Chapter 44

Hurt And Hopes

*Do you know the feeling when your heart is so hurt that you could feel the blood dripping from it?

Edwin was never so confused in his feelings like he was today.

*I want to cry, cry out loud, loud enough to reach the seventh heaven and let there be convulsions occurring there with my scream that they realize that what they are doing to me and my Stella is totally unfair.

*And at other contradictory instance I want to hug Stella, hide her in the couch of my arms and my chest and never let her go. I want to tell her "you are going to be okay. No damn cell cancer can do anything to you.

* I also want to yell at her, shout at her for getting a killer disease not that she took it by choice.

*Another reason of being infuriated with her being hiding it from me. She bloody damn knew, she F##king knew it the day she left to fetch Iris. She should have come to me instead. She had been hiding it from me.

*Gosh!!!!! I want to kick myself, punish myself. Why was I so naïve I should have taken care of her? She was looking pale since few days. I should have known. We should have started the treatment. Even if the chances were rare... but again we would go for it.

* I want to be determined to fight against her disease. I want to be stronger than the one who has designed our destiny.

* I would leave no stone unturned to get her back to fight that demon of infection that is residing in her. F##k she is mine. I won't let anything hurt her.

* I want to f##king kill Alex even for telling me that Stella has that disease. I wish I could do something.

~~~~~~

"Edwin" Stella asked worried "Edwin what are you doing here on the steps?"

Edwin pulled her in his arms as she had bent down.

Even with that uncomfortable position he held her tight extremely tight, never letting her go.

He kissed each and every part of her face possessively.

She gave a slight push, her eyes equally pained "You know it Edwin?" she asked filling her blues with the inseparable liquid.

Edwin nodded and hugged her back; they both ended sobbing.

Edwin pushed her back roughly.

He was losing it.

He was furious.

He was out of control ....

Demon had possessed him.

"Why Stella why?

You didn't trust me?

Why didn't you come to me?

Didn't I deserve to know?

Why were you playing games?" He yelled angrily.

"No... no...NO Edwin." she retaliated, she sobbed.

But Edwin was a wild man.

He knew what he was doing was wrong but he had to fight he had to kill the one who did this to him, to his Stella but again he was helpless and that made him more furious as he stood, leaving Stella on the floor crying bitterly and marched off.

"Edwinnnn.. No.. stop... please..." Stella cried painfully but he hastened his steps never looking back.

Then she shouted in an urgent tone "You GO after him. Stay with Him. He needs you."

Edwin ignored her completely. He rushed out of the house.

He was brain dead at the moment. All his senses had evaporated since Alex informed him about Stella's illness and her limited chances.

'NO!' He shrieked inaudibly.

He sat into the black BMW that was what he was feeling black, sad and lonely.

He kicked the break and punched the steering. Wishing it would answer him back and he could fight to free his emotions out.

But they stood still and he kicked them again and again.

Iris hastened into the passenger seat and stared at him with horror stuck face.

She was actually scared of his outpour.

But again Edwin was negated with the fact that Iris knew about Stella's illness and he didn't and she did not even have the courage to share it with him.

"We should have started her treatment earlier." Edwin mumbled and then shouted "F##king hell you were supposed to be my close friend!"

Iris simply kept mum and let him be.

He drove into the streets ignoring all the speed limits.

He fought against the laws as if they were the reason behind Stella's illness.

Then he happened to pick the empty lanes where he hit the accelerator again angrily.

But he couldn't decipher whether the anger was diverted towards his helplessness or towards the destiny.

The dark street ahead was empty and the engine roared like his lost temper when a young lad in his bicycle sprinted towards them.

Before Edwin could react, he stood right in front of them.

Iris snatched the steering turning it to a sweep left and then stabilizing it.

The boy was safe but terrified as Edwin saw him through the side glass staring at the direction of the road and his bicycle.

All he could see was a bag with a cross sign of medical in his hand.

Edwin pressed the break and took the steering in his control.

It was then he realized Iris was shouting "STOP Edwin stop EEDDDwwwinnn.

When the car came to a complete halt she went out of the car, Edwin saw her breathing erratically as she left the passenger seat.

Edwin chuckled. 'She left scared. Life is so important to people but for me it's nothing,'

Without Stella life was nothing for him. It would be like universe without sun and moon.

Soon Iris was back, she opened the door of the driving seat and pulled him out.

Vulnerable that Edwin was, he followed her and moved out of the car.

Next moment he was in her arms crying bitterly.

He held her lean body tightly, tight enough to hurt her but she stood still saying "Let it out Edwin. Let it out. I am so sorry Edwin"

After what felt like eternity Edwin loosened his grip from her and looked at her dark eyes which were equally red and wet with pain.

"I am sorry.... I..... wish I had an eraser that could rub all your pain away." she sighed angrily.

There was a huge broken tree on the side of the road and both of them settled there.

She held his hand in hers and carrying a concerned look she said "I am sorry." and looked away trying to swallow her tears.

"Don't be. HE should be sorry" Edwin said looking upwards at the dark sky.

"Edwin don't please. You need to have faith." She leaned closer wiping her tears with her full sleeved red shirt.

"Faith on whom?" he asked frustrated.

"You are giving up on her before trying." She snarled angrily.

"Trying?" Edwin asked perplexed.

"Yes.. you have to try for her treatment. You have to convince her. She is completely in denial." She explained.

"These few days" Edwin hiccupped "Stella is getting closer to you than me.

"I know you are going through lot." She pressed both his hands looking directly into his eyes. She had to lift her face to maintain the height.

"You love her a lot. But now you have to be her strength not weakness. You tried to run but what did you get into?"

Edwin simply shrugged not knowing the answer.

"You were on the verge of taking another life" she answered for him earning a furious glare.

"Don't give me that looks. We both know, mistake of fraction of second and there would have been another blunder." She said boldly "An innocent child might have lost his life, a family might have lost his son a sister might have lost..."

Edwin put my face into the cup of his hands wondering about his senseless behavior.

"I am sorry," he murmured.

"Don't be and please forgive yourself. None of this is your fault." She tried to convince him, genuineness reflecting in her eyes.

He pulled her in for a hug, "two years later also you are the same Iris who would care for other and has magical powers in her words."

Iris hugged him back "it's going be alright."

"Iris I don't know what to do. I love her too damn much to loose her." he choked.

"I know" she gave a pained expression "But you are neglecting one thing...Hope" she dictated.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Stella.. she loves you so much and now." Iris took a deep breath as if the words were taking a lot of effort to emit from her mouth but still continued.

Edwin looked at her encouragingly to let her continue her speech

"Now when she is in such a lot of pain not only mentally but physically too, all she is concerned about is you and your pain. She wants you happy Edwin. That is her only life line and...." Iris paused looking at him expectantly.

"And now it is my sole responsibility to provide her whatever she needs in life." Edwin finished.

"Yes and the top most priority being to be with her. GO to her. She needs you the most now." she explained.

Edwin stood up fiddling with the car keys ready to leave with a determination in his heart and brain with a new hope... a new faith..

'Remember Edwin" Iris stopped "You are the one who wear pants in the family and you have to be stronger with her even during fragile moments."

Edwin nodded his head in understanding.

"I love you Iris" Edwin said casually not knowing what effects his words had on her "and I am thankful to HIM yes him; whom I was angry with moments ago to have blessed me with you as a friend and thank Him once more for giving me love of my life Stella and I'll do all possible things to get her healthy back."

Edwin drove the car in perfect silence with both of us completely aware what was running in their thoughts.

Iris's biggest fear being Stella alone at home and Edwin

"I don't even know if I can count the number of fears that I have." H emutterd after moments of obsolete silence "It is like my body was on autopilot doing things that I am not commanding my brain to."

"I understand Edwin" Iris pressed his palm.

"Only if this disease was a burglar like Brent, I swear to god" Edwin hit the steering once again "I would have taken a sword and passed through his neck or I would have taken a revolver and shot right through his head.

But how do I kill this enemy of ours?"

"Be strong for her" Iris shrugged,a tiny drop of tear staining her cheeks

Before he could park the car Iris rushed out of her seat.

Edwin thought she was running towards Stella.

But instead, "Go, I'll park" she said dragging him out.

He sprinted to Stella who was still seated at the steps with her eyes red.

Seeing him relief surged through her eyes and she jumped into his arms kissing me hard.

Edwin did not return her kiss. He simply hugged her and rubbed her back in circles.

"I love you... I love yo...." She repeated n' number of times.

Edwin stayed muted listening to her, listened to her heartbeats, feeling the warmth of her body, inhaling her scent, holding her tight.

Stella looked at him worried "you okay?"

He simply nodded and hugged her back.

"I am only worried about you." Stella whispered.

"I am going to be okay and so would you. I promise" he said and hugged her again.

Either of them wished the time to stay still and they be together forever.

"Iris where is Iris?" Stella jerked aside and asked in despair.

"Don't worry she was with me all the while." Edwin comforted her removing her wet lock due to all her crying behind her ears.

"But Edwin... that was long ago. It's been more than a hour....." she scanned the surrounding worrying.

'Really it's been an hour?' Edwin asked shocked "Hell! Where is she? I did not see her passing us too."

"I'll see her at the garage" saying Stella rushed to the garage where Iris was supposed to park.

Iris stood seated behind the steering of black car with droplets of sweat on her forehead, thinking deep looking at the small statue of happy man without blinking her eye.

"Iris what are you doing in here. We were so worried? Why didn't you come inside?" Stella showered her with questions. She had gone hyper tensed with her absence.

"I...I ..." Iris stuttered "I just wanted to give you two some private time" she swallowed her tear and escaped in the house.

'''''''''

Iris really had no idea when would she be able to absorb the fact about what she was there for?

With Edwin visiting all the internet sites and approaching all the doctors, Iris was affirmative he would find a way out of Stella's illness and if he does so Iris was going to be the happiest person alive on this earth.

What else would a person want other than to know that love of your life is happy in his own life?

It breaks her heart into minutest of pieces every time she sees him cry and he does cry very often.

He hides his tears either excusing for washroom or turning around pretending to read a text from his mobile or simply checking the weather out of the window. Throwing his fork down and then bending to pick it up using that time to wipe off his tears.

Iris knew very well all these are pretends when he could not control his pain for Stella.

She does try to press his palm or rub his back, a bit of effort on her part to assure him that everything will be alright.

He was doing a tremendous task of handling Stella so well, her appointments, medications, daily walk and her emotional freak-outs.

Either he is fixing appointments for the specialists about Stella's diseases or he is surfing net to find the advancements in the field by doctors all over the world.

He did locate one of the Chinese medicines that guarantee cure for the diseases but being banned by the government, he could not import them here.

And Stella has sternly denied going out of the States for her treatment.

Iris had a hunch of the reason why...

Iris some times wonder what was hurting her more innocent Stella going through all the pain or the pain that Edwin was suffering.

Her secretary was also giving her tough time. She wanted her to return to work.

Iris assumed she had her commission fixed up if Iris agreed for an assignment otherwise she wouldn't bother to force her into anything.

Another disturbing chapter of her life was Aaron. He'd been acting so desperately that she doubted that he may show up At Edwin's any moment.

Edwin was going through tough errands to maintain the secrecy of her my presence in the home town.

She wondered if Aaron had the capability to keep the paparazzi at bay.

She hope he understood and left her alone.

Though he had been a wonderful companion and trustworthy friend all these years at the Hollywood but along with other issues of life to deal with, an additional flirtatious boyfriend was again a difficult bargain.

Iris's mobile buzzed again to remind her of another important matter to be dealt with.

She wondered what these US securities have to do with her.

And they consider the matter of ultimate importance and have categorized it under "urgent" in their terms.

So today when Edwin was taking Stella for an important appointment with a specialist, Iris could not join them as Mr. Clark from the highest authority of security department had set up a meeting with me.

All her pleadings and request to delay the meeting till they got an assured line of treatment to be followed by Stella was firmly denied by the departments under the orders by the president chief.

"Good evening Miss." Mr. Clark greeted. It was strange watching a person of such high designation getting so conscious. While his uniform oozed his strong and vivid personality and his two gunmen with huge guns standing outside the house in an alert mode, he seemed to be an intimidating strict officer

'Good evening Sir' Iris replied his greetings politely.

"How can I help you sir?" Iris asked, with reference to his appellations, if he was here that was something very important.

"Ma'am I hope what I share with you stays within the boundaries of this room." He said in his most professional tone but checking before that the meeting was exclusively between Iris and him.

Even Edwin was not informed, neither was he in position to be informed. He was too much stressed with Stella's work. He could barely attend his office too.

"I would prefer my visit to this place so would our meeting be equally confidential. I expect your cooperation regarding the same too." Iris mentioned.

Whatever Iris was there for, she couldn't risk it for others to know that she was residing here.

It would only add to the lingering list of worries of Edwin and Stella.

"No it is actually good that nobody knows where you are. They are like crazy ...." Mr. Clark paused.

"Sorry sir, I am not getting you." Iris said confused.

"Actually we have the information from our highly qualified and responsible resources that.... That... you have a threat..." he stated in his most professional tone.

"Threat?" Iris asked shocked. 'Why would any body need to threaten me?'

"Yes we have heard that they are looking for you. Your life seems to be in danger?" Mr. Clark clarified.

"But why and who would want me dead. I have no grudges against any body. I had a clear back ground." Iris stated omitting Mr. Brater from Italy and Brent was long before gone.

With Brater it was just one meet and he seemed to be a reputed citizen of his country, he wouldn't turn so low to take that risk.

Iris slipped that thought aside.

"We are still working on the details and will let you know." He said convincingly.

"What do I have to do in all this?" Iris asked, his visit was not only subjected to passing on information, "I am sure there's an add on to it."

"Ma'am your safety is our topmost priority and a matter of national diligence. After all you are the brand ambassador of the country." He said smiling proudly enjoying the opportunity of being met with her.

"You are a National celebrity and any lapse in your security would be a direct attack to the Central head of our country." He added.

"Okay. I understand. I'll be careful." Iris stated easily.

"Ma'am this not that casual a matter. We have to be extremely careful and for that government has approved an official who'll serve as a full time body guard to you." He explained.

Full time bodyguard! No!

"Sorry sir I cannot accept this. I am anyways not disclosing as yet that I am here. So you need not bother about my safety. I'll be responsible for my security."

"You did not comprehend well ma'am." Mr. Clark nodded his head "They are big. They are bad; they are evil and have stronger influences than you can think of. Even worst than the last time kidnapping which you escaped before being a Hollywood star." His sincerity depicted both in his words and his accent.

"You seem to know a lot about me?" Iris asked skeptically "but I am not interested."

"It is not a matter of your choice ma'am" Mr. Clark shifted uncomfortably. "It is matter of National security and the guard has been appointed by the government highest official which you and I do not have any call about."

Iris listened to him in silence, an added complication in her already complicated life and how would she explain it to Edwin.

He was already disheveled with his own problems.

"Ma'am I can assure you with the skills of your guard. You need not worry about it. He is the best among our credentials and our team trusts his abilities to the fullest. He'll be here in no time." Mr. Clark said shifting in his place.

He probably expected Iris to freak over all this and readily accept the whole body guard thing but her denial was making him uncomfortable.

"We need your cooperation ma'am" he requested

"I want to...' I was interrupted with a beep on Mr. Clark's phone.

"Ma'am" Mr. Clark hesitated.

"You can call me Iris please."

"Well than Iris your guard is here." He said

"Here?" Iris scanned the room.

"At the entrance. He'll be reporting to you in no time." He said looking at the door where he himself entered the house with his huge height and broad biceps and confident personality.

"There he is." He said proudly.

A very charming tall, young officer dressed in his blue stiff uniform, few medals hanging on his shoulder, hair military cut, too short but still attractive enough to drool and his broad shoulders and sculpted abdomen, shouting the efforts that he put in to gain what he was carrying with him. The aura of confidence that he carried described that he is done quite a successful jobs to be where he is today.

"Good evening Sir.' He shouted greeting to Mr. Clark in his official stance and accent.

He then turned to meet Iris and she stood still watching him with her mouth hanging open

"YOU.........