Chapter 53

Cruel Words

Stella was the first one to touch the baby, to feed the baby to see her first smile, to see her eyes open for the first time.

The baby was an amusing and amazing blend of the three with hair as dark as Iris, facial features of her handsome father Edwin and strangely and surprisingly she had the eyes of Stella.

Isabelle was blessed with ocean blue eyes like that of Stella.

That was another wonder by God and Stella really felt that Isabelle was meant to be her daughter only with a difference.

Iris remembered her grandma's eyes were blue and Isabelle genetically inherited them from her but she kept quite.

Who was she to have a say at the Lord's decision?

Out of the whole family if heavens had decided to pick Isabelle's eyes like Stella's or her grand ma's she was not the one to judge or comment on it.

For now they were only supposed to give their gratitude to Him who blessed them with a tiny miracle that Iris could call her baby who would have both hers and Edwin's name in her name and she could never thank Stella enough for that.

It was Stella who convinced Iris and provoked her to have a baby and if Iris knew she would be gifted with a baby like Isabella, she would have agreed in an instance.

Isabelle was their sunshine, she was like a dewdrop on the bud, she was like a rainbow that filled their life with colors, she was a candy that filled life with sweetness, she was the strong aroma of happiness.

Their little world, Iris, Edwin and Stella's revolved around the little bundle of joy.

They celebrated everyday.

They celebrated her every first; be it her first bath, her first feed, her first bedwetting, her first turn, her first crawl, the first time that she could sit, her first blabber, the ones that kids mumble with their vocal sacs coah ooh oooch', her first laughter, her first walk, her first action when she raised her hands to reach Edwin.

Yes she and Edwin were very close.

It was his first thing to come home and take Isabelle with him for a walk and then he'd lock himself with her in a room and play with her till she was tired and hungry.

they also celebrated when she uttered her first word. It was Maaaooomm and guess what Stella was the fortunate one who heard it.

Iris was preparing a child food for her when she heard Stella's screaming from outside.

All the worst of the consequences came to her mind; either Stella was unwell and had a pain stroke.

She never had any after Isabelle's birth.

Or something happened to Isabelle.

That very thought scared the shit out of Iris and she rushed to them only to see Stella dancing in circles with Isabelle in her hands lifted in the air.

Iris smiled in relief.

Stella ran to Iris and kissed her again and again with Isabelle in her arm who was trying to reach Iris.

Iris couldn't take her though for her hands were soiled with the kid's stuff that she was preparing.

Stella then hugged Iris telling "Isabelle spoke."

Iris looked at her surprised longing to know more.

"She said maaaoooomm" Stella imitated. "She called me mom Iris. Isabella spoke for the first time. She called me mom." Tears streaming down Stella's face that she couldn't hold for joy overpowered them.

Iris was happy very happy but yes she couldn't help being jealous of Stella who'd shared first all the best of things that Isabelle had done.

Trust the sane Iris!

She was trying.

Iris tried to be happy in whatever circumstances she was offered with.

That was what I, Me and MYSELF who put myself into.

But I am a human. I am married with a no husband.

Don't I deserve to dwell at my own complicated life!

Edwin and Iris shared a room and Stella and Isabelle shared another room.

It was one firm decision taken by Edwin's dad but it did not help at all.

Iris and Edwin were like two strangers staying in one room.

Edwin would stay at a considerable distance from Iris as if she was carrying a huge contagious disease.

He never ever did look at her in the eyes; neither did she have the courage to do so.

Their interactions included only the how and whereabouts of Isabelle and that too he came to Iris only if there was a no way out.

Stella on the other hand still got a loving look from him.

He still looked at her with an undeniable love in his eyes.

He even pecked her once or twice in a day, which was more of a habit to him.

Iris did not mind that or you may say she tried not to mind that.

Iris had accepted her fate but now she was getting restless.

'This relationship, I swear I have no regrets but I think I was a flow of water and it has to stop somewhere the three of us are simply walking to our roads with a destination of nowhere.

With Stella in a stable health condition, the only thing that comes to my mind is I have to move on....'

Iris decided to leave from their lives.

They might feel awkward for a while. They'll hunt for me to the ends but finally they realize that they were two in love and I still did not fit into the picture.

Atleast Stella and Edwin can have the happy ever after.

The thought of leaving Isabelle clenched her heart and her stomach would do some flipping.

She knew that the pain would be unbearable.

But won't it be worth?

Isabelle would soon grow up to a smart child and she would have questions regarding Iris, Edwin and Stella..

Who is her mother?

Why is she staying with us?

Why is her dad always oblivion of her mother's presence??

Maybe Iris was assuming too much but still the fact of gifting a perfect family to her baby needed to be considered and Iris needed to take a call; a big step.

"Iris.." Stella called waving her hands around her face.

"Where are you?" she asked demandingly. If Iris was not wrong she had that verge of anger in her tone as she said "Isabelle is hungry she needs you."

Nothing to worry though, she wasn't angry at Iris. She never is...

She lost her temper because Isabelle was crying of hunger, something that she cannot tolerate. She always got restless whenever Isabelle cried and would do anything to make her laugh.

Iris took a deep sigh and got to her job in feeding Isabelle.

Isabelle played on Iris's laps as she was being fed chunks of food still on her pink lips as she bent to take another spoonful to be fed to her but Isabelle moved forward to give Iris a peck, not a deliberate one because she still didn't know how to kiss.

She was trying to close the distance wanting to feel Iris's closeness, her touch.

She leaned her face nuzzling her mouth on Iris's cheeks covering whole of her face with the baby food and repeated "MOOOOOOOoommmmmm"

Though not clear to what her little baby mouth had mumbled but enough to turn her eyes glassy as Iris hugged her little baby tight kissing her and breaking into sobs hurting her own self with the decision that she'd finally taken for her good and more than that Good for Isabelle....

Everyday Iris woke up with a decision of taking that big step and leaving the house forever but everyday when she looked at Isabelle's charming and innocent face that was filled with love, she'd back up....

I cannot walk out of her life.. she is my life...

It wa an out of the world experience when Isabelle is doing one thing and when you come into the picture; she'd drops everything and get restless only to come to you.

She did the same with Edwin and Stella too but Iris enjoyed her bit.

It is beyond par with anything.

Today Edwin and Stella were having some argument and they stopped immediately as Iris entered the room confirming that it was something related to her.

Later Stella came to explain, "I forced you to sleep with Edwin was only because you and Edwin get attached and baby was the biggest link between you." she held Isabelle in her arms "He has to admit one day that you two are the parents and birth givers of Isabelle and he has to develop or express his feelings to you which he is bound to accept one day."

Iris's stomach fluttered at the words coming from her and she stopped her "You two make good pair Stella and I am glad that you are fine now and I think its time."

"Iris please let me finish" Stella deliberately put her to stop "The only reason I did not let you go for artificial insemination was not pain. I know you are strong enough to take as much pain as it comes into your life but I honestly wanted you and Edwin to be together."
She now choked with her words as tears filled in her eyes "I am so sorry Edwin is being so weird with you. You lost your friend but I promise you, I'll push him to you. I am so sorry Iris"

"Don't be Stella." Iris pressed her palms comfortingly "You have no idea what you have gifted me with; 'Isabelle'" she pinched her rosy nose softly "she is one of the best things of my life. I have no regrets and I do not blame you for anything. I knew the consequences before I went to share beds with him. So please don't apologise." Iris said honestly with that a firm decision taken in her mind.

I am leaving the house to three of you as happy family, a perfect family.'

Iris commanded herself.

''''

'Had I drowned myself into a lake or a sea and water would have entered in my body through my mouth cutting my breathes and choking my life, then spreading to all parts of my body till I reach death, it would have been easier and less painful experience.'

This is exactly how Iris felt as she packed her bags and kept on wondering if death was easier than parting with her little one.

Had I felt the same pain when I lost my mom?

Maybe the answer would be yes but Iris was too absorbed with her duties towards her brother that the impact was less and today when she was voluntarily leaving her daughter, she had no other responsibilities, no other goals or purpose of live.

Will I survive?

It is going to be difficult.

Iris wiped the tears that were worsening the job and her hand rested on the bed stand where she bent to pick one of the pictures of Isabelle that she could worship and beg her everyday to forgive her before she went to sleep for abandoning her when she was so young.

Iris picked the bag and sat on the floor last time, not able to move her legs.

She folded her knees and hid her face behind them crying meticulously as if they would imply some strength that she could finally let go.

Iris cried for a long time before she heard a loud shriek making her rush out of the door.

Within no time she was at Stella's room who was lying on the floor straight, her face reflecting pain and Isabelle in her arms.

Stella looked at Isabelle with concern and as Iris scanned the room.

Iris could judge with Isabelle's crib half fallen and Stella's leap to save her falling from that cot of hers.

Quickly Iris picked Isabelle who was shell shocked at her happening, Stella's pained face doing no good to calm her down.

Lulling her for a second Iris nestled her on the bed and still she sat straight at an instant, fear lined on her face as Stella stayed on the floor with helplessness, small moans of pain escaping her mouth.

Being a healthy baby of almost 11months Isabelle tried to reach Stella.

Stopping her with a stern 'Sit" gesture Iris attended Stella.

Iris tried to lift her off the floor but with the pain she was bearing, lack of cooperation on her part did not help.

"Stella please try." Iris begged.

"Isabelle" Stella asked more concerned about her.

Iris lifted Isabelle from the bed and brought her to her "she's fine, now get up. Please try" Iris shouted loudly.

With the amount of sweat on Stella's forehead on a cold day, Iris knew that wasn't a good sign.

"Martha.. Martha.." she shouted.

Handing Isabelle to Martha Iris tended to nurse Stella who was now semi conscious with her hand pressed to her heart because of the severe pain.

Doing the emergency calls to ambulance Iris tried to reach Edwin who might have cringed by a call from Iris, he hated to talk to her, but once Iris informed him about Stella's ill health, he rushed out of the office and Iris knew he left the phone still on as she could hear rustling noises from the other end.

''''''''''''

Stella's gone! Stella's finally gone! Stella's No More!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO a loud shrilling shriek echoed in the corridors of the hospital room where Stella took her last breath.

Stella did not die of cancer; she had a major heart stroke just like Edwin's mom.

Doctor's concluded with what they picked was Isabelle was falling from the crib, Stella being at distance, there was no hope she could reach on time.

Scared to loose Isabelle or hurt her worst she got a panic attack a major stroke that took her away.

Being on chemotherapy and less resistance power in the body, doctors couldn't do much to revive her heart and like sand in a closed fist, she slipped out of their lives.

Edwin was miserable with the news and the only person who could hold on to him was his dad, Iris was simply a waste.

Isabelle was kept out of it.

Iris knew she missed Stella.

Her inquisitive eyes would search for her every morning she woke up and every night she went to bed.

She missed Stella and mentioned in her own way.

She'd pat her eyebrows that Stella would softly brush lovingly while putting her to sleep.

Her little gestures of looking around watching each one of faces hunting Stella's face was amicably visible in her actions.

Yesterday when Iris took her to Edwin's room when she went to work up with his laundry, Edwin had been in his restroom; she jumped and squealed at Stella's picture on the side table holding her in her arms.

Then the question in Isabelle's eyes said it all.

Iris was too occupied with Isabella and the home maker's job which was completely on her with Edwin locked in his room and Stella gone so Iris was left with limited time to mourn her death.

Still small memories of what Stella said last few days when they were together would touch and go moistening her eyes.

She told Iris one day after putting Isabelle to sleep "I can never thank me enough to gift me with Isabelle." She kissed the baby "Isabelle is like a wonder of the universe."

She'd apologize over and over again for ruining her life "I am so sorry for forcing you to marry Edwin" her eyes glassy "I never thought Edwin would get more than distant from you."

"I am okay" Iris would brush her off.

"I know you are not" she'd said, "I promise once I am gone up in the heaven I'd beg Gods for his change of attitude towards you."

"Please don't say that" Iris begged

"You are like my little sister " she said "I so wis that you had come into Edwin's life before me and that Edwin wont have to go through that much pain"

she dismissed taking her words back immediately "But if that was the case, I wouldn't have had Isabelle in my life" she smiled and cuddled Isabelle "I valued the moments of life when I had Edwin and Isabelle in them." She looked at Isabelle with adorned "I have no grudges against the pain I have to go through as the gain is on a much higher perspective."

Iris tried not to cry before Isabelle but tears sometimes were traitors but what would follow next was out of the world as Isabelle would extend her hand for her to take her and hug her tight as if she could understand the pain and sorrow Iris was going through.

''''''''''

It's been two weeks after Stella's funeral and Edwin had locked himself in the room.

Iris was giving him time to mourn and give his salient time to the death and grieve for the love of his life.

Food and juices were left in his room on daily basis which were rarely touched.

Sometimes Martha would force him to have coffee with some cookies.

Iris on the other hand tried one day but she had to face his wrath as he shouted at her angrily saying, "I hate you. I don't want to see you. If it wasn't you, she'd at least tried to live; to live for me." and started sobbing.

Iris tried to reach him, touch him or hug him, his pain was killing her inside but he stopped her shouting in frustration "Get the hell out of here."

Iris flinched at his outburst, his words piercing her heart but Iris knew he needed time.

Tonight Isabelle was not well, her temperature rising high and her breathing turned erratic.

It was almost midnight and Iris too was unwell with severe stomachache.

Iris wasn't sure if she'd be able to drive safely to the doctor and with Isabelle crying on top of her lungs, her chest seemed to be choked up badly; Iris knew it was quite unsafe driving with a crying and unstable Isabelle.

Iris called the doctor but he insisted her to come over at the hospital and with the passage of time, her pain was worsening.

Isabelle's high-pitched cries and Iris's throbbing pain left her with only one option, she gathered the courage to go to Edwin's room and started knocking his door.

When there was no reply after five attempts, Iris couldn't help barging, her body half bent as the pain was taking over.

"Edwin..." Iris tried to speak loudly but it did not work.

Iris limped with one hand on her abdomen that had excruciated pain and went to the chair where he sat with hands on his face.

Iris tapped his shoulder and he looked up with a smile, which immediately vanished as he saw her, the smile suggested that he was expecting Stella but Iris ignored still holding her stomach and trying to speak.

"Edwin ... Isa,... Isabe..ll.. doctor... hospital." she tried to manage with the words.

He simply stared back at her with his hazels circumvented by red showing that he'd been crying since long.

"EDWIN" Iris tried to yell "IS..ISSAaabelle needs doc..tor.. I pain"

His face showed multiple emotions at a time from shock multiplied by fear added by understanding squared by hurry as he jumped downstairs to crying Isabelle.

He took her in his arms, trying to cradle her but her cries were getting louder and denser like Iris's pain.

Iris passed him car keys and took Isabelle in her arms walking slowly to the car that he sped to the hospital.

Half way through the hospital, the car was clouded by eerie silence.

Isabelle had stopped crying.

Iris wiped the sweat drops on my forehead, gritting her teeth for the pain was beyond her tolerance limit and checked on Isabelle.

Isabelle was unconscious on her car seat. Was she sleeping?

Didn't seem like and with the obsolete pain all Iris felt was negative.

"EDWIIIIINNNN" Iris shouted biting her teeth as if it would help her with the pain "ISA"

He turned behind to see Isa lying unconscious; the worry lines on his face said it all that Isa was not good.

Iris refused to be attended by nurses and followed to the pediatrics ward.

Doctors immediately attended Isa taking her to the observation room.

There were lot of noises and ushering emitted from the room they had taken Isabelle confirming the fact that their baby was not doing well.

Iris tried to struggle herself into the room but was strongly denied.

Isa was taken to the intensive care ward and various tests were conducted

Doctor Simpson was very furious on part of their carelessness as they delayed getting her to the hospital.

Meanwhile Edwin sent doctors to check on Iris's pain which was later diagnosed as stress combined with her lack of appetite especially since Iris was self feeding Isabelle.

Iris was immediately given a painkiller shot and few multivitamin tablets to be consumed orally.

Iris watched Edwin staring at Isabelle from the glass window of the intensive care room as she sat on the metal chairs waiting for her pain to subside so that she could take Isabelle in her arms.

Since her birth whenever Isabelle cried, Iris would breast feed her making her stop crying immediately, now too Iris felt if she could once take her in my arms and feed her, she will be back to her normal healthy self and start smiling and playing like earlier.

"I wish I could simply hold her in my arms" iris murmured.

But doctors were not letting her in.

Edwin tried arguing not comfortable with the fact that Isa was alone in the room but it didn't help.

Edwin looked at Isabelle with glassy eyes and an expression of guilt of not attending her and letting her go through this illness because of his ignorance.

Iris stared at him watching their daughter with painful eyes, pain not for loss of Stella but fear of Isabelle's wellbeing.

After what felt like hours Dr. Simpson, Isabelle's pediatrician came to them and uttered the cruelest words that can be found in any dictionary.

Three words again that made Iris's heart sink to the boots, all the hell fell on them as he uttered those words....

"Isabelle is critical....