sixteen ◌ apologies

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You could tell me a bus ran me over, backed up, trampled my body again, and I would believe you. Waking up that Sunday morning only reminded me of why pain killers existed. My muscles were on fire, and every little movement caused me to wince from the tenderness of my body.

When I finally found the strength to open my eyes, they were met with a flood of sunshine streaming from the window. I squinted from the intense amount of light, and as my eyes adjusted to the illumination, I was also met with the backside of a tattooed, muscular fellow.

"What happened?" I groggily asked, my voice cracking. "I feel like I've been strapped to the bumper of a bus and driven around the block a few times."

"You, Tash, are hungover," the half naked man sitting on the edge of the bed turned over his shoulder— Harry gawked at me with delight.

"It could also be for the fact that you fell about a dozen times last night trying to parkour your way through French Quarter," Liam chimed in. He stood up from the armchair and strolled to the foot of the bed with his arms crossed. His eyebrows narrowed in on me with a quizzical expression. It was as if he were analyzing me like a math problem.

"My sister," I breathed as a wave of realization drowned me. I shot up and my eyes widened with fear. "Some man has her. She was at the bar last night! We have to find her, maybe she's still here in New Orleans. This could streamline—"

"—Hey, hey, hey," Liam interrupted. I abruptly ceased my words and glared at him intently. "Calm down, Tasha."

"Did you just tell me to calm down?" I spat. A demonic gurgle erupted from me, and I was close to hurling my fists at the dark haired boy.

"Tasha listen... Kat wasn't there. It was a hallucination," Niall was suddenly next to me, with a bottle of water and a case of Ibuprofen. When he and I latched onto each other's gazes, all I could think about was that damn kiss; that stupid mistake during a moment of emotional stupidity.

Silently, I observed the boys for a moment. The dark circles beneath Liam's eyes, the messy hair atop his head, and the eerie aura encapsulating his body, caused him to look like a cynical sociopath. The same could be said for Niall, who stood at the foot of the bed with a spine tingling touch.

"Why do you all look like shit?" I wondered out loud, popping a pill into my mouth before chasing it down with cold water.

As always, the boys darted their eyes amongst each other. They shot an array of expressions, perfecting their silent language.

"You were all roofied last night," Harry revealed after a few moments. He no longer sat on the bed, and instead stood against the wall with his arms crossed. He finally had a shirt on, and as much as I despised Harry, his muscular body was stupidly distracting.

"Excuse me?" I grimaced, rubbing my temples from the growing headache.

"I tested your blood. Liam and Niall's too," Harry explained. "I found substances correlating to common date rape drugs, laced with our good ole friend, Psilofetamine."

"Wait a second," I glared at Harry in suspicion. "You tested my, what?"

"Your blood," Harry haphazardly repeated, head nodding towards my arm. I looked over in the direction of his salute and found the inside of my elbow of my right arm to be bandaged.

"You fucking stuck a needle in my arm while I was unconscious and stole my blood!" I was fuming, violently throwing the blanket off of me and stepping onto the carpet. The moment I stood up however, I was met with a staggering off-kilter equilibrium and toppled towards the floor.

"Whoa, calm down Tash," Harry had his arms wide open and caught me before I could crash onto the ground.

"Calm down?!" I exasperated, slapping Harry's arms. "How the fuck do you expect me to calm down when you totally violated me? What else did you do while I was asleep, huh? Draw dicks on my face and lick my big toe?"

"Ew, what the, who... you're so fucking weird," Harry placed me back on the bed, gawking at me with a twisted expression.

"Look, I'm sorry we probed you as you slept, but when we all got back to the hotel, I knew something was wrong," Liam justified.

"Explain," I sternly cued, waiting for him to continue.

"I know my limits, so does Niall," Liam stated. "The amount that we drank last night should've equated to a heavy buzz. I got extremely dizzy and everything was all over the place."

"Then why was it that I was the only one who knocked out?" I asked.

Liam shrugged, "your alcohol tolerance is lower, I know you mixed beer with hard liquor, and you're smaller than we are. The drug hit Niall and I just as hard, but at a slower rate."

"Niall and you," I repeated cautiously before darting my eyes to Harry with distrust. "And what about you, were you just special enough to not get roofied?"

"This isn't a fucking contest," Harry scoffed. He deviated his tone and continued, "oh darn, I didn't get roofied because I'm not as cute as Tasha!"

"Well I find it convenient, that nothing was slipped into your drink. Were your homies at ANTI doing you a favor?" I provoked, causing Harry to chuckle with a roll of his eyes.

"Are you bringing that up, again?" Harry muttered with bewilderment. He took two paces towards me till he and I were toe to toe. "Get it through your fucking head, Tash. I am not working for ANTI."

"You don't find it weird that we," I gestured animatedly for Niall, Liam, and I, "were fucking roofied? It would be a whole different story if the victims were random. But us?"

"It wasn't random, you're right," Harry agreed. "But it wasn't just you three. It was me too."

"Then why don't you look like shit? Like, more shitty than the shit pie you already are." I nagged with snark.

"Because the special concoction of drugs needs chemical properties of alcohol in order to activate," Harry explained eloquently. "I wasn't drinking last night."

"You decided last minute to be sober?"

"I'm always sober. I don't drink."

"What? Then what was all that shit about wanting a strong IPA?" I brought up, remembering the words that filtered out of Harry's mouth the evening prior.

"Just playing a part Tash," he sighed.

"And you wonder why I constantly question your allegiance," I threw my hands up in defeat. "I can't trust you if I don't know you."

"Well too bad, because I'm not here for you to get to know me," Harry concluded.

I mulled over Harry's explanation, my growing distrust for him perpetual. But I couldn't let that clout me from the fact that someone was messing around with us; wanting to hurt us. I was already doing everything ANTI wanted me to, and yet, they were still doing everything they could to tear me down.

"Did you guys hallucinate too?" I questioned, my eyes flicking over to Liam and Niall. "I swore I saw my sister, that's why I chased after her."

"The hallucination part of the drugs only kicked in when we were finally back at the room," Niall clarified. "How do you feel? You fell a lot last night."

"I fell?" I raised a brow. "I remember almost splattering across the asphalt one time."

"No, you fell on your ass quite a few times," Harry declared with a satisfied chuckle. "You probably thought your free running skills were on point, but from what we saw, your parkour abilities were comparable to a bag of dicks."

"Ha, ha," I shot Harry the middle finger. "Moving on, is it possible to hack into the pub's security cameras and find the moment in which we were roofied?"

"Way ahead of you," Niall seemed excited, like he was back to his old, jolly self.

He walked over to the other bed and grabbed the laptop, bringing it over to me. When Niall handed me the computer, he sat on the empty space of the bed. It was an automatic movement; a gesture without thought. But not even three seconds of being so close to me, Niall shot himself off of the bed.

"You found footage," I noted, staring at the screen on my lap. I tapped the spacebar on the keyboard and initiated the video to begin playing.

The security footage was slightly grainy, but in color. The camera was placed high and pointed downwards where the bar was. I watched people filter in and out of the screen before I saw myself trudge towards the bar after totally embarrassing myself by kissing Niall. Fast forward to accepting the bartender's offer of a free drink, I'm seen thanking him, and then... bam.

"Holy shit," I breathed, quickly tapping the spacebar and rewinding the footage a few notches by pressing the arrow keys.

It was so quick, I almost missed it. While I was speaking to the bartender, a man walked right behind me, slipped something into my cup and walked away.

"Keep watching," Niall advised. I followed his orders and kept my eyes on the screen. That's when I saw it, well, him. After successfully dropping drugs into my cup, the perpetrator tilted his face towards the hidden camera and with a cheeky smirk, he winked.

"He didn't even try to hide his face," I observed, pointing at the computer where the video had paused. This criminal, ANTI squad member, whoever the hell he was, had no shame. He also didn't fit into the typical archetype of rogue intelligence.

"I was expecting some Shrek looking fellow," Harry commented, as if reading my mind.

"Okay, I did not just hear you compare this date raping heathen, to the wonderful ogre that is Shrek," I expressed.

"I said Shrek looking," Harry clarified. "As in I assumed a raping heathen would look like a scary monster. I said nothing about Shrek's personality being similar to a disgusting beast."

"Since when do rapists have a look? Brock Turner looked like any other Stanford student when the bitch raped an unconscious girl behind some dumpsters," I brought up with anger— I'd never get over that case. "Or what about that dude, Ken Feliz or something, who got out of jail a few months ago after spending ten years in prison for raping a girl at a party. I've seen his photos, he looks decent."

"Okay, okay! I get it!" Harry yelled with frustration. He let out an angry groan before walking away from the situation. I seemed to have struck a nerve with him, but I didn't regret it.

"Continuing on," Liam stepped in with an annoyed snarl. "We have about twenty-one hours till our allotted time is up. We need to break into Prime Corp... tonight."

Shit got real, and it did so very quickly.

We were in a bubble of deep focus, keeping our conversations to less than a minimum. The four of us were sprinkled through out the space of the hotel room— Harry at the couch and coffee table, Liam huddled at the desk, Niall on the armchair, and as for me, I kept to myself on one of the beds. Research and studying. It felt like I were back in school preparing for final exams and putting together an 8-page term paper last minute.

It was around 5PM, about eight hours straight of prep, when Liam separated himself from the desk. He quickly stretched his muscles before grabbing his wallet and stuffing it in his back pocket.

"I'll be back," Liam announced, heading straight for the door. Harry and Niall barely made a peep, only nodding their heads to indicate that Liam had been heard.

I never forgot the argument I saw between Liam and that women. I almost attested that heated interaction to the roofies, but my gut told me otherwise. So I untangled myself from the sheets and slipped off of the bed. I ran after Liam, exiting the door several seconds after he did.

"Liam, wait up," I called out. The brown-haired boy turned over his shoulder, and instead of easing up his pace, Liam kept a perpetual stroll.

"I would like to take this walk by myself," Liam stated, his eyes focused on the pathway ahead of him.

"No, I have a question," I quickened my steps to catch up with him.

"Yes, I'll bring you back food," Liam answered, attempting to predict whatever question I had.

"Are you going to see that girl from the bar?" I questioned, finally reaching up to Liam.

"What girl?"

"The one you were arguing with."

"You were hallucinating last night."

"Yes," I agreed. "But not about this. I saw you Liam. You were in the corner of a bar having a debate with some woman. It looked intense— who is she?"

"Do you ever mind your own business?" Liam abruptly halted his movements to glare at me with knitted brows.

"Excuse me?" I was taken aback by the sudden switch in mood.

"Tasha, if it's about your life, I am willing to give you answers. But when it comes to my life, you have absolutely no authority," Liam hovered above me with his brooding presence, blockading the light shining overhead.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry," I cowered with a frown.

"I suggest you drop the topic, go back into the hotel room and prepare yourself for tonight's task," Liam took a step away from me, his tone shifting back to its normal sternness. "I'll bring you back something to eat."

With that, Liam turned his body and continued on with his endeavors. He was a big boy who could take care of himself, but I knew there was more to this evening stroll than just trying to clear his head. Following his advice, I walked back to the hotel room. When I approached the door, the knob suddenly spun and the barricade opened wide.

"Oh whoa, sorry Tasha," Niall almost collided with me, but kept from doing so by grabbing onto my shoulders. He quickly snatched his hands away and walked past me.

"Niall," I grabbed onto his arm, ceasing his steps.

"Yea," he turned to look at me with nonchalance, though I was pretty sure he knew why I was stopping him.

"I want to talk to you," I told him. "About last night."

"What about it?"

"I'm sorry... extremely. For kissing you, I mean."

Niall shook his head, "it's fine Tasha. Really."

He took another step in an effort to saunter away from this already awkward conversation. I stopped him again, because I wasn't done speaking. Niall was someone I considered a best friend; someone I trusted, and I hated the fact that our entire friendship had potential to be destroyed, because I wanted to act like a silly teenaged girl who couldn't control her emotions.

"No, Niall, it's not," I insisted. "I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortable around me and it freaking sucks. I just don't want to lose you as a friend. You're the only one I have while I'm out here. I'm sorry."

Niall didn't speak right away. He simply gazed at me with his oceanic blue eyes and mulled over my apology for several moments. I had no clue what stirred in his mind, and I wished I had the superpower to translate the purse of his lips, or the twitch of his left eyelid into actual comprehendible thoughts.

"Now, I'm going to apologize to you," Niall started with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry for anything I've said or done that gave you the wrong message. I need to be held accountable for my actions, and I need you to trust me."

"I do trust you," I affirmed.

"That's good," Niall smiled softly. "Because it's my job to protect you. Not just as your father's employee, but as your friend."

Friend.

I mean, I don't know what I was expecting. Did I really think Niall would be down to further our friendship past the friend part? He and I were in two different areas of life. I was about to graduate high school, whereas he was about to embark on a journey after university. I barely had a reign on life while Niall had his put together. I had to face it— he was way out of my league.

"So, are we cool?" I bit my bottom lip in nervousness, gazing at Niall with hope.

"Yes," he nodded. "We're cool."

"Oh thank God," I breathed with relief. Like reflex, I threw my arms around Niall's neck and hugged him tightly. I felt his muscles tense for a moment, but reciprocated the embrace anyway with very loose arms around my waist.

"Besides, we still have prom to worry about," Niall pulled away quickly, his signature goofy grin painted across his face. "I'm going to need you to teach me how to pin a boutineer."

"Only if you're willing to match your tux to my dress," I mused with a lighthearted chuckle.

"Deal."

"Deal."

I let Niall walk away, leaving him to venture across the street in search for a snack. I watched him for a moment, smiling to myself. I was pleased with the outcome of our conversation; pleased that he and I remained friends. What I wasn't too fond of however, was the fact that I still had a crush on Niall, and there was nothing I could do about it.

When I strolled back into the brightly lit hotel room, I made a b-line straight for my previous post. Plopping down onto the bed, I continued to study Prime Corp's blueprints and interior design. My attempt to delve straight back into work was halted however, when Harry decided to open his damn mouth.

"I told you."

"Told me what?" I looked at Harry who was still sitting on the couch, his focus on a plastic beaker.

"That Niall was a bad idea," he clarified.

"Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?" I questioned with frustration.

"First of all, the door wasn't shut all the way and you guys didn't exactly keep your voices down," Harry explained.

I dramatically groaned, my left eyelid twitching in irritation, "can you please just mind your own business?"

"Second of all," Harry continued, ignoring my pleas. "I saw that lame kiss in the pub last night before you ran off in embarrassment."

"What do you want to hear that will get you to leave me alone, huh? That you were right? That I let my little puppy dog crush on Niall distract me from more important things? Fuck!" I buried my hands into my face, rubbing it in frustration.

"Look, I am only trying to keep you on the track towards success," Harry proclaimed. "If you get distracted, then you'll fuck up. And fucking up means Kat dies and that fate holds true for Professor Dela Cruz too."

"You don't get to do that."

"Do what?"

"Act like you genuinely care if I fail or not, only to guilt me by bringing up my sister and Professor Dela Cruz" I remarked, slowly lifting my face.

"I'm not acting. I actually do care about the outcome of all this," Harry reiterated. "I just want to remind you the severity of this entire mission."

"Don't you think that of all people, I understand that everything is on the line? Time is running out, and as each day passes, it brings another day closer to the deaths of people we care about," I hated to think about the horrific possibilities of my sister's fate, but the potential for it to come true was at an all time high.

"Stay focused Tash, and you can save them," Harry concurred.

"Even if we do succeed and save Kat and Professor," I continued, looking at Harry with glassy eyes. "At the end of all this, my dad still dies. So screw you Harry, for having the audacity to guilt me over small things."

I turned my back completely away from Harry, trying to keep myself from completely blowing up. That stupid boy with the green eyes didn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing he was capable of igniting such raw emotion from me. So I lifted my chin, kept my head up high and suppressed my stupid feelings. Letting out a heavy exhale, I repositioned myself on the bed, dove back into prep, and allowed Harry to speak one last string of words.

"Sorry, Tash."

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» author's note «

A little bit of a steady chapter before a heavy streamline of action happens! Also, I JUST finished writing one of the most difficult chapters in this book. I still have to go back and edit the shit out of it, but at least I got it all out.

Thank you for the support! I get so excited when I receive new readers. All your votes and comments don't go unnoticed so thank you for your kind words.