FELIX

"I think I should tell you the reason why I left," Agnes says.

For some odd reasons, my heart races a million times over. Do I want to know why? Heck yeah! Am I actually ready to know why she left? Heck no! But since it happened, my curiosity has not given me any time to process, and that sudden temperament she had, I'm sure it's a horrifying experience to talk about.

"I don't think it's important."

"It's important for me to tell you."

"Agnes—"

"Let me talk. I am telling you so I can move pass this one for good."

Whatever it is, I hope it has nothing to do with me. "Fine. I'm all ears."

"Truth is, when I see you, I always reminisce my parents and how they parted ways," she starts off bluntly. "My dad cheated on mom a couple of times before that, I really can't recollect how it all started. Regularly, he goes out and comes back the next morning unapologetic, it's like he comes home to rub it on my mother's face how he frolicked around with other women."

"Oof. That must be tough."

"He didn't know how it broke me every time he did that. Then they'd fight behind closed doors. I could not do anything. Sometimes, I would cry when I overhear them screaming at each other in their bedroom only to come out the next day pretending like everything is okay. Even though I was young, I understood what was going on."

She gives herself a break while my heart bleeds bitterly for her.

"Long story short, one day, he left us and never came back," she says uncouthly.

"Like he divorced your mom?"

"He vanished. We never heard from him again. My mom broke down psychologically, even her health started deteriorating. Every night, she'd beat herself up, cursing the world for her tragic fate until I couldn't recognize who she was. The following year, she was diagnosed with severe alcohol intoxication, and was hospitalized for a month."

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. That's life."

She sure has been through a whole lot. I cannot even imagine.

She continues, "we spent our money just trying to manage her state, but she purposely refused to respond. That's when aunty Cherry took me in to live with her. Few weeks after much help, she passed." 

A tear escapes my eyes even after a struggle to keep it in.

"My dad promised he'd take care of me, but he was lying. I lost my mother because of him, and he never bothered to check up on me, to know if I was still alright." Her tears fall off too. "I lost all hope and decided to hate him instead."

"Oh no! You've suppressed a lot of pain. I can't believe how difficult it has been for you to have all those memories with you for years."

"I try my best," she snuffles, wiping tears in her eyes using the back of her hand. I notice as she evens her breathing, putting back the pieces of herself that fell apart after narrating her story.

I feel bad, but at the same time, I'm wondering how it still relates to me.

"I'm sure you are wondering how this is related to you."

"I really am."

"It's this entitlement you have as the infamous Felix King who doesn't stick to one person. And the worst, you see love as a game when you get yourself involved with some girl, only to break-up because you feel bored or whatsoever your silly reasons are. If you indeed believed in love, you wouldn't do that to anyone, not even to an enemy."

Why do I feel seriously at fault? Was my flirting that burdensome to her? Whatever I did in the past, I was unaware of her traumas.

"Did I also say that this is the reason I hated you all these years?"

Now I'm more confused than before. If I should guess, she hated me because I reminded her of the past. That is unreasonably weird! Who can put these realities together to make any logical sense?

"I know, I know, there's no sense in what I said, but there's something, maybe it's a conjecture I got all those times I felt you brought me close to remembering my dad. That is basically why I had to tell you this so I can get it off my chest."

I fall speechless – not like I have any argument to make.

"Perhaps now that I've told you, I hope seeing you around won't remind me of what I've been through."

"So... that's why you left all of a sudden."

"Yes. Also, it's why I ditched you on stage at the school play."

A lump forms in my throat. My jaw hangs open as an emptiness fills the shack in the pith of my belly. Did I hear that right? I would have keeled over, but I'm too stupefied to do anything than stare at her and despise myself. This bombshell is so shocking, I feel my legs trembling.

"When I said that I didn't want to do what I did, many people didn't seem to understand it, and I won't blame them."

It starts to become obvious how uneasy I am. I don't think I can hide the quivering on my stool for much longer.

"You can keep the painting if you like. I assume it's dried now." She unfastens the paper on the easel and rolls it up before facing me to see the obvious. "Why the sudden change?"

Even though my gaze only faces down, I search for an excuse, like I'm supposed to see it on the floor. I need to find a way out of here.

"Did you lose something?"

"Yes. I think I left it at home." I stand up shortly, taking the painting as I bolt out of the garage.

*

Immediately I rush into the house, I powerwalk pass Annie and mom up the stairs to my room, shutting the door with all the locks on it so I can be alone to mourn my fate.

I unfold the paper to have a perceptive look at the painting again. This time, I vividly see Agnes in the picture.

"Felix!" Annie shouts from the other side of the door after knocking several times.

"Felix!" Another voice calls, "open the door!"

"Leave me alone!" I yell back at them.

"Felix! Open this door right now!"

I open the door, and standing before me is Xian with Annie closely behind. Between the both of them, I'd rather pour out my frustration on my best friend. I drag him inside and shut the door against Annie.

"What's the fuss all about?"

"I've been a fool! A very big fool!"

"Is this about Agnes?" He asks calmly, contrast to how unstable and panicky I am.

I show him the painting. "It was her in there all this time."

He narrows his eyebrows. "And...?"

I sit on the bed completely distraught. "I should have known! I could have noticed! I—"

"Will you tell me what happened?!" Xian is the one to raise his voice now.

"Agnes never deserved any of the awful things I've done to her. I deceived her! I lied to her!"

"Alright, if this is about the deal, I have not told anybody and if you're feeling guilty, then yeah, you should really blame yourself."

His words pierce through my heart with a stab, like a double edged sword. At this point, that is the most insensitive thing to say to me, but it's a true fact and whether I like it or not, I have to accept it.

He sits beside me. "So what's with the painting that is making you act like this?"

"Agnes didn't exactly hate me for no reason."

"I thought as much. What did she say?"

"My flirty attitude was a bad reminder of a sore memory, and I didn't know."

He reaches a hand towards my shoulder. "Hey, it's not completely your fault."

"What am I going to do?"

"If it will clear your guilt, I think you should talk to her about the bet. Get ahead of the curve so it doesn't come back to bite you in the ass."

I back away slowly. "No! Are you crazy?"

"Not like you're at the convenience to take the easy road, unless you want to keep lying till she finds out herself."

I get into a fake character. "Agnes, listen, at the time you used to hate me, I made a deal to date you and make you fall in love with me for some action figure and a stupid title. Is that what you expect me to say?"

"I didn't say confess everything to her like that. Try making her see where you're coming from. Honesty is the best policy."

"I can't do that! Agnes surely will never forgive me then our friendship will be over in a blink of an eye."

"So what do you want to do?"

"Argh!" I cry out, "why is life so complicated?"

"One way or the other, you have to tell her the truth."

Xian is once again right, yet, I still can't take his advice. I can't afford to risk this friendship with Agnes, I mean for goodness's sake, she just put aside her feelings of hate and finally decided to trust me. I can't break that trust, I just can't.

"Would you rather prefer Agnes learns about it from somebody else?"

"Damnit! This is going to be so frigging hard!" I shoot myself up on my feet. "Look, Xian, I'll tell her when the right time comes."

"Which is after she must have previously heard it from someone else, right?"

"I'll be the one to tell her but at the right time."

"There's nothing like waiting for the right time, Felix. The right time is now."

"Can you stop pressuring me?!" I react brashly.

He stands up. "Fine! As always, you will handle it your own way," he says and irately walks out.

My mind spools upon realization. "No, no, Xian wait!" I try calling him back but it's too late. He is already at the front door, getting away on his bicycle.

Now I'm venting my frustrations on everybody around me.

"Argh...!" I yell so loudly anyone in a mile radius should hear. Then I go back to my bed and beat myself up. Seriously, what am I going to do?

After one irritated look at the painting, I toss it away.

* # * #

Thanks for reading this story of mine. I love you all so dearly.