YMMD // 15
☁️☀️☁️

seungcheol got all the fame he wanted. everyone is talking about him and jihoon, how their performance was simply one of the bests. some are even asking to take pictures with him and it makes him feel even more famous than before. he's more than just a pretty face now that everybody else knows his talent.

"seungcheol!" jihoon comes. seungcheol hears the familiar voice, rolls his eyes before turning to look. jihoon is crying in front of him. ugh, he doesn't want to deal with another wimp now. he's done with jihoon, it's all that.

he tries to sound worried, "what's wrong?"

"s-s-soonyoung," jihoon stutters "we had a fight!" now this is the drama seungcheol wanted to participate in for a bit. from the start, he knew that soonyoung would walk out. damn, he feels smart. he locks jihoon in his arms and strokes his hair, "it's okay, don't you think you're worrying about him a little too much? you took care of him and in return this is what he'll do? you don't deserve him, jihoon."

"what are you saying?" jihoon mumbles. oh my god, seungcheol sighs in annoyance. he really hates this and just wants to push the boy away. "let him go."

"but i can't."

"ugh, you asked for an advice and now you don't wanna listen," the older one pulls away from the hug "you're wasting my time, lee jihoon."

the poor boy is confused, "cheol, i don't understand."

"just go, i'm done with you anyway!" seungcheol snaps at him "go away, i don't deal with wimps. it's just a fucking childish fight with you and that fag soonyoung. get over it and grow the fuck up!" in just seconds, all of jihoon's loneliness turns into anger. he cracks a fist across the boy's face and yells at him, "you fucking asshole! who gave you the right to call soonyoung a fag!?"

a few drips of blood fall from the older's nose. he wipes it away with his arm and chuckles, "he is a fag. even his own father couldn't accept him. that's such a pity."

"i didn't expect you to be like this," jihoon shouts "you used me."

"yeah i did, thanks to your talent and stupidity, jihoon!" seungcheol laughs, "did you really think that i'd be friends with you? that's so low, i wouldn't go down there to your level, baby boy."

"fuck off," the small boy grits his teeth and walks off to run back to soonyoung. jihoon feels extremely heartbroken and hurt to know that the boy he liked only used him to gain more recognition. he wants to scream it out loud, but not at the moment. his worry for soonyoung is what matters.

the boy is nowhere to be found when he reached the place. he even checked every cubicle to see if soonyoung is there, but he found no one. "soonyoung!" jihoon screams and runs around the campus. people are shooting stares- isn't he the boy seungcheol kissed? they all look weirdly as he frantically tries to look for his friend while tears are welling up in his eyes.

with shaking hands, he dials the number and waits for an answer.

"...hello?"

"soonyoung!" jihoon's voice cracks "please, where are you? i need to see you. please, just tell me. i'm sorry i left when i really shouldn't have!"

"who are you?" soonyoung slurs, "why are you crying?"

he's definitely drunk, jihoon muses. the first thing that comes to mind is that mini bar a few blocks away from school, where the college students usually hang out. moonwalker, that's the name. "soonyoung, wait for me, okay? i will be there."

"what? i don't understand."

"just wait for me." jihoon's feet starts taking him to the place. he runs, holding tightly onto his jacket. the cold breeze sends shivers down his spine as he goes faster. he reaches moonwalker in a few minutes and steps in, only to be blocked by the guard. not this again. the guard himself was pretty convinced that jihoon isn't in college yet, so jihoon had to show his ID first.

then he barges in. technicolor lights all over the place and it takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to it. he's right, the of the majority crowd is college students just living their lives, slumped on bar, raising shot glasses. jihoon uncomfortably winds his way through the people to look for soonyoung.

there he is, on a bar stool near the wall with every hue of liquid in colorful bottles. nearly passing out and crying. jihoon runs and helps him get up, "soonyoung, let's go home."

"don't touch me, i don't know you!"

"soonyoung, it's me," the boy replies "jihoon."

soonyoung squints and cups his face for a moment, before bursting into laughter, "you're not my jihoonie. my jihoonie doesn't have puffy eyes, j-just wait for him. i know...i know he'll be here."

"i am your jihoonie," jihoon says. soonyoung leans on the bar and droops his head to one side, eyeing jihoon from head to toe. he snickers, "you look fine though."

"enough alcohol, we're going home."

he puts soonyoung's arms around his neck and carries him on his back. jihoon may be small, but he's strong enough to carry the boy. although he is kind of heavy. they take a cab, and jihoon just listens to soonyoung's constant whining al, throughout the ride. then he carries him again upstairs to their room.

soonyoung groans as his back hits the bed. "i think i need another drink," he says

"no more drinks for you," jihoon sighs. honestly, he does want to get wasted tonight. he recalls having a few cans of beer in his fridge, but he figures out that if he's going to get drunk, he might as well drag soonyoung out of it. sighing, he leaves the room and goes downstairs to open the refrigerator to grab a drink. the vile taste slips into jihoon's mouth and he wants to spit it out. he barely drinks and has low alcohol tolerance so he isn't used to the unpleasant taste. but he's extremely heartbroken at the time, thinking that this might be the only cure. temporary, sure, but who the fuck cares at this point? not him.

"why are you drinking without me?" he hears soonyoung's voice

"i'm not giving you any, you've had enough."

soonyoung rolls his eyes and grabs two cans before sitting on down on the couch next to jihoon. he chugs the first one fast on an empty stomach, and jihoon just watches in amazement. he never knew soonyoung could drink this much. "don't you just love to look into people's smiles and lie to them?" soonyoung mumbles "like, saying you're okay when you're really not?"

"no, i don't really love to lie. and i hate being lied to. i hate being used."

"every time people tell me that they love me, it feels like a lie," soonyoung bitterly laughs as tears roll down his cheeks "i'm just so fucking tired at this point. you know? i'm tired of looking for help until i realized that maybe don't want any help anymore. i just don't deserve it."

jihoon takes a sip, "i'm still here for you, you know."

"i know, and there's something i have to say."

"what is it?"

"seungcheol, he harassed me. he tried to kiss me, offered me money to fuck him, called me a harlot and all that shit. you remember that egg prank his friend told you about? that student was me. seungcheol told everyone, and that day there was a fucking sex toy on my chair and fag all over the desk!" soonyoung laughs frantically and shows jihoon his arm "and do you remember the bruise that went worse? he fucking did that. i didn't want to say anything and my fear made me hold back. and i also didn't want to tell you before the performance because i didn't want to ruin everything for you, jihoon."

jihoon is speechless. he didn't expect soonyoung to care for him that much to the point where he'd hold back for the sake of making the performance successful. he feels guilty that he let his friend go through all that disgusting harassment. he always felt that something was off between seungcheol and soonyoung, but he didn't care enough to know. and he regrets it a fuck ton.

"i'm sorry, soonyoung, i didn't know. i'm sorry i haven't been a good friend. i'm just so fucking shitty and i feel a lot of guilt. you were right about seungcheol. he used me and i fucking hate his guts to hell. it breaks my heart to swallow the pain and try to wash it down with alcohol. pathetic. maybe i'm not good enough."

"have you ever thought about my pain, jihoon?"

"hm?"

"that's exactly how i feel everyday. i lost myself while loving others. i don't even know, ji.nwhether i like it or not, this person is still so much more valuable that most people, and i know it's pitiful but even if he doesn't love me back, it's okay. i will be there to support and make him shine. he's definitely the most beautiful person i have ever fucking seen and i want to love him forever, even if it's always a huge slap to my face that i will never be enough to be loved back. i mean, who the fuck could? my own father even disowned me. fucking tragic."

"he must be so lucky to be loved by you."

it's you, idiot. soonyoung wants to scream at jihoon's face. he looks at the boy, moonlight faintly passing through the window and giving him a glow. god, he looks so beautiful, soonyoung tells himself, resisting the ethereal pull to touch him, and keep him close. jihoon looks back, "at this point i think i'm just desperate to be loved back." soonyoung sighs in response, and they continue to drink in silence, hoping that the answers to all their questions lie at the bottom of the cans, and then the next one and the next.

jihoon's vision is slowly going in circles. he messes his hair up in frustration and rests his chin on his knees. soonyoung just watches, "you're mad cute when drunk." the younger one purses his lips, trying not to smile. although his drunk blushed cheeks are already heating up even more.

"we should go to sleep," jihoon mumbles as he unconsciously shifts closer to soonyoung, drawing in his perfume "you smell so nice."

"like alcohol?" the other chuckles

"no, like roses," jihoon replies as he nuzzles into the crook of soonyoung's neck, his arms draping around the boy's lower body. he's extremely drunk, and soonyoung knows it. the older boy feels the alcohol kick in more as he tries to move in a more comfortable position. he finds it difficult to move, mostly because all of jihoon's weight is on him. soonyoung hates to admit, but he likes it.

"i love you," jihoon says, then giggles afterwards. soonyoung feels the boy's warm breath on his neck, making his cheeks flush red. "i...i love you....so much," he says.

"but do you really?"

"yes. and if you only know how much i do," soonyoung closes his eyes "who knows? maybe you'll love me too. but that won't happen, right?"

"then let me know," jihoon wraps his arms around soonyoung, his touch making the whole room warmer somehow. the boy's fine body is so familiar to him. the way it moves, the pattern of his breathing, even the sound of his heart beating- soonyoung just knows it all. he feels as if all his pain went away, and he wishes that he would always be in his friend's arms, for it's so much better than any other liquor out there that he could drink.

"i love you so much, jihoon," soonyoung mutters under his breath, looking straight into jihoon's eyes, before gently leaning in to kiss him. slow and soft, comforting in ways that any word could never be. he wanted to be as gentle as possible but that isn't something that jihoon wanted at the moment, so he pulls soonyoung harder against him. he really liked how the boy's lips felt so warm and tasted of liquor, making him feel more drunk. the excitement fills him up, rushing to every bit of his body.

jihoon is almost blackout drunk from the taste upon feeling the slight burn of the alcohol rolling down his throat with every push of soonyoung's tongue against his, until the latter goes down his neck with bites and delicate kisses, sending a wave of electricity to every corner of his body. he forces his eyes shut as soonyoung goes down to his collarbones, with little whimpers of anticipation until the boy made his way back to his lips eventually. his favorite. soonyoung loves how their lips fit like two puzzle pieces, and how jihoon holds him tighter and tighter as if he couldn't get enough of everything.

soon after, they pull apart. jihoon's eyes remain closed as he crashes onto soonyoung's chest.

"i love you....seungcheol."

and with that, soonyoung's heart comes crashing into pieces. maybe jihoon was just never meant for him. it just hurts him so fucking much that he will never be enough, that he could never be better than the boy who hurt him. maybe, to jihoon, he is nothing more different than a recovery.

maybe it's time to leave.

"i love you, promise me you'll take care of yourself, " soonyoung mumbles, planting a kiss on jihoon's forehead