Wakanda, August 11, 2016

The soft melody of Cheek To Cheek played through the room. Bucky hummed along and bobbed his head in rhythm with the song. He looked up when he heard a strained yawn. 

"You okay?" he asked Natasha, noting the dark circles around her eyes. 

"Tired," she said. "Nothing a cup of strong coffee won't fix." 

"A bed might also work," pointed Bucky out. "How long has it been since you slept?"

Widow scrunched her nose in thought, to which he disapprovingly shook his head. "You're gonna keel over any second if ya keep this up. Go sleep."

"Nice try, Barnes, but you're not getting rid of me that easily. Now, you keep doing your thing, and I'll do mine."

Bucky scoffed and watched Natasha as she picked up another letter. She placed it on a light box, with the writing facing down, and then scanned the back with the tablet Shuri provided. Since they could fairly assume two different pens were used as both Lucas and Evelyn handled the letter, the original writing should still be readable because of the indentation on the paper. The idea was to run the reverse letters on the scan through a processor to flip them right back around, hopefully revealing what Evelyn crossed out. Bucky hoped and prayed with every fiber of his being it would work. Those letters could hold the answer to absolutely everything.

"You know," remarked Natasha then. "I never appreciated this music before, but I have to admit, it's beautiful. There aren't a lot of modern songs like these."

He smiled at her words. The tunes from his childhood and young adult life were indeed timeless. Nothing could compare, in his opinion. It had surprised Bucky when Natasha suggested putting on a playlist of thirties and forties music, but in retrospect, he couldn't have wished for anything else. That lofty music kept down the worst of his migraine somehow and transported him right back to the speakeasy in the red-light district. 

"Glad to see it's working."

"Hm? What is?" Bucky furrowed his brow, unsure of what she was talking about. 

"The music," clarified Natasha. "You're relaxed, despite reading that diary non-stop."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I guess so."

"Any pain?"

"A little, but it's bearable."

Then, as if summoned by magic, the one song that instantly made Bucky's spirit soar and lightened his heart played. At the first piano notes of As Time Goes By, he closed his eyes to listen. The vision of Evelyn underneath the shimmering spotlight appeared before him as her voice overtook the male singer's, reverberating through Bucky. 

"Well, that's interesting." 

His eyes shot open at Widow's sudden comment to find her smirking at him. She was clearly having fun over something, but for the life of him, Bucky couldn't understand why.

"What?" he asked, feeling a tad uncomfortable. 

"You got the most blissful expression on your face the moment this song came up. It reminds you of something, doesn't it? Or should I say, someone?"

He averted, hoping Natasha wouldn't catch his reddening cheeks. Yes, the song reminded him of Evelyn, but what didn't lately? She was everywhere. In the journal before him, in her twin's eyes, in the memories he never believed he would find again... 
Those memories were making everything so much harder, though. Bucky never thought it possible to miss someone as much as he missed Evelyn. She haunted him, prodding underneath the surface to connect the pieces of the puzzle. But even though his fractured mind forgot one of the most important people in life, his body somehow remembered.
His arms ached to hold her for a dance. He yearned to hear her angelic voice, to smell her floral scent, and gaze into her enchanting eyes. But most of all, he longed to vanish in her kiss. The lingering sensation that tingled his lips was all the proof Bucky needed to be certain they must have at the very least kissed again at some point. If only he could remember when.

***

Brooklyn, September 20, 1941

Bucky sat at the private table in the back of the Poppy Lounge, drink in hand. Since Evelyn had introduced him to the band and the owner, Bobby, he'd become an unofficial VIP. In the past two months, he'd spent more time in the speakeasy than at the Atalanta Club, his usual hang-out. In fact, Bucky hadn't been there at all since breaking things off with Bonnie in July. 
His eyes traveled to the reason he was a single man once again. Evelyn stood on the side of the stage talking to one of Miss Lettie's girls. The way her navy-blue off-shoulder swing-dress accentuated her body to perfection gave Bucky flutters. That was happening more and more lately, and not just at the speakeasy, but also at home, at the clinic, at the docks... 
The recurring dreams weren't doing him any favors either. They'd stopped for a while when they were fighting back in May, but after their 'date' on her birthday, not a night had gone by that Evelyn hadn't taken up the lead role in whatever fantasy his mind came up. Bucky got flustered whenever he dared to think about them. If she knew about half the things he dreamed about doing with her, she would kill him for sure. 

God, this is killin' me. What the heck am I still waiting for? I gotta tell her. What's the worst that can happen? She says no, okay, big deal. At least it'll be clear she ain't interested in me, and I can quit pining over her. 

Bucky saw Evelyn disappearing behind the band, taking the shortcut to the bar. He looked down, his resolve to confess to Evelyn melting like the ice in his whiskey.

Who am I kidding? Evelyn can do much better than me. I'm just a docker with a basic education. Of course she'll say no. Heck, she might even laugh at me, thinkin' I'm yankin' her chain or somethin'. 

But it wasn't just the overpowering belief that he wasn't good enough for her that brought Bucky down every time he thought about telling Evelyn the truth. 

We've only just started becoming friends after years of hatin' each other. I don't wanna do anything that'll jeopardize that. If I confess, and she says no, we'll never be able to be near  one another again. And if she does say yes, and we date, but then somethin' happens and we end things... it'll be too awkward for both of us to even be in the same room together. We could go right back to hatin' each other. Evelyn might even... Oh Lord, would she consider moving away to another neighborhood to get away from me? Would Steve go with her then? He said he wouldn't mind me dating Evelyn, but if it comes down to me or her, he's bound to take her side if we end up fighting. I'll lose both of them then.

The thought of never seeing either of the Rogers' twins again wrecked Bucky. He had no choice — he had to keep his feelings for Evelyn to himself for the sake of friendship. That was worth much more to him. 

"James."

Bucky blinked at the sound of the urgent female voice. Evelyn stood at his table, a grave expression on her face. He instantly shimmied out of the booth. 

"What?" he asked, worried. "What happened?" 

"A street girl found a baby boy in a trashcan and brought him to Miss Lettie's," said Evelyn. "I'm goin' over there to check on him. Ya mind comin' with me?"

Bucky didn't have to think twice about that. He snatched his jacket and followed Evelyn out of the underground speakeasy, saying a quick goodbye to Jack and Dodger. They hurried around the back to the brownstone house, up the steps to the kitchen. The moment they entered, Bucky knew it was bad. 
Miss Lettie sat at the table with a little bundle in her arms. If he hadn't seen movement, Bucky would've been sure she was holding a porcelain doll. The baby's skin was far too pale, and the lips were almost blue. His heart broke at the sight. 

"Oh, Evelyn, thank God!" exclaimed the madam. "I was hopin' you were at Bobby's. Sorry for ruining your evening, honey."

"Don't you mind my evening now, Miss Lettie," said Evelyn. "How's my patient doin'?"

"Terribly weak, the poor little thing. I've been trying to warm him up with a blanket, but it doesn't seem like it's doin' anything. Dottie's warming up some of the formula we keep at hand for the street girls."

Bucky glanced at the petite brown-haired girl standing at the stove. He was surprised to find someone so homely looking to be living and working here. 

"Thanks, Dottie, I'll take over. James, take your shirt off."

The women gathered in the kitchen stared at Evelyn when she told Bucky to do that, but he didn't even bat an eye. He'd learned to trust Evelyn whenever it came to women and babies and to never question what she said or asked for. So, he did his best to ignore Miss Lettie and Dottie's wide eyes settling on him and stripped. 

"Um, honey, not that I mind havin' your drop-dead gorgeous friend half-naked in my kitchen, but do you mind explaining why I'm about to have your drop-dead gorgeous friend half-naked in my kitchen?" asked Miss Lettie. 

"Baby needs to warm up fast," Evelyn explained as she washed her hands at the sink. "Ever notice how it's always warmer in a crowded room than in one that's only half-full? That's 'cause of body heat. Men are usually warmer 'cause they got a higher muscle mass than women. Muscles are always active, even when resting, so they always generate heat from the inside. Just think of those immediate moments after havin' sex with a man. They still run hot when we're almost shivering after the rush fades."

Bucky froze, his clothes halting mid-air as he'd meant to throw them over a chair. How the hell did Evelyn know something like that? Had she...? When? And with who?

"Give Baby to James," said Evelyn then, "but lower the blanket around him so there's skin-to-skin contact."

Bucky sat on the chair next to the madam to ease the transfer. He held the baby close, the boy's head and tiny torso against his bare chest. The little one's heart was beating dangerously slow. 

"Here you go, sugar." Miss Lettie draped her shawl over Bucky's shoulders. "Don't wantcha catchin' a cold now."

To his surprise, she and Dottie gave him a peck on the cheek before exiting the kitchen. The music down the hall briefly filled the space as the door opened, but silence returned instantly when it closed again. Bucky recalled how he used to hold Rebecca when she was a baby and gently rocked the boy. He realized then this was the second time in less than a year he held an infant in his arms. Evelyn probably wouldn't make much of it anymore as it was literally her job, and she had to be used to it by now, but to him, it felt strangely wonderful. 

"Ya know any suitable names starting with S?"

Bucky looked up as Evelyn joined him and put a small bowl filled with formula between them. He tilted his head at her question. "What?"

"When we take in foundlings, we name them according to the alphabet," she said. "We're at the letter S now, and I'm a little short on inspiration. We've already had a Steven, Sawyer, and Sylvia."

"Since ya started goin' by alphabet?" 

"No, this year alone."

Bucky did a quick calculation in his head. If he omitted Q, X, and Y for obvious reasons, that left twenty-three letters in the alphabet. If this was the fourth time they hit S since New Year, that gave... eighty seven. In nine months, that meant an average of almost nine abandoned babies per month. Damn... 

"How 'bout Samuel?" he offered, not wanting to linger on that terrible thought. "Or Sammy, for short."

"Yeah." Evelyn smiled. "Yeah, that's a good one."

She dipped her pinkie in the milk and held it against Sammy's mouth. The milk dribbled off the baby's chin, but Bucky could've sworn he felt him wriggle. As if by a miracle, Sammy opened his mouth to take in the milk on the next try. His little lips closed around her finger for a few seconds and then let go. Bucky watched in silent awe as Evelyn continued to feed the baby like this. 

"Looks like we got here just in time," she said. "He's already regaining some color in his complexion. How's his heartbeat?"

"It's still pretty weak," said Bucky. "You wanna take him?"

"No, you keep holdin' him." Evelyn glanced at him. "You, um... You look good with a baby in your arms. It suits you."

He met her gaze. A faint blush appeared on her cheeks as she lowered her eyes again. The sudden shyness took Bucky by surprise. This kind of reaction wasn't something he was used to from Evelyn. She was always so straightforward, but now... 

"You want any?" she suddenly asked, glimpsing up briefly before giving Sammy some more milk. "Kids, I mean."

"I think so," answered Bucky. "If I'm with someone who wants them too, that is. You?"

"No."

That wasn't what he'd expected. If there'd been one thing Bucky had always been sure of about Evelyn Rogers, it was that she would want children. 

"Why not?" he blurted out. "I mean, I always thought, considering you're a midwife —"

"Exactly. I've seen and know too much. And that's all I'll say about it, so can we please either change the topic or sit quietly?"

There she was. That snippy midwife who always had to have the last word. It would've been so easy to argue she'd been the one who asked about having children in the first place, but Bucky kept quiet. Whatever her reason was for shutting the conversation off so bluntly, it was none of his business. He wasn't her boyfriend or husband, and Evelyn was free to make her own choices. Lord knows she was stubborn enough to do whatever she wanted. But that didn't stop him from saying just one last thing.

"For what it's worth, I think you'd be an amazing mother."

Her lips pressed together, clearly marking that as the end of the discussion. Uncomfortable silence fell between them, broken only by weak infantile whimpering. Evelyn tried to get Sammy to eat some more, but he wouldn't. She sighed in defeat.
Bucky checked the baby's heartbeat again by putting two fingers on the little one's chest. It was stronger than before. And Sammy felt warmer, as well. All good signs so far, but Evelyn's grim expression told him the boy wasn't out of the woods yet. 

"Is there anything else we can do?" he wondered aloud.

She opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Miss Lettie barging into the kitchen with an elderly gentleman in tow, who she introduced as Dr. Levy. Evelyn quickly informed the doctor about Baby Samuel and what she'd done so far. Bucky was glad to see the man was impressed by her actions as he nodded approvingly at her.  

"I must commend you for your diligent work, Nurse Rogers," he said. "Exceptional quick thinking of having this young man share his body heat to warm the little one up. Few people would have arrived at such a clever solution. I believe it's best if the baby goes to the hospital now for further treatment. If you can bring him to my car, I'll take him up myself. Has he been named already?"

"Sammy, short for Samuel," said Evelyn.

"Already back at S, unbelievable. All right, let's go."

She took Sammy from Bucky, carefully wrapping him in his blanket, and followed Dr. Levy out. Knowing Evelyn, she would probably go along to the hospital to ensure the baby would be well taken care of. There was no point in him staying any longer. With a grateful smile, Miss Lettie left him alone to redress. But as he put on his undershirt, Bucky heard the door open and close again behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, raising a brow when he saw it was none other than Evelyn.

"What are you doin' back here?" he asked. "Thought ya left with Dr. Levy."

"I was goin' to," she said. "Then I changed my mind."

"Why?" 

Bucky slipped into his brown shirt as Evelyn held it out for him. With a light nudge at his shoulder, she made him turn around. To his astonishment, Evelyn then buttoned up his shirt. His heart raced a hundred miles per beat as he kept still for her. There were only a few inches between them. She looked up. God, those eyes...

"Thank you," said Evelyn quietly. "For helping with Sammy."

"Anytime," Bucky whispered back, lost in her intense gaze. 

Screw it. Now or never.

"Evelyn, I —"

The words never left his lips. What happened next had to be a dream. There was just no way it was real. But with each second that passed, Bucky realized there was no trickery this time. Evelyn Rogers, the woman he was head over heels with, had her body pressed against his, her arms wrapped around his neck... and her lips on his. She was kissing him. And it was heavenly. 

***

HYDRA base - Siberia, June 7, 1946

It came out of nowhere. Evelyn tried to dispel the memory of her kiss with James at Miss Lettie's, but it stubbornly remained front and center in her mind. This was getting ridiculous. She couldn't stop thinking about all the times they spent together and even found herself yearning to relive those fleeting moments. Her dreams were even turning the stolen kisses into more. Much, much more. But that had only happened once. And it'd been once too many.
Still, the lingering memories were making her experience things. Hot flashes, fast heartbeat, cold sweat, shallow breathing... Not to mention what happened whenever she dared to indulge in the memory, even if just for a second. 

"For Pete's sake, get a hold of yourself," she scolded herself as she felt the knot inside her tighten again. 

"Something wrong?"

Evelyn nearly squealed. She'd completely forgotten James was awake right now. "No, nothing," she said. "Just tryin' to come up with an escape plan. My brain isn't really cooperating."

It wasn't a lie. She'd been thinking about a way to get out of the base before that pesky memory intruded on her. Half the guards on the base were gone for the day, escorting Zola to Novosibirsk. Nikolai left with them, claiming to need medical supplies, but Evelyn was certain he was running from her. Things had become extremely awkward between them since she turned down his love. Maybe this day out of the base would do him some good. 
She eyed the single guard at the door. He'd already had three cups of coffee in a little less than two hours. Sooner or later, he'd have to take a break, leaving her alone with James. But without a plan, what could they do? It'd be damn reckless to just leave and have the guard find the room empty. He'd instantly raise the alarm. No, if they wanted to escape, they would need to incapacitate every single person on this floor, as well as the sentries guarding the elevator upstairs. The more people were out, the more chance they had to reach an exit. 

"I'm sorry."

Evelyn looked up at James' muttering. He was grimacing, biting his lip. She caught the haunted look in his eyes before he turned his head away from her.

"Why do you say that?" she asked. 

"This is all my fault," said James. 

"What do you —?" Evelyn's eyes widened when she understood his meaning. "James, no."

"Yes." His voice trembled. "You shouldn't even be here, Blondie. You've risked everything for nothing. Even if we get outta here, I still got a murderer programmed in me. I'm a lost cause and ya know it."

"That's not true!"

Too loud. The guard looked in her direction, wondering what was happening. 

"Извини," said Evelyn, as she gestured to the clipboard on the table. "Я заметила, что Николай ошибся. Я не знаю, что он себе думал."
(Sorry. I just saw Nikolai made a mistake. Don't know what he was thinking.)

The guard nodded at her explanation and then signaled he was stepping away for a bit. Evelyn gave him a reassuring smile that dropped the moment he left the room. About damn time. She sat on James' bed and took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. 

"Now you listen to me, Bucky Barnes. This is not your fault, you hear me? You never asked for any of this to happen, and ya certainly didn't have any control over it. Now, I'm here 'cause I wanna be here. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself knowing you were still alive and I didn't at least try to rescue you. I ain't leavin' you alone for one more minute, and I certainly won't leave this base without ya."

"Evelyn, you can't —"

Evelyn only realized she'd leaned in to capture his words and lips when she felt him stiffen. What the hell? What was she thinking? The guard could come back at any minute. She couldn't let this go on. She couldn't... let it...
But it was no use. Her body had only pushed her to do what she'd been yearning for. She needed it. So, for once, Evelyn threw all caution to the wind and let her heart take over. She kissed James, she kissed Bucky passionately, wanting to taste every bit of him. When he finally kissed back, his body suddenly relaxing underneath her touch, she knew he'd needed it as well. Just like before the war. Before it all went to hell.