look at me, Talia. I'm handsome and I'm single. There are so many girls who wanted me to themselves but I chose to you over them. I-I am waiting for you and I still am. For six years...I devoted myself onto you only. And I never had any other woman other than you but...can't you at least, tell me that I have a chance? Is there any chance for us?"

I bit my lower lip and fight the tears. At the back of my head, I badly want to say yes and give him the chance that he wanted. The problem here is me and it will always be me. These are all because of my marries with Lucas. I am still married to him and I don't have the courage to tell even a hint. And I hate myself because of it. I can't bring my past and tell them the truth behind my broken smiles.

All of these are my fault. But today...a fire is igniting inside me and my heart is breaking to pieces.

I know I am going to regret this and I will end up hurting him even more but...I don't care anymore. I don't want to lose him

"You always have a chance, Val." I spoke in French so he can clearly understand. "Yes, you can be my boyfriend."

Then it finally explodes.

His eyes widen and turn to face me with an evident shock expression.

Yes, I will regret this.

Finally, a light in his dark eyes sparkles and for the first time, I haven't seen him this happy. Val wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a very tight hug. As if he is afraid to lose me.

"You will never regret this, Talia. I promise that I will make you happy." He whispered while I'm still in his arms. "You will never cry alone again."

And that, was the start of my misery. I just let this poor man assume of love from me.

Which is I think, will never blossom inside me.

----

"Oh God, congratulations!" Dolly squealed and hugged me.

Yey, more hugs.

She visited me in my art studio where I make all of my works: paintings, sculptures, pots and even my grsffities.

"Woah, I'm drenched in paint." I refuse to wrap my arms around her because she might get paint all over her dress as well.

She pulls away and playfully slapped my butt. "I knew it, I knew you that you two will end up together."

I unconsciously shakes my head. "I actually am starting to regret my decision." standing in front of my easel and my mind is completely blank and I can't even think of something to paint at the moment.

"What? Why?" she quickly drag a chair to come closer to me. "Jeez Talia...the man is very close on worshiping the land you step on. You gotta give him the chance because he served the last five years proving to you how much he loves you. You will never met a man like that again. The guy is so faithful to you."

"Dolly, the man just slept with another woman last night. He admitted to me and I didn't feel any jealousy or anger and that triggered him." My hands went down and brushed my face with it then over my head. This is frustrating.

I messed up my hair and groaned, bumping my head on the wood of my easel.

"Shit, I should tell him the truth that I can't love him." I suddenly blurted out and head towards the door but Dolly blocked my way.

"Whoa, wait." Dolly pushed me to sit down on my stool and steady myself. "Breathe first and relax. You are so tensed."

"Dolly, I have to apologize to him."

"Why don't you give it a chance?" Dolly suggested, rubbing her hands on my shoulder to calm me. "Give him maybe...three months then think this through? If you really can't, then break it off, okay?"

"I'm scared that maybe he will change once we started dating. I don't want to be cheated, Dolly." I don't want to go through those pain again.

Dolly can see the fear in my eyes causing her face to soften. She gives me a reassuring smile and a tap on my head.

"Val is a good man and all he wants is to make you happy and to feel loved. He may have slept with a woman last night but think about it, he chose to admit it to you. Don't you think that's enough to tell you that he can't lie to you?"

She does have a point.

I groaned and tried mentally punching myself.

"Fine." I sigh and march towards my mini fridge to get some beer. This somehow helps me to get tougher. "Just like the old times, right? Me and him, spending time together, watching movies together and...being there for each other."

"Thats right!" Dolly grins and gave me a thumbs up. "Stop thinking too much and give him a little chance. I'm sure, he will make you happy."

He does make me happy.

But, he can never make me happy like I was with Lucas.

Later that night, with a wine glass in one hand and a smoke on the other. I am lounging around my balcony and staring at the black sky with the moon shining dim. I am not a smoker but I had a stick when I'm feeling down or too occupied.

Especially when the pain is coming back to me.

All the pain that I felt. Sometimes, sadness just comes into me all of a sudden and I can't help but think of Lucas.

How is he?

Is he happy?

Or is he married?

Seven years is far too long for a change. I'm already 27 and I am sure I grew up more than I am before. He sure did too.

I puff out one last smoke before dipping my stick at the ashtray and finish my wine. I hugged my silk robe tighter around my body and look up to the stars.

"Life is just a cycle, Talia. You will have the happiness that you always dreamed one day." I said to myself and head inside my apartment.

I am currently occupying a family size condo unit. Too big for me so I really feel how alone I am when I'm in this place but bittersweet feeling it is.

On my way to the kitchen, something in my laptop screen pops out that caught my attention.

I walk towards my desk to read and my jaw dropped at the opportunity waiting for me back home.

Some of my works will be presented at the new art gallery in Crimson City, our home. Yes, I got a news that there will be a world class art gallery opening soon there and I sent some samples of my work and now I got accepted. After wards the gallery, it will be auctioned and the money will be donated here at a art school for the orphans. It is actually one of the foundation that I joined. I pain and help the children to develop their skills in comes to creativity.

And this is my ticket to finally go back home after seven years.

Yes, there pain in there which seems to be a little out of place. Because I'm worried that there is a possibility that I will cross path with my husband. But to think of it, I should man up and at least forget the past.

When I came face to face with Lucas, I shall not show any signs of weakness in front of him. I must show him how strong I became, and that I am better without him.

Whatever he is now, I must leave the bitterness there. I must accept the fact that we will never be okay again and what we had must be done.

The marriage.

A divorce.

Sooner or later, we might come across to the day that we both will agree on ending it. A guy like him, better off with other women that can accept his tactics. And we probay out grew each other already. At this point of our life, we are practically strangers because within this seven years, we just learned to discover ourselves. From what views in our life that we passionate about, what our hearts really want.

In fact, can I be this successful if I stayed with him? I guess maybe we rot ourselves at the streets then.

Shit, I sound so tough now huh? But I'm a pussy inside.

I tried slapping myself but not harshly and think deeply.

"Can I really go back?" all my doubts are coming in and I'm really scared if he ended up happier than me.

What if he finds happiness with another woman?

Well, better cut off the chase because I know he is surely bedding a woman right now and acting like a man who is not committed to anyone. Burts the bubbles, he and I are still married.

And we must start the divorce if we want to have our own lives.

But damn, I don't know.

I fucking don't know.

I don't know if I'm going to be happy? I don't know if he still loves me and I don't even have a clue if he finally forgers aboht me.

That is the closest one from the reality. I know he holds a grudge agaisnt me and he will have a revenge on me. Sweet.

I groaned and slammed my laptop screen. "Well, come what happens." I tried cheering myself. "If our path crossed, then we shall greet each other witb a smile and if we didn't, then ignore. I am not going to worry myself in this old love. Honestly, we should forgive each other alresdg. So we can really move on."

That's right, keep filling yourself with lies.

Whatever happens, just accept it. Wounds will heal soon.

To be continued...