YMMD // 17
☁️☀️☁️

a few days after jihoon's confession, the two boys started to spend more time together. soonyoung moved back in with jihoon, and chan felt so relieved that he wasn't going to get killed by his hyung.

jihoon is always there to watch over soonyoung to make sure he's doing well, and that he doesn't go overboard with studying. sometimes, he would make coffee for him, remind him to take a break and let him sleep early. although they're not officially together yet, soonyoung feels more alive compared to before.

soonyoung finds himself with jihoon at the sinchon bus terminal, bus number 3000. the boy held onto his hand as they walked to their seats where they kind of argued about who gets to sit on the place near the window, just like the old times. they had to play a quick round of rocks papers and scissors to know. and in the end, soonyoung won.

the bus started to make its way to ganghwado, where jihoon wanted to go. soonyoung doesn't understand all the hype, but he agrees anyway. ganghwado was a half north-west of seoul, and jihoon felt so excited once they reached the place.

"you see that mountain, soonyoung?" he points "we're going there!"

"i feel lazy, i don't want to," soonyoung pouts, then jihoon rolls his eyes

"okay then i'll leave you-"

"carry me," soonyoung smiles, opening his arms

"you're such a big baby!" jihoon laughs "that's so high, i can't carry you all the way up there, we're both going to die, soonyoung."

"it's okay, i'd die with you."

jihoon chuckles at the reply and grabs soonyoung's hand, dragging him all the way to the staircase leading to the top of manisan. soonyoung's constant whining as they walk, surprisingly, didn't annoy jihoon at all. he thinks it's adorable. "soonyoung, shut the fuck up or i'll throw you back down there," he jokes

the boy giggles, "you can't do that, you love me."

jihoon remains silent and tries to hide his smile while soonyoung teases him for blushing. "ah, you're so annoying, just keep walking," jihoon chuckles. the moment they reach the peak, he takes a deep breath as he hugs himself warm. he sees a few people there, taking pictures and walking around. soonyoung excitedly runs to the edge with a huge smile on his face. the landscape looks breathtaking.

"hey," jihoon calls, sitting next to soonyoung on the picnic cloth they brought, "i wanted to take you here to let your painful emotions out, or just set yourself free from everything that holds you down. i want you to say it all here, and leave it just like that, never having to think about it again."

soonyoung's mouth falls open, "b-but why?"

the younger boy gives his hand a tight squeeze, "soonyoung, i know you've been through a lot of shit. and i'm one of the people who made you go through it. before you swear to love me until death, i want you to let go of the negativity first. and love and accept yourself."

soonyoung doesn't know what to do. he feels the familiar weight in his chest again, but this time, he doesn't want to let it take over. jihoon is right, he needs to be free. and he wants to start with his father.

the boy looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath, "dad....i don't even know what to call you anymore. but hey, i can't exactly tell you how you should behave since you're supposed to be the grown up and i'm just a what? a pretty boy, you say? a wimp? but in this state, i know that i am more of a fucking human than you could ever be."

"you don't have the right to hurt me. what is it to you if i'm gay? does that hurt your pride so much?" he asks, holding back the tears. jihoon runs his hand down the boy's back as he starts to speak again, "everyone has told me that i would grow up to be like you, and i believed them, until i found myself. until i found jihoon. i'm telling you, you will not touch me anymore with your words and heavy hands. and look, i have found someone to be with me. he will love me more than you ever did for my entire life. and i will break my own hands first before laying a finger on him. you're a terrible excuse for a human being, and i swear i would never want to be like you."

he breaks down in tears and jihoon hugs him. and flinches when jihoon leaves a kiss on the top of his head, "j-jihoon, we're in public. people are gonna see." jihoon furrows his brows.

"so what? people will never run out of things to say, but should you care? i love you and that's what matters here so i don't care if they judge us. i'll kiss you when i want to. i love you, okay?" the boy replies, "society will never learn to accept. and no matter what happens, i'll choose to stay with you."

soonyoung nods, muffled sobs wracking against his chest. jihoon sighs, not knowing what to do next, "okay maybe this was a bad idea, soonie, i'm sorry."

soonyoung disagrees, and continues to pour all the hatred out until there was nothing left inside his heart. jihoon listened all throughout, and was there whenever soonyoung needed a hand to hold. the latter felt so much better with the last painful emotion slamming against him before he lost all the feeling of grief.

"look at the sky," jihoon smiles as he lays down to rest his head on soonyoung's lap, "the sun, isn't it pretty?"

"yeah, and you know what? i love you more than it shines," soonyoung mutters "your love has always been as beautiful as a remembered single line in a perfect poetry." jihoon blushes when the boy plants a kiss on the tip of his nose. then they rest in silence. there was nothing soonyoung loved more than a summer day when he could just be with jihoon, letting the wind blow past them and the sunlight bathe their skin.

"i love you too, soonyoung. so so much."

soonyoung gently brushes jihoon's hair with his fingers, making him sleepy, like a silent lullaby of the sun discreetly blowing his mind out of consciousness. a few minutes after jihoon had drifted to sleep, soonyoung reaches for his journal and sketches the boy.

the sun was out for a while
and i wandered all the way back
to the other half of the same whole
until i'm back in your arms.
love, the sun is now here
so lay your head on my lap
know that the day is longer than the night
and i will love you until the last sunrise
-k.s.y,

"hmm soonyoungie," jihoon hums when he realized that soonyoung stopped brushing his hair. the latter chuckles at the cuteness and gives the boy a quick kiss on his lips. jihoon opens his eyes and smiles. he wouldn't mind waking up to soonyoung's face everyday. his silenced expressions, soft lips and good morning whispers.

"soonie," jihoon calls again

"hm?"

"you know it's still early in the morning, but you already made my day."

"so am i your boyfriend now?" soonyoung asks, making jihoon giggle as he plays with the boy's face, "can you be my boyfriend, jihoon?"

"yes, i'm all yours."

soonyoung bends down to leave kisses all over jihoon's face as he laughs. then he gives him a sweet, passionate one on his lips. he never felt this happy before. sure, it hurt to fling himself off the cliff, to chase the sun without knowing how deep the ravine is. but all the pain was worth it. maybe soonyoung was right all along. it does feel better to have been burned by the sun than to have never flown at all.

_________________________

congratulations if you made it here
anyway, this was like a parallel universe to
"sun & satellites" that's why it had some same
shit esp the description ha-ha i tried ok

the poems sucked im sorry i haven't written poems
for decades

i hate promoting but hey feel free to check out my other soonhoon books:
sun & satellites // fluff
rêverie // fluff
moon & asteroids // idk what genre this is
love.net 1996 // idk too HHHH
caratland // interactive visual story btw + fluff

you made my dream // angst (STILL WRITING!)

thank you for reading!! òwó i love u ❤️

-jiro