S3 EP24

NORAH WOKE UP WITH her eyes strained-if she could even call herself waking up.

She had hardly slept due to the silence in her apartment. There were no loud drilling noises from the pavement outside, no yelling neighbours or pedestrians, no snores coming from her couch; it was quiet.

Too quiet, in fact.

She was starting to miss the nights where her couch was occupied over the night because that meant she would not have to wake up to an empty apartment, where she felt worse than alone.

The clock on her nightstand read 4:01 am.

It was too early to get to the hospital, so she did the one thing she thought that was logical-study, because... why not?

She crossed her legs on top of her desk with flashcards and notebooks in her hands. It took her a while before her head was swimming with medical terms all over again.

The intern exam was only a few hours away, and she wanted to spend the remaining of her time shoving medical facts and diseases into her brain. The thought of sleeping with her notes under her pillow did cross her mind, but she figured that the words would not diffuse into her brain as she wished they could.

Tick... tock... tick... tock...

❦

"Dr... Bailey...?"

Bailey caught the intern as she slid to the ground; the resident yelled for a stretcher at the top of her lungs. She could not see what was happening around her; her vision was blurry, fuzzy-there was a bright light that she guessed was from the ceiling in the ER. Her eyelids felt heavy.

Her body got lifted from the ground shortly after, then dropped on a gurney that wasted no time in wheeling her towards a place where she felt slightly warmer than she was before.

"Tell the... up now... page Webber..."

She could not make out the whole sentence, only parts of it.

Green grass-

The lights were glowing brightly then dim in repeat through her eyelids. Where was she going?

Fresh air-

She could faintly feel a hand pressing tightly against her abdomen that was starting to get a bit sore. Probably covering my wound from bleeding out, she thought bitterly.

Warm summer morning-

Two little kids were running around-a girl and a boy-chasing each other as they hopped and stumbled. A man and a woman sat next to each other on a blanket. His arm draped over her shoulder, and her head rested on his chest. They watched the wide grins on the kids' faces as they hurled sand at each other.

It was the beach.

The girl shrieked as the sand got onto her hair, crying out loud as a woman crouched down and gently brushed the sand off her head. The girl was still sobbing, and the boy slowly walked up to her, carefully poking her on the arm.

The girl snapped her head towards him, causing the boy to gulp in fear. "I'm sorry..." the boy mumbled, his head down. The girl turned her head and stormed away from him; he trailed closely behind her, still trying to get her to forgive him.

The little boy screamed as the girl stomped on the tall sandcastle that he had built, the horror rising in his eyes. He tried pulling her away, but she was just too strong for him to budge. Eventually, he managed to trip her to fall. But as clever as she were, she grabbed him, and the two little kids fell onto the sand together-now both their heads covered in the warm sand.

The woman and the man hurried over to the kids at once while the two little ones shared a burst of cheeky laughter. The woman smiled at the sight of them-a smile that melts one's heart. All was fine, and all forgiven.

Was this how that day could've gone? How it should've gone?

The adrenaline rush was over, and she had never felt more intense pain than ever. Her eyes shot open, filled with tears as she screamed in pain; the cries of her suffering filled the ceilings. Her abdomen felt like it was on fire and getting ripped out of her at the same time-it hurt like a gunshot wound.

"Somebody put her under-right now!"

And then-the pain was gone.

❦

Tick... tock... tick... tock...

NORAH FOUND HERSELF lying on the cold floorboards in her room, curled into a ball; still, it was complete, utter silence.

Papers and cards were scattered all over the floor; pens dropped, and the wooden chair turned. She slowly got up after gathering all the materials on the floor; the dream still spiralled in her head.

The clock read 7:14 am.

There was not any spare time for her to think about the dream that she had. She shoved the notes and flashcards in her bag as she quickly got ready to head to the hospital.

Of all days, why today?

A single question repeated in her head as she drove to the hospital. The morning was chilly since it was raining, but she had barely registered the dampness as she stepped into the hospital through the ER. Some fellow interns paced around anxiously with books in their hands as they did their last-minute revision.

"Norah, you look like hell. Did you pull an all-nighter?" Derek asked as he walked past her while heading to the ambulance pit. "Okay...?" he quirked a brow when she did not reply and walked past them. "Something's wrong."

Mark, who was right behind the neurosurgeon, too, had tried to greet her, but she did not spare any of them the briefest glance.

"What makes you think so?" Webber questioned as they stood outside the ER, waiting for the ambulances to arrive.

"She always replies when I say she looks like hell," the neurosurgeon noted. "Something's off..."

"Should I go check on her?" Mark asked with a frown, already reaching to pull off his gloves.

"No," Derek responded almost at once, giving the plastic surgeon a sideways glance.

"Yeah, Shepherd's right," Webber added in agreement, oblivious about the whole situation. "It's probably just nerves. All the interns are looking stressed out today."

Mark merely nodded and remained where he was, though the concern stuck in his head.

❦

CRISTINA WATCHED AS Norah walked towards her and Meredith in the ER hallway; the brunette was not looking like her usual self. Instead of greeting doctors, nurses, and other staff members, she was staring on the floor straight ahead with her eyebrows knitted together and her jaw clenched.

"Why do you look like your neighbour stole all your food?" Cristina questioned, but Norah merely shrugged. "What's wrong with people today?" the former sighed. "Mer has her step-mom's funeral to attend. What about you?"

"A dead mother," Norah dully stated as she lifted her head to the two; Cristina was holding a deck of flashcards in her hands, and Meredith was dressed in black. "Who could've avoided her death if it weren't for me."

When no words came out from the other two interns, Norah sighed and started to walk away. Meredith turned to her best friend, who looked just as confused as she was. "I think she beats me this time... for having a bad day."

❦ ❦ ❦

KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER. Norah reminded herself as she walked into the test room with a handful of pencils in her hand. Not now, not today.

"Please take your seats, doctors, and put all study materials away," the proctor announced, "And write your name in the upper right-hand corner of your answer sheets."

"Okay, if you don't know the answer, choose B," Cristina whispered to them. "It's always B."

Norah took the seat at the back of the test room, right at the corner.

"You may open your test booklets... now."

❦ ❦ ❦

THE INTERNS WERE IN the hallway upstairs after completing their exams, where they watched Meredith, who sat alone in the waiting room. Norah had followed them blindly; her mind was spinning, with the test that she had managed to complete without having the issues in the morning interfere with it.

"It's not like she actually flunked," Izzie tried, "She... she just didn't write anything."

"It's kinda like she actually flunked," Alex deadpanned.

"One guy two years ago, he was on call three nights before his test," George shared, "He slept through the whole thing. He had to repeat his intern year."

The interns grimaced at the information. "She can't repeat her intern year. It's pathetic," Izzie scoffed. "We have to do something. Cristina."

"What?" Cristina turned to look at the blonde who was expecting her to come up with something. "Okay, I don't know," she sighed. "I mean, Meredith and I don't fail things-this is not in my book."

"What about Norah? Why does she look like that?" George asked, frowning at the brunette.

Norah lifted her head to the other interns, who were already staring back at her. "Bad day," she shrugged.

Their pagers went off, and they collectively dropped their heads to the device on their waistbands. "It's Bailey," George stated, "We gotta go."

"We can't just leave her here," Izzie reasoned.

"You got a better idea?"

The interns left Meredith in the waiting room while they went off to look for their resident. They walked up to Bailey in the nurses' station, who immediately gave them orders. "Okay, it's showtime, people," she said, "Yang, you're scrubbing in with Dr Burke. Karev with Dr Montgomery. Lawrence, Dr Sloan requested for you..." Bailey trailed off as she saw the drained look on the intern's face.

Norah was about to drag her legs to move when the resident stopped her. "Never mind that-Stevens, find Dr Sloan," she instructed, "Lawrence, you look like you're about to faint, so go sit down and don't give me an extra patient to take care of."

The intern nodded before raising a brow at Bailey, who had been glancing at the bulletin board very frequently now. "Um... Dr Bailey?" she called out, and the resident turned back to her. "You don't have to keep checking for the Chief Resident post, you know?"

Bailey glared at her. "Lawrence, I want you gone in five before I change my mind."

Norah fled the scene.

❦ ❦ ❦

"ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME an inspirational speech, too?" Meredith asked as Norah plopped down on the seat next to her.

The brunette shook her head. "We are radiating negative energy off each other," she sighed, "Positivity is overrated."

Meredith turned to her. "My dad slapped me in the face and yelled at me to not attend Susan's funeral. What's your negativity?"

"I fell asleep halfway through studying this morning," Norah replied. "Dreamt about the beach."

"What's so bad about the beach?"

"The night my mum smashed her head in, we were supposed to go to the beach," she sighed and rested her head on the back of the couch. "I just need to clear my head."

Meredith shrugged and nodded, not finding her explanation disturbing at all. "So the world hates us, doesn't it?"

"We might've wrecked the entire universe in pieces in our past lives."

"Everything is dark and twisty."

"Hm... Has Cristina written her vows?" Norah queried.

"Of course not," Meredith laughed. "She's Cristina."

❦ ❦ ❦

NORAH, CRISTINA, IZZIE and Meredith gathered around the latter's kitchen for Cristina's bachelorette party. Or at least, it was called one.

They were having margaritas and candies and some more snacks while the bride-to-be groaned in frustration as she lay her head on the kitchen table.

"What the hell am I supposed to do about the stupid vows?" she grumbled.

"You still haven't written anything?"

"Well, it's stupid crap."

"No, it isn't," Izzie disagreed sharply.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?" Cristina questioned. "'I swear to love and cherish you every moment of every day of my life?' I mean, that's not real-I mean, that's not how it works, right?"

"It's just a tradition, I guess," Norah shrugged and took a sip off her drink. "You say it, you mean it, and then..."

"It passes," Meredith finished.

"No, it doesn't. You guys are just used to it. That's all," Izzie shook her head, "You already have it. You have that thing everybody else wants. You can take it for granted. But let me tell you, if you didn't, if you couldn't be with the person that you love, I guarantee that hearing him promise to love you and honor you and cherish you, no matter what, it would be pretty much all you could think about."

The room went quiet for a moment as the four of them stared at each other. "Wait, can you say that again, uh, just slowly?" Cristina requested and reached for the paper; Norah snickered at her.

"You're talking about Denny, right?" Meredith spoke up, and Izzie nodded; the snickering smile got wiped off Norah's face.

Denny-LVAD-Gunshot-Bloody hand-Flashbacks-Cold nights-Sunny beach.

She hated the world more than she hated herself at that very moment while she finished her drink in one go. Oh, how she would kill for some hard stuff right about now.

❦ ❦ ❦

NORAH EXITED THE ELEVATOR on the third floor while she stifled a yawn. The bachelorette party had not ended, but she had to excuse herself before she ended up drowning herself in tequila, which was not the best option as she was going to be Cristina's bridesmaid on her big day.

She took a left turn at the end of the quiet corridor; the carpeted floor looked gloomy under her shoes. Her head perked up, and her eyes narrowed when she approached her apartment.

"Sloan, how long have you been standing there?" she questioned the man standing in front of her apartment door. Gosh, why must he be here at this hour?

"Um... a while. Not too long ago," Mark replied. "Burke's bachelor party was at Joe's."

"Why are you here?"

"You were looking off the whole day, and when I requested for you on my service, I got Stevens instead," he explained hesitantly, "I'm just... worried, Laurie. I kinda just wanted to know whether you're okay, you know?"

"Thanks for the worry, but I'm fine," she gave him a sleepy smile, "You're blocking my door."

He stepped aside to let her unlock the door. "You say that all the time, even when you aren't..."

"Alright. No, I am not fine," she stated with a sigh, "I had a whole flashback which isn't even a flashback this morning, and I just need quiet right now-wow, I never imagined hearing myself saying that..."

He stared at the troubled look on her face, one similar to her breakdown in the stairwell. He had to gulp down his urge to pull her close, even though his chest was stinging with her pain. "I can be uh, silent," he offered instead.

She shook her head with a heavy sigh. "No, your presence is loud-to me." She turned around to face him, the key still in the keyhole. His pair of blue eyes got lost in hers while she drowned in his. "I need to clear my head, Sloan, and I-I can't do that with you here."

"Then talk to me about it. I'm right here."

The only thing she needed right now was a solved solution, but he was a variable that complicated the equation. All she wanted was to clear her mind off her dream, but with his presence, all she could think of was him. The sorrow of her morning and the glee of his appearance-it was messing with her head, big time.

"Why are you here?" she chuckled drily, "Why are you so eager to help me? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

There was a long pause-a brink of silence.

Quietness, just like she wanted-until he took a step closer to her, which made her mind scream and threatened to implode.

"I can't sleep," he admitted.

She swallowed. "That's my line."

"No, I can't sleep-because of you," he stared at her, his tone sincere. She did not know what or how to feel from his confession; the silence greeted her mind once again. "You're stuck in my head, and I... I can't stop thinking about you."

"Mark-"

"No, no. Please don't 'Mark' me right now..." He took another step closer, his gaze never leaving hers. Perhaps it was aided by the alcohol in his system-his eyes finally let out the urge that he had suppressed for a long time.

"Do you know how many times I want to just pin you up against the wall whenever I catch a sight of you?" he spoke, his voice low.

She blinked at his words, feeling her heart hammering against her chest.

"It's infuriating, it's confusing, it..." he shook his head faintly, "It pains me to just stand here right now when all I want to do is run my hands through every single inch of your skin."

Her back hit the door when she took a step backwards; his hand in contact with the side of her neck-the cold touch and the warm surface together in one.

"You have no idea how bad I want you right now, Laurie."

The goosebumps on her skin stood, a coldness running down her neck; the flutter in her chest was near indescribable. She could breathe the scent of him-a mix of cologne and scotch that drove her far from insane.

He bent towards the side of her ear, lingering-his mind debating on whether or not to give in. She could feel him breathing on her neck; she had to clench down her jaws to bite back a groan.

The close distance between them was enough to bounce off whatever tension that existed, which was all of the tension she could ever dream of.

"But... I don't want to ruin the trust and bond we built between us," he sighed and straightened his back, his blue eyes meeting hers again. "Not if you don't want to."

He was expecting an answer; she could tell that-not by the way that he was looking at her, but from his hand that was gently caressing the side of her face. As she leaned into his touch, all battles within her mind seemed to have gone still-the only thing in her mind was him.

The very first thing that crossed her mind was to pull him down by the collar of that leather jacket that looked ridiculously good on him and-

Two pagers went off.