I've created my own mask,
One specific to me.
I don't wear it for your enjoyment,
I wear it out of fear.

Fear that you will see me,
The way I see myself.
Fear you will treat me,
The way I treat myself.

Ask me why I do this,
Ask me why I try,
The answer will vary.
Don't get me wrong,
I don't mean to lie,
Not at all,
I don't mean to hide....
Yes I do.

Because I know how terrible people can be.
Because I know I'm not perfect, I know I'm not a great person,
Where do you think I get that from?
Where do you think I get my thoughts?
I am how you shaped me.
I am what people say I am.
I was broken.

I'm also reasonable.
People didn't do this to me,
I did this to myself.
I let people tell me who I was.
I let people shape me.
For I am a clay ball,
Any dents made can be smoothed,
And fixed,
But then the ball hardens.
And you can't fix the cracks.

I've not hardened.
I am still being shaped.
I will not let you shape me how you want me,
I will shape myself the way I want myself to be.

I want to be brave.
I want to be strong.
I want to be kind.
I want to be selfless.
I want to be independent.
I want to be careful.
I want to be gentle.
I want to be trustworthy.
I want to be helpful.
I want to be honest.
I want to be understanding.
I want to be respectful.

I want to be myself.
I will get there.
I tell myself.
And I will,
Eventually it will pay off,
And I will reach my goal.
I have to realize what I have to change.

I am manipulative.
I am dishonest.
I am sneaky.
I am untrustworthy.

Not anymore.
I tell myself.
No more.
As of this day,
As of this hour,
As of this minute,
No more.

I will change.
But first I need a chance.
I need to apologize.

To those I have wronged.
To those I sent the wrong impression.
To those who see me the way I see myself.

~I'm sorry~
And I hope I can be forgiven.