Chapter Twenty Five

P E A C E

Sunday, July 19th

Waking up beside Jack, still softly snoring, with his arms wrapped round me isn't something I could have predict twenty four hours earlier, or at any point really between our first time together and now, but it feels right.

Leading him in a sleepy daze to my bed in the dark, the sofa much too small for the both of us, is a decision I don't regret. And I think that is a first.

Because crawling under the sheets to nestle against him, his skin so warm and comforting, chest bare and boxers loose round his hips as I pushed my back against him didn't feel shameful or wrong. And unlike all the other times his hands only wandered to tilt my chin, to kiss me with an intensity that I haven't been able to shake off. It still burns as my eyes adjust to the bright light spilling in through the gap in my badly hung curtains.

The lingering sensation of his lips against my neck and cheeks. Kisses that are etched all over my collarbones, and in my memory. Ones I don't think I'll ever forget.

Luckily I get to re-live them as he gently stirs beside me. His head lifting off the pillow, hair wonderfully messy. Rubbing his nose against mine as I come closer he smiles sleepily and brushes my cheek.

"Morning Jem."

I echo back his whisper. "Morning."

"How you feeling?"

"Better. Thank you." There might still be mascara smudged round my eyes, and all over my hands but I feel calmer. More in control. Like a fogs been lifted.

"Well that's good to hear and I'm glad. A decent nights sleep always works a treat."

Jack stretches out and carefully untangles his arms from my waist. Rising up to swing his feet off the bed. Treating me to a pretty wonderful view, the muscles in his back tightening as he reaches his hands behind his head. A big yawn follows.

"Did you sleep okay?" I ask, aware that there's a big dip in the mattress where a couple of the wooden bed slates have broken. "I know this probably isn't what you had in mind. Staying over."

"I slept just fine. Don't stress," he replies with a grin, turning back to face me. His fingertips finding mine under the covers. I don't want to let go through I know that it's inevitable because he's probably got somewhere better to be than here, in my messy broken bed. Warm light pouring in, a beautiful sunshine filled Sunday waiting to be seized.

"You want a shower, before you go?"

Jack frowns which changes into a smirk as his lips curl up. "Where am I supposed to be going?"

"I dunno, just thought you've probably got plans," I mumble. "Stuff to do. It is almost midday."

"Not really. Unless you do?"

"Nope."

Coming to rest again beside me, he kisses my hand. "Guess that's settled then. A lazy day it is."

"In bed?"

"If that's would you'd like."

I mentally run through all the wild things that could happen should we never leave the fortress of bed sheets. And I like the outcome of every single one. Though my tummy is rumbling. Begging for some coffee. Maybe a bacon sandwich.

"Maybe some breakfast first...? But after that I'd very much like to crawl back into bed," I grin, enjoying how it feels to lazily run my hand up and down his chest. Tracing the outlines of light sunshine induced freckles and already faded tattoos that are now not so offensive but actually quite endearing.

"You want me to rustle us up something?" Jack replies nodding towards the kitchen.

"Trust me, there is never anything in the fridge. Maybe some gone off milk or beer, if you fancy having a liquid breakfast."

"Well that puts a bit of a spanner in the works doesn't it?" his grin is infectious. "Suppose we're gonna have to venture out in order to get you a proper bacon sarnie."

Nudging his arm with my head, I smile. "How did you know that's what I want? Are you a mind reader now?"

"It's a Sunday Jem. How could you not have a sarnie for breakfast?" he laughs. "Though it all depends what sauce you have with it. That's crucial. Don't let me down now..."

"Ketchup. Obviously."

Resting his forehead against mine, he softly runs a finger across my jaw, gently biting down on my bottom lip, his curled up in a grin until my mouth begs for more. "Obviously."

Who would have thought talk of condiments could be so sexy, I think as I set my hands free to wander like they do best. To run through his hair, along his grown out stubble and round his big strong arms. Down again to the curve of his hips.

I waste little time in taking off the t-shirt I'd slept in, not caring that my misjudged throw knocks over a bottle of perfume on top of my dresser. The crash of it landing with a loud thud can't deter such an attraction, one that's much to great to ignore for any longer.

Not worrying about anything but just living in the moment and to make something new.

I am much too energised from a peaceful, much needed slumber. Pangs of desire overriding the need to eat or drink or leave such a sanctuary of warm, deep kisses and pleasure.

Jack running his tongue below my ear in small circles. Creating so many explicit thoughts that I know he's all too wonderfully capable of. And I love how he's able to explore my body and make it feel different every time yet still always so satisfying.

Without any hesitation I run my fingers eagerly over his boxers and the hard outline it barley conceals that still surprises and leaves me feeling completely flustered with anticipation.

And as they grip the elastic of his boxers to pull down Jack catches them and presses pause. "I thought you were hungry?"

Sliding down to lock my lips to the warmth of his neck, I whisper against his skin.

"I am. But breakfast can wait."

*** *** ***

As the hot water pipes continue to work overtime and I hear the shower door slide shut, Jack making the most of a much needed shower, I sink low in bed. Reaching out my arm so I can rummage through the pockets of his trousers until I find just what I'm looking for.

In the kitchen with the small window pane pulled right up, I sit on the counter, knees tight together. Toes dangling over the sink and I rest arm against the chipped wooden frame, light up and delicately blowing out tiny rings of smoke. Just like I used to. Enjoying the rush to the head and how it compliments the pleasures of the past hour. One I'm still leisurely recovering from. Baggy t-shirt and knickers now back on instead of round my ankles.

Legs with some balance back in them though my mind is still blown to pieces. Breathing out menthol smoke spirals, balancing the cigarette between my lips, as the extractor fan churns and I patiently wait for the kitchen door to crack open.

Which it does as Jack strides in, a pale blue towel wrapped tight round his waist. A sight I don't I believe I could ever get bored of. Tiny droplets of water still clinging to his chest, on the tops of his broad shoulders. Hair dark and wet.

"Quick," I nod. "Shut the door."

"What on earth are you doing?" he asks, eyes wide. Hand wafting away stray trails of smoke.

I grin, before taking a long drag. "Just relaxing. Recouping. Getting back some of my spent energy."

Jack shakes his head though he's smiling. "Right..."

"What can I say you're a bad influence."

"Nah. Don't start all that Jem. This ain't nothing to do with me," he jokes. "It's not polite to go snooping you know, or take peoples things without asking."

Pouting a little, I offer it out. The middle half already burning fast. "You want some?"

"I think you're the bad influence here," he chuckles, placing his hands down on the counter to hoist himself up. Legs too long to bend up like mine. Both of us either side of the sink, against the window. Sunlight streaming in. Grinning like idiots.

As I take my last drag I breath out and fill my lungs with cool air before passing it over. "You should quit you know."

"Says the women with a cigarette in her mouth..."

"Okay sure, ignoring my momentary hypocritical blip, but I really think you should. It's no fun kissing a smoker," I tease, though it's the opposite. Kissing him. Regardless.

Jack leans in as smoke dances from my lips, and he nibbles them softly as the last of it escapes. "Hmmm, actually yeah maybe you're right."

"Oi, cheeky!"

"Truth be told that was my last pack from duty free."

"So this will be your last one then...? Us having it together..." I drawl, eyes wide.

He sighs deeply though his cheeky smile remains. "And just what do you get out of this?"

I shrug.

"Concerned about my health now are we?"

"Maybe."

"And this would make you happy? Worry less huh?"

"Yup."

Taking the last drag, Jack runs the butt under the tap and leans back against the peeling paint wall. "Alright. I will. For you."

"One day you'll thank me," I smirk. "When you get to enjoy a few extra years of life."

"My bloody hero." Jack mockingly rolls his eyes before jumping down off the counter to take the packet I've left out by the cooker. He pauses and lifts open the lid. Snaps all the ends in one go and tosses them into the bin that's overflowing. The little camel coloured filters dropping to the bottom. Lost forever. Soggy too as I join him, to pour the remains of my coffee over for good measure.

"Done. Happy now?"

"At some point that won't feel like the worst thing in the world."

Standing back to tighten his towel Jack cocks his head to the side."And just what am I gonna do if I get any sudden cravings?"

Rising up to my toes I nudge the ball of his nose to mine, arms wrapped round to rest on his head, fingers threaded through wet, raspberry scented hair. "This."

I plant a long lingering kiss as his mouth gasps unexpectedly. I've yet to shower but I feel like there's no need. His body pressed against mine, soaking my t-shirt and the fabric of my knickers.

"I'm entitled to that every time am I?"

"Uh huh." I plant another kiss. "Much better for your health."

"I dunno about that... Feels like you'll probably give me a bloody heart attack if you surprise me like that each time. I won't be able to walk around in public, you know that Jem? Look what you've done..." Jack chuckles, as we both slowly peer down. The front of his towel lifted like a tent.

"Oh... wow...blimey."

"Yeah. I think you'll have to keep it a little more PC if we do venture out."

"But how can I? You make it very difficult to behave," I run my hand back through his hair. Head titled up to really drink in just how ridiculously handsome he is right now. And the second before that. And all the many before those. I want to tell him, just what it's like to be me, staring up. His arms loose round my back but I know nothing I say can do him any justice.

"Trust me Jem. You make it a lot harder."

I'm laughing, arching my back out as he holds on. "Why'd you always call me Jem?"

"That's your name isn't it?"

"Well half of it, yes."

Jack pushes out his bottom lip, eyebrow raised. "I dunno. Feels, sounds right. You just suit it. You're a Jem."

My heart lifts. Like how it feels to drive fast over a bridge. Almost weightless and filled with nerves and adrenaline. Dizzy excitement. Feeling like you never want to touch the ground again.

He does that. From nought to sixty in a few simple words.

I think this is it. Why people write songs and books and poems and act so smug all the time. Why so many want to wrap themselves up in promises of forevers.

"So you still hungry?" Jack asks as I continue to grin wide. "For actual food."

"I am. I could eat."

"Well breakfast has kinda passed. More like lunch now but sure we could find you a bacon sarnie if that's what you're still after."

"I really don't mind."

Following me out the door, closing it again to trap any lingering second hand smoke, he picks up his trousers from off my bedroom carpet and tries to put them on under the towel with little success.

"I can turn away if you want," I chuckle. "Though it's nothing I haven't seen before. At least not since an hour ago."

"Just trying to be a gentleman. Protect my modesty too." Jack tosses the damp towel over as he swiftly pulls up from the waistband, zipping up his fly just as quick.

"But I don't mind. There's probably not much point even putting them on you know..."

Coming back to ruffle his hair against the towel that I'm playfully trying to withhold, he sighs and eventually gives up. "You drive me absolutely nuts. I hope you know that. Like I said before, the effect you have is just... I dunno..."

I love how his dimples appear as he pauses to contemplate just how to express himself properly.

"...you're a lot bloody worse than cigarettes that's for sure. Kicking one addiction. Trading it for another."

As I pull his arms forward, his body above mine, hands gently pinning mine down on the bed, I tease him with light kisses.

"You're getting distracted again..." Jack quietly laughs.

"But you're the good kind."

"Is that so?"

"We could just never leave here," I whisper, sheets tangled round us both. "Press repeat again... waste away in bed."

Dodging my kisses, turning the tables teasingly he shrugs. "There's definitely worse ways to go."

Wrapping my legs round his back. Ready. Willing. Wanting to feel him I ask if he feels the same.

"I mean, do you think you're ready.... do you want to....?" I slowly whisper.

"Jem, I can be less than a foot away or over a hundred. It doesn't matter. Thinking of you. Being with you. Always has the same outcome. I get this feeling. "

I'm expecting him to dip my hand below his waist, to show me just what he means. But he doesn't. Instead Jack gently brings it to rest against the hardness of his chest. Beating so very fast as he locks his fingertips round mine. Emerald eyes catching the bright sunlight. Burying into mine.

And finally I see what's always been right in front of me. A rare diamond in the rough that I've been so neglectful and conflicted to fully uncover. Fearful that it might not shine as bright as my hopes.

But he does. I've just not been looking closely enough.

But now I finally am.

Closer and more clearly than ever before.

. . .