I am now officially the most hated person in my high school and the friends I thought I'd have forever were the reasons why. I didnt blame Ava or Isabell she had always been closer to Ava like Vera had with me. I didnt blame anyone but it was a slight annoyance...

   Vera and I got countless disgusted looks as we walked down the halls and it made me wonder what on earth is everyone saying. "Its not good," Ralph said scooping his arm in mine and Veras. "Everyone is saying you and Henry have been banging since Lucas left, some are even saying before." I guess thats not the worst that has been said.

   "I'm sure of it," I sighed I'm sure I'd be the talk of the town by the end of the day.

   "Hey at least in a week you'll be in Scotland," Vera said rubbing my back peaking over Ralph to look at me as we walked out of the building. "I'm a little jealous."

   "I'm excited," I admitted.

I took the last two weeks with Vera off of school as she recovered I wasnt  able to see Henry much since he was still going to school and working but every time we did see each other it was all good vibes. Henry brought out the girl in me who wished on stars the energy Ive tried to reach but couldn't. "So what has Luc been up to?" I asked.

   "Just sulking really... but that girl Clara who helped him get clean is coming to visit tonight for the weekend he's taking her to the back roads ride tonight," Ralph said before Vera could explain. "We're going right?" I loved Ralph.

   "Of course," Vera smiled intensely. "Turns out my dos son I meet before I was discharged is riding tonight I'll be on the look out," that was new. Vera who I had thought called love off for good and boys was head over heels for some college freshman, he was a sweetie though.

   "Joshua right?" I asked.

   "Yes," she said playing with her chakra necklace Ralph had bought the three of us back in grade school. "There's lover boy," Vera clicked her tongue as Henry made his way over with a bright smile on his rosy skin.

   "I wish he played for my team," Ralph said checking him out as he walked out of the school building his muscles shifting underneath his shirt. "Ive never seen eyes to dark but bright at the same time and dont get me started on that body," I knew exactly what he meant.

   "He's got such nice arms," Dixie said coming between Ralph and I putting her arms around our neck. "I've got to say you picked right for once," she said kissing the crown of my head. "Now you bitches ready for the most craziest night of your life?" Dixie has been to back roads every year but this is our first time since we are all eighteen now and I had to admit I was nervous.

   Vera scowled, "I have a swim meet in the morning I can't stay out to late so Ralphs mom is taking us home before all the crazies come out," which meant by twelve.

  "No fun," she stuck her tongue out. "Who's riding with me?" We all looked at her bike and neither of us stepped forward. Cocking her head to the side she moved down her sunglasses so Ralph could see her clearly, "Your tiny, come on," she pouted.

   Ralph put a hand on his hip and shook his head fiercely, "No way in hell honey I wouldn't trust you even if it was a scooter."

   Rolling her eyes she looked over at me and pleaded I already knew she wasn't going to rest till one of use rode that death trap Big John gave her. "Fine," I grumbled. "Let me just talk to Henry real quick," I said turning away to meet him as Dixie smiled in satisfaction. We weren't really out and about with our affections it didnt feel right no matter what we did the night at the hospital. "I have to ride with Dixie."

   "You have to or is she guilt tripping you?" He gave me a sly smile his hands hovering over my face then he dropped it thinking better of himself, "I can't wait to leave this damn town."

   "You and me both," I smiled apologetically looking around before I gave him a quick peek on the cheek. It was almost romantic all the sneaking around we had to do it made things more exciting. "Don't forget my dads wedding is next weekend you need to find a tux today," I warned before I turned to walk towards Dixie. Because Lucas and I took a wrong turn Henry is stepping in as my plus one, Dixie and Vera were obviously invited which meant Lucas was too but even worse was that my mother was invited...

   When we got back to the bar to get ready upstairs I ran into Lucas, Dixie and Vera scurried upstairs forcing us to talk.

   "You can't keep running from me," surprisingly he seemed calm. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to but we are still friends before anything, just like you said before everything... and I miss my friend."

   I've had time to think everything over I guess in a way through all the regret, pain and lies we both got what we deserved. To my understanding Lucas found Clara, who actually understood him and knew what to expect and how to handle him and well me? I'm just living one day at a time with a really cool guy I might or might not be falling for. "We really fucked everything up," I joked.

   He smiled half heartedly, "I think we both know who gets that honer."

   "I still have questions," I said honestly. "Like who this mysterious girl is?" I conjured a smile but couldnt help but feel a sting of envy.

   "Its not like that," he blushed looking away and out to the road he was lying. "She's a really good friend you'll love her she's excited to meet you," Lucas didnt really have many girl friends but I wasn't going to press him. What he did while he was gone was all on him and I wouldn't ask, I didn't think I even wanted to. "I love you," I sucked in my breathe. He hasn't said that, I had been waiting the entire time... "I knew it for a long time, you knew it..." his voice trailed off. "But I also knew your heart was still with him-" before I could abject he took my hand and shook his head. "I know you wanted me and trust me I want you more then anything its almost like a drug but I'm not what you need, thats why I left." I didnt know how I felt about that comparison... Not a single thing between us has really changed since he left.

   Even him standing in front of me made me weak almost sick, "I've lived my entire life listening to people telling me what I should do, what I need and what I dont need." And although I didnt say it, Henry was that person that broke the cycle for me. I want to take control of my life, I now know I am not as fragile as a rose but as ferocious as a storm. "You were supposed to be the one person who would simply just be in my life no matter how hard life got but I get why you couldn't. When I said I was in this one hundred percent I meant even word, I can handle the ugly you just didnt want me to see it. You didnt want to hurt me, whatever the case is it was a stupid mistake,"there was the bitterness, jokes on me really. I dropped my hand out of his and he laid his head on the casing of the door breathing in heavily.

   "You're right," I wasnt ready for that I was ready for an argument.

   "Did you even think about me?" My bottom lip wobbled a bit, "Did you even think about the countless nights I stayed up wishing I could just hear your voice?"

   "I'm sorry," he closed his eyes for a second and when they opened his sapphire blue eyes were a bit red and I knew I should leave.

   "Dont be," I shook off a few tears. "I'm happy your happy and you know everything happens for a reason-" I wasnt going to have a melt down right now. "I have to get inside and get ready I'll see you tonight," before he could respond I opened the bar doors and took off stumbling to the first door I could see. I locked myself in the utility closet and paced back and forth trying to calm my breathing and ease my mind. This is why I had been dodging him being around him brought everything back that I didnt want to feel anymore. He brought out all the pain when I was just starting to feel better.

  I wasn't mad although it maybe seemed like it... I guess I was just still so confused and hurt that I couldn't be the person he needed. It felt like no one needed me, not like how I need them and I was tired of the cycle.

...................................................................................................................................................

      Its better to feel pain then to have had nothing at all, thats what Jasmine had always said when she spoke about my dad and her, it almost felt like I was in the same exact place.

   I wasnt much in a party mood tonight but I watched my friends enjoy themselves after all it is senior year... Henry might have had a rough time adjusting but everyone grew to love him no matter the title Ava gave him out of jealousy. One thing I'll always admire is how he just stuck out like jungle in a desert, his smile alone was so genuine and pure giving him a childlike glow that most people have lost. He can be silly when you need to laugh and he could be serious when you needed to cry.

   "What are you doing here all alone?" Henry asked sitting on the log next to me as we watched people dance in the streets which was filled with old classic cars and motorcycles. If I wasnt mistaken Lucas would be riding with big John and Dixie any minute now. I still haven't seen this mystery girl he's been speaking about, maybe she bailed.

   "I talked to Lucas earlier," henry tensed up but he let me go on. "I thought I would be fine but every time I talk to him I just feel like theres a huge weight on my chest. I just feel complet torn and anxious... is that normal?"

   "I dont know," he said carefully. "I think you just arnt ready to have that talk with him yet and that's completely normal. Some people need to distance themselves first before they can feel okay again, you've been hurt by a lot of people I think thats why you get so anxious."

   "Maybe," I said rubbing my neck. "I think I'm more anxious about my dads wedding and being a bridesmaid," I said trying to change the topic.

   I nudged him as he snickered a bit, "I still cant believe you are really wearing that hideous moss green dress."

   "I'm going to make it look good," I raised my chin.

   "Damn right you are," he smirked looking over at Vera who was talking to Joshua the guy her doctor hooked her up with. "You want to dance?" Henry didnt know till he moved here how fond of country music he would be.

   "No ones really dancing," I said looking around at the countless of people around us just standing around and talking.

   He shrugged standing up and offering his hand, "No ones dancing because we arnt dancing," he said as his wavy hair fell in front of his face.

   I stood up and took his hand as he twirled me around, "You're pretty incredible you know," I said trying to read him. Henry although full of heart had a hard time showing his it was like the closer I got the more he put on a facade. Like he had to always be perfect and I didnt want him to feel that way, its okay to be messy and tell people how you feel and I hoped he'd get there. "I feel like theres still so much I don't know about you."

   Snaking his hand around my waist and holding me close he said, "I want to show you it all every piece of me and I will... Its always been hard for me to get serious with girls."

   "So your warning me of your player tendencies before the beans are spilled in Scotland?" I joked.

   "I was never a player," he blushed licking his lips. "I just never felt this connected with someone in a long time not even to a friend."

   "I'm glade," I said looking into his eyes and wrapping my arms around his neck to give him a featherlight kiss. The sexual tensions between Henry and I have been boiling up for weeks and I didnt know what my mind might lead me to.

   "What will the people think?" He mocked me.

   "Fuck what they think," I said brushing my lips against his just before I caught Lucas eye he had dropped the hand of whomever was beside him, his jaw twitching. The blonde beside him must be Clara, she looked sweet. "Do you want to go?" I asked anxiously.

   "What about Vera and Ralph? They rode with us," he asked caressing my cheek.

   "Vera said they'll be getting a ride by Ralph's mom back to his house," I reminded him. "I just dont want to be here."

   Concern pinched his face but he fished out his keys not questioning me, "Lets say bye to everyone."

   Henry was right, I wasnt ready to talk about my feelings let alone with Lucas all I could do to stay positive was to shove them all away.